Tell Me The Truth
by TonySnark729
Summary: The truth has never been Tony's area of expertise. It's much easier and safer to lie about things. Will Tony Stark find the courage to tell Bruce the truth about how bad he actually is getting or will he live in the shadows of his own personal hell all alone? *Science bros, angsty, abuse and a bit of self-destruction* Truce (Tony/Bruce)
1. Alone

A/N: My first Science Bros fanfic so please be nice! If there are things that don't entirely match up with the canon then I most likely did it on purpose for the sake of this story.

Please review if you like it. It would mean a lot.

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Chapter 1: Alone

...

 _"Sir, would you like me to contact Miss Pots and notify her of your current condition?"_

Tony barely heard the accented voice echo in the room as he struggled to catch his breath. He closed his eyes and shook his head. "D-Don't you… d-dare do anything of the s-sort, Jarvis… I-I will make  
y-you –"

" _\- a permanent fixture, yes. I believe you have threatened me with that a few times before. Sir, your respiratory status is currently at a dangerous level. I suggest you attempt to calm down…"_

Tony wanted to throttle his AI right now but it was bad enough he could barely focus on controlling his breathing. It had been a stupid thing that had set off his PTSD. He would calm down if he could, but he couldn't. His mind wouldn't let him do that right now. It's like it wanted him to suffer, not to say he didn't deserve it either.

Suddenly, he saw the doors to his lab open up and Pepper walk in hurriedly, a worried expression plastered on her face as she tried to rush over to him where he was crouched down against a wall. She knelt down in front of him and placed her hands gently on his cheeks.

"Tony… it's okay, it's just me. You're okay. This is going to pass but you just need to breathe, okay?"

Her voice was soothing, as if she were talking to a young child. Any other time, Tony Stark would scold her for talking to him like this but in the moment, it was calming. He tried to focus on her voice as she continued to speak soothing words in a hushed whisper.

"I-I… It was the TV… I just… t-turned it on a-and it was all o-over… N-New York…"

Pepper's confused expression switched over to understanding immediately as soon as Tony had spoken the words 'New York.' Nothing else had to be explained. He was still reeling from that day. So many lives were lost, so many innocent people that she knew he blamed himself for not saving. Of course she knew that it wasn't his fault. She gently caressed his cheeks where warm tears had fallen.

"D-Did Jarvis t-tell you about me…? R-Remind me to d-disconnect him, w-will you…?"

Pepper rolled her eyes and shook her head as he continued to caress his cheeks with her cool hands. "You need to learn when to shut up, Tony. I'm glad Jarvis told me what was going on with you! I wouldn't have ever known it otherwise until I came down here several hours later to check on you. How are you feeling?"

All Tony could do was nod but he just her presence was beginning to calm him down some. He ran his fingers through his dark hair and closed his eyes.

" _Would you like me to put on some soothing music, Sir?"_

"Cut me a break here, J-Jarvis…"

"I'm going to get you a glass of water, Tony. Just keep breathing…" Pepper spoke before she disappeared out of his lab and headed towards the kitchen.

Flashes of Loki's chaos and reign of terror played in Tony's head like a movie, complete with the blood of the innocents and the near death stunt when he had to get rid of the bomb in order to save Earth. He felt a tightening pain in his chest and he had to remind himself that he no longer had a real human heart anymore, but a miniature arc-reactor for a heart.

 _What was the pain in his chest then? It felt like he was going to have a heart attack._

"Jarvis, please tell my dear secretary to hurry up with that water. I think I'm going to be dead before she comes back."

" _I will tell her the first part of your request. I know for a fact that you will not die from a panic attack. Just continue to breathe, Sir."_

Tony cursed the AI under his breath but tried to do as he was told. Breathing was easier said than done during panic attacks but he knew it would pass eventually. "Pepper! Pepper!" he called out to her, hoping she was close by.

"Coming!" an equally panicked voice answered back a few moments later. The sound of her heels clicking on the floor told Tony that she was half walking, half running towards him. "Okay, drink, Tony... it'll help you."

"Drinking is one of t-the many t-things I'm g-good at…" Tony took the glass from her with shaky hands and started to drink the water, ignoring her disapproving look. He half downed the glass when he gave it back to her to hold and felt his breathing begin to slow down again.

She watched him with loving eyes and leaned in before she gently kissed his temple. "Do you need me to do anything else?"

Tony shook his head and rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands before he looked up at her again, his breathing normalized again. "Tell all the news channels to stop mentioning what happened in New York on repeat. That would be good."

"I can't do that, Tony. I wish I could but you know I can't…"

"I know you can't. It was a foolish request of me to make," Tony sighed and forced himself to stand up but nearly fell over, catching his balance on a nearby stool. "So uhh… any word yet from Banner about helping me?"

She seemed taken back by the question but she nodded and chewed nervously on her lip. "Oh, um, yes. Bruce Banner is actually waiting for you in the computer lab."

Tony gave her a hard look now, as if she had betrayed him somehow. "Why didn't you tell me earlier? Do we always keep our friends waiting like this?"

She sighed and shrugged. "You were having an anxiety attack, Tony! I didn't think it was a good time to tell you that you had a guest here! I gave him some tea and he's perfectly content. He's not being ignored. He's just waiting for you. Besides, since when do you consider him, or anyone, a friend?"

Tony shrugged more emphatically than he meant to. "I don't know, Pepper! We like the same things. That's what makes people friends, right?" Before she could answer, he half-staggered out and headed towards his computer lab two floors up.

When he entered the room, he put on a bright smile for show, as if he hadn't just been nearly dying of a heart attack just moments ago. "Banner! What a nice surprise…"

Bruce straightened up as he held his cup in his hands. "This wasn't exactly a surprise. You asked me to come over to help you with one of your experiments."

Tony smirked now and walked closer to him and sat down beside him on the long white couch. "Correction: I asked if it would be possible for you to help me with something but I never asked you to come over."

Bruce chuckled softly and nodded slowly. "So are you glad I came over?"

"Unbelievable glad, Banner. Talk first, work later, though. How goes it? Still Hulk out when you get mad?"

Tony loved using "jokes" at others' expense to hide his own pain, which was exactly what he was doing right now. He didn't want to talk about himself. His pain wasn't important. His own pain didn't matter or count for anything. He deserved that pain, or so he told himself every minute of every day since That Day.

Bruce just smiled and chuckled lightly before he scratched his temple. "I think I'm getting better at controlling it, actually. I do my best not to get mad."

"And chamomile tea helps with that, does it?" Tony asked, playfully teasing his fellow scientist, smiling back.

The other man nodded. "It does, it does help. Also, not overreacting helps too. What about you? I heard you were having some kind of episode while I was here earlier? You know I'm a part-time doctor as well as a scientist. I could've helped you."

Tony sighed and shifted his body uncomfortable. "Just a… slight anxiety attack. Nothing to Hulk out about. Ready to get cracking on that science thing I want to do?"

Bruce looked at him skeptically before he ran his tongue over his teeth and shook his head almost pitifully in Tony's direction. He could tell the billionaire was hurting, sticking him with slight jabs and changing the subject when he could. It had been a while since he had worked on a regular project with Stark but he didn't want to have to deal with the jokes about Bruce's own "superpower" that he loathed so much. He could only handle him in small doses.

"Let's go back to that anxiety attack you said you were having. What's that about, Tony?"

The other man cleared his throat and grew oddly quiet, a rare event for Tony Stark. He rubbed the back of his neck and then shrugged dramatically. "I don't know. What's anything about? Hm?"

"Are you still having nightmares about what happened in New York with Loki?" Bruce asked tenderly, taking a step towards Tony.

Tony took an unconscious step back and folded his arms across his chest now, as if he were trying to put an invisible shield between himself and the question. "What? No, don't be an idiot. Of course not… come on, let's work on that… that… project… thing that we were going to work on."

"Tony," Bruce urged. "The truth. Right now."

"I'm not. I'm totally fine –"

Bruce raised his eyebrows. " – Except for that anxiety attack you just had a few minutes ago…"

Tony sighed now and nodded. "Yes, except or that. Umm… it doesn't matter. That… doesn't happen very often. Just a bit stressed out, you know?"

Banner couldn't stand how relaxed Tony sounded about this and he hated that Stark was lying to his face. He shook his head now and stood up straight. "Tell me the truth right now or I'm gone, and you won't have anyone to help distract you from your own demons."

Tony had a second where he actually thought about confessing everything, but then… no. He couldn't do that, he couldn't allow himself to be weak. That's not what his father had taught him. Starks had to be tough, witty, strong. There was no room for weakness, no time to be weak.

"Then what are you waiting for, Banner? Leave. Just leave if you want! I'm not going to stand in front of you and beg you to stay with me," Tony replied, his face stoic but his eyes sad. "We're not a couple or anything and you're not breaking up with me, so. Just. Leave."

Bruce sighed to himself and nodded reluctantly. "Fine, I will." He walked quickly past Tony and as soon as the door shut, Stark found himself sliding against the wall helplessly.

What had he done?

He knew what he did. He drove away the only man who understood what it felt like to have demons living inside of him. He drove away the only man who came per Tony's request _willingly_ , because he _wanted_ to.

Now he was alone.

" _Sir, your heartrate is beginning to increase. Would you like me to contact Miss Pots again?"_

Tony sighed, closing his eyes as he rested his face in his palms. "That will not be necessary, Jarvis."

Well, almost alone.


	2. Savior

A/N: I honestly didn't expect to get any reviews but thank you so much, guys! You're amazing. Hope to see your future reviews!

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Chapter 2: Savior

...

"How are you feeling, Tony?"

The younger Stark looked up from his mindless busy work that Jarvis had set up for him. It took a few moments to process what Pepper had just asked him, but by her concerned face, it must have been about how he was currently feeling after his anxiety attack.

"Uh, yeah. I'm good. How are you feeling, Pep?" The question was more about deflecting the subject off of himself than anything else.

She put her hands on her hips and shook her head. "I don't know. I mean, I'm worried about you, Tony. I think you should see someone, talk to someone about this…"

He sighed and rubbed his eyes. "What's 'this'? I'm perfectly fine."

"You're not fine! This wasn't the first panic attack you've had since –" she paused when she saw him shake his head. "That Day. You've barely gotten any sleep. You walk around like a zombie half the time, we're not as connected as we used to be. You're so distant, Tony…"

She felt an anger burning inside of him. He slammed his tool down harder than he meant to and looked at her in disbelief, his eyes hard. " _What_ did you expect me to act like when all of it was done, Pepper? Did you expect me to act all bubbly and normal?"

Her face fell and her arms folded in front of her chest now, her eyes sad. "No, I didn't… but… I guess I was just used to you ignoring everything you're feeling and you were acting like you were okay when you were with the others."

"Exactly, Pep. I was acting. Acting OK is what I do. I don't want to… talk to someone about this who only knows my name, and what I did. They don't know me. I don't need help," Tony sighed, running a hand through his hair as he cleared his throat and sat back in his chair, watching her now.

Pepper stared at him like _she_ didn't know this man in front of her. "Are you hearing yourself, Tony? You've been having these panic attacks for several months and you need to let it out! You keep it held up inside of you and you won't even let me in anymore. Just talk to me! Tell me what you're thinking, what you're feeling… I want to help you."

Tony let out a humorless laugh and stood up from his chair, walking over to her but stopping when he was still a couple feet away from Pepper. "That's just it, Pep. You can't help me. You're so good at helping me with everything else but this is going to be one of those things that you can't help me with."

She shook her head now, hurt in her eyes. "Stop being so damn dramatic, Tony! You're just more comfortable in self-destructing because it's something you've always done when things have gotten tough for you but you can't do that right now. You don't have that option to self-destruct."

"You can't tell me I can't do something, Pepper. I don't need to talk to anyone, I don't _need_ anyone!" Tony couldn't help himself from losing his patience with her any longer. She didn't understand, not completely, and he wasn't brave enough to explain it with her.

A thick and heavy tension hung in the air between them. "You don't need me then, do you?"

He sighed heavily and felt his chest tighten. "Of course I need you." It wasn't said with much conviction, he knew. Tony was just sick of yelling and sick of arguing like an actual couple. "You've always been there for me. You… help me. You're… convenient to have around."

He must had said the wrong thing because her voice went up an octave.

"I'm _convenient_? I'm fucking convenient now? God, Tony! Are you being serious right now?"

He rubbed his eyes again. _God, he was so fucking tired._ "I don't even know. Am I?"

"You tell me." Pepper started quickly up the stairs and Tony heard her high heels _click-clanking_ towards their room.

He hurriedly followed her now and raced her to their bedroom and stood his muscular body in the doorway, blocking her. "What are you doing?"

"You must have some idea what I'm doing since you're blocking me from entering our bedroom. Do you need me?"

Tony stared down at her with tired, empty eyes. "I love you, Pep."

"I love you too but do you _need_ me?"

Tony was mentally exhausted by this conversation. His let down his guard enough for her to walk past him and grab her suitcase from under the bed. He walked closer to her. "Of course I need you. You… help me with my panic attacks and… all the paperwork and… everything else. What kind of question is that, really?"

She started to stuff her clothes from her closet into the suitcase. "You have Jarvis to do all that for you. You just never asked him to do it. You asked me."

"Because you were my assistant… w-wait, why… are you packing all your things? Where are you going, Pepper? Are you leaving?"

"Do you want me to leave?" She looked over at him expectantly and watched as he shook his head no and then shrugged. "What am I to you, Tony? We share a bed, we're not married. Am I your girlfriend, your assistant or just one of your one-night stands? Do you have any emotional attachment to me at all?"

Tony was silent for several moments, taken back by all of this. "I love you, Pepper. Why isn't that enough? Why can't I just… love you?"

She finished packing her things and zipped up the suitcase before grabbing it and walking over to him. "Because love isn't enough for me anymore. You're never there for me emotionally and you haven't been there even physically, and I'm not just talking about sex. I'm talking about you always being in your lab, working on… something,"

Tony shifted his weight uncomfortably, seeing her suitcase packed and her body tense making him begin to panic inside. This wasn't what he wanted but he couldn't force himself to fix this. She'd be better off without him.

"There's always 'another project' you have to work on, and I might understand if it had to do with the Avengers and saving the world against the bad guys, but no. You're down there working on projects so you can ignore everything that's going on inside of you mentally. You don't talk to anyone, and you kick out the only person who is willing to come here, willing to help you! Your stubbornness is going to kill you like it's killing our relationship and I just can't take any more of it!"

"You can't take any more of _me_ , that's really what you're saying here, isn't it?"

She looked at him, mouth agape. "Did you hear anything I just said, Tony? We have a severe communication problem here!"

"Just tell me what you want me to do, Pepper! I don't know what I need to be doing right now."

Her face softened at his helplessness and she reached up with one hand and gently caressed his cheek. "You need to start taking care of yourself. I don't know how to help you, Tony. I wish I did, but I don't."

"I know," he nodded slowly, chewing anxiously on his lip. "So is this it? The end of us?"

She leaned up and kissed his lips softly. "No, most definitely not. This is just… me giving you time to get the help you need and… then you telling me how to help you. This isn't me breaking us up. This is me trying to help you help yourself because I feel like this is what it'll take for you to do something."

He searched her face and then took it gently into both his hands and kissed her as if he were never going to see her again, and for all he knew, he might not. When their lips parted, she took a step back and closed her eyes, silence filling the air again until he spoke.

"Where will you stay?" His voice was soft, almost inaudible.

She shrugged and sighed and then looked back at him. "I might take a temporary position with Agent Coulson. He offered me a place with him at S.H.I.E.L.D. and I'm thinking this is the right time to take it."

"Is it safe?"

She nodded and bit her lip. "Yes, it's safe. Goodbye, Mr. Stark."

"Yeah, goodbye, Miss. Potts. If you need anything, a good reference, a stunt double, whatever. You know my number."

Pepper smiled now and nodded in acknowledgement. "How could I forget it?"

The two of them stood there in the room until she finally pulled her suitcase behind her out of the bedroom, and then out of the Avengers Tower. He watched her from his laboratory window, enter their private limo and watched it pull out of the driveway until she was officially gone, and he was officially alone, again.

Great, he had managed to fuck something up again, his most steady relationship he's ever had with a woman. This wasn't something that surprised him, of course. It seemed to run in the family. When his father wasn't drunk and beating young Tony, he was drunk and yelling at Tony's mother until she finally left him and left her own son behind with the abusive drunk man. He supposed in a way, he was always alone.

 _We're born alone. We die alone._

Suddenly, Tony Stark felt angry again. Angry at his father for being a drunk and yelling at his mother constantly. Angry at Bruce Banner for treating him like a child. Angry at Pepper for abandoning him when he needed her the most. Angry at himself for being this way; being so helpless and stubborn and angry for being so angry.

Tony hurried downstairs to his laboratory and walked over to his desk and grabbed a wrench from one of the drawers before he took it and busted out the passenger side window of one of his expensive cars before going to town on the windshield, and then gripped it tightly in his shaking hand. Breathing heavily, he brought the wrench down on top of his desk where he had been working on one of his Jarvis-planned projects, causing shards of metal and various other pieces of shrapnel to fly off the desk and onto the ground.

When he finished, he was still breathing heavy and he still felt angry and unsatisfied. His chest felt tight and constricted again and suddenly felt a sharp pain shoot throughout his chest before feeling like something hot was burning his skin.

"Shit, shit shit… no no… no!" The arc-reactor inside of him was shorting out. He couldn't deal with this alone. Seeing the slight tunnels of smoke fizz up from his chest was starting to cause him to panic.

" _Sir, it appears your heartrate is elevated and there is something wrong with your arc-reactor. Would you like me to contact someone? Miss Potts, perhaps?"_

"Yes on the contacting someone, no on Pepper. Dial Bruce Banner's number, Jarvis."

" _Very well, sir. Dialing Mr. Banner now…"_

One ring. Two rings. Three rings.

"Tony?"

"I need a doctor, Banner. You're s-still a d-doctor, right?" Tony was trying to catch his breath and felt close to passing out if he couldn't calm down.

"I'm on my way, Tony. Just hang in there, okay? Is Pepper there with you?" He sounded like he was running.

Good. Tony wasn't sure how long he could hang on for.

"N-No… she left… something's wrong… arc-reactor. Not working…" Somehow it felt easier talking in incomplete sentences. There was less effort involved.

"Okay, just stay on with me. Don't hang up. I'm about ten minutes away. Try and see how high you can count until I get there, can you do that for me?"

"Can… you stop t-talking to me l-like I'm e-eight years old? I'm not g-going to count…"

A loud sigh echoed off of the laboratory walls. "Count, damnit! It'll help you calm down and keep your heart steady. You're panicking because you're alone and you're scared but you're not alone, and I'm here, Tony. Whether you like it or not, I'm here for you now. You got what you wanted so you have to count right now!"

Tony let out a shaky sigh now and closed his eyes, just wanting to sleep. "O-One…. Two… three… four…f-five… w-wait. If you're only t-ten minutes a-away, then you're s-staying somewhere close b-by…"

"I am, but don't get flattered and think it's because of you. Keep counting, Stark."

"Six… Seven… E-Eight… Nine… Ten…." Tony felt another stab of pain in his chest. "Damn it! I hope to god you're close, Banner… I don't k-know if I'll be alive much longer…"

"You're doing great, Tony. I'm coming in now! Where are – nevermind, Jarvis just told me you're down in the lab. I'm going to hang up now…"

He heard the click of Bruce hanging up and not a minute later heard footsteps and saw him.

 _His savior._


	3. Surgery

A/N: I literally have nothing else to do except write and writing fanfiction helps in my own anxiety issues so writing these chapters is actually pretty therapeutic for me.

Sorry this chapter is a bit short. Next one will be longer.

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Chapter 3: Surgery

...

His arc-reactor was still smoldering as Bruce hurried over to him and crouched down to his knees in front of Tony. With one hand, the doctor placed two fingers on the fellow scientist's wrist and counted on his watch with the other hand.

"How are you feeling, Tony?"

He looked up into Banner's green eyes and felt himself relaxing a bit. "B-Better, but… there's something wrong with my… arc-reactor. It's… burning the skin around m-my chest… I think it has difficulty reacting to the changes in my body when I-I have anxiety attacks and it can't a-adjust. Also, it probably hasn't helped t-that I haven't replaced the c-core in a while…"

Bruce glanced over at the man occasionally and then focused all his attention on him. "Okay, your pulse is pretty rapid and you're still having difficulty breathing slowly. Umm… we need to take care of the core first… right?"

Tony nodded, feeling grateful that Bruce wasn't fighting with him about wanting to change the core first before focusing on his breathing. "I t-think one of the pieces went into my c-chest when it started to m-malfunction. I need to lay down and you n-need to take the old core out and put the new one in and then…."

"Yeah, take out the shrapnel in your chest, I got it. Can you walk?" Bruce was already in full blown doctor mode and running on adrenaline.

Tony didn't want to put the horse before the cart but he also didn't want to look weak in front of his fellow man. He crawled onto his hands and knees and groaned loudly as he struggled to his feet. As soon as he stood upright, though, the pain intensified ten-fold, nearly sending Tony to his knees.

Bruce caught him just in time and placed his arm around his shoulders to support him as he walked Tony over to the black leather lounge chair where all the tools were, as well as the extra core for the arc-reactor. After he laid his friend down, Bruce quickly washed his hands at the small sink nearby and then helped Tony take his shirt off.

"E-Enough dicking around, Banner… get to work, will you?"

"Shut up, Tony. Just tell me what to do and cut back on the snide jibes." Bruce rolled up his sleeves and placed the extra core near him so it was ready. "Okay, no time like the present. Let's do this. What should I do first?"

Tony focused on Banner's face, which somehow helped him to be calm and focus. "O-Okay, we need to take out the old core first, obviously. It's already deteriorating so it s-should come out fairly easily. Pinch the sides, then twist a few centimeters to the left and lift out, slowly. Make sure you don't pull out the plug attached to it, the new core needs to plug into it. Got that, Doc?"

Bruce nodded, although he looked almost terrified. "Got it."

Tony could see the fear in his ivy eyes but he simply nodded surely. "You've got this, Banner. This is just open heart surgery for a robot, that's all it is. Don't worry a-about hurting me. It's going to hurt a bit, but I can take it. Just make sure you put the new core in as quickly as possible. Jarvis, put my vitals on the screen for the doctor."

" _Of course, sir…"_

A second later, a hologram of an electronic technician screen popped up next to Banner, showing Tony's heart rate and other vitals.

"Thank you, Jarvis," Bruce spoke as he gently grabbed Tony's old core and then flinched back. "Ow! Damn!"

"Yeah, if it's burning me, it's going to be a bit hot. There's gloves over there…" Tony instructed, pointing to a nearby table.

Bruce hurried over and put the wool gloves on before moving back over to Tony. "Good to see you're coming down from your panic attack. Now comes the hard part." He touched two fingers on the opposite sides of the old core and twisted it slightly until it released from the young Stark's chest.

"Good, now take one hand, reach in and unplug the shorter cord that's attached from the core and throw it away..."

Banner took the old core into his right hand and reached into Tony's chest with his left hand and carefully unhooked the proper cords before he pulled it completely out and tossed it into a nearby disposal bin. As soon as it was unhooked though, Tony's vitals began going wild, showing a flat line where his heart rate should be.

Bruce's eyes widened now and he looked down at Tony, terrified.

"Hey, it's fine. I'm still alive. It's just showing that I'm technically flat lining at the moment. Grab the new one, pop it in, and we're good to go."

Bruce did as he was told, taking out the new core and lining up the cords. "How can you be so calm about this whole thing? You were having a panic attack a few seconds ago. I'm the doctor. I'm the one supposed to be calm."

Tony relaxed again when he heard the familiar _click_ of the cord plugging into his chest and then heard a normal heart beat on the monitor. "I guess you just have that effect on me. Joking, I've done this at least twice already with Pepper and you're used to working with actual hearts, not arc-reactors. Now, shrapnel. We should probably get it out before the wound gets infected."

Bruce groaned now before he took off his gloves and put latex ones on and grabbed a scalpel. "I usually have a nurse for procedures like this."

"How many pieces of arc-reactor metal are there in me?"

Bruce took a moment to count. "Three… three pieces, about half an inch each, all somewhat shallow."

Tony internally felt relief wash over him. No pieces made it to his organs, he knew that. He'd feel it, and he could breathe regularly again, so none of the pieces hit his lungs. That was pretty lucky. "Okay, you should be able to get them out quickly with no mess then. They're magnetic so you'll have to throw them away as soon as you get them out."

Bruce nodded now and took a breath to steady himself before he started cutting into Tony only as far as he needed to in order to take out the pieces. Once he got to each one, he threw it out with the old arc-reactor and after he was finished, he quickly wiped up any excess blood and sewed him back up where appropriate before placing small bandages over the area so they wouldn't get infected as they healed.

"How you doing? Still good?"

"Just like new," Tony nodded, his chest looking pretty good now, not to mention a whole lot safer. "You did good, Banner."

The doctor half smiled, half smirked. "You didn't do too bad yourself. Just don't ever ask me to do that for you ever again."

Tony's own smile faded now and he crumpled back onto the operating chair. "Pepper said the same thing to me the first time she did it. She was terrified."

There was silence between them and the air felt thick again. Bruce started to clean up the tools and put them in the sterilizing bin. "So what happened between the two of you since I was here last? What could've happened in less than four hours that caused her to leave? Was it me?"

Stark looked up at him with a baffled expression. "Why would this have anything to do with you? No, we just… had an argument about me and my anxiety attacks and said that I needed to see someone and get help. I told her I was fine, she packed her things and left. Who could blame her, really?"

Bruce finished what he was doing and turned to look down at Tony, pity in his eyes. "She left, just like that? All because you said you didn't want to get any help? She could've at least stuck around and tried to help you herself. It's really the little things that make a difference."

Tony looked up at him with tear filled eyes now but his voice didn't waver. "Guess I'm just too intolerable for her. She's… helped me enough. Honestly I'm surprised she stayed as long as she did. She didn't leave for good. She said she's coming back."

Bruce nodded as he listened. "If she's coming back, then why are you crying, Tony?" He asked delicately, reaching over to gently wipe away a stray tear.

"Hm?" He sat upright now and sniffled before he wiped the other side of his face with his palm. "Shut up, Banner. I'm not crying. Umm… you're free to leave now if you want. Thank you for your ever loyal services."

Tony stood up now and started to slowly walk out of his lab when a gentle hand touched his shoulder. He felt a shock permeate through his entire being at the touch. He felt something strange about it; he's had other men's hands on his shoulders before but that was because they knew he was in danger at the time and were trying to get him out of it. Bruce's touch spoke somewhat differently to him. There was something about this particular man's touch that radiated throughout his whole body, tingling almost.

"Don't push me away again. I'm just trying to help, and don't say you don't need my help because I had to do surgery on you as well as a mechanic job so you need my help on some level. Just let me stay here with you until she gets back again," Bruce urged quietly.

"No. Go back to wherever it is you're staying and stay there, Banner. I'm not alone. I have Jarvis," Tony replied back, not turning around.

"Jarvis is Artificial Intelligence. He's not a real person. He can't do surgery on you when it's life or death. You need someone here with you, especially in your current condition. I won't… interfere with anything you're doing. I won't get in the way."

It felt like the moment for Bruce to take his hand off had come and gone but interestingly, the moment didn't feel awkward for Stark. Even more interestingly, he found himself enjoying it ever so slightly.

"What's your interest in wanting to be around me so bad, Banner? I have to warn you, the Avengers Tower isn't entirely Hulk proof yet. Still working on it."

"Maybe I'm lonely, and it's nice to see someone who shares similar demons with me for once."

Tony smirked to himself. "Did you want our demons to come out and play with each other?"

Bruce chuckled now, breaking any tension that was lingering in the air. "That might not be such a great idea but in a manner of speaking, sure. At least we won't be alone anymore. Plus, we'll have the chance to collaborate on some things again."

Tony finally turned to face him now, his hand never leaving his shoulder as he did so. "Fine. You can take the room near the computer laboratory upstairs. You can fiddle around in there. Just don't go poking your nose around in files that don't belong to you."

Bruce raised his eyebrows in interest now. "You have secrets to hide, Tony Stark?"

He was no longer crying but his whole body felt shaky and warm. "Always."


	4. Nightmares

Chapter 4: Nightmares

...

Tony was in the kitchen making dinner for himself and Bruce and found himself wondering what Pepper was doing in this moment. Was she even worried about him? It had been a few hours since she had left so perhaps she wasn't worrying yet. Was it too early to worry? For all she knew, he could've offed himself after she left him.

Not that he was thinking of doing anything of the sort, of course. It'd just be nice to know that she was still concerned about him.

As he was cooking the chicken and vegetables, he could smell a clean, fresh pine scent fill the air of the kitchen. Tony glanced around and saw Bruce dressed in one of his t-shirts and a pair of shorts. He smiled to himself before chuckling.

"Don't rip those or you'll be buying me new ones, Hulkster."

Bruce shook his head and sighed as he walked over to the fridge and took out a bottle of water. "I wasn't planning to. Your confidence in me is truly astounding, Tony," he replied sarcastically. "I don't think there's anyone in this world that has more faith in me than you do, really…"

"I don't think there's anyone in this world that can be as sarcastic as you," Tony stirred the vegetables in the pan.

"Well I figured since it's the only language you can speak fluently, I should speak it too since I'm in your house and all…"

Tony sensed a bit of anger in his voice and looked up to see Bruce standing almost defensively, his arms crossed in front of his chest. "Hey, relax, man. I didn't mean to upset you. I was just kidding around."

"Sorry, I have difficulty doing that when I'm around you and you make at least two or three Hulk jokes every time I see you." Bruce ran a hand through his damp hair, relaxed a little, and then motioned to his own body. "I hope you don't mind me borrowing your clothes for now. I'll have to go grab mine tomorrow."

Tony waved it off. "It's fine, I don't mind. Hope you're hungry because it's done. Grab some plates from the cabinet by the sink."

Bruce did as he was told as Tony shut off the pan and poured equal portions of food on each plate. Would you like some wine with dinner?"

He gave a weak smile but shook his head. "I think it's better if I stick with water. Wine makes me unpredictable sometimes, overemotional. Thanks, though."

Tony nodded and watched his friend sit down at the table before he took his own plate and sat down across from him. "Jarvis, some music to set the mood, please?"

" _Certainly, sir. What is your preference?"_

Stark and Banner both exchanged looks and Tony got the hint quickly from the man's brilliant green eyes. "Uh, how about something calming?"

" _Classical, it is, sir."_

Faint violins could soon be heard now, echoing off the acoustics in the house. Banner looked grateful now and started to eat. The two men ate their meal in silence as the music filled the empty spaces between them. Tony watched as Bruce wiped his mouth with a napkin and set it down.

"That was really good, thank you, Tony."

He swallowed his bite before he glanced at Bruce's plate that still had food on it. "You've only finished about a quarter of it. You're done? Did performing my surgery earlier make you lose your appetite?"

Banner shook his head, half apologetically, and shrugged. "I just… I haven't been that hungry lately. I appreciate you cooking it, though."

Tony took a sip of his wine. "Haven't been hungry, hm? Well… what's your professor diagnosis for not being hungry? You know, possible reasons for it."

The doctor sat back in his chair and took a long drink of his water. "Well, stomach parasites, anxiety, depression, stress…"

Stark felt like he was under a lot of stress. Anxiety? Check. Depression? Sometimes. He probably should eat more than he did but he always ate dinner, mostly because Pepper always forced him to eat. He looked at Bruce with interest as he took another drink of his wine.

"Are you depressed, Banner?" The joking was out of Tony's voice now and a more serious one had taken over. He still remembered the man's confession in the Avengers airship that one day.

" _You can't kill me. I know. I've tried."_

There was a long space of silence now and Tony cocked his head slightly to the side, his stomach sinking like an anchor. "Bruce? _Are_ you still depressed?"

"Let's not talk about this, Tony. I don't feel comfortable discussing my own psychological issues with you."

"Oh, but it's fine if we go into detail about my psychological issues as well as my personal life with Pepper? Come on, open up," Tony urged.

Bruce rubbed his eyes and gave a shaky sigh. "Yes, I still have depression. It's not something that… goes away. It can be managed and people can cope with it but it doesn't disappear like a cold or chicken pox. Anyway, it doesn't matter. It's not the angry kind of depression I've been feeling."

"You know what they say about anger and depression, don't you?" Bruce gave him a questionable look. "Depression is anger toward inward, and it does matter. It matters to me." Tony thought twice about saying another joke and bit his tongue.

The other man raised an eyebrow. "Really? Why? Why does it matter if I'm depressed? So what? Why does it matter to you if I –"

Tony stiffened and felt himself go cold. "If you what?"

Silence again. Uncomfortable silence. It was the silence that seemed to speak for itself and in that silence, Tony got his answer. He felt his limbs go numb now and he found himself shaking his head. "No…"

"No?"

He took a deep breath, trying to force himself to calm down. The thought of Bruce Banner doing irrevocable damage to himself sent Tony into a panic. He didn't want to think about that. It just couldn't happen.

"You… can't d-die. You can't. You can't kill yourself…"

Banner could hear the shakiness in the man's voice now and leaned over the table before placing his hand on Tony's shoulder again, gently squeezing it. "Hey, hey… it's all right. Don't think about that. Take a deep breath through your nose and count in your head for five seconds, then let it out, okay? You need to try and stay calm or you're going to be blown headlong into another anxiety attack."

Tony nodded and did as he was instructed. He breathed in through his nose for five seconds… and then let it out through his mouth for the same. He did this a couple times and he could feel his breath coming back to him and hear Bruce's voice.

"You're okay. I'm okay. I'm not… I can't kill myself, you're right. Remember? I just… can't do it so it's not going to happen. You're stuck with me."

Tony chuckled weakly now, still continuing to do the breathing exercises. He pushed his plate out of the way now, cursing himself for having a panic attack over this person. He felt so ridiculous and embarrassed.

Bruce gently caressed Tony's shoulder soothingly and waited for him to calm down some before he spoke again. "It's interesting that my demise is the reason you had a panic attack. Why are you so scared about that, Tony?"

"I don't think it's all that interesting but I'm going to blame it on abandonment issues."

"Father?"

"No, I just have an inferiority complex from him. Got the abandonment issues from my mom. She left when I was a kid," Tony took a long drink of his wine.

Banner nodded as he listened to him. "That must have been difficult for you, growing up without a mother."

"My father taught me quickly to man up and forget about her. I couldn't be weak around him," Tony relaxed in his chair and sighed tiredly. "If he could only see me now."

"Well you don't have to worry about being weak. It's not the end of the world. Even superheroes are allowed to be weak off duty," Banner squeezed his shoulder again and searched Tony's face. "You're not your father, and from what you've told me, that's a good thing. You're strong in your own way, Tony. Don't forget that. Never let your past ruin your future."

"I appreciate the pep talk but… it's sort of too little, too late. I've already pretty much ruined things with Pepper."

"You said she was coming back?"

Tony shrugged Bruce off now. "Let's be real. Pep is strong. She doesn't need me. She just said she needed me and that she was coming back so I wouldn't make a big scene or have another panic attack. She's not coming back, and I don't expect her to. Let's go back to you, though. You said you're depressed. Just because it didn't kill you the first time doesn't mean you wouldn't try it again. Not that I'm saying you should or anything…"

"I'm not… going to try it again. I may think about it but that doesn't mean I'm going to act on it. You don't need to worry about me. I'll be fine."

Tony looked down at the tablecloth and chewed on his lower lip. "I still want you around, Banner. It gets lonely here."

"I thought you weren't alone, though? You have Jarvis."

Tony smirked now. "He's only an AI. He's not human, and… perhaps some human contact from time to time isn't such a bad thing for me."

"No, it's not a bad thing, Tony."

The two men made small talk for the next half hour, mostly about past inventions, until both of them found themselves yawning, and then laughing at the same time.

"Well, I'll see you in the morning. If I'm not here, I went a couple blocks over to get my clothes."

Tony nodded and stood up. "Duly noted. Hey, I've always wondered something." He waited until Banner turned around in the hallway to look at him. "Wouldn't having dreams make you Hulk out? That must mess with your temper, right?"

Bruce smiled softly and nodded. "I usually take a sedative before I go to sleep. It suppresses the monster part and helps me sleep."

For a split second, Tony thought about asking him for a sedative but then decided not to. Banner needed it more than him. Tony wasn't worthy of anything special.

"Right. Good, then. I'll see you in the morning." When Bruce was out of the room, Tony looked over at their plates and realized the music was still playing. "Cut the music, Jarvis."

The music shut off and Tony cleaned up their plates before he went to his room that was down the hall from Bruce's guest room. He took his pants off but left his boxers and his t-shirt on before crawling into his large bed that he normally shared with Pepper.

Tony rolled over and closed his eyes. _God, it still smelled like her._

He missed her, but it didn't feel all that real. In his mind, he was hanging onto the notion of her coming back, but there was another part of him that felt, for the first time in his life, like he didn't need her after all.

He loved her, and that would never change, but Bruce was here and she was not, and that seemed to make all the difference to Tony. He was feeling things he might no longer feel towards his Pepper. She had left him. She had abandoned him, just like his mother had.

Except he wasn't trapped with an abusive asshole. He had hope. Bruce was hope to him.

His mind trailed off with Bruce Banner lingering in his head, and he soon fell asleep. It was only an hour since he had fallen asleep, however, when the nightmares came again.

 _He was in the Humvee with the soldiers who were sitting next to him and across from him as they drove through the Afghanistan desert._

 _BOOM!_

 _A roadside bomb explodes and he wakes up and looks around at the damage it did._

 _The soldiers he had just been talking and laughing with are now dead, killed by flying shrapnel. Blood painted everywhere, on the sand, the damaged Humvee, and on the rocks around him._

 _Another bomb explodes near his face and he is transported back to That Day, New York City._

 _He had to sacrifice himself to save the world._

 _He had to save Pepper and blow himself up for the greater good._

 _His own needs do not exist._

 _The wormhole was right above him. He could feel the heavy armor of the bomb on his shoulders but he knew his mission._

 _This was it. He was going to die._

 _He carried the bomb several feet into the wormhole and it was set to detonate at any moment. No, he needs to get back. He needs to get out of this foreign world and back to his familiar one. He has no time to think, to plan, only do._

 _He throws the massive bomb upwards and inwards and then jets towards the opening._

 _Except something's different this time. The wormhole has already closed and he's trapped inside with the bomb when it –_

"NO! NO! HELP! I CAN'T DO THIS! "

His legs were tangled in the sweat-covered blankets and he felt like his arc-reactor was going to explode like shrapnel in his chest. He felt so hot.

"Tony! Tony, wake up!"

He felt rough hands on his shoulders now and Tony felt into defense mode, instantly grabbing at a neck and trying to put his hands around it when he felt the same rough hands firmly grab Tony's wrists.

"Tony! It's me, it's Banner! Wake up! You're okay! You're home! You're safe, Tony…"

He felt his eyes snap open now and he took in his surroundings, his black hair matted to his skull with sweat and he was breathing heavily with panic and terror. When he saw his hands near Bruce's throat, he instantly recoiled and dropped his hands, his eyes wide.

"I-I'm…. I'm sorry. I d-didn't know…"

Bruce looked at him with soft, forgiving eyes. "It's okay. Everything's all right, man. You're safe. Everyone's safe. You didn't hurt anyone."

"O-Oh, good…" He leaned forward now and felt nauseous. Tony suddenly stood up on shaky legs and ran towards the bathroom before he made it just in time to empty his stomach of the dinner he had made earlier.

There were footsteps on the tiled floor that came up from behind him and he felt a gently hand on his back, touching it comfortingly. No words were spoken until Stark had finished vomiting into the toilet and he was sitting on the floor, resting his head against the cool wall.

"Are your night terrors about New York?"

Tony nodded. "And Afghanistan."

Bruce was still close to his friend, kneeling beside him and checking his vitals, doing what he was best at; being a doctor. "How long have you been having nightmares like this for?"

"Somewhere after my time in the middle east and after That Day in New York. I haven't really been sleeping, or when I do sleep, I have these nightmares and I either end up calling to my suits or I try and attack Pepper. She's slept downstairs on several occasions," Tony ran his hands through his damp hair and looked over at him, feeling ashamed.

"It's normal for people with PTSD after traumatic events like you've been through happen, Tony. Common symptoms include nightmares and insomnia, isolation, trying to distract oneself… it's all very common when events like that happen," Banner spoke in his doctor voice, as if he were speaking to a patient.

"So… what now?'

Bruce's eyes turned soft again and he reached over and moved away a lock of Tony's hair that was nearly in his eyes before he looked back at him. "You can sleep in my room with me if you want, so you're not alone."

"It's hard to sleep when I can't sleep, isn't it?" He surprised himself; he didn't even think twice about reacting to the offer of sleeping in Bruce's room. Why was that? Nothing would happen, obviously. Banner was just trying to be nice. This wasn't weird or anything at all…

"I'll give you one of my sedatives. It'll knock you out for a full eight hours."

Tony felt the tears in his eyes still from his nightmare but he felt his voice shake. "W-Why are you doing this for me? If it were anyone else here, they wouldn't care."

"I don't think that's entirely true, but… we're friends and I care for you very much, Tony Stark. You've been through a lot, like me. I feel like I can relate to you and I know we haven't been through the same things as each other but... I just feel this weird magnetism to you. You're a person I aspire to me, most of the time," Bruce chuckled to himself, blushing slightly.

"Slow down there, Banner. We haven't even had a first date."

The doctor laughed aloud now, which broke any tension that had been happening between them. He seemed to have that effect. "What did you call earlier then? You cooked and put music on for us and everything."

Tony found himself laughing now before he let Bruce help him back to his feet and walk him towards his guest room. He couldn't understand why Banner would aspire to be him, when it was Tony who aspired to be Bruce.

The man was smart, handsome, a quick thinker, he could stitch up anyone in any situation in reasonable time, and he made conscious efforts to hide the monster inside of him. He had his issues with depression, but it seemed like that was one of the monsters he kept well hidden. Tony wouldn't have had any idea at all that Bruce had tried to kill himself if he hadn't come out and confessed. Tony aspired to be this strong man who put others first instead of himself.

But that would never happen. Instead, all Tony could do was be grateful that he was even in Banner's presence in the first place, and he was. Without a doubt, very grateful to be able to be near his friend.

* * *

 **Sorry if this chapter was too long for you guys. Can I have a review? I miss seeing those. Tony cookie if you do!**


	5. Secrets

Thank you for the review!

This chapter was a bit harder for me to write. I hope it's okay! I have an idea for it but let me know if this chapter is too messy for you guys so I can either go back and delete what I need to and save stuff for a different story.

* * *

Chapter 5: Secrets

...

" _I apologize, sir, but Mr. Banner has instructed me to wake you…"_

Tony faintly heard the AI's voice and groaned. It was the most sleep he had gotten since That Day and had no nightmares or tried to attack anyone in his sleep. He internally decided to make sure that this happened every night from now on; sleep was definitely good.

"What time is it, Jarv?"

" _It is almost noon, sir."_

He had slept a long time. Tony forced himself out of bed and hopped in the shower before changing and walking downstairs. The rooms were so quiet except for his own footsteps. "I see how it is. Banner wakes me up and he's not even here to deal with the consequences? Where is he?"

" _Mr. Banner took one of the cars to retrieve his belongings from his house about forty-five minutes ago. He should be back shortly, sir. There's fresh coffee in the kitchen for your pleasure."_

"Oh, well that's one good thing I've woken up to, at least." Tony trudged into the kitchen, still sleepy, and poured himself a cup of black coffee before standing at the counter and drinking it, occasionally looking out the window at the city.

" _Would you like to see the news, Mr. Stark?"_

"No, actually, I would not, Jarvis. Mute." He was tired of hearing the AI already after it had woken him up. He knew it was just trying to do its job but Tony didn't feel like he could be nice to it until after he's had his morning, or rather afternoon, coffee.

About ten minutes, and a cup and a half of coffee later, the door opened and Bruce walked into the kitchen with a suitcase. "Good, you're awake."

Tony smirked and shook his head. "Yeah, what's that about? You have Jarvis wake me up after you go to get your things? Not even going to wake me up yourself?"

"I couldn't wake you. You were finally getting the sleep you needed. I wasn't going to disrupt that. How was it, by the way?" Bruce poured himself a cup of coffee and took a sip of it, glancing over at Tony as he did so.

"It was as close as I've ever come to feeling at least somewhat alive, I'd say, since… you know…" Tony trailed off, taking another sip.

Bruce bit his bottom lip as he watched Tony and furrowed his eyebrows. "Just say the words, Tony. Say New York."

"What? No, I will not say… those words. Those words have a bad connotation for me, if you can believe that," Tony replied sardonically, looking away from Bruce as his anxiety started to grow again.

The doctor sighed, and set his coffee down before he walked over to him. "I _can_ understand that, Tony. I was there too, remember? I didn't do what you did, but… I was aware of what you were doing. They're just words of a place. You need to try to remember that."

Tony shook his head and felt his grip tightening on his coffee cup, angry at himself that he was being patronized. He could feel his anxiety being replaced by frustration. "Just words of a place? Yeah… maybe for you. I had to fly up into a whole new world that I didn't even know existed! Do you have any idea what kind of effect that might've had on me, Banner? I didn't even believe in God and then I found out there more GODS in a whole other galaxy! It wasn't just having that existential crisis though that makes my anxiety skyrocket though…"

Bruce swallowed now, having an idea what Tony was going to say and not wanting to interrupt him. He simply nodded to let Stark continue to vent.

"It's all the fucking people that I couldn't save!" Tony suddenly threw his coffee cup at the cabinet near Bruce, who quickly jumped out of the way and shielded himself against the shards of the cup. "I get these panic attacks because when I hear 'those words,' I get flashbacks to That Day and all the bloodshed that happened! It just hits me so hard. I see all those innocent men and women and children that I couldn't save in time! All the ones that died at Loki's army's hands and I couldn't stop it in time!"

Bruce was quiet for a few moments and shook his head sympathetically, walking towards Tony again, who was looking distressed. "Tony, there's no way any of us could've saved every single person that day. Loki outnumbered us and in all tragedies, no matter what we do, someone is going to die."

"Then what's the point of any of it? Why even bother trying to save anyone?" There was pain and exhaustion in Tony's voice now.

Bruce stopped walking when he was just a foot in front of his friend. "So that _someone_ can live. So that _some people_ can start over and live their lives that they deserve to live, and so that the bad guys don't win. There's a point to all of it, Tony. You need to remember that when you can't save everyone."

The other man just shook his head, maybe in denial about the ability to save even some people. He barely did that. All he did was carry the bomb out of his world and into another. It didn't even seem like it was the equivalent to him as saving innocent lives, even though that's what he helped do. Tony felt like the other Avengers did a whole lot more than him. He was just in a man in a high-powered suit that got rid of an explosive that had threatened to detonate.

"I can't even save most people, Banner. I feel like I can't even save myself most of the time. I'm worthless. My old man had it right when he said that I was worthless… _that_ is what I am. I keep thinking that maybe… if I had tried harder, moved faster, I could've saved more people from the destruction," Tony nearly whispered, tears in his eyes.

Bruce pulled him in now and wrapped his arms around the inventor's body. "Don't talk like that, Stark. You're strong. You're so fucking intelligent, and you're not worthless. You're anything but that. No one can save everyone. You're going to destroy yourself if you keep thinking like this. You can't keep thinking about everything you could've done. You just can't…"

Tony suddenly pushed Bruce away from him and stepped back. "Shut up, Banner! You don't even know! You couldn't know! All you did was act like the big Godzilla monster and destroy the city and kill a few of Loki's guys!"

Bruce clenched his fists now and took a step back, feeling his own anger about to threaten his body. "Don't do that, Tony. Don't. Do you want this building destroyed? Don't even try to make me angry like that. You're just instigating."

"Well how the hell can you be so fucking satisfied with your part in saving… it? How? What the hell did you do that you're so proud of? How can you say all that shit about not letting myself think that way when it's the only way that any of us can think! It's the only normal way for me to think right now! I _know_ I didn't play a big role in saving it!"

"I can say it because if I didn't, then it would eat me up too! It would eat ALL of us up! You're not alone in this, Tony! You need to stop pretending you're the only one who's suffering still!" Bruce yelled back at Tony now, wanting him, _needing_ him to see the truth.

Stark took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair before he started to walk down to his laboratory. Suddenly, he felt a hand on his wrist stop him.

"No," Bruce spoke sternly. "Don't go down there. Don't hide yourself away and try to forget this discussion isn't happening."

"Get. Off. Of me. Just let go. Let me go…" Tony's voice shook.

Bruce gently let his thumb caress the man's wrist softly before he reluctantly let him go. He watched as Tony walked down the stairs and entered the code to enter his main laboratory but Banner didn't stop watching him until he heard the loud, monstrous rock music start up from within. It was only then when he forced himself away from the door and heard the doorbell of Avengers Tower.

He sighed heavily. The last thing he needed right now was visitors. "Jarvis, who's at the door?"

" _It appears to be Captain Steve Rogers at the door, sir. Shall I let him in?"_

"Damn it." Bruce knew he couldn't just keep out a fellow Avenger out. Now that Tony had changed it so Stark Tower was now a place for the Avengers when they needed a place to stay or work, he couldn't keep them shut out. "Yeah, Jarvis. Let him inside."

" _Very well."_

A few minutes later, Bruce was greeted by the smiling Captain America but his smile faded when he saw Bruce's frustrated appearance.

"Having a bad day?"

"You have no idea." Bruce walked into the kitchen and he wasn't surprised when the Cap followed him.

"Wow. Is this… your handiwork?" Steve's eyes widened when he saw the mess of broken coffee cup shards and liquid on the floor.

Bruce got on his knees and started cleaning up the broken shards. "No, it's Tony's. He… got upset when I started pushing him about New York. He sort of had a breakdown," Bruce saw Steve also getting on his knees to help him and shook his head. "No, it's fine, Steve. You can grab yourself some coffee if you want. I got this."

Steve shook his head and started to help him anyway, ignoring the offer. "It seems like you're always cleaning up Tony's messes, Mr. Banner."

Bruce chuckled uneasily. "What can I say, I care about the guy. I worry about his mental state."

Steve turned his head to look at Bruce and searched his face. "What's going on with him?"

Banner bit his lip, not wanting to divulge too much if Steve didn't already know. He knew that Tony Stark wouldn't want the whole world to know about his issues he was having. It'd be different if they found out in their own time; it was different if Bruce told him everything that was supposed to stay between the two of them.

"He's just… feeling anxious lately. So, uh… what brings you by? Do you need a new shield or something?"

Steve appeared unfazed by the change of subject, perhaps even relieved to stop talking about Stark. "Oh, no. Erm, that's actually something I wanted to talk to you about. Bucky needs to stay with us for a while…"

"Wait, hold up. What do you mean Bucky needs to stay with us for a little while? Where did you even find him?"

"I have reason to believe he might have escaped from Hydra. He was willing to come here with me…"

Bruce was having difficulty wrapping his head around all of this. "No, he can't stay here, Steve. Tony's under enough stress right now. Bringing a killing machine in here is the last thing he needs."

Steve gave Bruce a frustrated look. "There's nowhere else we can go! I'm not going to just hand him over to S.H.I.E.L.D as it is! He needs my help! He'll stay out of the way. You won't even know he's here. Tony doesn't have to know he's here. Just… let him stay here with me. I'll put us both up in one of the other guest rooms. He won't cause any trouble."

Banner knew he shouldn't but he couldn't say no to his friend and fellow Avenger. He couldn't count the times Steve Rogers had saved him and vice versa. "Fine, but he better not cause any trouble or else he's gone and we're not responsible for anything he does."

The Captain nodded almost sadly but placed a hand on Banner's shoulder. "Thank you. I mean it. I promise you won't regret this."

Bruce nodded and gave a small smile. "I'm already regretting it."

Steve gave a weak smile and shrugged, as if he couldn't blame Bruce. "I'll go to get him. He's in the car. Why don't you go distract Tony so I can get him in here and find a room to stay in, out of the way."

"Well that shouldn't be too difficult," Bruce sighed as he started towards Tony's lab. "He's pretty much always distracted nowadays." He closed the door behind him and punched in the code before entering the main laboratory.

"I'm fine, really. Get out," the inventor ordered as soon as he felt Bruce's presence.

Banner looked at the four computerized suits that were standing upright as a hologram and Tony configuring them, occasionally dumping parts into another hologram shaped as a wastebasket. The suits were unlike anything Bruce had ever seen.

"What are you working on, Tony?"

"New Mark suits. More… advanced ones. They're just… prototypes for now but I'm going to actually build them. Want to help?"

Bruce bit his tongue back to agree to work on this new project with Tony. He wanted the man to be distracted from his thoughts but not as involved with something like this. "No, Tony. I'm not going to enable you from shutting yourself away and isolating. You can't just stay down here and make suits all day!"

It was now that Bruce could smell the faint smell of alcohol and saw a tumbler glass half full of whiskey. He looked at Tony who was still on his feet messing around with the hologram prototypes, waiting for him to say something for himself.

"I actually can stay down here and make suits all day. You know why I can do that, Banner? Because this is my Tower. I can do whatever the hell I want."

"Why are you doing this? Why are you acting this way?" Bruce asked him, feeling upset that this man wasn't the same one who had shared his bed last night. He wanted that guy back.

Truth be told, Stark didn't know why he was drinking and being a dick to Banner. Banner, who had taken care of him last night and during the whole day yesterday. Banner, whom he owed his life to on several occasions. He just knew that he was still in pain and angry at himself for everything. He couldn't explain why he acted the way he did. He just wanted his pain he was feeling to go away. Even though the two of them had had a heart-to-heart on the bathroom floor last night, it still didn't fix everything Tony was feeling.

"Either help me or get the hell out and leave me alone."

Bruce watched as Tony took another drink of the whiskey from his glass and contemplated. Tony was going to stay down here with or without him there. It was becoming very clear that he wouldn't get through to his friend this afternoon and evening, and also that it was very possible that Tony was planning on getting drunk and eventually passing out, with or without Bruce around. Maybe he just needed his alone time, away from Banner. He knew that building things at least eased Tony's mind, helped him to think about bigger picture stuff.

"Alright, okay. I'll be back down later to check on you. I'll bring you down something to eat in a couple hours."

"That won't be necessary, but thanks all the same."

Bruce ignored Tony's comment and went back upstairs, closing the door behind him again. A part of him hated leaving his friend alone in this state, but he needed to check on his other friend. He grabbed a couple water bottles from the fridge.

When he heard Tony's loud rock music coming from downstairs, he cleared his voice. "Jarvis, where is Steve Rogers and Bucky?"

" _Captain Rogers and Sargent Barnes are located in the guest suite, on the sixth floor, the third door on the right. Would you like me to notify Mr. Stark of our new guests?"_ Jarvis asked, politely.

Bruce began to make his way up to the sixth floor. "No, Jarvis. Let's just keep this a secret for now."

" _I highly advise against that, Dr. Banner…"_

"Too bad. You have to do as you're told. This is for Tony's own good."

" _As you wish, sir."_

Bruce sighed to himself and soon found himself at the door where Steve was keeping Bucky hidden away from the world. He gently knocked. "It's me… it's Banner. Open up."

A millisecond later, the door opened and Bruce let himself inside, much to Steve and Bucky's surprise. Bruce looked the winter soldier up and down and saw a mixture of uncertainty, fear, and uneasiness in his eyes, his tense body posture indicating a state of ready defensiveness.

He gave the water to Steve and turned to face him. "It looks like Tony's going to be in his laboratory for a while, working on suit prototypes. How is he?" He asked, nodding over towards Barnes.

Steve nodded and took the water from him before sitting them on a nearby table. "He's a bit shaken up and afraid that Hydra will be looking for him, but… I think he's okay with being here. I think he feels safe here, oddly enough."

"Do you want me to check him out, make sure he's not injured or anything?"

Steve smiled nervously now. "I don't think that's a good idea, Dr. Banner. I believe he's okay. He didn't seem to have any injuries on the way here. Thank you again, for letting us stay here."

Bruce nodded in acknowledgement. "Don't mention it. Do you want me to bring you both some food later?"

Steve glanced over at Bucky, who he knew hadn't eaten recently. "That would be great, if you can spare the food."

"Tony has enough to feed an army for a month. I'm sure we can spare some. I suppose even homicidal people have to eat too…" Bruce took another anxious look at Barnes and then headed quickly to his own room, needing some peace and quiet.

Everything was going to shit so fast and he couldn't do anything to stop it. He didn't know what he was going to tell Tony if he found out about the super soldier staying here in his tower. It was bad enough Banner felt guilty for not telling him.

" _If you would like to get some rest, Dr. Banner, I can wake you up in two hours in time to make dinner."_

Bruce took a shaky breath. He wasn't very tired physically, just mentally. He was still worried about Tony, and now he had to hide Steve and Bucky, or at least Bucky. Steve wouldn't be such a surprise to be seen.

"I'm just going to rest my eyes for a while."

" _Very good, sir. I shall wake you around five o'clock."_


	6. Confessions

A/N: Thank you for the review! Please DO review because reviews are awesome and amazing and make me happy!

* * *

Chapter 6: Confessions

...

Jarvis did not need to wake Bruce; he had only rested his eyes for an hour before he woke up and went downstairs to start to make dinner for himself, Tony, and unbeknownst to Tony Stark, also for Bucky and Steve.

It was difficult for Banner to concentrate on cooking as Tony's loud, hard rock music was still playing loudly. He tried to tune out the angry cords, for his own sake, as he started making a childhood favorite: macaroni and cheese. It was quick and easy, and Banner didn't feel like making a three course meal or anything.

He tried to avoid the feelings that were digging under his skin, mostly of loneliness. He had been used to being alone before the Avengers Initiative found him. He had been spending a lot of time around Tony, who was now trying to shut him out, and now he was finding himself alone again. He finished draining the pasta and putting the butter and cheese in it when he heard Tony's music shut off and the door to the basement open.

"Oh, good. You're just in time to eat dinner…"

Tony glanced over at Banner as he walked over to the fridge. "Correction: I would be in time to eat dinner if I was, in fact, going to eat dinner. Thanks but no thanks. I have things to do."

Bruce sighed now and turned to him. "Like make an army of robots? Sit down, Tony. Eat. You need to eat something…"

"Why?" Tony suddenly asked, quietly.

The question was so unexpected that Bruce furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "I'm sorry?"

"Why," Tony asked again. "Nothing's going to change if I eat this meal. It's not going to matter. Nothing's going to get better if I eat your feast of mac and cheese. Why should I eat?"

The apathy coming from Tony's lips made Bruce's stomach clench. He didn't like the way that his friend was talking. It made him feel like he swallowed rocks and they were sitting on top of each other in the pit of his stomach.

"You're eating, Tony. Sit down, now. We should talk anyway…"

"Do I have to?"

"Yes, you do. Sit." Bruce ordered and then smiled slightly to himself as Tony obeyed him and sat down at the table after pouring himself a glass of wine and drinking it.

"You're drinking wine with mac and cheese? You're not serious."

Tony shrugged as he sipped some more. "Macaroni is Italian… people drink wine with Italian food," Stark tried to rationalize half-heartedly. It was obvious he didn't really care as long as he could drink something alcoholic.

Bruce forced himself to chuckle anyway, not wanting to argue about Tony's alcohol abuse as of late. He poured mac and cheese into two bowls and placed one of the bowls in front of his friend before sitting down beside him. They sat in a soft silence and ate and, in Tony's case, drank.

"So how long do you think until you're finished making your robots downstairs?"

Tony glanced over his glass at Bruce. "They're not 'robots,' they're my suits. I don't know how long it'll be until they're all done. I can't seem to get them… perfect." Tony's voice seemed strained now.

Bruce looked at him with a sympathy in his eyes. "You don't always need to get everything perfect all of the time. God knows that you're not perfect, and neither is anyone else."

"Really? Then why are you so perfect?" Stark almost spit the word in his face.

His question-meant-to-be-insult lit up Banner from the inside and he could feel the heat rising to his cheeks before he shook his head. "I'm not perfect, Stark. You know it as much as anyone else does. I have whole cities that know how imperfect I am. I'm just… trying to say, suits only need to be perfect in a technological sense, not in your own opinion sense. You don't have to work on them, Tony. What are you planning on using them for anyway?"

The billionaire playboy shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe I'll use them to clean up after me since Pepper's not here anymore. Maybe I could have them eat my dinner for me. I'm sure I'll think of something."

Bruce sat back in his chair and looked at Tony, feeling his stomach flip-flopping. "Are you doing okay, Tony?"

"Of course," Stark answered without skipping a beat. "Never better."

Of course he was lying, Banner wasn't an idiot. He could see right through him. "If you're never not okay, will you at least come and find me and talk to me about it? It might help you with the panic attacks."

"Sure, why not?" Tony stood up and grabbed his glass before pouring it to the brim. "That was great, Bruce. Thanks for dinner."

Bruce sighed and scoffed as he watched his friend take the glass with him as he started walking towards his laboratory. "You didn't eat any of it!"

"Mmhm…"

Stark disappeared back downstairs and turned his music on again. Bruce wasn't sure how to feel. He hated Tony for not eating anything he made, only drinking, and never actually talking to him when they did sit down together. It was infuriating, but at the same time, he also was sad for Tony Stark. He knew that something wasn't right and he knew that everything he did reminded Tony of how "inferior" he assumed he was, and how he wasn't living up to his father's expectations. Bruce just wanted to connect to Tony, but without any real emotion between them, he didn't know how he could go about it.

He wanted to wallow in his feelings about the younger Stark man but then remembered the other two guests that were in the guest suite in the Tower. They were waiting for this meal. Banner filled two bowls of lukewarm mac and cheese and put the leftover in the fridge before taking the walk to the suite.

When he arrived at the door, he gently knocked. "It's me again," he whispered.

Steve opened the door and let Bruce get inside the room before he closed it. Bucky sat upright as soon as Bruce entered the room.

"How long are we going to have to sneak around Stark Tower for, Mr. Banner? We can't keep Bucky in here forever. He's going to get cabin fever," Steve remarked.

"Just… until Tony feels better." Bruce knew he was trying to stall for time and it would only work for so long until they would have to let the winter soldier out of his cave.

Steve gave him a skeptical look. "I sure hope it's soon, Dr." He moved over to Bucky and handed him a bowl of the food. Bruce watched as he took it almost hesitantly in his good hand and took the fork from Steve before he slowly began to eat.

Steve and Banner exchanged nervous looks at each other. Steve was right; they could only keep the man locked up for so long. Tony was going to have to find out Bucky was staying here eventually. That didn't mean it had to be now, though.

"So what's Tony doing in his laboratory?" Steve asked, trying to kill time until Bucky finished eating.

Bruce turned to face him now but still kept an eye on the soldier every now and then. "He's… making more suits, ones that can function on their own."

Steve chuckled uneasily. "Yeah, because that can't go wrong at all…"

Banner nodded in understanding and agreement. "I know. I can't make him stop though. He's… doing something that distracts him, and if he's distracted, then he's not having panic attacks."

"And if he's distracted, he can't find out about…" Steve motioned with his eyes towards Bucky's person. After he saw Bruce nod again, he gave a friendly smile at his quiet friend who was still eating. "How are you liking that, Bucky?"

The winter soldier looked up, mid swallow, and looked from Bruce to Steve, and nodded silently before he continued to eat again. Steve looked over at Bruce again.

"Thanks again for letting us stay here, Dr. Banner. He'd never say it but… we appreciate it."

Bruce half shrugged. "It's… no problem. Has he said anything since you found him and brought him here?"

Steve scratched his temple. "Umm…. A few words, occasionally, but… not much." He now moved closer to Bruce and for a tense minute, Banner truly thought that the Captain was going to kiss him but instead, his voice dropped to a whisper. "When we were at a safe house before here, Bucky had nightmares. He yelled and thrashed and… screamed until I woke him completely up. Do you know if this area is sound proof at all?"

The thought hadn't occurred to him. He chewed on his lip in thought and ran his hands through his hair. "I'll ask Jarvis and if it's not, then… we'll figure something out."

Steve nodded appreciatively. "Thank you."

Bruce nodded back at him and glanced over at Bucky who had finished his dinner. He was looking almost longingly at the two men, as if there was a question lingering on the tip of the soldier's tongue but he dared not ask it aloud. A part of Banner wanted to know everything that Bucky was thinking and feeling. He was still a human being, if not a superhuman being. He still had feelings and Bruce felt bad that he was being kept in here like a misbehaved puppy, homicidal or not.

"How are… how are _you_ holding up, Dr. Banner?"

Bruce looked back at Steve now and sighed softly. "Okay, I guess. I haven't had a panic attack since… Tony stopped taking care of me, and I started taking care of Tony."

Steve chuckled now and gently squeezed Bruce's shoulder. "I guess taking care of him isn't all bad then. Something good's coming out of it. Remember to look into the soundproof walls."

He took that as his cue to leave the two men alone. "Yeah, of course." He stood up and left the room before he started walking down the hall. "Jarvis? Is there any way you can soundproof this whole floor so Tony can't hear anything when he's sleeping?"

" _Already done, Dr. Banner. I personally installed soundproof barriers on the entire floor as soon as Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes entered Stark Tower. Is there anything else I can do for you, Dr.?"_

Bruce breathed a sigh of relief. "No, thank you, Jarvis."

He finally decided to grow a pair and talk to his friend. He opened the door and headed downstairs where he saw a half tumbler full of whiskey and two full-bodied suits of armor already standing upright as Tony played around on the holographic screen while his music played.

Banner shut off the loud noise and walked over to Tony, stopping only when he was a couple inches away from him, close enough where he could smell the alcohol on his friend's breath.

"Tony, I'm… really worried about you. You mean a lot to me and you've been helping me so much these last couple days and not thinking of yourself and now that you're working on this project of yours, I… I sort of miss hanging out," Bruce stammered, not sure where exactly he was going with this.

Stark put a hand up to quiet the doctor, still keeping his focus on his work. "I'm halfway down. After I'm done, then we can hang out like old times." He took a long sip of his drink.

He didn't understand. Bruce didn't know how else to make the billionaire understand. He suddenly grabbed Tony's cheeks with his hands and leaned in and softly kissed Tony Stark's lips, tasting the alcohol and relaxing slightly when he felt Tony set his drink down and start to kiss him back, their tongues now overlapping each other.

Tasting him felt as amazing as he was always told it was by Tony's random women, maybe even better than he himself ever thought was possible. Their hands found each other and Tony's rough, working hands rested on Bruce's waist before he suddenly parted from Bruce without warning, searching his green eyes almost fearfully. He dropped his hands and took a step back before he walked over to his drink again and cleared his throat.

"I-I think we should talk about this, Tony…"

"Hm? There's nothing to talk about, Banner. I… I've had too much to drink and it's been a really long day. Long days happen, right? Unusual things happen on long d-days…" Tony tried to rationalize, finishing off his drink and filling another.

Stark's avoidance to the situation made Bruce frustrated. He walked closer to him. "What about me, Tony? I haven't been drinking! You can't blame this on alcohol. This… is something that's been waiting under the surface between us..."

Tony shook his head and smiled anxiously. "Nuh-uh. Nothing's been under the surface. You're… delusional, Banner. Maybe you should think about having a drink. It… this… can't happen."

"What? Why not?"

Tony ran a hand through his hair again and clenched his jaw. "Because of Pepper, all right? Because… she's coming back and… I can't have a relationship with someone who isn't her. It's as simple as that."

Bruce shook his head in denial, not wanting to let this go. "No, it's not, Tony. You can pretend all you want that it is but this is anything but simple. You felt it too. You kissed me back. You can't just… pretend that never happened."

Tony whipped around now and gave him a hard, conflicted glare, his face contorted with emotional pain. "Watch me! Leave, now! Get out of here, Banner! Leave. Me. Alone." When Bruce didn't move, Tony started pushing him out, not hard enough to knock him down but hard enough to make him move, until Stark finally shoved his friend out of the see-through computerized door and locked it from the inside.

He waved to Bruce before he turned his back on him and went back over to his drink and his suits. Banner stared at him for several moments before he hit the door angrily with his fist once and then hurried out of the basement lab, not letting Tony see the tears that stung his eyes.


	7. Progress

Chapter 7: Progress

...

Tony rubbed his eyes tiredly as he finished building his third robot in metal form before he glanced at the clock; almost 4 am. He needed to sleep before his body gave away his slightly unstable state.

"Jarvis, finish up the computer generated prototype of the last suit for me so I can catch a few z's?"

" _Of course, sir. Consider it done."_

"Thanks, Jarv. At least I can count on you." Tony shut his lights off before he headed up the stairs and towards his bedroom.

His muscles felt stiff and sore at the same time and his eyelids felt heavy. He shouldn't have any trouble getting to sleep right now. Tony lay down in his bed without taking his clothes off and closed his eyes, letting his mind drift off.

" _GET DOWN! GET DOWN!"_

" _What about you?" Dream Tony asked the soldier next to him who was using his body to shield Tony Stark against enemy fire._

" _I'll be fi-" A hidden sniper somewhere had shot him in the chest and Tony just watched as he slumped over dead._

 _He raced behind a large rock and put his back against it, breathing heavily, as if his heart might explode inside his chest._

 _The sound of an incoming bomb and then…_

"Wake up! Wake up, Tony! Open your eyes!" a voice yelled at him from somewhere, distant.

Tony Stark pushed his way out of his dream and looked around the dimly lit room until he came upon Bruce's face. "W-What… what happened?"

Bruce looked at him with concerned eyes. "You're okay. It was just another nightmare. Just and relax. Breathe…"

That was easier said than done. He felt like he was struggling for oxygen and sat upright, running a hand through his damp hair, his real heart racing inside his ribcage. "W-Why are you here? Didn't… didn't I yell at you to leave me alone?"

The doctor nodded and gave a sad smile. "Yeah, you did. I was walking past your door and I heard you screaming and yelling. I rushed in here to make sure you were okay. Do you need anything? Water maybe?"

Tony nodded, unable to find his voice again. He took a few deep breaths as Banner went to the bathroom and grabbed a glass that lay on the sink and filled it before going back to Tony and handing him it. The inventor drank it all in one go before he started to relax and looked up at him.

"I don't want to talk about what happened last night with us."

Bruce felt a pang in his heart but he nodded. "Good, because I don't want to talk about it either."

There was an awkward silence between them until Stark spoke again. "What do you want from me, Bruce?"

The question surprised Banner but he knew how he wanted to answer it. "I… just want you. That's all."

Tony shook his head. "Are you sure you know exactly what you're asking for? I'm… a mess, obviously. I can't do relationships, Banner. I'm not good at connecting with other human beings and I'm not going to be boyfriend of the year or anything."

His voice seemed almost defeated, as if he were surrendering himself to Bruce, and maybe in a way he was. Maybe last night's Tony Stark had just been agitated from working and drinking that he wasn't thinking logically. This Tony Stark appeared to be different, kind.

Bruce put an arm around Tony's shoulders. "Well good, that makes two of us then."

"I'm sorry about last night. I guess… I was angry about Pepper leaving and I was so determined to keep myself distracted that I didn't want to think about anything else except for my suits. I didn't mean to take it out on you, but… I don't know what the hell I'm doing here, Banner…"

Bruce furrowed his brows in confusion and looked at him. "What do you mean, Tony?"

"I mean… I don't know if I can do… this, as in me and you. What if Pepper comes back?" Tony's eyes looked desperate, if not a little hopeful as he shrugged Bruce off of him now.

Banner withdrew a little bit now and stood up. He paced back and forth a couple times and rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, do you still love her?"

"I don't know," Tony thought about it for a few moments before answering. "Y-Yes, I do love her still…"

"How do you feel about me? I mean… you kissed me back, Tony. I didn't just imagine it," Banner tried to reason with him, pacing again.

Tony took a deep breath and leaned forward before he rubbed his eyes with his palms and then rubbed his hands on his legs anxiously. "You mean a lot to me, Bruce…"

The answer angered Banner now and he couldn't help but yell. "Oh Christ, Tony! That's not what you say to someone after you kissed them! That's what you say to friends! I must mean more to you than that! Why can't you just tell me you love me? Isn't that what you tell all your one-night stands before you kick them out? Why is it so damn hard to say it to me too?"

"Because I can't say that to you…"

Bruce tried to hide the look of distress on his face and tried to hold the tears back in his eyes but he couldn't help but feel hurt by Tony's words. "Why the hell not, Tony?! Is your moral compass that skewed that you can't tell me something that you tell all the other whores in your life, sans Pepper, of course!"

Tony stood up quickly now and grabbed Bruce's arm. "Because you're not like all of them! You're not a one-night anything! You're not even like Pepper! You're something I haven't even encountered in my entire life, Banner! I was straight up until I got to know you and then… then I…" Tony trailed off, his words caught in his throat.

"You what…?"

In the dim light of the room, Bruce could make out Tony's own glassy eyes that hid back tears. He bit his lip.

"I fell so goddamn hard for you, Bruce," Tony nearly whispered. "My straight road forked and… you turned everything I felt and knew upside down. It's only been a few days since you've been here but I've known you since… That Day, and my world's never been the same since you barged into my life. I don't love you like Pepper. I've been trying to deny it but over the last six months after what happened in… N-New York…" Tony took a deep breath, "you derailed me, Banner. You've been the only thing on my mind for half a year, even while I've been with Pep."

Bruce felt hope rise up inside of a warm place in his chest and he searched Tony's tortured face. "You say that as if it's a bad thing."

There was a silence again between them and after what felt like ages, Stark finally spoke again. "Pepper's… not coming back to me," Tony whispered almost inaudible. "God, that felt strange to say aloud. All I have is you now, and… y-you're all I want to have, Banner."

Bruce felt like he had been waiting forever just to hear those words come out of Tony's mouth, and perhaps he was. He crossed the space that divided the two men and met Tony's lips with his own. He didn't care that he tasted like sweat and fear and uncertainty. He didn't care that the man's body felt tense as they embraced; it felt right. It felt like the thing Bruce had been missing his entire life.

When the two of them parted, Stark looked surprised at himself, trying to catch his breath again. Bruce smiled and chuckled in happiness, glad that they were no longer fighting with each other, and Tony was able to tell him the truth about how he felt.

"So now what?"

Banner smirked to himself and wrapped his arms around his neck gently, holding him to him, doing what he's been dying to do since he first saw him. He breathed him in and felt his own body relaxing. "How does breakfast sound?"

Tony could feel his stomach rumbling. "Breakfast sounds good but I'm going to venture a guess that I can't have wine with breakfast…"

Bruce laughed and kissed his neck. "Not a chance, Stark. Why don't you shower first and get changed in clean clothes?"

"Oh, right. I sort of smell, don't I?" Tony pulled off his sweat-stained t-shirt and then his day old pants before stripping down bare and starting towards the bathroom. "You going to join me or… do you think that's going to make you Hulk out?"

Bruce chewed on his lower lip watching Tony and sighed. "Go on without me. I'm going to go make breakfast. For the sake of you and your Tower, maybe we should take things a bit slow in that department…"

Tony gave a thumbs-up as he turned on the shower and hopped inside. "I'm on board with that, Banner. I'll see you in ten."

Bruce couldn't hide his smile as he walked out into the kitchen and pulled out eggs from the fridge and placed bread into the toaster before getting out the butter as well as the orange juice. This was one of the few times he didn't mind making meals for Stark. Now that Tony had gotten out what had really been on his mind, he seemed… happier, maybe even less stressed out.

Maybe he would even tell Tony about Bucky and Steve being here. Maybe. Maybe it was a bit soon for that still. Banner didn't want to push his luck too much. He might have to be grateful that he even got Tony to admit he loved him. That was difficult enough for the two men.

Bruce dished up scrambled eggs onto a plate for Tony before buttering some bread and placing the plate on the table next to a glass of orange juice for him. He was dishing his own plate up just as Stark entered the room and sat down.

"Mmm, I can't remember the last thing I actually ate… this smells so good."

Banner sat down beside him and smirked. "I believe it was vegetables and chicken that you made for us that you ate last. You're already starting to look a bit scrawny," he joked, winking at him.

Tony playfully smacked his arm before he shook his head. "I forgot what food tasted like."

"That happens when you live on a diet of whiskey," Bruce shook his head. "So what are you seriously going to use your suits for?"

Tony smiled softly and shrugged. "I figured I could have them clean up after me, maybe take out the trash."

"Seriously, Tony…"

The inventor laughed now and nodded. "Seriously! I need at least four of them to equal the productivity of Pepper. Maybe I'll use them to help fight the bad guys in separate locations. I don't know yet. I just want to make them. It makes me feel… productive and worth something."

Bruce saw the sadness touch Stark's eyes now and he searched his face. "Tony, you're worth… so much. You don't need to build metal suits to feel worthy of anything. Are you doing this because of your father? Don't tell me you're feeling guilty you're building suits and not bombs."

Tony shook his head and bit his lip after taking a drink of orange juice. "No, not guilty. I'd rather try to stop the destruction from happening than enable it to happen and kill innocent people. After… New Y-York, I want to do everything I can from innocent people dying ever again. I just feel good when I'm creating something, you know? I do my best thinking when I'm building. I don't know what I want to use the suits for. I just want them to be created from nothing."

Bruce took this in and nodded slowly before taking a bite of toast. "What about when you're done making them? What are you going to do afterwards?"

Tony pondered this for a moment. He couldn't continue to make suit after suit after suit until he had an army. What would he even do with them? He didn't want an army. He just wanted some self-esteem. He just wanted to make something with his hands from scratch.

"I don't know. I guess I should hope we have some bad guys to fight by that time. What are you doing around here while I'm in the lab? Are you just cooking all the time and saving me from night terrors? Don't you do anything else besides take care of me? I mean, not that I'm not grateful or anything…" Tony quickly added as he ate a bit of egg.

"Oh of course." Bruce smiled. "I guess in my spare time, I like to try not to Hulk out or anything. It's pretty much a full time job for me. Taking care of other people sort of helps keep me grounded. I'm not one for hobbies."

"That's my new goal for you. I'm going to help find you a hobby. Why don't you come downstairs and help me with my last suit? It'll be quicker if you do."

The offer was a bit tempting, especially since he liked the idea of being around Tony as much as possible now that they had established a relationship between them. Bruce could still look after him and doing experiments and science-y things helped calm him. It was a win-win situation.

"Yeah, okay," Bruce agreed, nodding. "That sounds good."

"Great! It's settled then."

Tony finished eating and then stood up before he placed two hands on Bruce's shoulders. "We're going to make something great, my friend…"

"We're going to make serving suits," Banner corrected, chuckling. "It's not all that great actually."

Tony groaned at his companion's pessimism. "It's a little great. Come on, get a move on."

Banner finished eating and finished his juice before he stood up and followed Tony downstairs, deciding that the dishes could wait. He had made progress in their relationship and had gotten Stark to admit his feelings, even if Stark even was a little hesitant about it still. It would take time to adjust, but Bruce was willing to give this man all the time in the world if it meant that he could live and breathe the same air as Tony Stark. Any other person might consider him crazy for feeling this way but Banner just considered himself lucky.

Tony punched in the code and lead Banner into the lab again. "Alright, three suits down. One suit left and were building it together. By the way, I was thinking… what do you think about giving them a half-intelligence? I mean, half of ours. It'll be smart enough to think a little bit for itself but it still has to obey orders by anyone else."

Bruce laughed to himself and scratched his temple distractedly as he started to construct an outfit for it using the hologram version. "I think it sounds like dangerous territory."

Tony nodded. "I agree, let's do it."

Bruce glanced over at him. "That's… completely not what I said."

The other man shrugged and smirked. "It's close enough."


	8. Fault

Chapter 8: Fault

...

It made Bruce nervous building the last of the suits with Tony but he knew that building things helped Stark to focus and keep his thoughts distracted from New York and anything relating to it. Bruce wanted to help keep his companion busy, and if it meant creating something that he felt uncomfortable making, then so be it. He had decided he'd bite the bullet and make Tony happy.

It was almost done now and Tony was in the zone. He hadn't drank in nearly five hours and he even smiled at Bruce every once in a while. Seeing him smile made Bruce almost forget the nervousness he was feeling while aiding in making this live thing.

"I think we just about have it finished. What do you think?"

Bruce glanced over at him and shrugged, unsure. "There's no doubt it'll work, I suppose. I just don't think you needed to build four of them."

Tony cocked his head. "Well listen to you, Mr. Gloom and Doom. I built four because… well, it seemed a good idea at the time, and because it helped me think about other things."

"I know," Bruce nodded in understanding. "Which is why I went along with it. You were happy enough building them and I didn't want to rain on your parade. I just don't know why you decided to make a… sentient thing. I mean, something that has the potential to have more intelligence than us."

Tony could tell that his friend wasn't trying to start a fight or anything. He was trying to talk sense to him though, and that was frustrating enough for him.

He fixed a part in place in the suit and sighed. "What about Jarvis? How is he any different from these suits?"

"You know how he is! Jarvis is set to take orders and commands from us. He doesn't do anything without our OK first! These suits, all your suits, are controlled by your sensors in your body! You automatically allow it to do whatever it wants before you OK it. It's completely different from Jarvis, Tony…"

" _Sir, there has been a breach in security…"_

Tony ran a hand through his hair and sighed heavily, shaking his head. "You helped me make this one. You can't put all the blame on me. You could've figured out a way to make it take orders if you wanted. I wasn't going to try and stop you."

It had quickly become clear that neither man had heard the AI.

Bruce bit his lip hard and took several deep breaths, starting to get angry at Tony instead. "Oh, so it's my fault then, is it? Jesus Christ, Tony! Take some damn responsibility for once in your life!"

" _I fear that someone has hacked into your four self-powering suits, Sir. I am unable to intervene and stop the hacking. It is unknown who has succeeded in doing so. They will have complete control of the Marks in ten seconds unless you dismantle the suits…"_

"I do take responsibility! I've taken responsibility for every mistake I've ever made! It was my responsibility to stop the nuclear bomb from destroying New York City and possible all the other surrounding cities as well! I took care of that! ME!"

" _10…9…8…7…"_

"Yeah, you did, and everyone was real appreciative of that, but that was something that HAD to be done! You were the right person to do it and you didn't exactly have a say in the matter! This is something that you didn't have to do, Tony! Not every solution to your problems involves building suits of armor with computerized intelligence inside of it!"

" _6…5…"_

Tony took a threatening stop towards Bruce now. "I'm sorry if I'm not the kind of person who feels better just by talking to a head shrink! I'm sorry that I can't cope as well as you!"

" _4…"_

"Cope? I can't cope at all! I've tried to kill myself because of all the coping I can't do!"

" _3…"_

"Yeah but you didn't die!"

" _2…"_

"Why are you so obsessed with my past suicide attempt, Tony? It's like you just can't leave it as it is! Why do you feel the need to bring up The Other Guy and my inability to cope all the time? Don't you think that I'm suffering as much as you do? The only difference is that I keep it inside of me and I don't make machines! Why do you feel the need to remind me of my past attempt to kill myself?" Bruce yelled at him, his green eyes flickering a dangerously bright emerald green color.

" _1…"_

"Because I want to die too!" Tony suddenly screamed as tears filled his eyes.

Bruce was so taken back by the response that he didn't react right away when all the suits suddenly lit up inside and sprung to life. The sound of moving metal filled the room now and both men watched as the suits walked around the desk. They glanced at each other in panic, not knowing what to do, and partially shocked by what was currently happening.

Finally, Tony opened his mouth. "Uh, Jarvis? Shut them down…"

" _I'm sorry, sir. I am unable to do so. There is something blocking my connection with them that I cannot override."_

Tony started to back up now as one of the suits started walking towards him with a gait that could only be described as threatening.

"Whoa! System - shut down!" Tony motioned with his arms, trying to get the suit to shut off.

"Shut it off, Tony!" Bruce called out fearfully as a second suit started to turn on himself now.

Tony motioned again. "I'm trying! Shut. Down!"The suit continued to walk towards Tony until it was within inches of the inventor before it grabbed him by his shirt and threw him against a wall of concrete. He groaned loudly in pain.

"Tony!" Bruce cried out to him but was met with his own pain when the other robotic suit grabbed him by his neck and lifted him off of the ground.

Stark tried everything he could think of but was coming up empty, only met with moments of pain and injury.

"Jarvis! Can you do anything to help us out here?"

" _I am attempting to, sir, but all commands are being blocked by an outside signal. I am unable to disconnect it…"_

"Damn it!" Tony felt helpless, unable to get to his own suit right now while he was being held down. "Now would be a good time to get angry, Bruce!"

He didn't need to be told twice. Banner had already been boiling as he was arguing with Tony. It only took half a minute before he felt his body grow and shift, taking out half the wall and the ceiling as he turned into The Other Guy.

He grabbed the suit with his large hand and broke the arm off of it before he growled deep and loud in his anger and frustration, lost in his other personality.

Tony watched as Bruce came barreling towards him before he tried to take out the suit that was currently holding him down but the suit moved out of the way before dropping Tony a few feet off the ground. He landed hard on his ankle and groaned in pain but didn't waste any time in getting his own suit, piece by piece, onto his body until he was fully suited up.

"Don't stop trying to power the suits down, Jarvis. Keep at it."

" _Understood, sir…"_

Bruce and Tony both took turns trying to destroy the suits but there was something about them that seemed to be able to predict their every move before they did. Two of the suits aimed their palms at both The Hulk and at Iron Man before shooting pulsing rays at them, trying to hurt both men.

Stark looked around, not sure where the other two suits were anymore, not having seen them exit but it seemed safe to assume that they did. He ducked and covered just as the one suit had aimed and shot at him, narrowly missing him by centimeters. He took the opportunity and ran out of the basement, breathing heavily as he ran down the stairs and then stopped short when he saw Captain America and Bucky Barnes both fighting against the other two suits.

He stood there in shock until he felt the one suit he had been fighting earlier come up behind him and put him in a chokehold.

Stark knocked his head back so it hit the suit's head and then shot at him with his own repulsor rays at the suit, trying to hit the arc-reactor part to dismantle it, temporarily forgetting about the two other men in his Tower.

Hulk ran up the stairs and also stopped short upon seeing Bucky and Steve Rogers fighting the other suits but didn't react with the same surprise as his better half did. Instead, he wasted no time in turning around and ripping the suit that had attacked him in half with his brute strength before he roared at it.

Tony punched the arc-reactor middle section in the one he was fighting and finally managed to rip out the main power part of it.

He felt relief when he saw the lights inside of it die and fall apart onto the ground. He then looked over at Bruce before looking at Captain America, who had managed to cut the head off with his shield and rip out the middle section of it as well, and then looked over at Bucky, who seemed to be having more difficulty.

The last suit had grabbed the Winter Soldier's metal arm and was attempting to rip it from his shoulder.

Enemy or not, Tony knew he needed to help him destroy it. He moved closer now and glanced at Steve Rogers.

"Cap, I have an idea! Go up behind it and use your shield to take the head off. Barnes!" He waited until Bucky looked up at him with stoic eyes. "When Rogers has the shield around his neck, you duck down!"

The Winter Soldier seemed to understand the plan as he nodded obediently before he continued to try to stop the suit from taking his arm off.

"Now!"

Captain America jumped up on the suit's back and wrapped the shield around where its neck was and held it with both arms before he cut into the wires and the power in the suit was flashing. Bucky did as Stark had ordered and knelt down quickly just as Tony shot his repulsors at the mainframe of the suit's chest, the power shutting down completely now.

Once the suit was dismantled, Tony got out of his suit and stormed towards Bucky. "Now tell me what the hell you're doing in my Tower, Barnes."

His voice was dark, cold. He heard the distant sounds of The Hulk transforming back into Bruce Banner again but he couldn't wait for him before he interrogated The Winter Soldier.

Instead, Steve Rogers came up behind Stark and put a strong hand on his shoulder.

"Leave him, Tony. Talk to me. This isn't Bucky's fault that he's here."

Tony glared at the H.Y.D.R.A. made super-soldier before he turned on Steve. "Fine, then. You can tell me why the hell this assassin is in my Tower then! Why?"

"He's here because this is the only safe place for him. We were going to tell you –"

Tony raised an eyebrow now and tensed up. "Wait a minute. We? Who's 'we'? You better be talking about you and your monster."

Steve Rogers sighed now and looked beyond Tony at what could only be Banner.

"He... knew about Bucky being here but it wasn't his fault. I had nowhere else to go with him and this was the only safe place I could think of…"

Tony glanced behind him at Bruce who was looking sore, guilty, defeated, and battered as he wore a large blanket around his naked body. He shook his head at him now and swallowed hard, not wanting to believe it. He felt so betrayed. "You… you know about them being here, and you didn't tell me?"

Banner bit his lower lip and nodded. "I'm… so sorry, Tony… we were fighting and we were each going through our own problems. I didn't see a good time to tell you."

"This is MY Tower! This is where I live! You brought him here without my permission, without my okay! You put all of our lives in danger, Bruce! Don't you see that?" Tony couldn't stop the hurt from coming out in his voice.

Banner held the blanket tighter around his body but the top of his chest was still looked behind Tony at Bucky who was looking fearful, conflicted, and maybe even a bit anxious.

"He wasn't a threat to us, Tony. Steve had him under control."

"What if the Winter Soldier part came out to play and knocked him unconscious or something? He would've been loose in the building. He could've killed us both!"

"But he didn't!" Bruce insisted, taking a step towards Tony. "I had it all under control! Anyway, he just helped us destroy all your self-thinking suits! Don't you think we should be talking about that instead? I think that might be slightly more important."

Steve narrowed his eyes at Tony now and the whole room suddenly filled with a dark, uneasy tension.

"Dr. Banner is right. What were you planning to do with those suits? Why did they try to kill all of us?"

Tony chewed on his lower lip and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I was building them to keep myself distracted."

"From the panic attacks?"

Tony glanced over at Bruce now, the feeling of betrayal growing stronger by the minute. "Yes, from the panic attacks. It kept my mind from becoming stagnant and having nothing else to think about except… That Day. Creating the suits helped me keep it together."

Steve now nodded, seeming to understand as he glanced over at his friend who was sticking close by his side. He, of all people, knew what could happen when someone wasn't able to keep it all together anymore.

"Any idea who could be behind powering the suits up to kill us?" Steve asked, figuring it would be a good idea to shift the blame.

Tony glanced at Bruce who seemed to be thinking before looking back at Steve. "Well, I was thinking it could be any of our ten hundred enemies that each of us has. Who do you think it could be, Cap?"

Rogers half shrugged and nodded in agreement.

"I would say the same. I wouldn't put it past any of them to try and kill us when we're in a group. Could it be maybe someone from Hydra who wants Bucky back?"

Stark felt anger just at the words 'Bucky' and 'Hydra.' He despised both of those things. "More than likely, I would say," he replied coldly. "Why don't we just throw Bucky to S.H.I.E.L.D. and be done with it?"

Steve stiffened and moved to stand almost in front of Bucky. "That's not happening. I'm not giving him to S.H.I.E.L.D."

Bruce cleared his throat now and walked forward. "Maybe Tony's right. I mean, maybe S.H.I.E.L.D. can give him something to help him mentally. Maybe he could be more stable and not as unpredictable."

"I can't believe I'm hearing this. You helped us, Dr. Banner! You fed us and now you want to throw him to the sharks to experiment on and do as they please to him!"

Bruce's face looked full of guilt now. He didn't know where to stand between his friends anymore. He knew he should be on Tony's side by default since he loved him, but there was still a part of Bruce that wanted to protect Steve and Bucky as well. He felt torn apart from all directions.

Tony looked at Bucky who suddenly moved away from the men and started towards the front door. Steve ran in front of him and grabbed his arm gently, but firmly.

"No, Bucky… you're going to stay here." When he saw Bucky shake his head and the conflict in his eyes, as if he knew what was going on, he added, "It's okay. You helped us with the suits. You earned your right to stay here. Right?"

Tony knew that Steve's question was more of a statement than anything else. He was quiet for a long time and then turned to look at Bucky.

"Right, but listen up. You step out of line around here or try to kill any of us, or any other people who might visit, then I'm kicking you out or giving you back to Hydra. Do you understand, Barnes?"

Bucky looked over at Steve before looking back at Tony and nodding once.

"Good. You can stay wherever Bruce put you. You can have free run of the Tower as long as one of us is with you at all times," Tony demanded before looking at Steve who nodded in agreement. "It's settled then. I guess you're going to play House with us. Welcome to the family."

His voice was cold and untrusting but his eyes relaxed slightly when they met Bruce's. "I want to talk to you."

He led him up to his room and closed the door so Steve and Bucky couldn't hear their conversation. "You betrayed me, you know that, right?"

Bruce nodded. "I know. I'm sorry, Tony."

"No, you don't get to just say 'sorry' and expect me to forgive you. I get that I messed up here too but this was something that you should've told me about, period, no questions asked. I love you, I trusted you, and you messed that up," Tony stated, matter-of-factly.

All Bruce could do was nod and looked ashamed of himself. He didn't want to bring up the fact that Tony had been the one to build the suits in the first place again and he also was afraid to talk about who could've hacked into the mainframe and blocked Jarvis from dismantling it. He wanted to be okay with Tony again. He didn't want to feel so alone, but he knew it was going to take him for Tony to trust him again.

It didn't matter whose fault it was anymore.

It had happened, and now it was done. Now Bucky was staying with them, and now Tony didn't trust him.

"I love you. Tony… and I'm really sorry about not telling you about them. I'm not going to make up excuses for myself anymore. I just want us to be okay," Bruce spoke sadly, looking desperately into Stark's eyes, searching for forgiveness that couldn't be seen.

Tony swallowed hard. "You're sleeping in your own room tonight, Bruce. I need to be alone."

Bruce straightened up now. "W-What about your anxiety attacks? I mean… you don't have them when we're together…"

"Get out, Banner. I just… need time to cool off, all right? They're just anxiety attacks. I'm a big boy. I can handle them on my own."

Bruce felt his heart sink but nodded, fighting the urge to object.

He didn't want to be alone in his own room.

He didn't want to have _those_ feelings come back again.

He wanted to be in Tony's strong arms and be held by him, protected from everything.

But he couldn't tell Tony that, not right now. He turned around and left Tony's room quickly before he headed to his own room to get changed and going downstairs to clean up the mess, needing his own distraction now.


	9. Plan

Chapter 9: Plan

...

" _Because I want to die too!"_

Tony's strangled answer still echoed in Bruce's ears, wishing that he could unhear it. He would do anything to pretend he hadn't heard it, but the fact was that he did, and he knew that Tony meant it. He needed to talk to him about this. This meant that his companion was in more trouble than he thought and Bruce needed to save him, any way possible.

He could hear the man yelling and screaming from his bedroom but knew that he couldn't go to his rescue. Anyway, Steve Rogers was bounding up the steps heavily and then knocked on Bruce's bedroom door.

He glanced at the clock on the table as it read 5:43 a.m. and stood up before he opened the door, glancing at Steve knowingly. "Go, I'll watch Bucky."

Steve nodded gratefully and maybe even apologetically, and then went across the hallway to Tony's room and wasted no time in opening the door and going inside to calm the inventor. Bruce wished with everything in his heart that he could be the one to go to his rescue. Instead, he hurried out of his bedroom and headed downstairs where Steve and Bucky were staying and entered the room slowly, cautiously.

"Bucky? It's just me…" Bruce spoke softly, in case the Winter Soldier was sleeping.

He glanced around the dark room and saw Bucky sitting on his bed, his head in his hands. "Jarvis, turn on lights, dim, please."

The lights in the ceiling turned on before automatically diming so his eyes could adjust. Bruce walked over to the younger man and sat down in a chair beside the bed and leaned forward. "Hey, did you hurt yourself or something?"

He didn't want to sound friendly towards him but as a doctor, it had become his everyday voice, a permanently professional bedside manner. Bruce couldn't deny there was something inside of him that longed to talk to another person since he couldn't talk to Tony. He looked at Bucky up and down to see if he could find any visible injuries but couldn't see any.

It must be in his head.

"It's okay to feel scared but Steve and I won't let Tony kick you out," Bruce spoke, watching now as Bucky slowly lifted his head. "You're safe here."

Bruce rubbed his neck, wondering if Tony had escaped his nightmares yet, wondering if Steve was soothing him, reassuring him that That Day in New York City had passed and he was okay. The room was so still as the men sat in silence that Banner was almost startled when he heard a voice come out of Bucky's mouth.

"No, I'm not."

Bruce looked up at him and searched his face, seeing pain and fear in the ex-soldier's eyes. "Are you afraid of Hydra finding you and taking you back?" When he saw Bucky look uncertain before he shrugged, he added, "You don't have to be. That won't happen. Between the four of us, no one is going to let them take you."

"Iron Man would let them take me," Bucky spoke again, nodding.

Banner sighed and shook his head. "No, he won't. Iron Man and Tony Stark are… two different people. You can't see it but he's suffering right now. He's angry at himself and he's uncertain of the future, which scares him. Even you can relate to that."

Bucky didn't reply back this time but Banner could see recognition in the man's eyes. "Just… promise me you'll stay here, for Steve's sake. I can tell you mean a lot to him and he'd be broken up if you just left."

His face looked conflicted but he nodded in understanding. "Fine."

"Good," Bruce gave him a small smile and stood up. "We're here to protect you, even if you don't want to be protected. We're on the same side now, okay?"

The other man searched Bruce's eyes with his own and practically jumped when he heard a sudden knock on the door. He shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair. "Jesus…"

"When you're done with Terminator in there, come out! We need to talk," Tony's voice was heard saying on the other side of the door.

Bruce gave a reassuring look at Bucky before he left the room just as Steve re-entered it again. He followed Tony into the kitchen and waited for him to speak. When he didn't, he started to get uneasy. "What is it, Tony?"

The shorter man sighed and leaned against the counter. He cleared his throat. "I just… err… want to say that I'm sorry for pushing you away. I need you, and I hate needing anyone. I'm not the type to be… super clingy or anything but I'm still reeling from New York and I can't get through it without you. I would rather you be there during my panic attacks and my nightmares than the Cap."

Steve must have talked to Tony, tried to calm him down a bit. Whatever he must have told Tony, Bruce couldn't deny he was grateful. He nodded, taking in the words. "Thank you. So… we're okay then?"

Stark considered the question before he nodded once, his hard face softening slightly. Banner moved closer to him and placed his hands on the other man's waist before he leaned in and kissed his lips. He relaxed when Tony seemed to relax as well and kissed him back, placing his hands around Banner's shoulders. Once they both casually pulled away, Bruce closed his eyes and rested his head against Stark's own head, grateful to be able to be this close to him again.

"Now that Capsicle and Metalocalypse are here, we probably shouldn't get too PDA with each other," Tony smirked.

Bruce scoffed slightly and looked at him a bit wearily. "You shouldn't call them that."

"Why not? Cap's used to my nicknames for him."

Bruce sighed and started playing with Stark's dark hair. "Yeah, but Bucky isn't. He's armed and dangerous… do you really want to push his buttons? You'll be the first one he goes after."

"You wouldn't let him kill me, that is, if he actually could kill me," Tony's smirk grew wider.

Bruce laughed to himself and shook his head.

"With Hydra's brainwashing job, he'd probably get the task done before I could Hulk out and save you. Just give him a break. He has enough to be worried about right now, Tony…"

Tony placed his hands on Bruce's waistline now where his belt was. "Are you two besties now? Did you braid each other's hair and talk shop while Steve was with me?" The question didn't come out hostile and Bruce just rolled his eyes at him.

"Tony…."

"I know, I know. I'll leave brainwashed Barnes alone…" Tony replied. "Now are we going to talk about the elephant in the room?"

Banner's stomach sunk. He knew what he was referring to and he didn't feel comfortable talking about it, but he knew that they both had to. Hell, they _all_ had to. It was a subject that couldn't be ignored forever. "Didn't we talk about it enough earlier?"

"If it is Hydra that's behind my suits coming to life, then they must know we're hiding the super-soldier here and they want him back," Tony stated. "So, they hack into my security mainframe and make the suits try to kill us to get Barnes back."

"That makes sense, but if they knew that we have Bucky, why not brainwash him again and turn on the switch to have him try to kill us? I mean, wouldn't that be easier?"

Tony let go of his partner and took a step back, needing a minute to think. "Maybe, but what if we kill Barnes? Then their number one solution to take out the Avengers is gone and they have to start from scratch. They'd lose their biggest asset and they need him. By hacking my suits, they had four opportunities to kill us and they had nothing to risk."

Bruce reluctantly let him go now, nodding. All of this made him uneasy. If Hydra could hack Tony's suits, what else could they hack into? "Is there any way to secure everything and stop them from taking control of something else in here?"

Stark thought for a minute. "Jarvis? What do you say?"

" _I've installed secure firewalls since the attack and the only way they would be able to breech the system is through Mr. Barnes,_ " the AI answered quickly.

"That's what I was afraid of," Tony sighed heavily.

Bruce shook his head now, as if he could read Stark's mind. "We're not killing him. That's not an option."

Tony bit his lip and swallowed hard. "I-I know, Bruce… but it's going to happen. We can't stop them from reaching Barnes and hitting that on switch. There's no firewall to protect him, or any of us. He is a weapon of mass destruction and if he goes off, then we're all going to get hit with the shrapnel. That's all I'm saying."

Bruce groaned in frustration. "We can't do anything! If it's going to happen, then it's going to happen. We just… need to put our armor on if it does."

"It's not a question of 'if,' Bruce, it's a question of 'when.' They have to know that we're still alive and kicking and we destroyed the suits. Hydra is full of idiots but they're not completely careless. If we can't get rid of Barnes, then we just have to ride through it," Tony spoke, an edge to his voice now.

Bruce fixed his glasses that were sliding down the bridge of his nose, feeling frustrated. "I'm glad you're finally on my side about Bucky. This is laughable, Tony… we have to protect the very thing that can kill us."

"I guess we need to play it safe and stay on his good side," Tony half shrugged.

"This isn't funny! This is a serious problem."

"Don't you think I know that?" Tony threw his arms up. "We're glorified babysitters for a psychopath but… what if we can figure out a failsafe for him? What if… we could help the kid fight against Hydra hacking him?"

Bruce blinked. "Do you think it's possible?"

Tony wet his lips and turned to face him. "Possibly. Maybe if we can keep him grounded, we can stop Hydra from getting to him. It's so simple, why didn't we think about this before? We need to talk to both of them. Right now, get them in here. Group pow-wow."

Banner nodded in agreement and hurriedly walked to their shared room and knocked. "Guys, can you come out and talk to us for a minute? We're figuring out a plan and need you both present for it."

"Be out in a minute!" Steve's voice answered automatically.

Bruce walked back and saw Tony sitting in the large living room and put the TV on mute. "They're coming. Do you really think Bucky will be up for this? He's not known for being a team player."

"Only if the team is Hydra, he is. It doesn't matter if he is or not. He's going to have to learn to be one," Tony answered simply.

The two men waited for Bucky and Steve to sit down in the living room and once they did, Steve looked at them questioningly. "So what's the plan?"

Bruce and Tony exchanged looks before Tony spoke, ignoring Bucky's occasional looks up at the muted television. "Hydra wants to hurt us and after destroying the suits, the only other way they can hurt is us through him," Tony pointed unnecessarily to Bucky. "Now, we figure that when Hydra hits the switch to remind him who he was, slash, is, Barnes' response is usually to go along with it and kill whoever Hydra wants him to kill. We can skip the last step though."

Steve raised his eyebrows with interest now. "How?"

Bruce leaned forward now and looked between the two super-soldiers. "Bucky needs to fight it. He needs to stay in the moment and ground himself. He needs to recognize who's actually in charge, and what the right side is. He can do this with simple exercises. He knows you, Steve. He recognizes and he's closer to you than anyone else. We think if you can help remind him who he is when Hydra flips the switch on him, then he can fight against it and stay with us. He can be on our side."

Bucky's eyebrows furrowed slightly and his whole body was tensed up. It seemed like he wasn't so sure of this plan. Steve glanced over at his friend and then looked back at Bruce and Tony. "What if I can't do that? What if it doesn't work?"

"We'll do whatever it takes to stop whatever he ends up doing, but… we can't stop doing it. Hydra's going to try to brainwash him over and over and we all just… need to keep fighting the good fight," Tony answered, his tone hesitant.

Steve tensed up now. "Whatever it takes? That better not mean what I think it does, Stark."

"No, unfortunately it doesn't mean killing him."

"I'd like to see you try," Bucky suddenly spoke coldly.

Everyone looked over at him now and Bruce had to chuckle silently. It would certainly be an interesting sight to see. The Winter Soldier versus Iron Man. It would be a fight for the ages. Not like he ever hoped to see this fight happen of course.

Tony shook his head. "Easy, Re-Animator. We're not trying anything. You need to play your part too. You need to try and stay present, in your mind, and not let yourself go to that dark place where Hydra can get to you."

"How do I do that?"

Tony and Bruce looked at Steve, who seemed to realize what the answer was. Clarity came to Rogers' eyes now. "We're hoping that's where Steve comes in. You two have been friends since the beginning and he's your only connection to who you were before Hydra. If you can stay with him and keep your mind from trailing off to the homicidal part, then we might have a chance. You need to be willing to do this though, Bucky. Steve can only do so much."

Bucky was still showing confusion on his face but he nodded anyway.

Steve sighed and looked down at his hands. "What if it doesn't work and I can't get through to him sometimes?"

Tony chewed on his lip and shrugged. "Then we take whatever Barnes dishes out. We'll strap him down if we have to. We can't give up, and it's not like he can kill all three of us. We're all pretty strong guys and metal arm or not, I'm not sure we can take him."

"Stop talking like I'm not here, Stark."

Tony cocked his head to the side and looked at him. "Forgive me. I was just trying to reassure everyone about the what-if scenario of the situation. I can understand though if your sociopathic tendencies get in the way of understanding that..."

Bucky's eyes turned dark. "Are you sure you want to have a battle of who's more of a sociopath in this Tower? I'm pretty sure that you would win."

Tony stood up now, feeling defiant. "Oh, really? Well, I'm pretty sure the psychopath scale would tip more in your favor, pal."

Bucky stood up now, and it was now when Steve also stood up. "Stop it! Just… relax, both of you. This is exactly what Hydra wants! They want us to turn on each other! You guys need to forget your issues with each other and become a team."

Bruce placed a gentle hand on Tony's shoulder. "Steve's right. We need to be on the same side here. We _all_ need to try and help Bucky remember who he really is."

Tony sighed and nodded. "Fine. Jarvis already made sure that Hydra can't hack into anything else besides him so we should be okay as far as that goes." He noticed that Bucky was looking back up at the television and couldn't control his frustration anymore. "What is so damn interesting –" He looked behind him now and noticed the news was reporting on a large building that had caught fire.

"Jarvis, unmute, please."

The AI unmuted the television now and the news could be heard. "….Just moments ago. I have just been told that there are an undisclosed number of women and children inside the building. The fire is making is impossible for firemen to help evacuate everyone. It is unknown how the fire has started or even when it will be put out enough for help to get inside…"

"Well this day just got a whole lot more interesting."

Bucky looked at Steve now and his eyes were unreadable. He looked over at Tony who had already gotten his armor on, piece by piece in less than a minute.

"Bucky's coming with us," Steve decided for everyone.

The winter soldier looked unsurely at Steve. "What am I going to do? What if I have another brainwash while I'm inside? What if I kill those people?"

"Don't worry. I'll keep an eye on you, Buck. We need to save those people," Steve answered, matter-of-factly.

Tony looked over at Bruce. "Hulk should get there first and he'll be faster, but you should probably go back to being a doctor once you're inside and you help them out. We'll help and keep an eye on you so you're not in any danger."

"You must have been reading my mind," Bruce replied nervously. "Meet you there?"

"Let's do this, men. We have people to save. Plus, it might help give Barnes some sympathy cred." Tony hurried out of the Tower, followed by Bruce, Steve, and a reluctant Bucky.


	10. Burned

**Thank you for the reviews! PLEASE keep them coming! I love reading them :)**

* * *

Chapter 10: Burned

...

Bruce got to the scene first but shrunk himself down back to his human persona before he ran inside the burning business building, followed by Tony, Bucky, and Steve close behind him. Fire raged around the men and screams and crying of the trapped women and children seemed to echo off the flames.

"What kind of place only has women and children in it?" Bucky asked almost angrily as he grabbed three children in his arms and hurried back out with them before running back into the hell fire.

Tony hurried up the stairs with the guys. "If I were to guess, I'd say a daycare center. They had those back in your time, didn't they?"

Bruce was the first onto the second floor and crouched down beside an injured women who looked like her leg might be broken. Steve helped several women out of the building before hurrying back to the guys in time to hear Bucky's answer.

"Back in our day, women stayed home with the children…"

Tony grabbed a falling piece of metal just in time before it could fall on two young girls, giving them the chance to escape the building, the other men helping them along the way. "Spoken like a real old man."

They hurried and helped out the victims of the fire floor by floor, acting like a real team, their differences seemingly having been left at the Tower. They were now on the fourth floor of the building when they were starting to have difficulties. The ceiling of the third floor had caught on fire and was melting under their feet, the smoke increasing and entering the lungs of the other three men who were not wearing an air-tight suit. Tony could hear them all coughing as smoke inhalation began to take effect.

"Come on, we only have one more floor left above us! We need to get the rest of them and get out before this becomes our final resting place!" Tony tried to encourage them, moving quickly out of the way of falling debris.

"Easier said than done!" Bucky ran down the hall and then jumped just as the section of floor gave out from under him. He looked over at Steve who was using his shield as an umbrella as the flaming pieces of ceiling started to ran down on them. "There's no way we're going to be able to get out if we don't get out right now. The whole building's coming down!"

"We need to get the others above us out!" Tony shouted at him, half angrily. "There's still people trapped in here!"

Bruce ran over to a child who was lying unconscious on the floor and placed his fingers on their throat before taking them off and hurrying over to Tony. "We need to get out or we're going to be trapped in here with them, Tony!"

"BUCKY! NO!" Steve suddenly cried out as the floor under the Winter Soldier suddenly vanished and the man fell through.

Steve hurried over to the hole with Tony and Bruce and looked down inside. "He's hurt! We need to get to him before this whole building collapses!"

Tony felt himself breathing fast inside his suit and knew what he had to do. He looked at Steve and Bruce. "You guys get out! I'll go and grab him. I'll be fine inside my suit but you guys are going to get third degree burns and smoke inhalation if you stay in here any longer! GO!"

Steve looked reluctant but he placed a hand on Bruce's shoulder and urged him out of the building, coughing and putting his face in his own shoulder along the way. When Tony couldn't see them any longer, he used the thrusters on his boots to help him get down where Bucky was lying on his back, screaming in pain. Tony landed quickly and knelt down before rolling him over onto his side to see the damage.

" _It appears that Mr. Barnes has suffered severe burns, sir. I suggest quick action to remove him from the area and get out of the building…"_

"Yeah, thanks, Jarvis. I couldn't figure that out without you," Tony had irritation in his voice but it was only because he could feel a flashbacks coming back now as he picked up the wounded man. He saw the fire on all sides of him and suddenly fell to one knee just as a flash of the burning carnage of New York flashed in his mind, people lying on the ground, charred and bleeding.

"No, no… no! Not right now… no…" Tony pleaded, shaking his head as he stood up again. He forced himself to focus on the man who needed his help. Bucky lay groaning in his metal arms. "Hang on, Barnes. We're getting out of here now!"

He made sure he had a good hold on the man before he jet out of one of the broken windows and then landed on the ground just as the building behind him collapsed into a pile of debris and flames. He hurried over to Bruce and Steve. "He's not going to be walking out of here. I'll fly him to the Tower! It'll be quicker. We'll meet you there and then Bruce can play Doctor on him."

The other two men just nodded in panicked understanding and started off back to the Avengers (formerly Stark) Tower. Tony had made it back there in record time and gently placed Bucky on the straight reclining chair he used for his arc-reactor replacements before rolling him over onto his stomach, his body twitching under his destroyed shirt. He carefully cut the rest of the burned shirt off of Bucky and did what he could to disinfect the area, thinking in terms of what he would do if it were himself.

His breathing was still erratic and he felt like he might have a heart attack but he tried to just focus on the man in front of him, mentally willing Steve and Bruce back. Why should he care about Bucky? He didn't before. He wanted him gone. Then Bruce's words rang in his head.

" _We need to be on the same side here. We all need to try and help Bucky and remember who he really is…"_

Tony nodded to no one, besides maybe himself, letting the words finally sink in. They really were a team now. Bucky hadn't had any brainwashes inside the building and had even saved a lot of children. He had made an effort to help everyone, at the cost of himself.

His heart stopped inside his ribcage.

 _The remaining women and children that were still trapped._

The building had collapsed on them and now they were all dead. There was no way telling how many until the firemen could get to the bodies once the fire was put out and the smoke cleared. All those people had died.

Tony gasped for breath now and got out of his suit before he took several steps away from the injured Bucky and closed his eyes, shaking his head.

" _Dr. Banner and Mr. Rogers have arrived, sir. Might I suggest you try to take deep breaths?"_

"T-Trying…" he barely heard himself answer, his mind in a fog.

Bruce and Steve both ran inside where Tony and Bucky were, Steve running instantly towards where his friend lay and starting to talk soothingly and reassuringly to him as Bruce started to console Tony.

"Hey, what's wrong? Another panic attack?" Bruce placed both hands on Stark's face gently and forcing him to look at the doctor.

"T-They're… they're a-all dead…." Tony spoke distantly, still shaking his head.

"What's wrong with him?" Rogers asked from Bucky's side.

"Shock," Bruce answered automatically. He swallowed hard and gently caressed his companion's cheeks with his thumbs. "Tony, it's going to be okay. Steve! Get him out of here while I work on Bucky…"

"N-No…" Rogers hesitated, looking down at the badly burned back of his friend. "I need to be here for him. I need to help."

Bruce placed his hand on Tony's shoulder now before looking over at Steve. "You can help all of us by letting me work on him! I promise you'll be the first person I come to when he's patched up but I can't work with Tony like this. Please, get him out…"

Steve nodded reluctantly and gently squeezed Bucky's metal hand reassuringly and leaned down to whisper something in Bucky's ear before he put an arm around Tony's shoulders and led him out of the lab. Once Steve had led him into the living room, he shut off the television quickly and set Tony on the couch before crouching down to meet his face.

"It's going to be okay, Stark. We saved most of them…"

Tony blinked but he wasn't really seeing Steve or aware of his surroundings. His mind was still on the scene. "I… I let them all down. They died because of me. I-I should have done more…"

Steve shook his head now. "Tony, you did more than any of us could. You saved Bucky. You went back for him and didn't leave him in there. It was getting to the point where Bruce and I weren't able to stay in there much longer. You were courageous. We got out the majority of the women and children. That's a hell of a lot better than none of them."

He finally looked at Steve, his eyes wide. "I guess… we could've done more. We could've saved them all. There were only five floors! We could've saved all of them. Why didn't we?!" Tony asked in a tortured voice.

Steve shook his head and stood up. "The building was collapsing around us, Stark. Time was of the essence. There was no way we could get them all but that isn't anyone's fault. We got most of them out. Those people are alive because of you, because of _us._ "

Tony went silent now and put his face in his hands as his eyes filled with hot tears and trailed down his face. He grabbed at his hair and he must have blacked out because when he was present again mentally, he heard a familiar voice and a soft hand grab his own from his face.

"Hey, I'm here now, Tony. Can you look at me?"

Tony lifted his head and looked at Bruce before he swallowed hard. He had so many questions but only one made it out first. "W-Where did Rogers go?"

Bruce held Tony's hand tightly in his own and sat down next to him on the couch. "He's with Bucky. I did the best I could but he's going to have some mean scars on his back. The important thing is that he's alive, though, and that's thanks to you, Tony."

Even in the fog, Bruce's voice seemed to come in clearer than Steve's voice had. "How many people died?"

Bruce's eyes were sad but they were also full of love. "Not as many as the ones that survived," he whispered before he leaned in and kissed Tony's temple. "I love you, Tony, and it's not your fault. Do you understand?"

Tony gave a broken smile as more tears fell from his eyes and he looked down at his shaking hands. "I love you too, but… I can't believe that, Bruce. Those people… they were my responsibility, just like… New York, several months ago. They were my responsibility and I let them all down."

Bruce shook his head instantly and wrapped his arms around the inventor, holding him close to him now. "Don't say that. You can't think like that, Tony. Loki was… an unstoppable force until we finally were able to stop him. Fire's the same way. It tears everything in its path. It's going to be okay. We are going to be okay. Try not to think about it."

Tony buried his face in Bruce's shoulder, wrapping his own arms around him, trying to make him as small as possible. He wanted to shut his brain off and not have to think about this anymore, but there was another part of him kept telling Tony he deserved to be ruined with the memories of the dead and his helplessness. He deserved to be haunted by the ghosts of the ones he couldn't save. It just reminded him of the same ghosts of Loki's day of destruction.

The two men held each other until the sun went down and the moon came up, and even then, Bruce was holding his boyfriend tightly to him. He had started to drift off to sleep when he felt Tony's bolt jolt and heard him give out a terrible yell.

"NO! No… we… we need to save them! They're still in there! I need to save them!"

Bruce shook Tony firmly. "Tony! Wake up! It's just a nightmare! Come on, Tony…" He shook him until he forced him to open his eyes and look around the room. "You're okay. You're safe…"

Stark looked around with damp eyes and ran his fingers through his hair and curling his body into himself, starting to cry softly. Bruce felt his heart ache for him; he was suffering and there wasn't anything he could do to help him. It was like That Day after New York all over again. He just ran his fingers through his hair softly as Steve hurried in.

"Is everything all right?"

Bruce nodded. "Yeah, he just had a nightmare. How's Bucky doing?"

Steve's own eyes looked sad now. "He's… in a lot of pain. Is there anything you can do to help him sleep without pain?"

"Yeah, of course. Can you stay here with him?" he asked Steve quietly.

Steve nodded and Bruce attempted to unhook his fingers from Tony's hand, which seemed to be locked in with his own. "It's okay, Tony. I'll be right back. I promise. Steve's going to stay with you and keep you company. It's all right, man."

Tony reluctantly let go of him now and he curled his fingers back into a fist before he sighed shakily, wiping away the tears that had stained his face. He watched as Bruce hurried out of the room and headed towards Bucky's, leaving Steve alone with the billionaire.

It pained Steve to see Tony this torn up. "You tried your best, Tony. None of us could have done anything more to help them." When he saw Tony cringe and start to shake his head, Steve moved closer to him and searched his face. "Stark, sometimes… good things can outweigh the bad. I believe there's something to be said about good things being able to happen regardless of there being causalities in the process."

Tony didn't say anything but Steve could tell he was still awake so he continued.

"All the evil men we took out of power happened because innocent people had to sacrifice themselves. If that sacrifice hadn't happened, those evil men would have killed a lot more people and nothing good would have come from it. You saved the people you could save and if you hadn't saved all those people with us, more would have died."

Tony sat up now and took a deep breath as he lay back against the couch, looking down at Steve. He knew he was just trying to help and he had eased the pain ever so slightly, but he still felt like he was in agony. "If I hadn't saved Barnes, I would've been able to save more innocent people."

Steve's eyes hardened at this now and he stood up. "If that's the way you want to think, then maybe you need to re-evaluate your priorities. Bucky's life isn't worth less than any of those other people, Stark." It was clear he was fighting the urge to walk out of the room. "You chose to save him so you must believe that too, somewhere inside of you."

Tony glared almost coldly at him. "I don't need to listen to this right now. Go back to your boy toy, Cap."

Bruce walked in now and Steve looked back at Stark. "Then I guess I'll just leave you with your own." He looked at the doctor. "Is he asleep?"

Bruce nodded. "I gave him a sedative so he'll sleep for at least the next eight hours and he won't be in pain. I also put another dose of antibiotic ointment for his back and bandaged it up."

Steve nodded appreciatively now. "Thank you, Dr. Banner." He looked back at Tony before he left the room to go back to Bucky.

"How are you feeling?"

Tony clenched his jaw and shook his head. "Like I should've sacrificed my life for those people."

Bruce sighed softly and sat down beside him again. He reached over and laced his fingers with Tony's.

"Your life is as precious to me as all those other innocent lives were to us. Before your suits were hacked by Hydra and we were arguing, you screamed that you wanted to die too." Tony winced but Bruce continued. "Is that why you wanted to go back for those people, Tony? Because you knew that staying in that building would kill you?"

The air suddenly hung thick with tension and soon it masked the whole room. Tony let a stray tear fall now and sighed heavily, looking over at Bruce. "It could be one of the reasons. I just… I didn't want a repeat of what Loki did That Day again. I didn't want innocent people to die anymore. I just... wanted to save them. If it meant me dying for that to happen then… so be it."

Bruce swallowed back the nausea he suddenly felt. He couldn't imagine his life without Tony Stark in it. The man had gotten under his skin and crept into his bones. He had intertwined his muscles and blood with Banner's, and had become a part of him. If Tony died, then Bruce would die with him.

"It… terrifies me to hear you talk like that, Tony. It really does. I love you and I would do anything for you and I can't imagine you not being alive anymore. Tell me what I can do to make all this better? Tell me how I can help you," Bruce nearly begged.

Tony was quiet for a long time before he turned his back on Bruce and lay down again.

"Bring back all those people that died and let me die instead."


	11. Toast

**I'm going to go see Avengers 2 again tomorrow so I figured I'd post this tonight. Let me know if you like it!**

* * *

Chapter 11: Toast

...

Tony Stark spent the next few days isolating himself in either his laboratory or in his room and only came out to get water from the kitchen or go from the laboratory to his bedroom and vice versa. He worked in the lab that wasn't being used by a still injured Bucky Barnes and did his best to stay away from him. The inventor barely spoke two words to any of the men and it was only when Bruce walked in to check on Bucky when Steve brought up the issue.

"How's Stark?" he asked, but it was clear that he wasn't really concerned about him. That was Steve Rogers though, only asking to be nice.

Bruce eyed the winter soldier's back and seemed satisfied that there was no infection happening. "He isn't sleeping. He's barely eating. He hasn't spoken to anyone in days… you tell me how he is." The doctor placed a computerized hologram of a pattern of skin grafts on his back.

Bruce, Bucky, and Steve all discussed the theory of applying skin grafts to the man's back in hope of repairing the burned, damaged area. It wouldn't make his back look good as new or as if nothing ever happened, but there was hope between the three of them that Bucky would be up and moving around again within the next couple days.

Steve wet his lips and rubbed the back of his neck, looking from Bucky to Bruce. "Should we be concerned about him?"

"Well it's obvious that you're not."

"I mean, is Tony a suicide risk right now? I've seen a lot of good men in the war act like he is. I don't know what they're calling it nowadays but some of those men didn't live very long and it's not because they were killed by the enemy's hand, if you understand what I'm getting at."

Bruce nodded slowly and leaned back to look at him. "They call it survivor's guilt, Steve. It's common when a tragedy happens. I told Jarvis to let me know if Tony tries to hurt himself and I've been checking on him too but he's not letting me in. He's isolating himself, not eating, not sleeping… he's depressed. I don't think he'll try anything, though. He's just… really torn up inside right now."

Steve nodded in understanding and reached out to touch Bucky's good hand. "How are you doing, Buck?"

"Tired. Sore. When can I get off the sedatives and walk around?"

Steve looked up and at Bruce for an answer.

"Without the sedatives, you'd be in a lot more pain than you already are. Just give it a couple more days while it heals a bit. Your body's trying to fight any infections from getting in and so far, you look to be in the clear. I need to talk to Tony about the skin grafts at some point to make sure I can do it correctly. The procedure itself will only take about ten minutes since we have Stark technology here but the actual waiting and seeing if your body will take to it might take a few days," Bruce replied calmly, typing in Bucky's progress into a nearby computer.

"Wonderful. I'll never be able to get up and walk around at this rate," the soldier complained with irritation in his voice.

"Buck…" Steve sighed in disapproval of his friend's pessimism.

"Just try and relax. Give it another day and Steve and I will help you walk around a little bit. After that, you're going to on your stomach for at least a week. You're lucky you only got burned and didn't break your entire back, or fracture your vertebra…"

"Oh yeah, I'm so lucky. I'm really feeling it right now, let me tell you, doc."

Bruce stood up and sighed before he pressed a couple buttons on the machine that was attached to Bucky. It wasn't long before he could hear the man breathing evenly, having fallen asleep. He looked over at Steve. "I'm sorry. I just don't need this right now."

The other man nodded but his face looked tense. "It's fine. I get it, Dr. Banner."

He looked at the machines at Bucky's vitals and then glanced at Steve. "Let me know if there's any sign of infection. I have to go check on Tony." He didn't wait for a reply but headed upstairs, feeling like a glorified babysitter.

Upstairs, Tony was in his room lying down, lost in his thoughts when he heard a voice above him. _"Sir, Ms. Potts is at the door. Should I let her in?"_

Tony thought for a moment. He felt either empty or full of black hatred right now; he couldn't be sure which. Maybe both, if that was possible. He sat up and ran his hands through his greasy hair and cleared his throat. "Yeah, sure. Why not?"

He really didn't want to see Pepper right now but he couldn't stop the curiosity that was building up inside of him. Why would she stop by now? What had changed? Did she want to come back? Not like it mattered all that much in reality; Tony still loved Bruce and he wouldn't give him up now, even if he was suffering. He reluctantly stood up and headed out of his room and down the stairs as Bruce was coming up the stairs.

"Hey, you're up. Are you okay?"

Tony stopped walking. "Hang on, I'll be able to answer that in about thirty seconds." He turned around to see Pepper walking towards them.

"Tony… are you all right?"

"Define 'all right.' Actually, don't… why are you here, Pepper?" Tony clenched his jaw.

She looked awkwardly over at Bruce who had a questioning look on his face as well before she looked back at Tony. "Can we talk in private?"

"No. Whatever you want to say to me, say it in front of him."

Pepper looked exasperated now but ran her fingers through her hair. "Tony, I saw about the fire. I came… to see how you were doing. I know how you were after what happened That Day… and… I know how distressed you were. I came to be here with you."

"Hm, that's real interesting, Pep. It's now when I was involved in another tragedy in my life that you decide to come to my rescue. Why not come back sooner? Did you purposely wait for something like this to happen so you could come back and nurse me to health?" Tony asked, his voice dripping with loathing and sarcasm.

"No, of course not, Tony." Pepper shook her head. "I… I love you, and I just wanted to see how you were doing. I know how you are and you're the suffer in silence type."

"Wow, well don't you have me pegged? Excuse me if this comes off too harshly but Bruce has been here for me so much more than you have. Yeah you might have been here physically, but you were always somewhere else mentally and emotionally after Loki's Big Day out," Tony replied, having spoken more words so far today than he had in the last three days.

Bruce looked on and swallowed hard, not having wanted his name to be involved in this.

Pepper looked like Tony had hit her now and she pursed her lips before she walked closer to him and suddenly actually slapped him across the face. "You bastard! You want to talk about not being here emotionally or mentally? You have to be thinking about yourself, which would not at all be a surprise since that's all you ever think about normally anyway! It was YOU who wasn't there, Tony! Not me. I did everything I could for you after that day!"

Tony wasn't surprised by her slap, half having expected it. He looked at her and his eyes went dark. "Remind me again, Pepper… where were you when I was hauling a goddamn bomb on my back into a universe and I had Jarvis call you? Where were you when I wanted to say goodbye and tell you how much I loved you! Talk about being absent in a time of need!"

Bruce walked towards them now and from his vantage point he could see Tony's eyes filling with tears. He stopped though when he saw him put his hand out to not do anything.

Pepper jumped at Tony's angry voice that seemed to echo off the walls. "I was watching the city go up in flames. That's where I was," she answered softly. She looked down at her shoes and then back up at him. "I thought you wanted your space. Do you have your own live-in doctor now?"

Tony shook his head in what Bruce figured was disgust. "You didn't answer when I called you over and over That Day. You _left_ me while I was having anxiety attacks. Guess who didn't abandon me That Day and from that day on? Banner. When I had thrown the bomb into that wormhole and I was freefalling back down to the ground, I would've died if Banner hadn't caught me in midair and started my heart again. You want to talk about being ignored and abandoned? You better include yourself in that category as well, sweetie."

Pepper's own eyes filled with tears now but she just looked angry. She sniffled now and took a deep breath. She glanced off to the corner where the camera for Tony's downstairs laboratory was and her jaw dropped a little. "Is that… is that Bucky Barnes, the winter soldier? You _are_ aware that Hydra is looking for him, right?"

"We're well aware of that," Bruce chimed in now, feeling frustrated at Pepper as much as Tony was. "We have it under control, but thanks for your concern all the same, Pepper."

Tony was slowly pacing, perhaps to calm down. "Yeah, thanks but you can leave now."

Pepper looked back at the camera screen. "What are you going to do if Hydra steals him back?"

Tony and Bruce exchanged looks before the former man spoke. "We're not going to let that happen. Steve's going to help us protect Bucky from them. Honestly I don't know why you're so concerned about him. It's not like you live here anymore. Just go do your job and we'll do ours. Keep your nose out of our business and oh yeah, if you don't mind too much, please never come back here. Bye-bye."

Pepper must have known she didn't have any room to argue. Tony was in the right to be upset at her. She just nodded and gave Bruce a look as if to say 'he's your problem now,' before she turned around and walked out of the Tower.

"Did she think I was just going to let her back in my life after she walked out on me?" Tony asked rhetorically, walking into the kitchen now and grabbing a glass before filling it up with water. He paused to take a long drink of it and then leaned against the counter, facing Bruce. "Am I bad person, Bruce?"

The doctor blinked and shook his head. "No, you're not a bad person, Tony. You're a good person, and you're just going through a bad time right now. You're not alone though. We're here for you."

"I just want you to be here for me. I don't need anyone else."

Bruce moved closer to him now and placed his hands on Tony's hips. "I'm here for you," he whispered. "I'll always be here for you, Tony. I'm not going anywhere."

Tony leaned in and kissed his lips, needing to feel him. He sighed into the kiss and then put his head against Bruce's shoulder. He didn't want to tell him that once upon a time, Pepper had told him that too. He didn't want to be more pathetic and insecure than he already was being. He just wanted to not be sad anymore. He wanted to be able to feel something other than the aching in his bones. Bruce put his arms around Tony now and held him close to him, breathing him in.

"I love you, and nothing and no one will ever change that."

"I love you too, Bruce."

Bruce helped Tony into the shower and tidied his room up a bit while he cleaned up. When Tony got out, Banner gave him a once over just to make sure he didn't hurt himself while he was in there. He helped the other man get dressed into clean clothes and then led him back down into the kitchen.

"So are the grumpy old men going to be joining us tonight for dinner?"

Bruce chuckled slightly and started to make rice in a pot. "I was thinking we could all eat down in the lab tonight, like as a team? Steve won't leave Bucky. I figured if we bring it down for the two of them, we can feed both and keep an eye on the kid as well."

Tony nodded passively, not having the energy to fight his companion on this. He still had negative energy towards Bucky but over the past few days of not having seen him, he felt like he had calmed down a little bit. He was still depressed about the people that had died, but he no longer felt like he wanted to die too. He felt indifferent towards the winter soldier now.

He watched as Bruce started to cook some chicken in a pan, occasionally stirring both. This was how he wanted to spend the rest of his life, he decided internally. Tony Stark wanted to watch him cook for the two of them and the other team members, and he just wanted to taste those lips every chance he got. He never wanted to be away from this man.

"I know you're not on the best terms with him right now but you haven't talked to him since you brought him back here from the daycare center."

"What do I need to talk to him about?" Tony shrugged.

Bruce also shrugged as he cooked, glancing over at his boyfriend. "I don't know. I just thought it might be a good idea to talk to Bucky about what happened. Maybe he can help you through this better than me."

Tony raised an eyebrow. "You honestly think that Super Soldier Number Two can psychoanalyze me and get on my same level? In case you forget, Barnes isn't exactly a people person. He tried to kill Fury by blowing up his car, and then proceeded to try to kill Steve. He's not really best friend material."

Bruce laughed softly. "I don't know, Tony. Just help me bring our food down there and occasionally pitch in with conversation."

Tony sighed and stood up, walking over to the cabinet and grabbing a bottle of wine and three glasses. "Well I got the conversation starter for the evening. I assume that since he's on sedatives you don't want him drinking alcohol."

"You'd assume correctly." Bruce smirked, cutting the chicken into small pieces and then combining it with the rice in the pot before he shut the burner off and grabbed four plates. "This will be a good test to see how well Bucky's healing. I figured I'd help him sit up so he could eat some."

Tony half smiled to himself. "I suppose even homicidal super-soldiers need to eat too."

"Tony…" Bruce spoke in a warning tone.

Stark put his arms up in surrender. "I know, I know… I'll play nice. I promise."

Bruce sighed and then grabbed the food and plates before he headed down to the lab where Steve was sitting beside his friend. Tony could feel his heart racing in his chest as he walked over to the two men, already feeling his blood boiling. He wouldn't say it aloud to Steve, but he was still feeling miffed at him for bringing Bucky here in the first place without consulting him first. What gave him the right? Just because he was Captain America?

"Hey, guys. Is it dinner time already?"

Bruce smiled and nodded as he started to dish the chicken and rice into each bowl. "Hope you both are hungry."

"No thanks," a faint but firm voice was heard by the table where Bucky Barnes lay.

"You don't get to decline food, Barnes," Tony replied evenly and then remembered his promise to Bruce. "You haven't eaten in a few days and after your incident, it's good to get some fuel in your body."

He glanced over at Bruce who gave him an encouraging smile to let him know that he was proud of him for being nice. Tony nodded at him and smiled weakly before he poured wine in the three glasses and offered one to Steve who looked unsurely at it before shaking his head.

"Thanks, Tony… but… I don't really drink."

"Are you for real? Stop being a pussy and take the damn glass, Rogers."

Bruce shot him a hard look. "Tony, he doesn't have to drink if he doesn't want to."

Steve wet his lips and was looking tense now, giving Tony cold eyes. "No, Stark. Take a hint, will ya?"

Tony groaned in frustration and sighed. "We're toasting, and I'd really appreciate it if you could at least clink your glass with ours. Could you bite the bullet and at least do that for me, Cap?"

He watched Steve's body relax now and reached over to take the glass before he set it near him on a table and stood up. "Doctor Banner, do you want to help me sit him up?"

"Oh, right. Yeah, of course."

He rushed over to the table and took the right side as Steve took the left, and Tony took a sip of his wine as he watched the two of them help sit Bucky up. He yelped in pain at first but once he was sitting up, he seemed better. He was slightly pale and was hanging onto the table to stabilize him. He looked at all the scars on Bucky's chest and shoulders and he couldn't help but think that at least one of those scars was from killing Stark's parents. He shook the thought from his head and waited until Steve and Bruce had their wine before he was about to speak when Bucky looked around and spoke up.

"Where's my wine?"

"You don't get any. You're on medication and still recovering." Barnes looked disappointed and maybe a little angry but when he didn't say anything else, Tony started his toast. "So… as we all know, Barnes wouldn't be here today if it hadn't been for me saving him,"

At this, Bruce rolled his eyes playfully.

"But," Tony continued. "The other people he did say also wouldn't be alive if it hadn't been for him going back and saving them, so… cheers, Terminator."

Bucky looked partially confused but gave a small nod of acknowledgement towards Tony.

The three men with glasses clinked them with each other and took a sip before they all started to eat. The dinner was filled with talking, joking, and occasional laughter, even from Bucky's side at Tony's expense. As he ate, Stark looked around at the men and realized that he hadn't felt this good in a long time, even when he had been with Pepper. He didn't feel completely cured of his PTSD or his night terrors, or even his anxiety attacks, but for now, he almost felt like he was a normal person eating a normal dinner with somewhat normal friends.

He glanced over to Bruce who was smiling brightly and laughing about a joke Tony had missed, and he felt a warmness inside of him. This man never stopped trying to help other people, even if those people had a bad history. He still wanted to help them. Tony admired that. As Iron Man, he saved as many people as he could but he felt like a different person entirely out of his suit, as Tony Stark.

Even as the Hulk, Bruce still tried to save people. In and out of his skin, he was the same person.

Tony caught Bucky's eyes now as the two of them ate and were on the outside of Steve and Bruce's inside joke, and as much as he hated to admit it, he felt like he could relate to him. There was a gratefulness in Barnes' eyes that Tony saw and he smirked to himself as he finished the rest of his dinner.

Maybe he could hide his anger at himself just as Bucky did. Maybe he could push aside all his differences with him and be the man that Steve respected.

Maybe. It was worth a shot, right?


	12. Haywire

Chapter 12: Haywire

…

After dinner, Bruce kissed Tony's cheek lovingly before he and Steve Rogers went upstairs with the empty plates, leaving Stark alone with Bucky. Bucky was still sitting upright but he looked like he was still feeling the pain with his slouching body, his eyes looking down at the floor.

The two men were quiet for the longest time until Tony stood up and walked over to the machines and hummed an AC/DC song to himself as he tapped the morphine button a couple times and watched as the machine pushed out painkillers through a tube that was still attached to Bucky's good hand. He glanced over at the winter soldier who appeared to relax a little bit.

"Feeling any better, Iron Giant?"

Bucky ignored the reference he didn't entirely understand and looked up at him. He was silent for a long time before he finally spoke. "I… I don't want the skin grafts. Can you tell Banner that?"

Tony looked at the winter soldier curiously now.

"No, I won't tell him that, surprisingly enough. Why wouldn't you want the grafts? You need them so your skin can heal." Tony searched Bucky's face for answers but received none. When Barnes wouldn't answer his question, he asked a second time, a bit more gently. "Come on, Barnes. Talk to me here. Why don't you want the skin grafts?"

Bucky swallowed hard and hesitated before he shook his head. "I don't d-deserve them." His voice came in a near whisper and Tony had to lean in to hear him.

The answer took him by surprise and he stuffed his hands awkwardly in his pockets before he cleared his throat and then put his hands behind his head, thinking of what he could say to him. He wasn't close to Bucky by any means but he could feel his heart go out to him.

"What are you talking about? Of course you deserve them. You _need_ them. It's an emergency medical procedure so your body can heal and you can be good as new again. Why do you think you don't deserve this?"

Bucky shrugged now, the morphine helping him not feel the pain that he'd be feeling without the pain reliever. "Hydra, I guess. They only healed me with most basic medicine and no painkillers. They told me… I need to recognize and learn to ignore pain, especially on a mission. If I got cut or burned, they told me to suck it up. The cocktail they gave me also healed the deeper wounds within a few days so they only gave me a few stitches when they had to. They told me I didn't deserve anything "special." I am…" he paused before he clenched his jaw and shook his head, "was… a killing machine. That was all I was good for."

Tony couldn't say he felt surprised that Hydra did this but he couldn't deny the anger he was suddenly feeling, a sort of defensiveness in the younger man's favor. No; he couldn't feel bad for the winter soldier. This man, no… this _weapon_ had killed so many other people in cold blood. He couldn't feel empathy for him, or rather, that was the issue; he _could_ feel empathy for him, he was. He just didn't _want_ to feel empathy for him.

Tony ran a hand though his hair and sat down beside Bucky on the bench. "You don't have to be what Hydra wants you to be anymore, Barnes. You're free from them, and… you don't need to feel like a weapon of mass destruction anymore. You have free will now, at least for the most part. You have choices again. Medicine and… skin grafts… are not something you deserve or not deserve. They're something you are entitled to. It's your right to get proper treatment, Barnes. Do you understand?"

He searched Bucky's eyes, the dark eyes that were full of confliction and skepticism. Bucky finally nodded once before he looked down at his one regular hand and his one metal hand. Tony wasn't sure if he had gotten through to the kid but he felt better for saying it anyway.

"You don't have to play the martyr, kid. Just… get the skin grafts and make Rogers happy." Tony felt like he extended his full allotment of sympathy now and stood up. He awkwardly squeezed Bucky's shoulder. "All right. Time to lay back down. I'll give you some more morphine and tell Bruce you're ready for the grafts."

The younger man nodded again and laid back down on his stomach slowly, determined not to let Stark see the pain he was actually in. Tony walked over to the machine and pressed the morphine button a couple more times before he finally walked upstairs out of the lab. He stopped walking when he saw Steve Rogers and Bruce talking quietly.

"I'm not interrupting, am I?"

Bruce looked up quickly and straightened his body before shaking his head and smiling weakly at him. "No, never. Did you and Bucky have a nice father son pep talk?" Bruce asked, half-jokingly.

"I'm more of a father to Jarvis than I am to Full Metal Jacket down there," Tony replied casually.

Steve gave him a scolding look at the nickname and clenched his jaw.

"What did you say to him?"

"All good things…" Tony shrugged.

Bruce glowered at his boyfriend and raised his eyebrows. "Tony…"

Tony sighed and raised his arms. "He was having second thoughts about getting skin grafts, said he didn't deserve to have them. I just told him he did and that he should get them. That's it. Why do you always assume I'm the one brainwashing him?"

Steve looked like there were a number of things he wanted to say to Stark but held it back, perhaps because he knew he had been in the wrong for bringing Bucky here without Tony's permission first. "It wouldn't surprise me, to be honest."

Tony shrugged and smirked slightly as he walked over to Bruce. "I figured I would leave that job to Hydra."

Steve shook his head and then looked at Bruce. "Did you want to do the skin grafts now, Dr. Banner?"

"Yeah, sure. I'll be downstairs in a minute, Steve," Bruce answered not unkindly, Rogers getting the hint that the doctor wanted to talk to Tony alone. When Steve had walked downstairs and was out of sight, he turned to the shorter man. "Did you really help Bucky?"

"Really? Why is it so unbelievable that I would give advice to someone else? Am I that evil of a human being?"

"Well you're not exactly known for your empathy, Tony. If you actually did help him, thank you. That makes my job easier," Bruce moved closer to him until their faces were inches apart. "Do you want to come down and watch? Supervise?"

Tony bit his lip and shook his head. "You're the doctor, Doctor. I only know science and how to build things. You're the expert on putting people back together. Feel free to use whatever you need, though."

Bruce searched his face, seeing his uneasiness, before he leaned in and kissed the other mans' lips. "Fine, then how about this… would you mind coming down and keeping me company? I'd feel more comfortable doing this if you were there too."

Tony felt his heart swell at the thought of being needed and wanted. He gave a small smile. "Fine, but only because you asked nicely. I'm not doing this for the kid."

Bruce chuckled. "Whatever you want to think."

He took Tony's hand and led him downstairs before he washed his hands and then pulled over a machine that hung overhead, a long crane-like beam attached to the ceiling. Tony sat down in a nearby chair, out of the way next to Steve as he watched his man start up a computer program on a screen beside him as he sat down and pressed several buttons, causing several lasers lights appear on Bucky's badly scarred back.

"All right, Bucky," Steve and Tony could both hear Bruce talking gently to him. "This process is going to take about two hours. You might feel sharp pinpricks going in and out of your skin but it's just the laser doing the grafts to replace your burned skin. If it gets to be too much, let me know and we can stop and take a break before we start again."

Tony felt proud of Bruce's bedside manner in that moment. Bruce was able to reassure in a way that Tony didn't think that he himself would ever be able to do. That was one thing (of many) that he admired his companion for.

"Just do it already. The pain doesn't matter," Bucky replied automatically.

Bruce glanced over at Tony before he leaned closer to the man. "It _does_ matter, and it's okay that it does. It's okay to feel weak. It doesn't make you less of a human being."

"I'm not weak, Banner."

Bruce sighed and nodded. "I know you're not." He leaned over to the morphine machine and hit the button five times, knowing that even with the medication in his system, the winter soldier was still going to feel a massive amount of pain. He took a deep breath. "All right. Let's do this."

Bruce flipped the start button on the computer and the lasers on Bucky's back blinked in rapid succession. Tony and Steve both watched in fascination and anxiety as the younger man reacted to the pinpricks. His feet twitched with every couple blinks of the lasers and Tony noticed that Bucky's hands were gripping the bench so tightly, his knuckles had begun to turn a pale color. He looked at Bruce who watched and occasionally pressed a button on the computer that moved the lasers a millimeter down the left half of Bucky's back.

Steve swallowed hard and tensed in his seat, apparently physically pained by his friend's own pain.

A half hour went by and Bruce had only gotten halfway down the left side of the Asset's back when Bucky let out a loud, anguished scream of pain, his toes curling in an awkward and possibly even painful way. Steve stood up now and hurried over.

"Stop it! Stop the machine, Dr. Banner!"

Bruce did as he was told and flipped pause switch. To his surprise, he could see tears running down Bucky's face and onto the headrest part of the bench. Bucky had dug his nails into the palms of his hands that were now bleeding slightly. "It's okay, Bucky. We're going to stop for now. Take the time to catch your breath."

Tony heard Barnes sniffling slightly and then look at the tears he wiped on his fingers almost in confusion and then suddenly looked around the room, as if he didn't know where he was anymore. Tony stood up now and watched as the other two men looked at him before looking back at the winter soldier, alarmed.

"Oh god…" Stark spoke in a whisper, to himself. "No…no… not now…"

Bucky jumped off the bench now, nearly hitting his head on the laser machine and started pacing, still only half dressed, his eyes having now taken a darker shade. He looked at the doctor and then at Steve and his jaw clenched tightly before he grabbed the nearest sharp object close to him, which was one of Bruce's scalpels that he had used to take off the dead skin, and then grabbed Bruce before putting the blade of the scalpel against his throat, slightly cutting into his skin.

"Bruce! Bucky, no!" Tony shouted fearfully.

"Buck, what are you doing? Let him go!" Steve shouted now.

"I'm not him! I'm not Bucky! Stop calling me Bucky!"

Seeing Bruce in danger instantly sent Tony Stark's heart into the depths of his stomach but he knew he had to act rational; Bucky was capable of killing Bruce in one swift motion before he even had the chance to Hulk out. Even given the situation, panicking was not an option.

"Something triggered his brainwashing switch. He doesn't know what's going on, guys," Tony explained to them before he looked from Bruce's eyes to the soldier. "Who are you then? What's your mission?"

Bucky looked from Steve to Tony with wide eyes. "I'm the Asset! I'm Hydra's Asset. My mission is to kill the Avengers," he answered automatically again, the pain from his back no longer seeming to register or bother him.

Of course… he wasn't allowed to show pain. If he was feeling pain, he would be punished for showing his vulnerability.

Tony moved closer to Bucky, determined to somehow save Bruce. Then, he got an idea. "That's no longer your mission, Asset."

Steve looked over at Tony in utter confusion before he got the hint. As far as Bucky knew, they were his handlers. He cleared his throat and straightened his back now. "He's right, Asset." Steve cringed, and Tony could tell it hurt him to call his friend that. "Let him go this instant, that's an order!"

Bucky looked at the two men with panicked eyes and then let him go quickly. "I-I'm sorry…" His calm threat had quickly turned into panic and fear. "I didn't know w-what was happening. I thought this was practice… I-I'm sorry. I won't do it again…"

Tony searched his face, unsure where to take this right here. He looked over at Steve, hoping he had an idea. Sure enough, luckily, he did. Steve looked at Bruce who was assessing the shallow cut to his neck.

"Lay on that table," Steve ordered Bucky now, nodding to the bench he had been laying on just moments before. "The doctor needs to do the operation on you, and don't move again,"

Bucky nodded once and walked back over to the bench and lay on his stomach again before he looked over at Bruce wearily. He looked over at Tony now. "I think we need the stirrups for him again."

Tony nodded to him now and walked over to a nearby computer before pressing a button. Within half a second, metal stirrups rose up from beneath the bench and wrapped around Bucky's ankles before closing, giving him enough room to move them but not enough to get loose. He now nodded over to Bruce.

"You can continue the procedure, doctor. Give him some more sedation first."

Bruce leaned over and pressed the morphine button three more times before he unpaused the laser machine and watched as they began doing the procedure again where they had left off. Bucky was still tense, but didn't cry out in pain this time.

Maybe he assumed that if he showed any weakness, Hydra would punish him somehow. No food, no sleep, no shower… maybe this had been punishment during his brainwashing if he didn't behave. The three men occasionally looked at each other with unsure eyes as Bucky endured the procedure from start to finish now the next hour and a half without another incident. The only problem was that he still believed he was the Asset, and not James Buchannan Barnes anymore.

Once it was over, Bucky hissed in pain but sat up. He stayed there though, awaiting instruction.

Steve moved over to him. "Do you know where your room is?"

Bucky nodded one time again.

"Good. Go there for now. Don't come out unless one of us tells you so. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir." Bucky replied before he stood up and then methodically walked out of the lab.

Tony breathed a sigh of relief. "Jarvis, let us know when he reaches his room."

" _Certainly, sir."_

Bruce shut the machine off and walked over to Tony and Steve now. "What the hell are we going to do? He thinks he's with Hydra still!"

"Bruce is right," Tony nodded in agreement, looking at Steve. "This is a severe problem, Cap. He can't be running loose around the Tower with his mind gone haywire. If Hawkeye or Thor or anyone else comes back here, there's going to be issues."

"What do you suggest we do, Tony? We can't keep him locked in his room!" Rogers argued.

"Yes, we can, and we need to! He thinks he's in a Hydra building. As long as he thinks that, then no one's in danger, and he'll behave."

"We can't let him believe that he's there again! We talked about this before, didn't we?" Steve was becoming increasingly angry and looked over at Bruce for backup. "We need to help ground him! He needs to realize where he actually is and that the Avengers aren't bad people against him! We can't let him believe that he's sent to kill us! We need to be on the same side, remember?"

This gave Tony some pause. If he was honest, he _had_ forgotten about their talk right before they had gone off to save the women and children in the burning building, and as much as he hated to admit it, Steve was right.

" _Pardon my interruption, Mr. Stark, but James Barnes is now in his room."_

Tony nodded in acknowledgement. "Great, thank you, Jarvis. Do us a favor and lock him in there."

" _Already done, sir."_

"So is that your plan, Tony? We're going to keep him on lockdown?" Steve growled. He looked back at Bruce again. "Dr. Banner! Please, some backup would be appreciated…"

Bruce sighed and looked helplessly at him before turning to Tony and shrugging. "We gotta do something here, man. He's right; we need to talk to him and get his head screwed on right. I'm… sorry, Tony."

When Stark looked at him, he saw apology in his green eyes. He gave him an understanding smile and shook his head. "I know. You don't need to apologize, Bruce. I know he's right. In case you forgot though, Terminator's a bit dangerous at the moment and almost gave you an amateur tracheotomy job. Are we just going to waltz into his room and give him the reality pep talk?"

Steve narrowed his eyes for only a couple moments at Tony before he spoke up. "I will. I'll do it. I'll let him know what's going on. He might listen to me better than the two of you. Anyway, I can probably handle him if he gets violent."

"No… we all should be there for it," Bruce counter-argued.

"He's my problem, Bruce. I've known him a lot longer."

"What happened to being a team and all that stuff you said about being on the same side? You're not exactly cooperating with us either…"

Steve glanced over at Tony now. "It doesn't help that some people aren't being team players."

Stark rolled his eyes and clenched his jaw. "That's a crack at me, right? I'm sorry that I can't be a straight-shooter with Robocop up there, but you're oversimplifying this, Cap. You can talk to him until you're blue in the face but he's not going to know how to suddenly accept the Avengers and Hydra are on the same side. The guy had missions to complete and was punished if he even questioned the psychopaths that work there. You can be Steve Rogers, Captain America, his old army buddy he used to know and love, but he's not going to believe you're one of the good guys."

"What's your point, Stark?"

Tony took a step towards him. "My point is that he's going to attack you and it's probably best if we're both there when he does. It doesn't matter that you're a super-soldier. He has a heavy metal arm and has no problem killing anyone."

"The last person I want in there with him is you, Tony. Just leave him alone. Stop calling him nicknames. You know, the more I think about it, the more I think that it's _your_ fault that he snapped today. I don't know what you really said to him earlier while me and Bruce were upstairs, but you've never treated him with any respect," Steve said icily, gritting his teeth in frustration.

"I told you what I said to him. Don't put the fact that the psycho switch flipped to 'on' on me, Rogers. This wasn't my fault. It was probably the pain of what Bruce was doing that set him off," Tony replied, but he wasn't entirely sure that it wasn't his fault after all. "It doesn't matter now. It happened, it's done. Now we just have to deal with the aftermath. If you want to deal with him alone, then do it. Just remember that I was the one who saved Barnes in the fire and Bruce was the one who's trying to heal the damage. You can't always be a one-man show, Cap."

Tony decided to leave it at that and hurried upstairs to get away from the man who was angering him. He headed upstairs and took a deep breath, trying not to have an anxiety attack. It wasn't long before he heard familiar footsteps and then saw Bruce walk in, a look of concern on his face.

"Are you okay, Tony?"

Stark resisted the urge to nod and pretend and instead, truthfully shook his head no. No, he was not okay. He thought he had gotten over these stupid anxiety attacks. It turned out that they were just lying beneath the surface, waiting to rise up again.

Bruce moved closer to him and watched as Tony paled as he struggled with his breathing. He leaned over now and Banner put one hand on his chest and one hand on his shoulder. "You shouldn't bend over like this. You need to breathe. Lay down on the bed on your side, your back facing the wall. It'll help reduce your anxiety."

Tony quickly did as he was told and then closed his eyes, trying to focus on his breathing. He tried to remember the first time Bruce had to help him with an attack.

 _In 3, out for 4._

Bruce lay down beside him, facing Tony, gently caressing his arm and shoulder soothingly. "It's okay. It's just the two of us. Don't think about Steve or Bucky. Just try to focus on breathing. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere and you're safe. We're safe."

Tony nodded just because he couldn't find the oxygen he needed to speak. He continued to do the exercises until he finally calmed down. He opened his eyes again and felt a tear make a trail down his face but Bruce gently thumbed it away, smiling lovingly.

"How are you feeling? Better?"

"Scared. Exhausted. I don't know…"

"What are you scared about, Tony? About Bucky?" Bruce asked him softly.

Tony thought for a few seconds. "I'm scared he's going to hurt you," he confessed. "I'm scared… that we won't be able to get James Barnes back. He's dangerous as he is right now, Bruce. What are we going to do?"

Bruce reached up and gently stroked the younger man's dark hair. "We'll figure it out, I promise. The three of us will find a solution and fix this. We just need to do what Steve suggested earlier. We need to help ground him. It's going to be okay, Tony. Don't worry about this."

Tony just nodded in acknowledgement. He was too tired to talk about the reasons why he didn't think this would work. He was tired of arguing with the Cap and he just wanted to be here alone with Bruce. He didn't want to worry about the Winter Soldier anymore. He just wanted to sleep.

He closed his eyes but sleep didn't come easy.


	13. Abandonment

Okay, so no one has reviewed for like three chapters but I'm posting this one anyway because I feel like it.

* * *

Chapter 13: Abandonment

"Did you sleep at all?"

Tony looked up and saw that Bruce was now awake. Time seemed to drag so slowly at night. He had attempted to sleep but every time he closed his eyes for more than a couple minutes, nightmares flashed in his head. Nightmares of Hydra's weapon slitting Bruce's throat and bright red blood running down his chest. He hadn't gotten any sleep last night and his eyes hurt.

Tony slowly reached out and touched the small bandage on his partner's throat, running his fingers across the fabric of the bandage lightly, as if to make sure that his nightmare hadn't actually happened. "Sleep is for the weak."

Bruce gently caressed the younger man's shoulder with his own fingers. "Not sleeping makes you weak, Tony. I should've given you one of my sleeping pills." He leaned in where they lay side by side and planted a kiss on Stark's lips.

Tony tried to smile but all that came out was a frown as he thought about his nightmare again. _God, he was so tired._ "It's not too late. I can take a couple and sleep the day away." He had meant for his tone to sound optimistic but instead, it came out almost sad.

The doctor must have seen it because sympathy touched his eyes.

"We need to deal with Bucky today. We need to have a plan of action. If you really want, you can sleep up here and Steve and I can deal with him ourselves." When he saw Tony start shaking his head no, he sighed. "Why not? You need to rest. You're no good to us dead on your feet."

"I'm not dead on my feet. I'm very much alive. I don't want you alone with –" He paused when he saw warning in Bruce's eyes. "With him," he corrected himself mentally, avoiding the nicknames that his companion and Steve both hated.

Bruce knew that Tony wasn't going to let himself asleep so he rolled out of bed and pulled Tony with him. It took a bit but Bruce was able to convince him to take a shower and joined him, the two men rinsing themselves of the sterile smell of the lab and the smell of each other. Tony was silent as they got out of the shower and started to get dressed across from Bruce.

The doctor looked over at him in concern. "Are you okay?"

"Mmhmm." Tony mumbled, pulling up his jeans and doing his belt up.

Bruce pulled on a shirt and glanced at him. "Penny for your thoughts?"

Tony was still feeling foggy as he also put on a black shirt over his arc-reactor and pulled it down. He scratched at the side of his head distractedly. "I need coffee. Do you want to go get some? Let's grab some coffee." He walked out of the bedroom and heard Bruce's footsteps close behind him.

The two men made their way down to the kitchen and saw Steve leaning against the counter, a mug in his hand. He glanced over at Tony before looking at Bruce and nodding. "Good morning."

"Morning," Tony greeted distantly. "How's he doing?"

"He didn't tell me but I can tell he's hurting. I told him the truth, about us." Steve replied casually.

"Wait, you what?" Bruce asked in a surprised voice.

Tony appeared to be slightly more awake now as he poured himself some coffee, glancing over at them. "You must be more suicidal than me."

Both Bruce and Steve gave him a sharp look.

"Sorry, apparently that was uncalled for." Tony took a sip of his coffee. "Seriously, though, how did he react to the news?"

Steve shrugged and tensed up. "He's in denial, I think. He thinks that he's in some type of practice block in Hydra where the handlers are seeing how he reacts to certain things. He looked angry initially and I thought he might hit me but he restrained himself and kept saying 'it's a trick, it's a trick.' I don't know what to do. Any ideas?"

Bruce bit his lip. "Well, speaking as a doctor, he needs more antiseptic cream for his back and some painkillers. Maybe he's acting aggressively because he's hurting. Maybe he'll relax a little once he can't feel the pain anymore."

"Maybe," Tony agreed. "How are we going to ground him? Is that still the plan?"

Steve nodded. "Yes, we need to do that still. Let's take him down to the lab for the medication and then try talking to him and help ground him. Maybe it'll reverse the brainwashing in his head for now. Maybe… I don't know, maybe the switch will click off again if we can bring him back down."

Bruce nodded in understanding. "Let's go get him."

Tony finished his coffee and then set it down on the counter before he trudged tiredly behind his two friends and stopped when they got to the room. "Jarvis, unlock Mr. Barnes' door, please."

There was an audible _click_ of the lock and Steve entered but placed his hand out to signal for Tony and Bruce to remain outside.

"On your feet," Steve ordered to him. Apparently it was the only way to talk to Bucky for now in terms he understood. "We're going back down to the lab."

Neither men heard Bucky ask why or protest the command and led Bucky back downstairs. When they got back over to the bench, the winter soldier sat down on it, his back straight. Tony could tell that he looked to be in visible pain.

"You can relax, Asset," he tried to order. "You're not being tested on showing vulnerability today."

Bucky looked over at Tony, looking fearful and skeptical but he relaxed as best as he could. Bruce lifted up his shirt and applied the antiseptic to his scarred skin before he put it back down and then reached into a drawer and pulled out a bottle of strong prescription painkillers. Steve grabbed a glass near the sink and filled it before handing it to Bucky, along with the painkillers Bruce handed to him. They watched as Bucky swallowed them down and sat in silence for about ten minutes, waiting for the pills to kick in.

Tony rubbed his eyes sleepily but tried to force himself to be alert in case things went wrong. He needed to be ready. He flipped his arm over and tapped on the small metal plate inside his skin to make sure it was on if he needed to grab his suit. He didn't want to be completely useless if Bruce needed him.

It was disturbing how still Bucky sat, without question, not knowing what he was waiting for and being perfectly okay with it. He probably waited hours or days for food or being able to sleep. He might have been Hydra's Asset but they just treated him like he wasn't even on their side.

After about five more minutes, Bruce nodded at Steve. He cleared his throat and then moved over to Bucky. "I told you this earlier but you refused to believe me, so I'm forced to tell you again. Your name is James Buchanan Barnes and I call you Bucky. We were together in the Second World War, you and me. We're good friends and you're no longer at a Hydra facility." Bucky had started shaking his head from the second sentence and hadn't stopped. "It's true, Bucky. You need to believe it."

"N-No. You're lying. This is just a test. I know it is!"

"This is not a test! I'm Steve Rogers!" He pointed to Bruce. "That's Dr. Bruce Banner!" Now he pointed to Tony. "And that's Tony Stark! We're part of the Avengers and the Avengers are good people. You must understand this, Buck!"

Bucky shook his head and stood up, putting his hands over his ears. "No! I'm against the Avengers Initiative and I was trained to kill all of them! They're not friends! I'm not Bucky! I'm the Asset!"

Steve cringed now and shook his head before he gently placed his hands on top of Bucky's that were covering his ears. He took them off. "That's not true. You're not Hydra's property anymore… you're James Barnes and you're not made to kill anyone that you were told to kill. You have no missions anymore, Buck. The mission is over. You're your own person! Please listen to me…"

Bucky was scowling now but tears had escaped his eyes and were making trails down his face. He was still shaking his head. "T-That's not true! Shut up!"

Tony raised his eyebrows. Bucky wouldn't tell a handler to shut up, not without being afraid of retaliation. _He was coming back._

Steve must have realized this as well. He placed his hands on Bucky's shoulders and forced him to look at him. "Bucky… it's all true. I wouldn't lie to you! We're friends and we've known each other forever. You helped me when I got into a fight that I couldn't handle. You fell off the train that we were on… The three of us, all of the Avengers, we're not your enemies. We're trying to help you with your back. Tony saved you from the fire! Bruce gave you skin grafts. We're trying to be your friends. Remember when you came here with me last week and then Tony's suits came to life, because of Hydra hijacking them, and then Tony got mad because you were here? Remember that…"

It looked like it was physically painful for Bucky to remember all of it. The weight of all of his memories seemed to come crashing down on him and he held his head before he suddenly gave out a deep-throaty yell, closing his eyes. Maybe he actually was in physical pain. It would make sense that Hydra would make him associate past memories, good memories, with physical pain.

Bruce took a step forward, feeling the need to help him in some way but Steve put a hand out quickly, signaling it might be safer if he stayed back. Tony took a couple steps forward though and when it looked like the pain had passed and Bucky had stopped yelling, he searched his face.

"Do you remember our talk?" He asked him, deciding this was a good opportunity to get back in Steve's good graces. Confusion glazed the soldier's eyes for a few seconds before recognition took its place. Tony continued talking when he saw this. "When we were alone down here after dinner, what were we talking about? What did I say to you?"

Steve looked at Tony with careful eyes and then looked over at his friend when he spoke.

"I-It… was about skin grafts. I-I said I didn't d-deserve to get them… right?" He looked over at Tony who nodded, and then continued. "You were trying to reassure m-me that… that it was my right to get them… and it wasn't something that I-I… that I deserved or not deserved. You told me that I should get the grafts and… and…" his eyebrow furrowed, "make Steve happy."

Steve Rogers's hard eyes softened now and he looked at Tony in surprise before looking back down at Bucky. "That was good of him, Buck. Tony's a decent man."

"Oh come on, that whole Disney scene should've earned me more than just 'decent,'" Tony scoffed half-heartedly.

Bucky still looked conflicted and emotionally wrecked. He looked like he had been turned inside out in a matter of seconds. He shook his head, as if to shake out the leftover brainwashing that might be in his ears.

Steve looked semi-hurt. "How could you remember something Tony said to you yesterday and not remember about us first? We've known each other longer, Buck…"

Tony felt a pang in his heart now, knowing it was partially his fault. He looked at Bucky who suddenly looked mortified and ashamed of himself before he looked over at Steve. "Hey, Cap. Don't take it personally. Maybe it's just… easier for him to remember things that happened recently right now. He'll get back his full memory eventually. Maybe he can't remember everything at this point in time."

Steve looked over at Bruce now for assurance, not having found any in Tony. Bruce nodded in agreement, however and nodded. "Yeah, maybe he just has some short-term memory loss. Give it a few days, Steve. I'm sure it's just temporary."

Rogers swallowed hard and nodded, his eyes still full of hurt. He looked over at Bucky before he walked past him and upstairs. When he was out of sight, Bucky looked down and wiped away the tears from earlier that were still on his skin.

"I'm be right back. Will you be okay with him?" Bruce asked Tony.

"Yeah, sure."

Tony watched as Bruce went to go chase after Steve and then walked over to Bucky. "Do you really not remember who he is? There's no right or wrong answer. I'm just asking from a strictly scientific standpoint."

Bucky looked over at the door, as if to make sure the strange man wasn't there. He just shook his head.

Tony chewed on his lower lip. "Interesting. What about the doctor? You remember him?"

The other man thought for a moment before nodding slowly. "He did my skin grafts… and he also helped me right after the fire, right?"

Tony nodded, intrigued. "That's right. Do you remember anything else before the fire? Anything at all? It could be as simple as what you ate or thought about or said to someone. I'm just curious."

Bucky ran a hand through his oily hair before sighing. "I… I remember escaping from Hydra's building and that guy who walked out finding me on the street. I can't remember the suits being hacked or anything until the fire. Why can't I remember it? Why can't I remember… _him_?"

He sounded angry or frustrated and looked like he wanted to punch something. Tony searched his face and shook his head. "I'm sorry, Barnes. I wish I had some answers for you but I don't. We'll figure this out, though. I have to admit, I'm almost flattered that you remembered me over your best friend. That doesn't happen often. Most people want to forget me."

Bucky didn't say anything to that and he looked like he was in pain again. "Can… you just leave me alone or something?"

"I don't think that's a good idea right now, pal. If you follow me though, I can show you to your room and you can relax for a bit. Are you hungry or anything?" Tony waved for him to start following him out of the lab.

"No, not really. I'm just… really tired."

Tony led him to the room that Bucky shared with Steve but didn't see any sign of Steve or Bruce inside. He moved out of the way. "Here you go. Make yourself at home. If you need any of us, come find us or ask my buddy Jarvis where I am and he'll help you through the maze of the Tower to find me. Have any questions before I leave you?"

Bucky swallowed hard and his eyes looked full of uncertainty and anxiety. "Mind if I shower?"

Tony pointed to the bathroom off of the room. "Right there. Borrow the strangers' shirts inside the closet in there. I'll come around with some food later or if you want, just help yourself to the kitchen." He closed the door behind him now and heard his AI's voice echo in the hallway.

" _Would you like me to lock the door, sir?"_

"Nah, it's all right. Let him have free reign but let me know if he goes haywire again or let me know if something starts happening with him," Tony instructed.

" _Of course, Mr. Stark."_

Tony was about to walk towards his lab again when he heard yelling from outside. He hurried out front and saw Steve and Bruce both yelling at each other on the concrete driveway. Neither man seemed to have noticed him though as they continued yelling.

"… There's no reason for me to stay here anymore! Don't you understand, Bruce?"

Bruce's eyes were wide now. "What the hell are you talking about? You need to stay here for his sake!"

Steve was about to cut in but Tony found anger within himself that he needed to let go of. He stormed towards Steve now, his jaw clenched tightly. "What are you doing, Cap? You brought him here and now you're just going to take off and abandon him now?"

"I'm not abandoning him, Stark!"

"No, that's exactly what you're doing. Just because he has some amnesia and can't remember what happened over sixty years ago, you're going to throw your arms up in the air and high tail it out of here?" Tony asked, his voice dripping with disgust.

Steve glared at Tony now before he suddenly punched Tony hard, causing the other man to stumble back and would've fallen had Bruce not been there to catch him with his hand. Once Stark had regained his balance again, he licked his lips and tasted blood. He shook his head in disbelief.

"Oh I'm sorry, did I offend you?" Tony asked sarcastically, genuinely not caring if he did offend him.

"I'm not abandoning him! I just can't stay here while he's like this! He doesn't even remember who I am anymore! My being here is just going to confuse him all the more!" Steve shouted angrily.

Bruce stepped in now and looked at Steve. "What happened to not giving up on him? What happened to trying to keep him grounded? Are we just going to throw all of that out the window?"

"That was when he was still the Asset and when we were Hydra handlers, Dr. Banner. He's James Barnes, Bucky, again, and he still doesn't remember me. He remembers _you_ ," Steve pointed at Tony accusingly, "but not me. Do you have any idea how much that hurts?"

Tony spit out blood and then walked past Bruce so he was close to Steve again. "I imagine it hurts you as much as it's going to hurt Barnes when he does get his memory back again and finds out that you gave him up on him and left! I know how it feels to be abandoned by someone and let me tell you something, pal; it's not a good feeling. You need to suck it up, put your star spangled big boy pants on and get back in there…"

Steve shook his head. "I'm leaving. He's not going to get his memory back anytime soon. When he does, call me and I'll come back. I'm sorry… I appreciate what you did for him, Dr. Banner… I do, I just… can't see him like this."

Tony shook his head in contempt now and watched as Steve started walking away from Avengers Tower. Once he was out of sight, Bruce turned to Tony and examined him. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'll live." Tony took his hand and led him back inside before he closed and locked the door. "He's no better than my mother. Now we have an emotionally crippled ex-murderer on our hands."

Bruce placed his hand on Tony's back comfortingly as they walked into the kitchen. "At least he remembers who we are. I suppose it'd be worse if he didn't. What do you think triggered the brainwashing in the first place? I mean, what do you think flipped the on switch?"

Tony half shrugged. "My guess would be that it was the pain he was feeling during the grafting. Maybe he remembered the pain from being at the Hydra place? I don't imagine they were that nice to him at all. So… he remembers escaping from Hydra and Steve finding him, but… he didn't say Steve. He doesn't remember his past with him, and he doesn't remember the suits that were hacked or anything anyone said to him up until the fire."

"That's a pretty large memory gap, Tony."

"I know." He sighed. "What should we do with him?"

Bruce rubbed the back of his neck. "Where is he now, his room?" When Tony nodded, he cleared his throat. "Well, he seems to be out of the danger zone so I don't think we need to keep him on lockdown anymore, at least not unless he has another brainwashing episode. We should just treat him like a friend, you know? Just… treat him like one of us, but… better," Bruce half smirked at him.

Tony playfully narrowed his eyes at him. "I think it speaks volumes of my niceness that he remembers me more than he remembers his war buddy, don't you?"

Bruce chuckled and shook his head. "Shut up and make some breakfast. I'm hungry and we all need to eat something."


	14. Trustworthy

Thank you for reviewing! I really needed to hear all that.

* * *

Chapter 14: Trustworthy

...

"Should we have Jarvis wake him up or something? He's been sleeping for a while," Bruce noted worriedly after finishing his eggs and toast.

Tony glanced over at the empty spot at the table where they had laid out Bucky's breakfast. "Jarvis, could you wake Barnes up and tell him to get his ass to breakfast?"

" _He's already awake and showered, sir. He's on his way to you right now."_

Just as Jarvis finished speaking, the two scientists watched as the younger man waltzed in almost timidly looked at the place at the table that was reserved for him and stood there awkwardly until Bruce motioned for him to sit down. Once he did, Tony and Bruce exchanged nervous glances at each other.

"How'd you sleep, Bucky?" Bruce asked him gently.

Bucky shrugged and took a small bite of his toast, glancing at the orange juice that was in front of him. He was quiet for a bit, his face in a permanent look of confusion. He took a shaky breath. "W-Who's that guy, from yesterday? Are… you two friends with him?"

Bruce opened his mouth to answer but Tony interrupted him. "Friend is a relative term."

His companion sighed and scolded Tony with his eyes before he looked over at the soldier, who looked to be nothing more than a shy, frightened child right now instead of a killing machine. "Yes, we're friends with him, most of the time. Steve Rogers is… a good man. You two used to be best friends in the war, before Hydra took you, and before he was frozen and turned into a super-soldier."

Bucky took in this information and rested his good arm on the table. "Oh. W-Where is he now?"

Bruce glanced over at Tony for aid.

"He's gone, pal. He… had a weak moment, and… he split," Tony put in.

Bucky's eyes seemed to lose the light in them now as guilt replaced them. "That was my fault he left," he replied, more of a statement than a question. "I made him mad by not being able to remember him."

Banner shook his head.

"He'll be back, Bucky. He always comes back. You didn't make him mad. Not remembering is something that can't be helped but we're hoping that your memory loss is only temporary. We'll take care of you, okay?"

Bucky reluctantly nodded before he took another bite of his toast. The three men sat in silence as he ate and when he was finished, Bruce took their empty places over to the dishwasher and placed them inside. Tony looked over at Bucky now and he was met with his eyes.

"What do you want to do today? Want to help me in the lab?"

"Tony, do you really think that's a good idea? He's still healing," Bruce remarked from the kitchen as he filled three mugs full of coffee and shots of creamer before adding sugar to Tony's cup and stirring.

"He won't be doing anything too strenuous. Nothing he can't handle, just some light lifting," Tony shrugged casually, looking over at Bucky when Bruce no longer objected. "What do you say? It'll give us some father/son time."

Bruce smirked a bit now as he brought all their coffees over to the table. "I thought you said Jarvis was more of a son to you than him?"

Tony glanced over at Bucky who seemed to be spacing out now and then looked back at Bruce with a small smirk of his own. "He's my adopted son."

"I can't see you as a father, Tony…"

Tony chuckled. "Well, then you should probably get your eyes checked out. It's totally happening –"

" – Actually I'd be _his_ father, right?" Bucky suddenly interrupted. Tony and Bruce both turned to look over at him. "I mean, technically, if I was in World War Two, then… I'm older than he is, right?"

Tony's chuckle turned into full-blown laughter now and he was still joined by Bruce.

Banner nodded. "Yeah, Bucky, that's right. You'd be Tony's adoptive father then, in that case."

"Come on, old man. Let's go do some work," Tony stood up from the table.

Bruce cleared his throat. "Can I talk to you for a minute before I don't see you for most of the day?"

Tony nodded and the turned to Bucky. "You know where it is. Go down there and don't touch anything and I'll be down in a minute, all right?" He gave an obedient nod now and then glanced over at Bruce before he disappeared down into the lab to give Tony and him some privacy.

When he was gone, Tony looked over at Bruce. "What's up?"

Uneasiness filled the eyes of his partner now. "You're isolating, Tony. Are you feeling depressed again? Or anxious?"

Tony chewed on his lip and searched Bruce's face. "Just the anxiety. Cap's not here anymore so I'm watching my apparently surrogate father and I'm still feeling a tad nervous about his heavy duty arm that could snap our necks in a second, so yeah… just feeling a bit anxious about all that."

"He's coming back, Tony. He's not going to just leave Bucky here forever."

"I know." Tony nodded. "I know that, but the point is, that he _did_ leave him here and we're glorified babysitters to a mass murderer, so… there's that. Anyway, he's waiting for m, but yes, I'm isolating for now. This is how I deal with situations that make me feel icky. Just… let me spend some time with my suits and my science, and I'll be good to go again later, okay?"

Bruce sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Fine. I think it's good you're spending time with him anyway. The less time you're both alone, the better. Go have fun."

"Yes, Dad," Tony joked and then chuckled. "If he's my father, and you're my father… then I'm your child and you two must be married. That's fantastic. I have a big green angry rage monster and a homicidal maniac for fathers."

Bruce chuckled and playfully pushed Tony towards his lab. "Get out of here, son!"

Tony smiled brightly. "That makes our relationship not only ten times weirder, but illegal."

"You're… absolutely disgusting. Go, he's waiting!"

Stark closed the door behind him as he went downstairs to his lab where Bucky was waiting.

He coughed to let the man know that he was down here, just in case, and then headed over to his large computerized desktop. He thought about what he was going to work on. He was almost afraid to do suits after Hydra had hacked into them before. He then looked over at Bucky who was staring at him and then got an idea.

"Hey, come over here, old man."

Bucky stood up and walked over to where he was, his eyes looking eager.

Tony reached out to grab Bucky's arm and the other man hesitated before he took a step back quickly. "Hey, calm down. I'm not going to hurt you. Ironically, I'm trying to help you." Bucky looked warily at him before he stepped towards Tony again. "Okay, just… place your metal arm up here on the table."

Barnes slowly obeyed and when his arm was on the table, he watched in fascination as Tony took two fingers and encircled the area from Bucky's shoulder to his fingertips. "Jarvis, can you give me the specs about the prosthetic arm?"

" _The material appears to be some type of heavy metal, sir. Weight, forty-eight pounds. What would you like me to do with this information?"_

Tony thought for a moment and looked at Bucky who looked up at the voice of a being he couldn't see. He looked so innocent… "Save it, keep it secure from any hacks, and help me figure out a way we can make the metal lighter."

" _I've just finished doing the first two things, Mr. Stark. In order to complete the third task, we will need to create a new arm with a new metal. Might I suggest titanium alloy? It would be about ninety-nine point eight percent lighter than the metal Mr. Barnes is currently wearing,"_ Jarvis suggested.

"What do you think, Buck?" He asked, stealing Steve's nickname for him and trying it out on his tongue. "Are you interesting in not having to lug that heavy stone around everywhere? Ready for some flexibility?"

The man looked over at him upon hearing the nickname before he nodded. "Yes."

Tony nodded now and half smiled at him. "Good. It's settled then. J, can you start creating the blueprints for Barnes' new arm?"

" _Certainly, sir. Creating the measurements and the new arm will take a few hours. Is that all right?"_

"Sure, we have time."

Bucky ran his hand down his metal arm now and lifted it up and down, lost in thought. Tony watched him do this and ran a hand through his hair. "You sure you want this, a new arm?"

"Will… I still be able to fight with the new one?"

The question was something that Stark hadn't been thinking about. It occurred to him now that the winter soldier's metal arm was one of his main weapons that he had, most of the weight behind his fighting. It did damage to many people every time he lifted his shoulder and hit someone. He hadn't thought how it would affect Barnes' fighting once the new one was put on. It might work out in the Avengers' favor but as far as helping them fight the bad guys, it might be an issue.

Tony took a deep breath and let it out. "I'm going to talk to Bruce about that and see what he says. We'll do what we can to make it work for you, all right?"

Bucky nodded in understanding and then he bit his lip. "Why are you doing this for me? I'm… a complete mess right now. I can't even tell which way is up. Is this even a good idea? I mean," Bucky rambled, "there must be more important things for you to be working on."

Tony sat down behind the desktop and looked at him. "I'm doing this because… I know what it feels like to be a wreck mentally, and not have the right people there to help you. I build things because of my anxiety; that's how I cope with things, for better or worse. I want to build this arm for you because it's going to help me, and hopefully… it will help you too."

" _Sir, Clint Barton has entered the building and is heading towards you."_

Tony straightened now. "Where's Dr. Banner?"

" _He's currently talking to Mr. Barton outside the door._ "

Bucky tensed now and he looked at Tony. "Who is he?"

Just as he finished asking that, Tony heard louder voices and saw Hawkeye coming down the stairs in their direction and then suddenly take out an arrow and draw it onto his bow before taking aim at Bucky. Tony jumped out of his seat and hurried in front of the man, who looked alarmed by Clint's sudden presence.

"Hey! No! Stand down, Barton!" Tony yelled, his body blocking Bucky from the chest down, afraid to take his eyes off the other Avenger.

"What's he doing here, Stark?"

"It's a long story," Bruce cut in now, coming down the stairs to try and help the situation. "If you sit down, we can explain it to you."

"Where's the Cap?" Hawkeye still had his bow drawn.

"That's part of the story. Just sit down, Clint…"

"No. There's no reason for this maniac to be in here! Get him out of here and then we'll talk!"

Bucky suddenly shoved Tony out of the way nonchalantly but not hard enough to actually make him fall down, and then stood directly in front of the slightly shorter man, his fear for his caretaker being shot overwhelming his fear of being shot himself. "You want to kill me? Then do it."

"Bucky…" Tony spoke warningly. "Get away from him…"

Clint narrowed his eyes at the winter soldier and the room was thick with tension as everyone watched him. Tony lifted his arm out to the side behind him and in half a second, the plating for his wrist and the repulsor piece flew and attached to his forearm and hand. He didn't waste any time in aiming his hand at Clint and shooting the repulsor towards him.

The other man flew back and the arrow shot upwards, hitting one of the overhead lights and breaking it, causing the whole room to dim. He jumped on top of him now and used his weight and muscles to pin Hawkeye to the floor. He aimed his hand again at him but didn't fire this time; he just held it where the other man could see it.

"Don't make me do that from this close, Barton. It won't feel good."

"Get off of me!" Clint growled.

"Are you going to leave our new friend alone?"

There was a pause and finally a sigh of resignation. "If he leaves me alone, yeah. Now get off, Stark!" When Tony got off of him and took off his repulsor equipment, Barton spoke again. "One of you better start explaining real quickly."

Tony stood up now and Bruce walked over to Bucky but he was staring down the fellow Avenger who looked as tired and worn out as Stark felt. He motioned for the three men to follow him upstairs. If Barton was going to react again, he didn't want him to do it around expensive and possibly dangerous lab equipment. Once he led the men into the living room, he sighed and then ran both his hands through his hair.

Bucky and Bruce both made themselves comfortable on the couch, side by side, but Clint remained standing.

"Have a seat, Legolas. You're making me nervous."

Clint shook his head and clenched his jaw at the nickname. "I think I want to stand for this conversation. Quit stalling. Explain."

Tony sighed and looked over at Bruce for support, who gave him an encouraging smile and nodded at him, as if to say "you can do this." It wasn't going to make a whole lot of sense, and they also couldn't afford Hawkeye to assassinate the assassin himself. He felt the need to prelude his speech.

"Okay, well… I haven't really been feeling a hundred percent or anything and I was making these suits to take my mind off of things. I didn't know what was going on, but apparently Steve had brought Barnes here and kept him in one of the suites. Hydra hacked my suits and they started to attempt to kill all of us, and that's how I found out BB was staying with us," Tony explained, trying to keep his voice even.

Clint looked over at Bucky now, who looked like he was somewhere else. His face didn't soften. "Is that it?"

"No," Tony answered quickly. "There was a fire in a building full of women and children, Steve, Bruce, Barnes, and myself all went over there and saved who we… who we could, and… I had to save the kid. He fell through a floor, burned his back, I got him, flew him back here. Bruce's did some surgery on him, did some skin grafts, Bucky had a brainwash attack and momentarily flipped out. Now he can't remember Steve or their history together. Steve turned into a woman and left because he was hurt, and… then you showed up."

Clint looked like he was having difficulty absorbing all this information. "Wait, so Rogers left, just like that? I find it hard to believe he'd just leave him here," he pointed to Bucky who looked up at him now.

Tony shrugged and once he did that, Clint looked over at Bruce who also shrugged and then nodded to let him know that his companion was telling the truth. Finally, Stark spoke. "He said he couldn't take Bucky not remembering him and up and left. I have no idea where he went."

"He can't stay here, Stark!" Hawkeye suddenly yelled, walking almost threatening towards him.

Tony cocked his head to the side challengingly. "What, are you going to kick him out of the house?"

"If I have to! It's too dangerous having him live here! He could snap again!"

As Clint continued to yell and come up with excuses, Tony could feel his anxiety coming back as well as anger of his own. "He could, but in case you have trouble counting, there are three of us and one of him. I'm pretty sure we could take him down if we had to!"

Barton looked like he was shaking with frustration. "We need more of us! All we have is a bow and arrow, a high-powered suit, and a Hulk who can't even Hulk out in this building! He could crush your hand with his metal arm before you even have the chance to use your repulsors. You have no idea what you're getting yourself into…"

"Stop talking like he's not even here, Barton! What has got your panties all in a bundle anyway? Are you jealous that you're not the center of attention or is it just because you were hoping to see Romanov instead of Barnes? Sorry, pal... you can't pick and choose your assassins –"

It was at that moment when Hawkeye punched Tony hard, re-breaking his lip where it had broken the previous day. The minute he did it, he almost looked sorry. Tony licked his lip, tasting the metallic on his tongue and shook his head, knowing he had deserved that. He looked up at Clint.

"You're not kicking him out of here and I'm going to tell you why. Firstly, because this is _my_ place, and I can pick and choose who I don't want in here. Secondly, Hydra's still alive and looking for him, and the minute he steps foot out that door, he had a target on his back. Thirdly, if you're going to kick him out, you're going to have to go through me first," Tony spoke, clenching and unclenching his fists.

Hawkeye just shook his head. Tony didn't want to wait around for a reply. He looked over at Bruce before he headed upstairs. He slammed the door and the minute he did it, he knew it looked juvenile but he couldn't help it; he was feeling anxious and angry and protective and it felt like too much. He felt like he was going to implode.

He closed his eyes, trying to will the oncoming storm away but he knew he was around inside of it. He couldn't stop it. Footsteps suddenly came through the door now and he shook his head quickly. "I-I'm… not going… to apologize for that, B-Banner. Just get o-out…"

When the footsteps didn't move, he looked up and opened his eyes to see Bucky. He tensed up, his eyes wide as he wondered what the winter soldier was about to do. For a cold moment, Stark genuinely though that the man might hurt him too but instead, he just opened his mouth to speak, his eyes laced with mild confusion.

"What's happening to you?"

His voice wasn't exactly cold, but it wasn't all that friendly either.

Tony felt a wave of dizziness hit him as he struggled to fight again his breathing. He looked back down and got on his hands and knees, thinking maybe it would help not to look at him. "I-I'm… having a-an… a-anxiety attack…"

Bucky tensed before he looked around the room unsurely and then sighed. "What should I do?"

Tony was going to say 'get Bruce,' but then decided against it. He didn't think it was a good idea to leave the soldier alone with an angry Hawkeye under no supervision. Tony started doing his breathing exercises to calm himself down. "W-Water… bathroom…"

Bucky walked into the bathroom and grabbed the glass on the sink before filling it and then handing down to Tony. He sipped it, focusing on swallowing the water. The two men were silent for at least ten minutes before Tony's attack subsided a bit and he felt like he could relax a little. He fell against the wall now and breathed a sigh of relief, his chest aching from breathing so hard.

He looked up at Bucky who was looking like a lost, uncomfortable child.

"My staying here is causing you problems with you and your friends," Bucky stated, matter-of-factly. "What should I do?"

Tony searched the man's eyes. "Stay here, of course… Just ignore Barton. He just needs to get used to you being here and then he'll come around. He never likes anyone he's surprised to see. If he gives you a hard time, just tell me or Dr. Banner and we'll take care of it."

Bucky nodded once and then swallowed hard, as if he was nervous about something. He looked down at Tony but not with angry eyes. "Are you serious, about fixing my arm?"

The question made Stark focus his attention on him and he pushed himself up so he was face to face (or more so chest to face) with the younger looking man. He nodded. "Yes, I am serious about fixing your arm. I think the weight of it may be connected to Hydra and your hijackings that are happening to you too, so maybe fixing the weight of it will help with that."

"Why do you want to help me? After everything I did?"

Stark sighed heavily now. "Don't question it, all right? I just… believe in giving people more than second chances. You could've let those people burn in that building before but you went in there and almost sacrificed your life for theirs. You can't help the fact the on/off switch in your head is broken beyond repair. You're proving yourself trustworthy. You were going to take Hawkeye's arrow for me. Like I said, trustworthy."

Bucky appeared to understand as he nodded. "You should sleep. You look exhausted."

"Yeah… you have no idea." Tony sat on the bed and then rubbed his sore eyes. He really did need sleep. He glanced over at bedside table drawer and then leaned over to open it.

Bruce had left his sleeping pills inside.

He looked up at Bucky. "I'm going to catch a few winks. Do you think you can behave yourself with Barton while I'm asleep?" When the other man gave him a playful glare before he nodded, Tony swallowed a couple of the sleeping pills with his leftover water and set the empty glass on the table as he lay down on the bed.

"C-Can I go now?"

It nearly broke Tony's heart to hear him ask for permission to leave a room. "Yeah, just… behave and ignore any words that happen to come out of the eagle's mouth."

He left the room, leaving Tony to his thoughts until his breathing slowed and he was finally able to close his eyes again, soon floating blissfully in a dreamless sleep.


	15. Separation

Thank you for the reviews! You guys are wonderful.

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Chapter 15: Separation  


. . .

"So how did you want to go about doing this?"

Tony Stark rubbed his eyes before he took a drink of his coffee. He had managed to get a couple hours of sleep before he was woken up to the sound of yelling, Bruce and Clint's voices echoing off the glass walls as they went back and forth at each other. When they had seen Tony standing at the bottom of the stairs, they instantly stopped yelling and Clint had walked back to the room he had claimed as his own.

Now Bruce and him were back down at the lab configuring a new arm for Bucky.

"Well what do you think about making his new arm out of titanium alloy?" Tony suggested, throwing a ball up in the air and then catching it, a process that helped him think. "It'll make the arm lighter and allow for a greater range of motion for him. The arm he has right now is only good for doing damage to other people; it doesn't exactly give him any benefit."

Bruce nodded and started to take down notes on a large pad of paper, occasionally adding rough designs. "That's an idea. That sounds good, Tony. Isn't that pretty much the idea of his arm though, that he can use it as a weapon? That's pretty much the idea behind slapping that metal arm on him."

Tony nodded in understanding, knowing where he was going with that. "Yeah, I thought about that too. When I had Bucky down here, he asked if he'd still be able to fight with the new arm. I don't think he'll be able to use the arm as a weapon anymore, but I think he'll be able to wield that knife of his with no problem."

"So it'd make him a better fighter…" Bruce stated, scratching his temple with the cap of the pen.

The two men exchanged looks and Tony opened his arms. "As long as he's not fighting us, then I don't see an issue with enhancing his abilities. It'll work in his favor if Hydra finds him and tries to take him back. He'll be able to react faster."

Bruce nodded in agreement and was quiet as he began drawing the outlines for the new, lighter arm. To both the men it felt like Bucky was just a part of the Avengers, just another guy. A guy who had mental problems but in a way, didn't they all?

"I wish Clint would jump on the Bucky bandwagon like you have…"

Tony smirked. "Give it a few days. It took me awhile to warm up to him. He's grown on me, like a fungus. Barton just needs some time to get used to him being around."

"Yeah, well we can only hope. Any idea where he is right now?"

As if the AI had been listening, Jarvis' voice broke in. _"Mr. Barton is in the training room on the sixth floor target shooting."_

"Thank you, J. You're wasting your time doodling, Bruce." Tony pressed a button on his desk and the blueprints Jarvis had created appeared before him. He moved it with one smooth motion and placed it so it was facing his companion. "I already had Jarvis draw it up for us. Thought it would save us some time."

Bruce adjusted his slipping glasses and leaned in to look at the computerized blueprints of the new arm. He moved it around with his own fingers to get a better 3D look at it. "This looks like it could work. How long do you think it would take, to make the arm?"

Stark half shrugged before taking another drink of his coffee. "I'm not sure yet. Before we do anything, we'd have to take off the old arm somehow and look at the top of it to see the dimensions of it so it would fit without being too loose or too tight. We'd have to make sure that he can move his body all right and that it's a comfortable fit for him, but after we get the dimensions of the top of the old one, we can start building it on the 3D printer. I have no idea how long it'll take on there; could be hours, could be a whole day."

Suddenly, in that moment, Bucky walked into the lab but remained on the other side of the security door, looking at the holographic number pad in confusion. Tony stood up and walked over to the door before he opened it with a click of a button.

"What's up? Barton giving you a hard time again? Need us to go up there and chain him inside his nest?"

Bucky looked from Bruce to Tony, fidgeting with his metal hand and his normal hand, looking nervous and uneasy. "Umm… S-Steve is here."

Tony glanced back at Bruce before looking back at the winter soldier. "Is he inside or outside? Is Clint talking to him?"

Bucky shrugged and glanced behind Tony to look at the new arm. He was lost in fascination of the arm before he remembered the questions he was asked. "He's inside. Clint let him in when he knocked. He… he was by the front door."

"Okay, stay down here with Bruce for a bit and I'll be right back." He watched as Bucky entered the rest of the lab and headed over to the other man. When he saw his companion start talking to Barnes, Tony gave him a thumbs up and walked out of the lab and quietly closed the door.

He started walking but stopped when he heard voices.

"Where is he?"

Steve's voice.

Then, Clint's voice was heard. "I think he's downstairs with Stark and Banner. Where did you go? Where were you?"

Tony saw Clint stiffen. Damn it. He must have heard his footsteps.

Stark wanted to hear the Cap's answer but a different response was spoken instead. "You can come out now, Stark. I know you're listening."

Tony sighed and moved into view of the two men. "Did you gain Barton's ability to hear things while you were away?"

Steve didn't look amused in the slightest. "I can tell when someone's eavesdropping. I have the right to see and talk to Bucky. Bring him up here."

"No," Tony replied right away. "You're sending off some hostile vibes, Cap. I can't send him up here for you to go all caveman on him again. He doesn't need to see you walk out on him again when you give up and don't want to deal with him anymore."

"Since when did you become all protective of him?" Steve growled.

Tony looked over at Barton before he looked back at the Cap. "Since everyone here except Bruce and myself have either abandoned or criticized the kid! You two seem to be forgetting that this is the same guy who saved innocent people in a burning building two blocks away,"

"That sounds familiar," Steve put in.

Tony ignored what he said and continued. "If you're going to stay and talk to him, then _stay and talk to him._ Don't be a coward and leave when the going gets too hard for you. His head's still a bit untied and he needs a stable environment to live in or he's just going to get worse and the brain washings are going to happen again in more rapid succession until he can't take it anymore. It's stress that's causing them! I've figured it out."

"How do you figure it's stress?" Clint asked now, turning to face him.

Tony looked over at the man. "The brain washing happened when Bruce was working on his back with the skin grafts we gave him. He was under immense pain. Even with the anesthetic he could feel it. Hydra probably put him in a lot of pain and thereby, causing stress to him, which made the brainwashing easier to apply to him. Now, he undergoes stress and the brainwashing happens. The two are going hand-in-hand."

Steve and Clint's faces both underwent the transformation from hostile to the look as if they both had the same epiphany at the same time, then looking almost embarrassed. Tony secretly felt satisfied as he watched this all unfold but at the same time, he also felt embarrassed. Why hadn't he figured this out sooner? They could have prevented the brainwashing from ever happening if they could control Bucky's stress level.

"So… he still doesn't remember me?"

Tony bit his lip and shook his head. "It might take a while before it all comes back to him, Cap. We just need to be patient with him. Treat him like an amnesia patient. His memory will come back to him sooner or later, though. I don't believe it's just gone forever. You need to be here with him. Seeing you around might help with the memory processing."

Steve was looking frustrated and hurt but he nodded.

"What are you three doing downstairs?" Clint asked curiously.

"We're actually have an orgy if you'd like to join us." When he saw a smirk pull on the other man's face, he grew serious again. "We're working on a new arm for Barnes, if you'd like to check it out? It's all just on blueprints right now but we're working on making it a reality."

Light seemed to touch Steve's eyes now. "A-A new arm?"

Tony found hope in the light of his eyes. He nodded slowly. "Yes, Rogers… a new arm. He'll be able to do a hell of a lot more with a new one than the one he has right now. Are you going to actually be on our side now and stay here for the kid's sake?"

"He's not a kid…" Steve trailed off distractedly, lost in the thought of Bucky's new arm. "Y-Yeah, yes, of course. Show me what you've got in mind…"

Clint nodded as well and Tony led the two men into the laboratory where Bruce and Bucky had been chatting idly, smiling and joking. When the other two men saw them, they both stood up and glanced over at Steve.

"Are we going to play nice here, boys?" Bruce asked, half-jokingly, glancing over at Tony nervously.

Steve nodded and moved over towards Bucky, his eyes wide. He sat in a chair across from him and looked over at the blueprint of the new arm. He swallowed hard in awe and looked back at his friend. "What do you think of this, Buck?"

Tony wandered over to Bruce, feeling more comfortable being near him than Clint or Steve. If he was honest with himself though, he'd most likely take a bullet for all these men in this room. Bruce gently nudged Tony with his shoulder as he looked over at Steve and Bucky, waiting for the latter's answer.

Bucky half shrugged but he was smiling a bit. "I don't know. I mean, all this technology is pretty crazy. It'd be nice if it was lighter, my arm." Bucky's smile faded slightly and he looked down at his fingers for a long time before looking back up. "W-What… what do _you_ think about it?"

Steve leaned forward so his elbows were on his thighs, his expression gentle but serious. "Well, I think as long as you're on board with whatever Tony wants to do for you, then… I'm on board with it too." When he saw Bucky nod in acknowledgement, he also added, "Just remember that you always have a choice, Bucky, okay? You have the right to say no if you never want to do something. Everything is your choice. No one can force you to do anything you don't want to do."

Bucky's eyebrows came together, almost in confusion, but he bit his lip before he nodded again.

Clint cocked his head to the side as he looked at the hologram of the blueprints. He glanced over at Bruce and Tony. "You guys can actually make this for him?"

"I made an arc-reactor from scraps in the caves of Afghanistan. This will be nothing for me, Barton. Piece of cake, but Jarvis and the 3D printer against the wall also helps as well. I'm just making the round part that fits into his shoulder by hand and the rest Jarvis can set up to build," Tony explained.

"When do… you want to start doing this?"

Everyone looked over at Bucky.

"I'm ready whenever you are…" Bucky announced, looking at Stark.

"No time like the present, I always say," Tony walked over and grabbed a large file before walking over to Bucky. Steve stood up protectively now.

"What do you think you're doing with that, Stark?" Steve puffed out his chest and glared daggers at him, ready to rip off Tony's arm if he had to in order to protect Bucky from any and all harm.

"Why are you so concerned with something that is none of your business?"

"Bucky is my business, Stark."

"We need to get his old arm off so we can figure out how to make a replica for the new one! He won't be able to keep this old one on. It attaches to him and we need to get it off!" Tony motioned towards Bucky's arm.

"Can we do this like professionals, for once, Stark? He's not a car, he's a human being."

"Technically, he's a Hydra made super-soldier…" Tony smirked.

"Still human."

Tony sighed and rolled his eyes. "Barely. Bruce, come over here. You're going to take the file. Clint, Rogers, you're going to help me lift the top part of Bucky's arm long enough so Bruce can put the file in between."

"Wait, why do we need the file? Why can't we just take the arm itself off and set it somewhere?" Clint inquired.

"Jarvis, inform Barton how heavy this metal arm is," Tony spoke to the AI.

" _Mr. Barnes' prosthetic arm weights approximately fifty pounds."_

"Ah well… I guess that might pose a problem then…"

"It's also pressurized," Bruce spoke softly in thought. "Or magnetic. Once we get it away from the attached area, it'll try to be placed back where it was. Magnetic attraction." He looked back over at Tony for confirmation.

Tony nodded. "That's exactly right. That's why I'm using the file. Bruce can't Hulk out obviously so that's why he's putting the file in between and why the three of us are going to take the arm piece off."

"Fair enough" Bruce half smiled, adjusting his glasses.

Steve Rogers just shrugged and nodded. "Well, let's do this then."

"Since it's a fake arm, I don't imagine you're going to feel much pain, Barnes," Tony remarked as he handed the file off to Bruce. "You might just feel slight discomfort in your shoulder area. Try not to freak out on us this time if you do feel any pain."

Bucky looked apprehensive now but nodded anyway.

Clint and Steve moved in closer so they could get a good hold of Bucky's metal arm. Tony did the same now and took a deep breath. "Okay, fellas. Righty-tighty, lefty-loosey. We're pulling it left. Now!"

The three men all turned the arm to the left with a hard tug and Tony heard a hissing spit out of the space at the top where his arm was attached moments ago. It wasn't long though that Bruce's prediction came true; at the exact moment they twisted it and it came off, it seemed to want to be instantly reattached again. Steve, Clint, and Tony were all struggling to keep it from reattaching itself to Bucky's shoulder.

"Now, Bruce!" Tony yelled as he struggled.

Banner quickly put the long file into the gap and held it as the other guys slowly let go of the arm, causing it to close in against the file itself. Clint looked disheartened.

"Well that was pointless."

"Have some faith, Barton. The point of this is so we could rest a bit and get our strength back before we actually take this whole thing off. The file's just temporary. Once we get the arm on the table, away from the magnet in his shoulder, then we can get rid of the damn file," Tony explained. "A little at a time."

Clint nodded now in understanding and looked over at Bucky. "You okay, still? Feeling any pain?"

Bucky appeared to have to assess himself for a moment before he spoke. "Just pressure on my shoulder." He looked down at his detached arm. "Why are we doing this right now? Why can't we wait until you have my other arm already built and switch it then?"

Everyone looked over at Tony for an answer.

He scratched his temple. "Weren't you the one who said you were ready whenever I was?"

Bucky's eyes grew dark. "I didn't think you were going to do it right this second, Stark."

"Well that shows how well you know me, doesn't it? Anyway, I believe that if we take off the arm that Hydra built you, then it might solve the brainwashing problem. If the switch is going to flip on again, I'd feel better if you didn't have the arm of mass destruction trying to kill us. At least if you try to attack us, we stand a chance of restraining you until it passes. It's nothing personal."

"So… I'm going to be armless until you finish building my new one?" Bucky sighed.

"Yep," Tony replied almost cheerfully.

Steve came him a stern look before he placed a hand on Bucky's shoulder but retracted it shyly when he saw the confused and uncomfortable look his friend was giving him. "It'll be okay. You don't need it. You're better off without it."

"I really doubt that," Barnes clenched his jaw in displeasure.

Tony ignored Bucky's frustration and looked over at the other guys. "Ready to put this arm on the table? Let's do this." He placed his hands on either side of Bucky's arm and waited until the other two men did the same before looking over at Bruce with gentle eyes even though his voice was firm. "Don't take that file away until we have the arm well away from his shoulder. Once we get it on the table, get up and take several steps back away from it, Barnes. You got that?"

Bucky nodded now.

"Okay… one… two… three!"

At the count of three, Tony, Steve and Clint placed the detached arm on the large desk and once Bucky heard the noise of it being placed down, he stood up quickly out of his chair and took several large steps away from the arm that had become a normal part of his body until now.

All of the men waited a tense minute to see what the arm might do, not knowing what Hydra might have planted inside of it in case Bucky was somehow able to take it off. When nothing happened, they all seemed to breathe a collective sigh of relief.

Bucky reached out with his good hand and touched the empty space near his shoulder in curiosity. Steve hesitantly moved over and watched as his friend did this. "It… must be weird for you right now but… you'll get used to the feeling."

The Asset suddenly moved away from Steve and his eyes turned cold, his entire body tense. "I don't want to get used to it! Why did you suddenly decide to come back? Why didn't you just stay away from me? I still don't even know who you are…"

Steve looked like he had just been burned but he stayed where he was. "I came back… because I know you'll remember who I am one day, and… I'm willing to wait, Buck. I don't care how long it takes. I know one day, you'll remember how we used to be good friends."

With that, Steve started out of the laboratory, running his hands through his hair as he headed towards his room. Bucky stood awkwardly and looked as if he were having difficulty balancing properly. Clint looked over at Tony, who nodded and motioned his head towards the stairs, and then moved over to Bucky.

"Let's go upstairs. I'll make some lunch for all of us."

Bucky looked hesitant but walked up the stairs, leaving Tony and Bruce alone.

Bruce looked relieved to finally be alone with Tony and showed it by kissing his lips once Barton and Barnes were both out of the lab. Tony was taken back by the sudden show of affection but returned it all the same before he kissed Bruce's jaw softly and then smiled at him.

"Do you really think you can make the kid a new arm?" He searched his eyes.

Tony wet his lips. "Do you think I can do it?"

Color rose in Bruce's cheeks now. "Yes, I… I do, actually."

Tony kissed his lips again. "Then I know I can do this."


	16. Obligations

Chapter 16: Obligations

. . .

Lunch was a quiet affair as all the guys sat around the table eating their sandwiches that Bucky and Clint (but mostly Clint) helped make for all of them. Tony couldn't help but look over at Bucky who had barely taken two bites from his sandwich and was looking more depressed about his absent limb than anything else.

Bruce caught Tony staring and the two of them exchanged knowing looks at the other before they saw Clint and Steve also both staring at them. Bruce cleared his throat to fix the awkward tension in the room now and glanced over at the younger man.

"I know you're not really enjoying only having one arm at the moment but after Tony and I make your new one, you might like it even better than the other one and it'll be worth the wait."

Bucky scoffed and his face showed a mixture of anger and almost sadness. "I want my old one back. I can hardly balance. I feel too light. I miss the other one."

Tony raised his eyebrows, fighting the urge he felt to make a smart ass crack. He ran a hand through his hair and leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table as he looked down the table at Bucky. He racked his brain for something supportive but when he came up empty-handed, he looked over at Steve. "Sorry, I've got nothing at the moment."

Steve sighed and swallowed his bite of food. "Buck, I know this… is really bad for you –"

" – It fucking sucks, Steve."

Steve couldn't stop the end curves of his lips from raising upwards in a smile, thinking about how his friend used to swear like a sailor while they served together. Then he remembered that his friend didn't know who he actually was anymore. "It's not like you're going to be armless for the rest of your life, Buck. Stark and Dr. Banner are making you a new arm and once we put it on you, it'll mean less brain washings happening to you, and you'll be able to move better, like… like you used to."

When Tony looked over at Steve, he saw that his smile had disappeared and a sad nostalgia touched his eyes. He swallowed hard and took a drink of his Chlorophyll smoothie that he had grown to like since he got his arc-reactor in his chest. The truth was, there was nothing any of them could say that could make Bucky feel better about this. The Hydra arm had been a part of him for so long that it had, in fact, become a literal part of his makeup. Tony knew what it was like to lose a part of himself that he had held onto for so long, whether it was Pepper or literally his heart.

"Hey, it's a good thing you're right-handed, Barnes. You wouldn't be able to do anything without your arm…"

"Tony…" Bruce's voice was full of warning.

"All I'm saying is –"

"Maybe you should stop saying things, Stark," Steve cut across him.

Tony ignored Steve and continued his thought instead. "If you were left handed, you'd be worse off than you are now, so be grateful that you can still hold a fork and a pen…"

"Tony, say one more word and I'm going to make sure that _you_ won't be able to hold a fork or a pen," Steve threatened from his seat, shooting daggers at the inventor, his hands clenching into fists.

"Guys, c'mon now," Clint urged calmly. "Go back to your corners and take a deep breath. Let's focus on the man of the hour. Bucky, I'll help you get used to being armed with one arm until the two mad scientists can create a new one for you. It'll be fine, all right, man?"

"Never thought I'd see the day you'd be willing to help him after you nearly shot him through the heart when you paid us a visit, Legolas," Tony spoke calmly, looking at the archer. "You really took to him pretty quick. Did you two find a common ground or did you have a sleepover one night and tell your deepest, darkest secrets to each other?"

"Tony!" Bruce exclaimed now, looking exasperated.

"What is your problem, Stark? I thought you'd be over the moon about me seeing eye to eye with you about Barnes. Instead, you're acting like the jealous asshole ex-boyfriend. Am I going to have to make us one Avenger short or do you think you can knock off the Stark sass long enough to act like an actual adult?" Clint asked stoically.

If he was angry, he sure as hell wasn't going to let Tony see his anger. Instead, Clint just had a small, playful smirk plastered on his face.

Tony looked over at Bruce for backup but the doctor just shook his head. He sighed in resignation, deciding to take the archer's advice for once. He had lost his fight now, his thoughts trailing back on towards Bucky's new arm and how he was going to copy the circular opening. He took another drink of his Chlorophyll, having forgotten Clint's question he had asked earlier.

When his thoughts came back to him several moments later, the men had all cleared their plates, except Bucky who still had an almost full plate. Bruce had stood up and taken the other Avengers' plates to the sink and started to wash them. He watched almost sympathetically as Bucky looked at Steve, who seemed to have not noticed.

He felt like the scene was reminiscent of Tony and his father, his father either ignoring him or just not paying attention to him, his mind on work. He felt like he could relate to the kid on an odd level, regardless of the fact that Bucky and Steve were not related in any way and had just been good friends before Hydra. Tony knew how it felt to be ignored.

He wanted to say something.

Anything.

But he couldn't find the right words that wouldn't sound weird coming out of his mouth. On any note, he could feel his anxiety creeping back up on him again at the stressful thought of beginning to build the new arm.

He could feel his breathing starting to quicken and he could feel his heart racing in his chest.

It was starting again.

Another panic attack.

Tony pressed his palms into the table and looked towards Bruce, hoping that would help calm him down but it only made things worse. He quickly looked down at the table, his knuckles white from the pressure his fingers as they dug into the table.

He didn't want Bruce to see how he was right now. He didn't want to look weak, especially not in front of the strongest men he knew. Tony coughed a couple times to cover up his wheezing and stood up from the table, cringing as his chair screeched back on the tile.

"E-Excuse me. I'm… going to g-go outside for a bit…" He knew he had failed in his attempt to feign normality when he caught the worried look of Steve Rogers as he practically ran out.

Fresh air entered his lungs and he felt like he was able to relax ever so slightly.

Tony Stark wasn't outside five minutes when he heard Clint's voice, the person he least expected to have come out to check on him.

"Hey, you all right, Stark?"

The other man didn't feel like he could talk so he just mumbled and nodded, his back facing the archer, feeling unwelcome tears well up in his eyes as he made every attempt to pretend he was just being standoffish instead of completely breaking down.

Barton walked around to Tony's side and saw that the billionaire's breathing was erratic and how pale his complexion was. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw Clint's eyes widen and promptly moved his body in front of Tony's, looking a mixture of awkward and concerned.

"Does this happen often, Stark?"

Tony finally let his façade fade and wiped at the tears that had escaped his eyes before letting out another wheeze, struggling to breathe again. "I-It's been… h-happening when I… f-feel stressed o-out or overtired…."

Clint nodded now and searched Tony's face. "I didn't think Tony Stark got stressed out about anything, Jesus… what are you stressed out about right now?"

There was no use in lying anymore. Bruce would probably tell him sooner or later anyway. Being in close corners and having to protect each other made it impossible to lie about medical conditions. It was essential that everyone was in the know about everyone when lives were at stake. Tony ran his hands through his hair, trying to focus on breathing.

"The… the arm. I-I know it's just… a s-simple circle but… i-if I do it wrong –"

Tony shut his eyes tightly and air was becoming harder to come by. He wheezed again and lost his balance as his body went into hyperventilation mode. Luckily, Hawkeye was there to grab him and then helped him gently sit down on the bench outside.

"Hey, don't think like that, man," Clint said, shaking his head. "You won't do it wrong. You've built things out of nothing. You made yourself a glorified pacemaker out of leftover scrap. You can make the attachment part for the kid. Just breathe… it'll be okay."

Tony nodded, wanting to believe him more than anything.

"Do you want me to run in and get Bruce? Maybe he can help you better than I can…" Barton offered.

Tony shook his head quickly, breathing in through his nose for four seconds and then letting it out through his mouth for five. "N-No… please. Stay…."

Clint looked hesitant at first, but nodded in understanding. "Yeah, sure. I'm not going anywhere, Stark. Just keep breathing. Do… you want me to shut up or keep talking?"

"K-Keep talking…"

The chit-chat was helping distract him and he could feel himself starting to relax again. He suddenly saw Clint reach over to him and grab his right hand. Stark was taken back by the motion at first but then realized that the archer was trying to make Tony open his hand. Deep fingernail imprints were edged into his palm; he had clenched his hands tightly during the whole ordeal.

"You were hurting yourself, Stark." After a moment or two of silence, Clint spoke again. "Is all of this because of Loki and… what happened in New York? Your panic attacks?"

Tony nodded even though he could still talk. New York was one thing he didn't want to talk about That Day anymore. Clint must have realized that it was the last thing he wanted to talk about because he changed the subject.

"Are you taking any medication or anything for it? Did Bruce give you anything?"

"I'm just t-taking… sedatives at night…." Tony answered, not looking at him. He no longer cared about his reputation amongst his fellow men but he didn't want to be doped up during their missions. He needed to be able to react quickly, without hesitation or delay. "Meds would just slow me down."

"Yeah, I can understand that, but… maybe there are ones that could help you."

"Yeah, I'd like to drop this conversation n-now about me being d-drugged up, please. I'm not going to get a prescription for something… s-something that is all i-in my head…"

Clint shrugged. "Just trying to help. You'd be no help to us if you had an attack during… well, an attack," he replied. "Didn't want you to get us all killed because you're panicking."

Tony was done with the pep talk now. He stood up again and scoffed, shaking his head. "Thanks so much for your concern about me, Barton, but we're done with this talk now. Oh look at that! It seems as if my frustration for your selfishness has cured my anxiety attack. How about that…" Tony turned around now and walked back inside the house, wondering if Clint even cared a little bit about him or if it was just an act to calm him down.

He assumed it was the latter.

Once he got inside, he saw Steve and Bucky making small-talk, very small-talk, and he walked over to Bruce who was pouring wine and putting dishes away.

He put his arms around the doctor. "You know I have a dishwasher to wash my dishes for me, hence the term. You didn't have to do it yourself."

Bruce smiled and placed his hand on Tony's hands. "I know. I like to do it by hand sometimes. It helps me get out of my head for a while. Are you okay? I saw you and Clint outside. You're not fighting with him again, are you?"

Tony kissed Bruce's shoulder and moved over to the counter, shrugging as he faced his companion. "We're okay. I…" he stopped when he saw the concerned look in Bruce's eyes. "What?"

"Nothing…"

"No, obviously it's something. Don't be a girl. Just tell me what it is. I don't want to play the same game with you as I played with Pepper. Come on, out with it," Tony urged.

"I just wish you wouldn't hide anything from me. That's all, Tony."

Stark felt his heart drop. "Hide? What am I hiding?"

"I'm a doctor, Tony. If there's two things I'm good at, it's being able to tell when someone is lying and when someone recently had an anxiety attack. Your hands are shaking and your skin is pale. I know the signs when you have an attack, as I should, being your boyfriend," Bruce gently nudged him.

"I'm fine. I'm just worried about the damn arm."

Bruce straightened now. "Do you not think the new one will attach back onto him?"

Tony wet his dry lips. "I don't plan on pressurizing it. I think that would cause too much pain for him and it'll be a bitch getting it off again if we need to. I figured we would sort of make it magnetically snap on and we make it so all we have to do is press a button and it'll snap back off. I'm worried about the part that we make magnetic to his shoulder actually fit. It's a part that I have to make by hand and if I screw up even a little bit, it won't work."

"If it doesn't work, then we just start over with it," Bruce replied. "We'll do it until we get it right. Don't be panicking about this, Tony. There's four Avengers here -"

"Yeah and in case you've forgotten, only two of them are good at making things. That's us, Banner."

Bruce smirked and gently messed up Tony's hair playfully before he kissed his cheek and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. "We'll figure it out. We always do, right?"

Tony smiled weakly back and nodded.

"Come on, finish up," Tony heard Steve telling Bucky now. "We're waiting on you."

"I'm done," Bucky replied.

"Done? You've barely ate any of it."

"Don't make the kid eat his vegetables if he doesn't want to," Tony teased.

Steve sighed, choosing to ignore Tony's comment. "Come on, Buck. This is the second day in the row when you've barely eaten anything. We don't want you to lose all that muscle."

"We don't?" Tony asked.

Bucky was beginning to look anxious himself now. He stood up and wavered for a minute before he was able to straighten himself off, trying to look intimidating but failed with only one arm. "I'm not hungry."

Bruce took his arm off of Tony and moved over to Bucky. "It's fine, you can eat when you're ready. I'll take your plate." He moved in between Bucky and Steve and grabbed it before Steve could object. He threw out the remainder of food that was on the plate and put the plate in the sink, starting to wash it.

Tony glanced out the window and saw Clint still standing outside. It was evident that the archer was trying to stay out of all their drama that had been occurring before his arrival. He heard Steve talking to Bruce now.

"Excuse me, Dr. Banner. Do you really think you know what's best for him?"

Bruce seemed surprised by the question.

"I'm sorry, are you a doctor? Oh no, that's right, you're just war buddies."

Steve grabbed Bruce by his collar now and lifted him up before he pushed him against the cupboards, causing Bruce to drop the dish he had started to clean and shattering it on the counter. "I've known him a hell of a lot longer than you have. Please don't presume you know what's best for him."

Bucky seemed confused by Steve Rogers' determination and assumption that he actually knew him. He stood still and Tony moved in to save Bruce. He glared at Steve. "Excuse me, that's mine, Cap. Put the green giant down before I get my own highly-technologized arm and slam you through every floor of this Tower."

Steve set Bruce down on his feet again now and roughly let go of it before he started to walk out of the kitchen, not looking back at Bucky as he did so. The kid looked lost now, and looked out the window to see what Clint was doing.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," Bruce straightened his shirt out and started to kneel down to pick up the pieces of broken glass when Tony placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, no. Get up… I'll clean it up. Why don't you get some rest?"

"What about you? Will you be okay?"

Tony nodded and smiled softly. "Sure. Yeah, go get some rest." His eyes wandered over to the glasses of wine that were sitting on the opposite counter now. "What's this? A bit early for a drink, isn't it?"

Bruce shrugged. "I just thought it would help us calm our nerves."

Tony nodded now and grabbed one before he took a drink from it, handing Bruce another glass that was filled. "Take your medicine, Dr. Banner."

Bruce chuckled now but took the glass from him. He didn't drink it but he kissed Tony's lips before leaving the kitchen and headed upstairs, taking the glass with him. Tony took another drink and knelt down, starting to grab the bigger shards of glass and throwing them out in the trash. He heard footsteps and when he looked up, he was half surprised to see Bucky.

"Need help?"

Tony didn't really want Bucky to be handling sharp pieces of glass with only one hand so he just shook his head. "Nah, it's cool, kid. You can go do whatever you feel like doing. I got this under control."

Bucky nodded but stayed where he was. "What kinds of things can I do with one arm?"

The question wasn't patronizing or angry, it was merely curious with a touch of sadness. Tony looked up at him and sat back on his feet. "I honestly can't think of anything… umm… I'm sure there are things you can do with one arm."

"You can train."

Someone else had entered the kitchen.

Tony and Bucky both looked over at the other voice and saw Clint.

"You need to keep your strength up in your good arm in case you need to fight again." Clint explained.

Bucky scoffed. "Are you serious? My balance sucks, man. I have no idea how I would be able to train against anyone with only one arm. I'd probably lose that one too."

"I think you'd be fine. It might take practice but I think it'd be good for you, Barnes. Are you up for it?" Clint asked as he took a glass of red wine and took a sip from it.

Bucky was quiet for a long time before he finally nodded, his features appearing calmer, lighter. "Yeah, sure. When do we start?"

"Now if you want. I'm not doing anything."

Bucky nodded. "Okay… let's do it, then."

Hawkeye motioned for the winter soldier to follow him and the two men disappeared from the kitchen, leaving Tony alone.

Tony finished cleaning up the broken glass and then walked into the living room before he plopped down on the long sofa, sighing in relief now. He hadn't truly been able to relax like this for the past few days. The Avengers Tower had been chaotic with Steve coming and going, and then Hawkeye's arrival. It felt amazing to finally be able to relax again.

" _Would you like me to put the news on for you, Mr. Stark?"_

"No, thanks, Jarvis. I think I'm going to take a nap." Tony reached over to his wine glass he had brought with him and finished it quickly before he set it down on the coffee table.

" _Would you like me to wake you up at a certain time, sir?"_

Tony thought about everything he had to do with the new attachment and he felt a twisted ball of metal shards in the pit of his stomach. "No, that won't be necessary. Just let me sleep, J."

" _Very well, sir."_


	17. Weak

I apologize for the lack of updates on this story but I'm still working on it! Thank you for those of you who are you still reading this and thank you for the reviews!

* * *

Chapter 17: Weak

...

"What the hell is your problem? Why do you have a problem with him?"

Yelling coming from downstairs. Tony reluctantly opened his eyes and glanced at the clock. He had slept nearly twelve hours but he felt like he hadn't slept at all. He continued to lay in bed and just listen to the arguing.

"You're kidding. Where to start? My problem is that you always make up excuses for Stark!"

 _Steve._

"He's a good inventor but he's a shitty person, I'm just going to be honest. There's no other way to describe him. He has no regard for anyone besides himself. He couldn't care less about Bucky!"

"He's making a whole arm for him! How can you say he doesn't care about him?" Bruce countered now, defensively. "If he truly didn't care about him, Tony wouldn't have even agreed to do this! It was his idea, Steve!"

There was a couple moments of silence now.

"It might have been his idea to do this but you know there's another motive behind it, Dr. Banner," Steve replied, anger in his voice. "Have you seen how he's been acting?"

"Oh come on! He's having damn anxiety attacks! How do you think he should act? He's still traumatized from what happened in New York with Loki. Lest you forget, he's the reason why that bomb didn't go off and kill millions of people! He's done more good than harm. I would've thought you'd be more appreciative!"

"Appreciative? He purposely starts fights with everyone here every chance he gets! He couldn't care less about Bucky or me or even you! Stark is not a saint, Banner! You need to stop treating him like he's one!"

Tony moved over to the edge of the bed and placed his feet on the floor, wondering where Clint and Bucky were. He ran his hands through his hair, listening for Bruce's reply to Steve's statement. He swallowed hard, knowing that he couldn't blame Bruce if he, in fact, didn't stand up for him. Who could blame him? Tony knew that he didn't deserve the man. He knew he couldn't be the perfect boyfriend or partner or whatever he was. By God though, he was going to try.

"Oh I'm sorry if I'm the only one here that gives a shit about him! I love him, and I don't care if you don't. That's your problem, not mine. You need to stop treating him like he's any less of a person than any of us that are here right now and you need to give him some more credit," Banner replied.

That must have been the end of that conversation because he didn't hear Steve's voice again. Tony felt grateful to have Bruce; he hadn't actually expected him to stand up for him. He wouldn't have faulted Banner if he hadn't though.

Tony jumped in the shower, cleaned himself up, and quickly got changed before he headed down the stairs. "Jarvis, where's Barnes and Barton?"

" _Sergeant Barnes and Mr. Barton are both in the training area, sir."_

"Thanks, J." Tony took the elevator to the training room and looked around for both men. It didn't take long to find them when he heard the anguished yells of Bucky to find the two of them. He followed the echo of the voice until he saw Bucky jumping over Clint and trying to hit him, all while attempting to keep his balance.

He watched him until he saw Bucky fall on his back and then Clint held out his hand to help Bucky up. Tony cleared his throat. "Have you been in here all night?"

Bucky was out of breath so Clint answered for him after the winter soldier took his hand and helped himself up on his feet again. "We practiced some last night until about ten, then woke up this morning around seven to practice some more. You slept in pretty late, Stark."

"Thanks for the astute observation, Barton. The panic attacks take a lot out of me," Tony looked over at Bucky who had crossed the room to get a drink of water. "How's the kid doing?"

"In general or in practice?"

Tony shrugged and thought about Steve's words about him earlier. "Both, I guess."

Clint glanced over at Bucky before looking back at Tony. "He's still having difficulty about his missing arm and his balance is obviously not all that great. I think the sooner we get his new arm on him, the better off he'll be. Even with the new arm, he'll need to practice as much as possible to get used to the lightness of it."

Tony nodded in agreement. "Well it's a good thing you're sticking around then." When he saw a small smirk on Clint's face, he let himself smirk as well. "You're the only person who can whip him into shape and keep the rest of us sane."

Hawkeye chuckled now and shook his head. "You don't need to suck up, Stark. I know how valuable I am here."

"Well at least you're modest," Tony joked.

"Ready to start again, Bucky?" Clint turned to look at Barnes.

The winter soldier sighed but nodded.

"Let him take a break for lunch in an hour. He needs to eat something…"

"Yeah, all right." Barton took a quick drink of his water bottle and nodded in acknowledgement. "Just another hour of practice."

Tony gently patted the archer on the back and nodded at Barnes who nodded back. There was no hostility between them and it felt casual, normal. He left the two men alone and then walked downstairs into his lab.

He had punched in the code to the room and was slightly surprised to see Bruce. "Hey, you all right?"

Bruce looked up from where he was sitting, surrounded by various tools and equipment, including Bucky's old arm. He set down the part he was working on and stood up to embrace Tony. "Yeah, just needed a place to hide for a while. Did you sleep okay?"

Tony nodded as he affectionately patted Bruce's back before he sat down next to him and leaned back in the chair. "Yeah, I did… and without sleeping pills. Maybe I'm getting better."

"Or maybe the panic attack you had yesterday made you physically exhausted," Bruce raised his eyebrows.

Tony sighed and nodded slowly. "You know, you being a doctor really makes it a pain in the ass to lie to you."

Bruce laughed softly and reached out, gently taking Tony's hand in his own and held it on the desk. He searched his partner's face for a while before he spoke. "I hope you don't lie to me all the time."

"Not about the important things," Tony promised in a gentle voice.

The two men sat in a comfortable silence now. Tony looked on the desk and realized what Bruce had been doing before he entered. "You working on the attachment part without me?"

Bruce shrugged and casually released Tony's hand to gesture at the parts. "I just thought I would work on it a bit now so you had less work to do with it later on. I just… I didn't want it to stress you out so much. The less stress you have, the fewer panic attacks you'll get."

Tony shook his head now and sighed before he stood up. "I appreciate the gesture but I'm a big boy, Bruce. I can handle my stress."

"That's just it, Tony… you can't. You can't handle your stress. That's why you have anxiety attacks," Bruce spoke matter-of-factly.

A part of Stark felt like he had been punched in the gut. It felt like Bruce was saying that he was weak. Everyone else in the Tower could handle stress the right way without a problem, except for Tony. Even though he knew that Banner was just trying to tell him the truth, it hurt. Of course that was the way of life; the truth always hurts.

Tony just nodded in thought and chewed on his lower lip. He had founded his whole life and career on being stressed. It was stress that pushed him to be better than the bad guys. Without stress, he probably wouldn't even be Iron Man. He swiveled his chair so he was facing the part that Bruce had been working on and started to measure a second round attachment to the first attachment so it would be secure when they eventually attached the actual titanium alloy arm to it.

"Tony, stop. You don't need to do this. I've got this –"

Stark suddenly slammed his arms down on the table hard and looked at Bruce. " – So do I! I can do this, Bruce! I don't need you to do it for me! I've sick of you treating me like I'm incompetent! Just… back off a little bit, will you?"

Bruce looked taken back by Tony's outburst but nodded as he stood up now. "Fine, all right. Just for the record though, I know you're not incompetent. You're extremely competent. Your problem is that you're too damn stubborn to accept help."

Tony watched as Bruce began to walk out and he wanted to force himself to stop him, say anything, and apologize for being so stubborn and not accepting extra help. The fact was that he needed Bruce's help but more than anything, he just wanted a distraction from his anxiety.

He watched his lover leave the room, never opening his mouth or making an effort to stop him. Once he had left, Tony groaned to himself and started working on the attachment again.

Stark worked for nearly two hours before he wiped his forehead with a cleanish rag and looked down at the half finished product. He had managed to distract himself but now he was itching for something else to do. The thought of Bruce being frustrated with him made his stomach turn and tie in knots. He felt too proud to actually go find him though and apologize. Instead, he stood up and walked upstairs to the kitchen to see Hawkeye and Bucky sitting at the kitchen table.

Barnes was looking tense and uneasy as a sheet of sweat glistened his forehead. Clint Barton was relaxed and eating a sandwich he had made himself. He nodded up at Tony in greeting. "Did you get into it with Banner earlier?"

Bruce was never the one for keeping secrets or for being subtle.

"What gave it away?"

Clint shrugged as he took another bite of his sandwich. "He said that you're a stubborn bastard and that he was going for a walk to cool off. What'd you do this time?"

Tony sighed and glanced down at Bucky who was still sitting stiffly. "I wouldn't let him help me. Has he eaten anything yet?" He asked, nodding to the winter soldier. When Clint shook his head, Tony grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl and placed it in front of Bucky.

"Not hungry."

"I don't care, Barnes. You've been training with Barton and you're not eating. You're going to start losing weight if you keep at this and that's the last thing you need right now while you're only half-loaded. Eat. I swear you're as bad as a child…"

Clint chuckled now, smiling as he watched the two of them.

Bucky looked up at Tony and then grabbed the apple and took a bite of it. Tony shook his head at Clint in disbelief at Bucky's own stubbornness and sat down at the table.

"Where's the Cap?"

Clint finished his sandwich and brushed his hands together as he chewed. "His room. He only comes out for food and when you're not around. He's doing a great job avoiding you. He keeps trying with the kid, to get him to remember something, anything… it's not working."

Stark glanced at Bucky to see the apple was already half gone.

"If his memory isn't coming back, it could only be a matter of time until he gets brainwashed again…" Tony thought aloud now, glancing at Clint.

"Hey assholes, stop talking like I'm not in the room," Barnes cut in.

Barton leaned over and placed his hand on Bucky's shoulder and gently squeezed it. "Hey, man… look, we're sorry about that. We're not used to having you here so it's just a force of habit to talk like that. How are you feeling at the moment?"

Bucky appeared to let the first part sink in and seemed to have forgiven him long enough to answer the second part of what he said. "I just want to get my arm back. I can barely do anything with one arm. I'm angry that it seems like no one's even doing anything and that people are ignoring me like I'm some disease they want gone."

 _Steve._

"I'll talk to Rogers… maybe he can fix at least one part of that problem," Tony promised. Then, after a couple moments, added, "He doesn't want you gone. I know that for a fact. He's just… not sure how to act around you right now. He remembers how you guys were before."

"I wish I could remember," Barnes almost whispered as he took another bite of the apple.

A thick silence hung in the room for several minutes. Tony was about to call Bruce when he saw Steve Rogers walk in and then stop when he saw him. Clint cleared his throat now.

"Come on, Bucky. Let's go train again until dinner…"

Barnes didn't question the excessive training and even seemed eager to practice. He stood up and ignored Steve's look of hesitation on his face before he followed Clint out of the kitchen after throwing away the apple core. It was now just Tony and Steve watching each other pensively.

"Where'd Dr. Banner go…?"

Tony quickly typed out ' _sorry I'm an asshole'_ to Bruce and sent it before slipping his phone into his pocket. "He went for a walk. Something I can help you with? I'll try not to be a shitty person…"

Steve cringed now. "You heard all that?"

Tony nodded, trying not to show how upset he actually was. "Yep. You've forgotten that people in glass houses," Tony waved his hand around at the glass windows, "shouldn't throw rocks. I get that Barnes is your buddy and all and you're staying here for his sake but don't forget that I'm the one who's letting you stay here. I could throw you out anytime I want. I also get that we're not best friends or anything but I'm not trash talking behind your back. At least I'm honest; I'll trash talk to your face… and to be honest, oh hell, I'm just going to say it, you're not all that swell a person either."

A pink color rose into Steve's face now.

 _Good. Let him be embarrassed. He deserves to be._

Steve was left speechless now. Tony took the opportunity to turn his back on the Cap now and decided to go back downstairs to his lab to work on the attachment part again. He turned on his music loud so he didn't have to think about anything else. He felt proud of himself for calling Steve Rogers out and embarrassing him, but he also felt angry at himself.

Everything that Steve had told Bruce about him was how Tony had felt about his own father. His father was selfish, greedy, unappreciative… he had become everything he had despised about Edward Stark as a child.

Tony felt angry and frustrated. He didn't want to have become like his father at all. He clenched his teeth and rubbed his eyes with his palms before he stood up and held his arm out, silently summoning the repulsor glove part of his suit. Once it attached itself quickly to his wrist and forearm, he started shooting various objects in the lab with it.

Mirrors with his reflection. Everything he hated.

He hated himself.

He hated how other people hated him as well.

Tony moved his body in all directions and felt hot tears staining his cheeks as he hit his expensive cars with the repulsors. He turned behind him and held out his hand, ready to fire when he saw the only thing that he actually loved and cared about.

 _Bruce._

He retracted his hand and slowly let it drop back down so he wouldn't shoot his boyfriend and let out a shaky breath, suddenly feeling embarrassed himself now. Tony swallowed hard and watched as Bruce slowly put his hands down in the surrender motion.

It was now when Bruce took in the scene of broken glass, destroyed cars, and mirror around them. He looked worriedly at the other man. "What are you doing?"

Stark cleared his throat, trying to play off how bad this whole situation looked. It looked as if Stark was completely losing it. That was only because he _was_ really losing it though. "Um… I needed new mirrors in here. They… just… they weren't good mirrors," Tony answered lamely.

It was obvious that Banner didn't believe it, as well he shouldn't have. It would have stupid of Stark to actually think he would have accepted that as truth. Bruce moved closer to him. "Tell me what's going on with you, Tony. You need to talk to me. I love you and I just want to help."

"You can't help me, Bruce." Tony took off the repulsor gloves and scratched the back of his neck.

"Come on, Tone… stop being a martyr. Just let me help you."

"How?" Tony asked sharply now, standing upright but his body was tense. "How are you going to help me? Are you going to magically make all my anxiety disappear? I haven't been able to do anything right since… since That Day. I'm a hot mess, Bruce…"

Banner searched Tony's face before he took several steps towards him and wrapped his arms around him in a hug, pulling his body into his own. "I know. I can write a prescription for anti-anxiety meds or something and we can see how those work for you."

"No," Tony replied instantly. "No meds. I told you before; I don't want to be all doped up. Medication and machinery don't mix."

Bruce gently smoothed his fingers through Stark's dark hair and sighed softly, breathing him in. When he felt Tony relax slightly into his body, the doctor planted a gentle kiss on his jaw. He wanted to take all of his pain and anxiety away. He wanted to erase all the memories he had from That Day and replace them with only good ones. He wanted Tony to feel normal like the rest of them, or at least as normal as they could feel.

Tony closed his eyes and eventually rested his own hands on Bruce's waist, letting the silence in the room dance and swirl between them. "I'm sorry about earlier," he whispered now, feeling fresh tears well up in his eyes. "You're right; I am stubborn. I just… I don't know what to do and I hate feeling dependent on other people, even if one of those people is someone I love more than I love myself."

"Tony," Bruce breathed before he let his arms drop but kept close to Tony as he straightened his back. "You know you're not alone, right? I'm here for you, and I know that Clint and Steve would be here for you too if you would let them. We're all here for you."

"Yeah, okay. You're here for me. I get it, but what good does that do me exactly? There's no… cure… for how I'm feeling. There's only medication to help me cope. What good does all of you being here do for me exactly?"

Tony hadn't meant to sound ungrateful or cold-hearted but the words had escaped through his lips before he could bite them back and swallow them.

Hurt touched Bruce's eyes. "To talk… you would feel better half the time if you just told us how you were feeling but instead, you just push the anxiety back down inside of you where it can eat away at you and make you feel ten times worse."

Tony clenched his teeth just as the tears fell from his eyes. He quickly erased the trails with his palm and cleared his throat. "I ask again, what good would telling all of you how I'm feeling be? None of you could do anything to help me with it."

"You're wrong, Tony. I've given them the gist of your anxiety. Clint told me that when you were having your attack yesterday, he talked to you for a bit and helped you calm down. You'd be surprised but sometimes even just talking can help distract you about what's happening," Bruce explained. "They're not as useless as you'd like to think. Just give them a chance."

Tony took a deep breath and looked away.

He despised feeling so _weak_. He despised feeling so helpless. If this anxiety wasn't mental, he might stand a chance of fixing it. It was impossible to fix a problem you couldn't see, though. He knew he couldn't do this alone and if he did choose to, the anxiety would drown him.

"Fine," Tony spoke after several minutes of silence.

Bruce kissed his lips softly before he smiled a bit. "Thank you."

Tony Stark wasn't ever one for showing his vulnerable side and in fact, did everything he could to show how strong of a person he was. The only time he was unable to keep up with his façade was when he was around Bruce. The doctor made him want to be a better person, even if that person was vulnerable and weak. At least he knew that with Bruce by his side, he could still be strong as well.


	18. Bored

Chapter 18: Bored

…

Tony had just finished with the second round attachment part and had connected it to the first round attachment part that was going to where the arm itself would fasten to when he heard footsteps. He felt himself stiffen with uncertainty and caution when he saw Steve Rogers walk closer towards him. He took off the protective eyeglasses he had been wearing and threw them down on the desk before he looked up at him, waiting for Rogers to throw the first punch.

Their last talk hadn't been the smoothest. Tony wouldn't be surprised in the least if Steve finally let loose on him.

"Stark… do you have a minute? I think we should talk."

Bruce's words echoed in his head.

" _Give them a chance."_

Okay, so he had to play nice. Steve would be the proof of whether or not he could stick to his word.

Tony stretched, his body feeling achy and sore from being bent over the table for so long. When he straightened, he nodded. "Yeah, sure thing, Cap. What's on your mind?"

The Captain was looking tense and conflicted for a bit before he finally spoke. "Bruce told me about… your anxiety attacks and… I want to apologize for all the things I said to you earlier, well, about you to Bruce. You're not a…. a bad person, Tony. You're just… going through a lot right now and I shouldn't have said those things about you behind your back."

The apology took the billionaire aback. He wasn't used to Captain America apologizing to him. It was usually the other way around. Tony wiped off his oily, scratched up hands on the rag on the table and then moved over to Steve and held out his hand. The other man looked at Tony's hand with slight hesitation before he shook it firmly and nodded in a mutual respect.

"Consider this putting the past behind us. We have bigger fish to fry and no time to focus on all my faults. Can I talk to you about the kid's arm for a minute?" Tony asked, finally letting his hand drop so he could point to his work station.

Steve's eyes filled with curiosity and maybe even excitement as he nodded. "Yes, that sounds good! How far have you gotten on making it?"

Tony motioned for Steve to follow him over to the desk where he had been working. "It's not much so far but it's going to be the part we attach to his shoulder and the titanium alloy arm will fit magnetically to it. This way, since it's not pressurized, it'll be easy to get off and it won't cause Barnes any pain,"

Steve was nodding in understanding and approval so Tony continued.

"I'm going to place this part in the 3-D printer and Jarvis can create the arm using the blueprints along with the metal and once it's finished, we can finally attach it to him and see how he feels with it. It'll take some getting used to but it'll be nearly a hundred percent lighter than the old one and he'll have more range of motion with the new one," Tony explained.

Steve Rogers nodded again and his eyes seemed to fill with light.

"I wish you had informed me about all of this before. I didn't know what you were doing. I honestly didn't think you were going to do anything to help Bucky," Steve spoke almost solemnly. When Tony just bit his lip, Steve cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Err… will he still be able to fight with this arm like he did with the other one?"

Tony had bit his lip to keep down any arguments that might ruin this moment and break his promise to Bruce. He ran a hand through his hair. "He probably won't be able to use this new arm as a weapon like he was able to with the last one. The other arm was heavier. That's mostly the reason why Barton's been training with him so much lately. He needs to build up some muscle; that's why it's so important he eats."

"Well," Steve sighed. "I'm glad we're on the same page as far as that's concerned."

Stark nodded and chewed on his lower lip, knowing what he needed to say next but it felt like he was cutting himself wide open. "I… I feel nervous about doing this, building the new arm and doing all the attachments to the attachments, that sort of thing. It's been… an overwhelming thought for me, I'm not gonna lie," he nearly whispered.

He didn't like feeling this vulnerable and open with his feelings.

Especially not with Steve Rogers.

If he felt uncomfortable still, Steve didn't let Tony see it anymore. All signs of uneasiness now seemed to disappear completely and Captain America gave him a reassuring smile now before he patted his back. "Don't worry about it. I'm sure that Dr. Banner and I can figure out how to put it together if you help him out a little. You don't need to do it yourself. Just tell us how to do it, Stark."

"Seriously?"

"You've been under a lot of stress and you volunteering to build him a new arm is a step in the right direction for all of us. It puts us ahead of Hydra, puts the past behind us, and I think it'll make life a bit easier for everyone in general. I don't want you having panic attacks over something that we can help you out with," Steve answered him in a gentle voice.

Tony felt some of his anxiety lift off his shoulders now. Maybe being vulnerable wasn't as bad as he thought it would be after all. He nodded appreciatively and then added as a side note, "Thank you, Cap."

Steve nodded back and gave another look at the beginnings of the arm before he looked back at Tony's face and searched his eyes. "Anything else?"

"No, that's it. Is there… anything I can help _you_ with?" Tony offered, deciding the more good grace points he won with his fellow Avengers, the better off he would be with Bruce.

Steve thought for a moment and shook his head. "You making Bucky this new arm is enough but… I'm sort of feeling anxious myself about Hydra."

"How do you mean?"

Steve scratched the side of his head. "Well, we haven't heard much from them lately. They know he's here, what are they waiting for? Why not just come in, destroy us, and take him?"

Tony had been knocking around this question while he had been working earlier and he figured everything out, as what usually happened while he worked in his lab. "I believe you just answered your own question, Cap. They know he's here. They knew what triggers his brain misfiring and causing him to flip. They're waiting for him to destroy us. Once he does, then they'll come in and grab him, and that's all she wrote."

Steve Rogers' eyes turned almost fearful. "We can't let that happen. He can't go back to Hydra again. He… he's not as strong anymore. He won't make it long. We need to protect him. We need to starve Hydra out, do everything we can to make sure Bucky doesn't have his brainwashing repeat itself to try to kill us."

"Couldn't have said it better myself." Tony rubbed his eyes tiredly and then started to work on the attachment again.

He had worked for several minutes in silence as his brain worked a mile a second when he felt a firm hand be placed on his shoulder. "Come upstairs and relax for a bit with us. Everyone's in the living room hanging out. It's a bit too friendly up there. We could use a sarcastic prick around," Steve joked with a smirk.

Tony laughed throatily before he grinned and nodded. "I'll be up in a minute. I just want to finish this part up and tell Jarvis the plan with the arm. I don't suppose Bruce made dinner yet? I'm starving."

Steve chuckled now.

"He's cooking spaghetti and meatballs with garlic bread at the moment, actually. He said it'd be done in about twenty minutes before I came down here."

"Excellent. I'll be up momentarily to eat with you fellas," Tony promised.

Steve looked down at the part Tony was working on and nodded in satisfaction. "All right. See you up there, Stark."

Tony watched as Rogers left the lab before he went back to connecting the two finished attachment parts. Then, he walked over to the 3-D laser printer that he had undoubtedly (or perhaps it was Pepper), spent an insane amount of money on.

"Jarvis, I need the width of Barnes' arm to match the width of the shoulder attachment, and leave some extra pocket room in the lower wrist cavity so I can add my own toys," Tony instructed to the AI.

" _Very well, sir. However, might I advise against including extra Stark equipment inside the arm? I assume you mean to arm Mr. Barnes, however, I fear the weaponry will add weight to the arm."_

Tony looked unfazed by this. "I imagine it will, yes, but it's a necessity and I wish to still include it so make sure I've got room to play with. Can the metal handle the gadgets?"

" _Titanium alloy may be a light and flexible metal, however, it will indeed support the weaponry."_

"Good, then do as I say and stop raining on my parade, Jarvis."

" _If you insist, Mr. Stark."_

"Oh, how long will all of this take, by the way, J?"

" _By my calculations, it will take exactly six hours and thirty-two minutes to create Sergant Barnes' prosthetic arm, weapon slots included. Would you like me to let you know when it is completed?"_

"Of course. We can't miss the opportunity to see everything I've been breaking my back for. Thanks, Jarv."

" _Of course, sir."_

Tony shut the lights off in the lab and hurried upstairs as the smell of pasta sauce entered his nostrils, causing his stomach to rumble with anticipation. He glanced into the living room and saw everyone was smiling and laughing, and even Bucky at times. Tony snuck into the kitchen and came up behind Bruce, putting his lips to the back of his neck.

"That smells incredible. Where'd you learn to cook?"

"No need to suck up, Tony. It's only spaghetti and meatballs," Bruce smiled gently. "Anyway, being a single man, I had to fend for myself. Being a scientist, I had to experiment a little bit."

"Oh yeah?" Tony gently kissed the nape of Bruce's neck. "What kind of experimenting did you do when you were a single man?"

Bruce sighed shakily as he stirred the sauce.

"Oh you're a naughty boy, Stark…" Bruce placed the spoon in the holder on the stove before he turned around and rested his hands on Tony's hips. "I did more experiments than you did, I bet."

There was a playfulness in Banner's eyes that made Tony realize how much he loved seeing him this way. Tony couldn't resist; he leaned in and gently kissed the doctor's lips, feeling his heart race in his chest. He wanted to live in this singular moment forever, where he felt good and strong and brave. The moment ended though when he heard teasing whistles coming from the next room. Tony sighed but couldn't hide his smile.

He leaned back now. "I'm going to kill them."

Bruce laughed and shrugged. "I have no objections." Then, a bit more seriously, he added, "Go hang out with them. I need to take care of dinner before everyone kills each other with hunger. It'll be done soon."

Tony nodded and reluctantly moved away from Bruce before he moved into the living room and grabbed a pillow before he pummeled Clint Barton, the instigator of the whistling, with it. Clint laughed and grabbed he pillow from him and shoved him away.

"I can't help it you guys are the only couple in this place. What else are we going to do to kill our boredom?"

Tony blinked. "I'm sorry? You're _bored_? We have an ex-Hydra weapon of mass destruction in here," he pointed vaguely towards Bucky who looked bored himself at the moment, "and you're bored? How is that possible? You have training rooms here. I gave you training rooms and you're still bored."

"If you say the word bored one more time, I'm going to cut your tongue out, Stark," Steve playfully threatened.

At this, Bucky finally let out an amused laugh.

Steve looked over at his friend and smiled weakly before he looked back over at Tony and Clint. Tony watched as Steve's smile faded though as he looked down at his hands and a sadness filled his eyes.

Stark sat down beside Clint on the floor near the coffee table.

"Do you think all I do all day is shoot arrows like Robin Hood? I like to have some fun too, Stark. Don't you have a bar in this huge place somewhere?"

Tony smirked. "A man after my own liver. I'm so glad you equate fun with drinking as I do. We'll visit the bar after dinner. Bruce can make a good dinner but I can make an even better dessert."

"Do you really think that's a good idea, Stark?" Steve asked, looking up at him with warning in his eyes.

Tony looked over at him. "I think it's a great idea, Cap."

Steve grew quiet now and he glanced back over at Bucky. "I'm going to go check on Dr. Banner." He must have not expected an answer from the soldier because he stood up and left the living room almost immediately after excusing himself.

Bucky looked over at Clint and Tony now.

"Is… he mad at me? Did I do something?" When Tony looked at him now, Bucky's eyes were wide and unsure, ready to get up and run at any given second.

 _No, they had to keep him calm. Even with one arm, Bucky Barnes was still pretty dangerous. He had the strength sill._

Clint shook his head and shrugged, trying to play off Steve's standoffishness. "Nah, man. Don't think twice about it. He's just under a lot of stress. It's not personal, Bucky."

On the contrary, it was pretty damn personal, but in a way that it wasn't Bucky's fault. Steve just wanted his old friend back. Tony couldn't fault him for that, no one could. Tony chewed on his lower lip; he could feel his anxiety begin to grow again. It felt like he was a child again and his mother was disappointing his father doing or not doing one thing or another, but his father didn't want to start a fight about it.

Cold shouldering.

Sometimes that was even worse than yelling.

Clint glanced over and saw Tony's tensed up body. He searched the older man's eyes and looked back at Bucky who was ready to flee at a moment's notice. "Hey, Bucky… relax. It's okay. No one's going to hurt you here. Steve's not going to hurt you. Dinner'll be ready soon. Just sit tight, okay, man?"

Bucky appeared to relax slightly and nodded obediently.

"You okay?"

Hawkeye's voice was casual but Tony could tell it was also laced with some concern as well. Tony took a deep breath through his nose and then slowly let it out through his mouth, trying to contain the anxiety that was filling him up.

"Are you having another anxiety attack?" Bucky's voice questioned curiously now.

"No, I'm fine. Shut up," Tony spoke quickly, shaking his head.

It was coming.

He could feel it bubbling up inside of him, squeezing the air out of his lungs and causing his heart to race underneath the arc-reactor. Tony's illogical logic was if he denied something was happening, then it wouldn't happen.

Clint glanced into the kitchen to see a busy Bruce doing the finishing touches on dinner and moving quickly the room. He looked back at Tony. "Do you want to step outside for a minute? Maybe the fresh air will help you."

Tony continued to attempt to get a handle on his breathing, shaking his head again. Bruce would know if Tony was having another panic attack. "I… I'm f-fine…" He could feel his chest aching, feeling like he was about to have a heart attack.

He felt that way every time he had a panic attack. It felt like his heart was going to jump out of his chest and burst. Clint was looking frustrated but he also looked determined to help Tony. He cleared his throat and turned the television up a bit so Bruce wouldn't hear their conversation and figure out what was happening.

Of course Bruce had been the one to tell Tony to ask the others for help, but the last thing the Playboy needed right now was a mother hen pecking away at him.

Clint leaned in. "What set you off, man? Talk to me. Maybe I can help you with something."

Tony started to shake his head again but he still wanted to keep his promise to Bruce. He promised to be more open. He promised to not shove the bad stuff he was feeling down inside himself. He promised to ask for help when he needed it.

Stark also leaned in close. "I feel l-like Steve is going to set Barnes o-off. Bucky's… been a-acting like he d-does something… wrong whenever Steve leaves the room. What if this is the…stress that sets him off again?"

Clint shook his head and wrapped an arm around Tony's shoulders. "I'll talk to Steve about it later, all right? I'm sure we can somehow make him keep his sad nostalgia to himself and not shove it in the kid's face all the time. Don't worry about this, Tony. I won't let Bucky get set off again."

In this moment, Clint's words felt hollow but there was something in the archer's voice that somehow calmed Tony Stark. His voice was calm and reassuring, even if his words meant nothing to him right here, right now.

Bucky looked at the two men curiously, knowing that they were talking about something regarding Tony and his anxiety but not being able to hear the specifics. Instead, he turned his attention to the TV and watched whatever show was on that he didn't recognize or even understand any of the references to.

Bruce suddenly came in now with a tray of plates with a helping of spaghetti and meatballs on each other and a small piece of garlic bread on the side of it. "Dinner is served. I figured we'd eat in here and hang out." He handed Bucky a plate before he handed one to Clint and one to Tony. "Where's Steve?"

Tony pretended to be absorbed in the television as he ate, not wanting Bruce to be worried about him anymore.

"I think he went to grab something from his room." Clint stood up. "I'll go tell him dinner's ready. We'll be back."

Bucky watched as Clint left the room and started eating.

Bruce sat down next to Tony and Stark was able to relax again. He moved closer to his boyfriend as he ate until their shoulders were touching and Tony smirked at him, love in his eyes. Suddenly, Bucky's voice brought him back to earth.

"So… you two are… together?"

Bruce looked up at Bucky and nodded. "Yeah, we are." When the winter soldier looked a bit uncomfortable and simply nodded, Bruce continued. "I don't imagine you knew many guys that were… like us, back in your day?"

Barnes bit his lip before he shook his head and took a bite out of his garlic bread to ease his tension. "N-No, but maybe I did. I honestly can't remember much from… the war back then still. There might've been guys like that but I suppose if there were, it would be kept under wraps. I guess it's a different time though. Is it more accepted today?"

It wasn't judgmental question, and maybe that surprised Tony the most. He looked over at Bruce in thought and then looked over at Bucky. "I think it just depends where you are and who you're around with. I don't know if we'd be like this in public if we were somewhere else."

Bruce nodded in agreement as he started to eat. Then, Bucky blinked and leaned forward. "Were… Steve and I…?" He trailed off and Bruce and Tony both shook their heads but it was Bruce who spoke up.

"No, just friends, Bucky," he gave the soldier a small smile. "But… there isn't anything wrong with a relationship like that, if it escalated to something more. As long as you're not hurting anyone physically, then you're allowed to feel how you feel about… someone."

Bucky nodded, taking in this information and started to eat again just as Clint and Steve both entered and began to dig into their dinners.

Tony looked over at Bruce now with admiration in his eyes, leaning against the gentle giant. "Good dinner, Bruce."

The doctor smiled brightly now and wrapped his arm around Tony's shoulders. "Thank you."

Stark couldn't imagine Bucky and Steve together like they were. Both men were probably so out of practice in being in an actual relationship that Bucky would be having his brainwashing happen all the time out of the sheer stress he would be feeling. Tony didn't want to lay any more stress on him. He looked over at Clint once Bruce and Steve started friendly chitchat and Clint winked nonchalantly at him before taking a pull from his beer he had brought in with him when he had brought Steve back.

Tony gave him a friendly nod and swallowed hard as he thought about how Bucky's new arm was being built as they ate dinner. He didn't want to tell them yet.

He wanted it to be a nice surprise.


	19. Space

**Are any of my followers for this story still reading this? It'd be nice to have an extra push!**

* * *

Chapter 19: Space

…

After dinner, everyone helped Bruce wash dishes and clean up the kitchen before they headed upstairs to the Avengers lounge area, bar included. Steve had been reluctant to go but with some light pushing from Bruce, he had finally agreed to come hang out with all of them.

Tony had a full tumbler of coke and rum, Bucky had a very small amount of bourbon in his tumbler, Hawkeye had a beer in his hand and Bruce and Steve were both refraining from drinking at all. Hawkeye and Tony were both playing darts against each other, occasionally laughing and trying to distract each other from hitting the target (which of course didn't work in Tony's favor).

Bucky was sipping on his drink watching the two men with casual interest.

"Do you really think it's a good idea for Bucky to be drinking?" Steve asked Bruce in a hushed voice.

The doctor adjusted his glasses and smiled weakly.

"He's not on any medication, Steve. The alcohol isn't going to trigger a brainwashing episode. Just… let him have his fun."

Steve looked skeptical but there was also frustration laced in his eyes. Bruce cleared his throat and searched his face. "What's going on? Is something else bothering you?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, and you know what it is, Dr. Banner." Steve's voice growled.

Bruce waited for The Cap to apologize automatically but he was surprised when an apology never came. He sighed now and glanced over at Tony before he turned to face Steve. "I get that you're having difficulty accepting Bucky's amnesia but you need to stop acting like an overbearing father who's never satisfied with his son because that's exactly how you're acting towards Bucky."

Steve had started to shake his head halfway through Bruce's complaint. "You and Barton both… did you plan this, ganging up on me together so I could, as you say it, get over the fact that my best friend can't remember who I am? I'm sorry, Dr. Banner, but that's not something I can get over so easily."

Bruce scoffed and shook his head in disbelief. "You call him your best friend but you're acting pretty cold around the kid, Steve. If you still considered him your friend, you would try to help him. You'd –"

" – I'd do what exactly?" Steve cut across him now, keeping his voice low enough so Bucky couldn't hear them over the low music that echoed in the room. "Tell me what I would do because I honestly can't think of anything that could help my friend right now. I bet you told Clint to find me and have a talk with me about Buck, didn't you?"

Bruce sighed now. "I wasn't even aware he even talked to you until you just mentioned it to me."

Steve rolled his eyes now and gave a glare over at Hawkeye who caught it in time just as he pulled his darts out of the dartboard. He told Tony to take his turn and he'd be right back before he jogged over to where Steve and Bruce were.

"What's going on, guys? Is there a problem?"

Before Steve could corner Clint and attack, Bruce spoke up and looked over at him with gentle eyes. "What did you say to Steve earlier? About the kid?"

Hawkeye straightened up now and he shrugged. "I just told him he needs to quit the sad nostalgia around Barnes before he sets him off. Tony…" When he saw Bruce's eyes widen now with anticipation, Clint sighed. "Tony was worried that Steve was going to upset Bucky and make him stress out and feel guilty that he couldn't remember anything and he was worried that the stress would set off another brainwashing episode. I told Stark I'd talk to Steve about it, and I did. What's the big deal?"

Steve's eyes turned cold. "You have no right, either of you, to tell me how to act around Bucky. You both need to mind your own business!"

"You've seem to have forgotten, Cap, but Bucky is our business," Clint argued back. He glanced over and saw that Tony was keeping Bucky occupied from overhearing the conversation that was taking place with the three of them. "You need to make an effort to become friends again with him, Rogers."

"I've tried!"

"No, you haven't, man! You sidestep him and ignore him and walk out of the room when he's there, but not before you give him the disappointed father look!" Clint clenched his teeth.

"You need to watch yourself, son," Steve warned now, puffing his chest out.

Clint moved in closer now, obviously not intimidated by Captain America. "If you don't make an effort to show him how you actually were back then, and quit pretending you're a cold-hearted Hydra handler, then it's going to be you who will need to watch himself, old man."

Steve narrowed his eyes slightly but he didn't want to start anything physical with him right here and now where Bucky could see him. He didn't need Bucky to be afraid of him. "Excuse me. I have better things to do than drink and start fights with nosy people."

He had gone to step around Clint but the shorter man put his hand firmly against Steve's chest to stop him. "No, you're going to stop running from your problems starting right now, Cap. Go over there and strike up a friendly conversation with the kid. No leaving."

Steve bit his lip in anger and sighed. He looked over at Bruce for help but received none. "Why are you doing this? You wanted to kill Bucky when you saw him. Why do you suddenly care about him now?"

Clint ran a hand through his hair. "Because I don't want Tony to have another panic attack."

"Another one?"

Hawkeye no longer cared about keeping Tony's secret. Bruce was his boyfriend. He would've found out sooner or later about it anyway. He just nodded in answer to the doctor's question and looked at Steve. "He might be a narcissistic asshole but he's still a part of our team and we look after our own, don't we?"

Steve Rogers seemed at a loss for words finally, unable to deny that. The fight appeared to have left him now and he gently pushed his way past Clint and walked over to Bucky and Tony. He gave an uncertain look at Stark at first before he decided on nodding at him in a kind way.

"Who's winning in your game?"

Tony was taken back by the sudden interest Steve was showing. "It was me but Hawk can shoot with his eyes closed and still win a game so he's winning at the moment. Hey, is our game finished or what?"

Clint hurried over to Tony and smirked.

"Sick of losing your ass?"

"Yes, actually. I hate losing. It's not a good look on me…"

Barton smiled and chuckled before he shot his turn, getting nearly all bullseyes. "I don't know. I think it doesn't hurt to knock you down a few pegs every once in a while. Gotta keep you humble."

Tony just rolled his eyes and glanced back to see that Steve had started to talk to Bucky. Stark took this opportunity to speak in a low voice to Clint now. "You guys duke it out or what? He seems to be more relaxed now."

Clint narrowly missed shooting another bullseye.

"Something like that. I just told him that he needs to get his act together or he's going to be dealing with me. I also might've let slip that you had another panic attack, though."

Tony grabbed Clint's arm now and searched his face. "You didn't…?"

Barton easily shrugged Stark off of him now and sighed. "Bruce would've found out sooner or later and it's not nice to keep secrets from your significant other. Anyway, it hit a cord with the Cap so I think it was well worth it."

Tony glanced over at Bruce as Hawkeye another pull of his beer. The doctor was smiling lovingly at him but worry and perhaps even sadness was plastered on his face. Tony finished off his rum and coke quickly and then smiled back at him weakly, guilt beginning to eat away at him for having kept it from Bruce. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise that Clint had told him.

 _You're just a bother to everyone._

No.

 _It would be better if you weren't around them anymore. All you do is cause trouble and heartache._

Tony shook his head now and set his glass down before he rubbed his eyes, trying to force Depression out of his head. He couldn't deal with that right now. He was brought back to the moment when he heard Clint's voice again.

"Look at them. It sounds like they're getting along pretty well."

Tony looked over at Bucky and Steve and although the winter soldier was only slightly smiling and speaking a couple words here and there, it looked as they were still enjoying being around the other. "We'll see how long it lasts. I have Jarvis making Bucky's new arm down in the lab. It should be ready by tomorrow morning."

"Really? That's awesome, Stark."

"I know I am," Tony half joked, if only to try to cheer himself up. He didn't want to admit that he was still wary of Bucky and the dreaded brainwashing switch in his head. He felt like his stomach was in knots about everything he couldn't control. He couldn't control what would happen if Bucky flipped out after they put the new arm on him, nor could he control what Hydra's plans were for Bucky and all of them, and all these things only cranked up his anxiety all the more.

"Hey, you all right, man? Look at me…"

Tony looked at him but then instantly regretted it. He moved away from the archer and refilled his glass up as his chest tightened. "I… I'll be b-back…"

He rushed out quickly as Bruce called his name several times with concern in his voice. Tony hurried to an outside balcony and took a long drink of his rum and coke before he set his tumbler down and gripped the fence with his hands tightly.

"Tony! What the hell's going on? Talk to me!"

All Stark could do was shake his head, his chest tightening again.

Bruce made it over to him and placed his hand on Tony's back gently. "Why didn't you tell me it happened again? Why did Clint know before I did?"

Tony suddenly couldn't control himself anymore. He grabbed his glass and threw it at the door that separated the bar room from the outside. He watched the shards land on the balcony tile before he looked at Bruce.

"Am I supposed to tell you every single time when I have a panic attack because that's not going to work out for me, Bruce! What good will it do? The attacks are happening because of things that you can't control either, none of us can! I need to help Bucky and I need to make you happy! If I have to pretend I'm just fine then I'm going to lose it…"

Bruce shook his head and stepped towards him.

"You don't need to pretend to be anything! Not around me!"

Tony took a deep breath now and felt himself weaken. "Especially around you. I need to be your rock so you don't get stressed and Hulk out. I don't know if this is good, if this is healthy."

Bruce took a step back now.

"What are you talking about, Tony? If what is good, if what is healthy? You mean… _us_?"

Tony felt like the shrapnel in his heart had finally found its way in and was splintering and destroying his chest. "I... I can't do this. I can't be what you need me to be. I can barely focus on myself. I just…"

"What?" Bruce asked now, hurt in his voice. "You need to be alone? You think that's going to help you at all? Tony, you're isolating. This is common for being with anxiety and depression but you can't isolate. It's only going to make everything worse for you."

Tony was barely listening to him right now. All he could do was shake his head over and over again as he frantically tried to catch his breath. No matter what he did, it seemed to cause him anxiety. All this anxiety was like a heavy blackness that built up inside of him, crushing his lungs and making it difficult to breathe. He moved closer to the balcony fence and held it tightly looking out at the city, trying to calm himself.

The glimmer of the stars just made being outside worse as he remembered the shimmering lights he saw inside the wormhole, the entrance to a whole universe he didn't even think existed. It was difficult enough for him to have tried to grasp one God, an all knowing being, but to see Asgard and be a friend with one Nordic god while simultaneously fighting another that he had only read about in folktales was even more difficult.

"Tony…" Bruce tried again, but he couldn't think of anything helpful to say. "Please let me help you. You don't have to do this on your own…"

"Just get a-away! G-Get away from… m-me, Bruce!"

"I don't… I don't want to, Tony…" Bruce moved closer to his companion and placed his arms around Tony's body. "We'll ride this out together and then we'll talk… just let me help you."

"Y-You can't…"

Bruce sighed and gently caressed Stark's back with his hand soothingly. "Just shut up and keep breathing."

It felt like hell to Tony, feeling Bruce's gentle hand on his back after he had just told him that he didn't want to be with him anymore, that it was in the doctor's best interest if he walked away. He didn't deserve Bruce. That was all. It wasn't that he didn't _feel_ that Bruce didn't deserve Tony; it was that Tony _knew_ he didn't deserve Bruce.

He could feel himself crying.

Fuck.

He hated crying in front of anyone but to cry in front of Banner just made him feel worse.

As his body trembled against Bruce's, he heard the door open from behind them and heard a voice.

"Jesus Christ…" the archer's voice came. He must have seen the mess from the glass Tony had thrown at the door. "Is he okay? Do you need anything?"

Hawkeye's voice was filled with concern.

Bruce turned his head to look at him. "No, thank you, Clint. He's all right. We'll be in soon."

There was a hesitation before Tony heard the door close again.

Tony cried for what felt like hours but once he had finished, his body felt exhausted and he felt numb. He couldn't help but let himself lean against Bruce on the balcony. Finally, he felt strong enough to look up at him.

"I'm not good for you. I'm… I'm drowning and I'm pulling you down with me."

Bruce blinked.

"Do you love me, Tony?" The question seemed genuinely curious.

Tony bit his lip and nodded. "Yeah, I really do. I love you, Bruce."

"Good, because I love you too and… I'm going to help you any way I can, even if that means just holding you or sitting by you and not saying anything. You want to shut yourself away and block everyone out who wants to help you but that's not going to help you. It's just going to make everything worse," Bruce urged, searching his face.

"I'm just… better off alone, Bruce. I… think I just need some alone time, to think."

"Tony…"

"No!" Tony replied firmly now, standing up and looking at him. "I love you but that doesn't mean that staying with you is the best thing for either of us. I need time to think about everything and I need space –"

Bruce's jaw clenched now and tears filled up in his eyes before he shook his head. "Space? Really? You're going to pull that bullshit on me, Tony?"

Tony stood his ground, feeling adamant about his feelings right now. It wasn't a good time to be in a relationship. He didn't want to bring anyone down with him, especially Bruce. He was trying to be selfless. He was trying to do what he thought was right, even if it meant that it would break both of their hearts.

"Yes… I am because it's not bullshit. It's not… this will be good for both of us and I won't be dragging you down with me. I'm doing this because I love you and care about you, Bruce," Tony quickly wiped his cheek from the stray tear that had escaped from his eyes.

Bruce stood there with pain on his face, his eyes wide.

"I can't believe you're doing this. Stop it, Tony! Stop doing this! This isn't what you want. This… this isn't the right thing!" he yelled.

Tony couldn't say anything else to justify what he was doing. He walked past Bruce but the other man grabbed his arm tightly.

"Don't… don't do this… please…"

It was like Bruce was begging Tony not to kill him instead of not to break up with him. By the look in the doctor's eyes it appeared to be the same thing. There was a part of Stark that wanted to tell Bruce to forget everything he just said and embrace him but the stronger part of him felt like this was right. His heart was telling him this was the right thing in this moment.

He swallowed hard. "Let go, Bruce."

It took several moments but Banner finally reluctantly released Tony's arm. The two men stared at each other sadly before the inventor finally walked around the glass shards and forced himself to go back inside.

He walked past everyone who were all laughing and having a good time and made a beeline for his room upstairs. Tony didn't feel like he deserved to have a good time and the thought of being around everyone right now made him feel like there were small holes that were punctured in his lungs and he was losing oxygen all over again. He needed to tape himself back up.

Tony shut the door behind him and crawled under the comforter of his bed. He curled his body into him and shut his eyes, just wanting to wake up from this nightmare he was in.


	20. Connecting

Chapter 20: Connecting

...

"Come on, Tony! You need to eat something! Come on out…"

Stark groaned and wrapped part of the comforter around him. That was the last thing he wanted to do right now. He wanted to stay in bed forever, forget everything he had said to Bruce and let himself sink into the bed. It had been a day and a half since the break up and he hated himself more than ever.

 _Why had he done that?_

Well that was an easy question. He did it because it had to be done. That was the simple Stark answer, at least. The more in-depth answer that he would never tell the doctor, of course, was that he didn't want Bruce to find his eventual dead body if it came to a point where Tony couldn't stand the anxiety any longer. In his heart, he hoped it would never come down to something that desperate, but he couldn't deny the feeling that it felt more of an option since That Day in New York.

"Tone…" Hawkeye's voice was now heard now and it seemed gentler than the first voice. "If you're not going to come out, can I at least come in?"

Tony closed his eyes tightly, still hiding like a small child, silent.

"Maybe we should tell Bruce about this, Clint. If something happened to Tony…" Steve's voice trailed off and he was quiet for a bit before he spoke again. "Maybe we should break in there and check on him. He hasn't eaten or drank anything in over a day. We don't… we don't even know if he's still alive."

"He's alive. Just… shut up please, Steve, with all due respect. Tony?"

Tony heard a shuffling of feet but then heard some rustling coming from the doorknob. Good ol' Hawkeye; he could break into places like no one he knew. As much as he wanted to be alone, Tony had to give Clint some credit; he sure as hell didn't give up on anyone.

He held the comforter tighter around his body and heard the door give way and footsteps coming closer before the door shut again.

"Go away."

"Nah, that's okay. Come on, Tone. Up and at 'em. You need to eat something and… take a shower. Everyone knows what happened. No one can figure out why, though."

Clint sat down on the edge of the bed, making the bed sink down a bit.

Tony finally peaked his head out and sighed. When he pushed the covers down, Clint looked down at him with soft eyes. "I did it for his own good."

Clint's eyes widened now and he scoffed before he shook his head. "Bruce loves you, man. Why did you break his heart like that? All he ever did was take care of you and god forbid love you. You're not an easy person to love but Banner was pretty good at it."

Stark swallowed hard and felt fresh tears well in his eyes before he clenched his jaw, the tears escaping down his cheeks. "I'm not stable enough for a relationship. He wants me to tell him about every single panic attack, Barton, and… I just can't do that. I can't tell him when and why I have them. It won't do either of us any good. It doesn't feel good for me to tell him. I feel… all this shit inside of me and I feel like I'm going to explode and kill everyone close to me in the process."

Clint stood up and walked over to the curtains and opened them wide so sunlight shone in, brightening up the room some. He walked back over to Tony and searched the inventor's face. "If Bruce couldn't handle the stress of being close to you and taking your problems on top of his, he would be the one asking for space and he'd let you know he needs some help. I think you made a mistake and underestimated him."

"Fuck off, Barton…"

"No, I'm serious, man. You need to sort your shit out with him."

Tony groaned but kicked the comforter off his body, revealing his naked torso. He shook his head before rubbing his eyes with his hands. "It's just… better this way. He doesn't have to deal with me anymore. He'll lose his feelings for me and then when I finally do explode, he won't get any of the shrapnel."

Clint stiffened. " _When?_ You're anticipating this happening. Just because you're not around him as much doesn't mean that he won't still feel something. Do you… have a plan?"

The question hung in the air like a thick fog, causing more tension and uneasiness between them. Tony looked up at Clint and blinked back more tears. He took a shaky breath. "I've thought about it since… New York, but… I haven't thought about actually going through with it yet."

Clint folded his arms across his chest, looking down at Tony.

"Yet. Don't do this to yourself, man. You're just setting yourself up for disaster. This is your depression talking right now, Stark. You've been having a lot of anxiety attacks and you're tired of being stressed out and exhausted and… the dark voices in your head are telling you to give up but you just can't let them win," Clint urged him, his voice laced with worry.

"You should've been a psychiatrist," Tony replied in a slightly irritated voice. "I've got this under control. Just… don't worry about me, Barton."

"Someone has to," his voice came out in a whisper.

When Tony looked at him again, he saw a look in his eyes he'd never seen before and it almost startled him. He sat up now and cocked his head to the side, looking at Clint. "So who was it? Was it mom? Dad?"

Clint wet his lips and looked down at the bed, probably figuring it was pointless to lie to the genius who probably had it all figured out ahead of time. "It was my brother. He had depression too. It was too much for him and I was too young to know how to help him. I just… don't want you to end up like he did, Tone. We need you."

Tony had to stifle a laugh before he forced himself to stand. No one needed him, not really. They were all stronger than he was and even if Tony Stark did die, whether it be by an enemy's hand or his own, everyone might shed a tear and mourn for a day before everyone went about their everyday lives again. He wouldn't truly be missed by anyone. He was disposable.

He stretched out his aching muscles.

"You don't need me, Hawk. You're strong and resourceful enough."

Clint smirked slightly.

"That doesn't mean that I don't want you around to bust balls with. I'd miss that." Clint stood up too now and walked over to Tony before gently patting him. "Shower and then come down to your lab so we can put the kid's arm back on."

Tony had completely forgotten about Bucky's arm since the other day. He felt an excitement flicker in his veins. "How did it come out?"

Barton nodded. "It looks pretty damn good."

Tony nodded once and then walked into the bathroom to jump in the shower. Clint left the room and headed downstairs to the lab where Steve, Bruce, and Bucky were all sitting in chairs, anxiously waiting for Stark.

"Is he coming?" Steve asked eagerly.

"He's coming," Clint assured before he sat down in a chair near Bruce. He could tell that Bruce wasn't in the best of shape either. The doctor's eyes were red and puffy, as if he had been crying. He leaned in close to him and gently elbowed Banner to get his attention. "You all right, man?"

Bruce swallowed hard but looked at him and nodded slightly.

Clint knew it was a lie but he didn't want to push the topic so he sat back in his chair and waited for Tony to enter.

It took about ten minutes before Stark finally walked inside the lab. His hair was now damp but clean and his dark blue shirt was sticking to his body. He walked past everyone to look at the 3-D arm Jarvis had helped him create and he couldn't help but feel a little proud of himself; He was going to do some good after all.

"Did it come out the way you wanted it to?" A stray voice suddenly asked in the quiet room. Tony didn't have any doubt the voice belonged to Bruce, who was evidently trying to still be supportive even though they weren't a couple anymore.

Tony felt his stomach clench.

 _God, why did he still have to be concerned about him?_

It would've felt less painful for Tony if Bruce could be bitter and angry towards him.

"It came out better than I expected, Banner." Tony carefully took the painted arm that still had the Winter Soldier colors on the titanium alloy and walked over to where everyone else was.

Steve was looking at it curiously but approvingly, Hawkeye had skepticism in his eyes, Bucky also looked curiously at it, and Bruce just nodded and gave Tony a weak smile.

"That looks almost identical to the original one," Steve noted, inspecting it.

"Hopefully it'll be lighter than that one was," Bucky spoke in a low voice, as if he was afraid someone would hurt him for voicing his opinion. When the pain never came, he spoke again. "That was hell to lug around everywhere."

Everyone in the room chuckled now, even Tony a little bit, and then it was the inventor's turn to speak. "The hard part might be getting it on him. It's magnetized but it has to be lined up exactly or else it's going to be very uncomfortable and possibly painful."

Bruce took a small step back, not eager to help with the next step, and also thinking he wasn't as strong as the other men for the job. Tony tries to meet his eyes now but the doctor didn't make it easy for him. Maybe it hurt too much to have eye contact with the man who broke his heart.

"I'll help," Hawkeye volunteered automatically to avoid any more tension in the room.

"Yeah, me too," Steve also agreed, giving Bucky a small smile.

"Excellent, then I don't need to do any unnecessary leg work. I love when that happens," Tony half joked, running a hand through his wet hair. He handed the new prosthetic arm to Steve and watched the lifteCap's eyes light up in surprise.

"Wow, this is… so much lighter. How's he going to be able to use it in combat though?" Steve asked, concerned.

"I'll explain when we put it on him."

Hawkeye knew what his job was; he placed his hands on Bucky's shoulders and back to stop the younger man from moving while Steve attached the arm to him. Any movement would make the arm be off center and it was important that that didn't happen.

Bucky was looking uneasy but he was taking breaths to prepare himself for any discomfort. Steve made sure the arm was going to line up on the three signature points that Jarvis had helped design and then watched as the arm magnetically attached itself to Bucky Barnes, who then gave out a hiss of pain, but nothing more.

"You all right, Barnes?" Tony checked in.

Bucky nodded and looked at his arm with mixed emotions in his eyes. "So how am I supposed to defend myself if Hydra gets a hold of me again?"

Steve looked to have had the same question because he tensed up and then looked over at Tony. The inventor moved over to Barnes now and he lifted up three slightly loose metal tiles that were on his wrists.

"I'm going to do some tweaking but I'm thinking of creating some type of hidden blade under each wrist so when you move your hand a certain way, the blades will come up unexpectedly and disable the bad guy," Tony explained.

"Disable… you mean kill," Steve corrected him, a bit disapprovingly.

"Well, it'll do that too. What do you think, kid?"

"I like it," Bucky nodded slowly.

"I don't like it," Steve Rogers spoke up now, his tone serious. "What if one of us is around him and he 'moves his hand that certain way' and the blades come out and hurt us? What happens then?"

Tony had to admit he hadn't thought about that but if Bucky had one of his episodes again, that could be disastrous. He sighed. "It won't do much to you because of the super serum my old man gave you, but I suppose it could do some damage to the rest of us. Look. I haven't put the blades in there yet, but I could fix it so there's no accidents, all right, Cap? It's not too late."

Steve still looked disapproving but he just nodded once. He shifted his body uncomfortably. "His other arm helped protect him because of its weight. How's he going to defend himself, apart from the hidden blades?"

Tony was starting to question himself the more that Steve did. Maybe his ideas weren't so great after all. Maybe creating a new arm was just a mistake he should have avoided in the first place. "Well… he's been practicing with Hawkeye a lot lately, he could continue doing that. It'll help with agility and self-defense. Legolas, would you mind?"

Hawkeye shook his head. "No, man. It's cool. I can do that with him some more."

Steve looked over at Bucky who seemed to be trying to get used the weight, or lack thereof, of his new arm. "How do _you_ feel about all of this, Buck?"

James Barnes looked over at him now and he shrugged. "I don't know. I like the idea of having hidden blades in my wrists and still being able to defend myself without them, and without my arm."

"Good, then it's settled. Hawkeye will continue training him and I'll make the secret weapons for Assassin's Creed over there. Good chat," Tony eyed Steve who seemed befuddled by the reference but left the lab without another word.

Hawkeye walked over to Bucky and Tony heard him offer to start the training right now, to which Bucky nodded, and the two also left the room, leaving Bruce and Tony alone. The doctor had been about to leave as well but Stark caught him in time.

"Bruce, can we talk for a minute, or two, possibly?" Tony asked him.

"There's…. nothing to talk about, Tony."

"Do you really believe that, or does it make you feel better to lie to yourself?"

Bruce swallowed hard and walked closer over to his ex. "It makes it easier. I don't... mean to be this… clingy and insecure person but… I still don't understand why you had to break us up. What did I do? What didn't I do?"

The questions were ones he'd heard from his one night stands before but it hurt so much worse hearing them come out of this man's mouth. Tony took a shaky breath and let it out before he looked up at Bruce. "It's not you –"

"It's me? Really, Tony? You're going to say something stupid and cliché to justify our breaking up?"

Stark sighed now and knocked his chair off in frustration. "What do you want from me, Bruce?"

"A straight answer would be a good start!"

Tony didn't know how to answer a question like that. Either way it would hurt them but it would hurt Bruce more to hear Tony say the truth. He wet his lips as he felt his heart beating faster in his chest.

 _No, he wasn't going to panic right now. He couldn't._

It would just add to his embarrassment of the entire situation.

"I am… a ticking time bomb, Bruce. I haven't been feeling 100% since That Day in New York, in case you haven't noticed, and I can feel everything building and building up inside of me and… and I'm fucking terrified that one day I'm going to explode. I'm not going to be able to handle anything anymore and it'll all just be too much for me to take. And you'll find me," Tony blurted out, ending the last sentence in a faint whisper.

Bruce looked confused momentarily before understanding and sadness filled his eyes. He shook his head. "No, it won't get that far, Tony. I'll help you. I won't let you get that low…"

"Don't you see, Banner? You can't… stop it! It's something that's been building inside of me and it's only a matter of time… you can't help me or prevent it from happening. I've been thinking about doing it for a long time and I'm determined enough to do it."

"Shut up, Tony! Just stop it! Shut up for two goddamn minutes and listen to me!" Bruce exclaimed now. "I'm not going to let you kill yourself. I love you too much to let that happen. I can stop it if I'm there for you but you need to let me be there! You need to let me in."

Tony looked down now and shook his head. "It's not just that."

Bruce moved closer towards Tony. "What else is it then, Tony?" He asked gently.

Stark looked down at his drawing board on his desk, quiet for several moments before he finally answered. "I'm not… good at doing this whole… communication and connecting thing. I have trouble connecting with someone on a cellular level and I can't explain why something happens. Like with my panic attacks. I don't want to tell you every single time I have one because it doesn't make any difference when I have them, or why. I just have them and then they're done, and that's it. You want me to tell you everything that happens with me and I just can't be like that. I can't connect with you on that kind of level, Bruce. I can't… be what you want me to be."

The doctor looked almost hurt and his eyebrows furrowed but then he reached out and hesitantly took Tony's hand into his own. He held it for a long time before finally speaking. "That's fine, Tony. You don't need to tell me everything that happens to you but… I need you to make two promises to me, if you still want to be together, I mean."

"I want to, Bruce. I want to still be with you…" Tony searched his face desperately. "What are the two things?"

Bruce started to caress Tony's hand. "I'd like you to tell me the important things that happen with you, and it's fine if it's not the panic attacks but… if you start having _those_ kinds of thoughts again, I'd like you to come to me. Secondly, I don't want you to shut me out, Tony. I want you to talk to me and let me be a part of your projects to help you lift some of the burden off your shoulders. I want you to let me help you if it becomes too much sometimes."

"Okay," Tony nodded. "I can… try to do that."

"That's all I can ask of you," Bruce gave him a small smile and leaned in but stopped short, searching Tony's eyes to make sure that the two of them were on the same page.

Stark answered his question silently by leaning into him and kissing the doctor's lips softly, lovingly. When Bruce returned the kiss, Tony casually moved away and also smiled back at him now, feeling surprisingly light.

"Do you want to help me make the kid dangerous again?"

Bruce chuckled now and nodded. "Yeah, I would. Thank you…"

Tony knew it would take time to get used to being open with Bruce, but he wanted to try. He wanted to be the best person he could be and he would do try if it meant that he could be around Bruce again. Maybe the doctor was right; maybe he could get past the dark thoughts by opening up some more, and he didn't have to go it alone. Maybe.


	21. Commitment

So I'm thinking of tying up some ends with this story within the next few chapters or so and then I might write another Avengers fanfic that won't be a sequel to this one.

I just want to thank all ya'll for reviewing and tell you that your input and reviews give me life!

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Chapter 21: Commitment

…

Tony had forced Bruce to take a break for a late lunch even though he had wanted to work still alongside his on-again boyfriend. He still continued to work on the hidden blades he wanted to install underneath Bucky's armor where his wrists were. Even though Steve didn't seem too hot on the idea of giving his friend even more weaponry than he already was, Tony knew that it would help give them a leg up on Hydra if they were ever attacked. As far as Hydra was concerned, they didn't know that Bucky had gotten a new arm and most likely figured he still had the one that they had put on him years ago.

" _Sir, you appear to be having difficulty as per your elevated heartrate. Is there anything I can help you with?"_

Tony groaned in frustration and rubbed his eyes.

"Nice of you to be concerned for your old man's well-being, as always, Jarv. I should can't figure out how to make the blades come out when Barnes is going to move a certain way, but I can't think of any other ways to make the blades come out either. Suggestions?"

" _Might I recommend some type of button Mr. Barnes will press during combat that will make the blades release and sheathe? I suggest recreating the outline of your own hand armor that wraps around his arm and downward so the button will be easily accessible during combat, Mr. Stark."_

Tony started to draw an outline on the computerized drawing board, connecting certain points on the screen so it looked like a near replica of his own hand repulsors, minus the repulsors and in place of it, the button that would be pressed. Once he finished drawing the rough blueprint of it, he made it three-dimensional and enlarged it so he could look at it from all angles.

"That's a good idea, Jarvis. I don't know what I'd do without you…"

" _I'm hardly convinced you would be able to tie your own shoes without me, Sir."_

Tony couldn't help but smirk at the sass in Jarvis' voice. Like father, like son. He looked back at the drawing and sighed, still unsure how that button will get pressed if Bucky was in hand-to-hand combat with someone else. Also, there had to be a safeguard on it as long as the kid was under his roof; the last thing Tony Stark wanted was for the blades to come out during a brainwashing episode and stab Bruce or Clint, or even himself, and mortally wound any of them.

Just like guns need a safety, Bucky needed one as well.

" _Is there anything else I can help you with?"_

"Not at the moment, J, but thanks all the same…" Tony spoke, his mind on auto-pilot as he tried to think of the different variations he could go about making the button. He hated to ask Jarvis for solutions for every single thing he couldn't do so he mentally promised himself he'd either go to Bruce first to get the issue solved or wait and see if he could figure out a solution himself.

He had started to make part of the flexible metal for Bucky's glove and was about half an hour into it when he heard the cool, English accent echo in the room again.

" _Sir, I apologize for the interruption, but Miss. Potts is inside the building and currently located in the kitchen. Would you like me to direct her down to your lab?"_

Tony sighed to himself and set his tools down before taking his safety goggles off. "That won't be necessary. Tell her I'm coming up."

" _Of course, Mr. Stark."_

He put his gloves down and then ran his hands through his hair before he walked up the stairs and into the kitchen. He could hear Bruce talking coolly with her while Clint ate a sandwich near the counter and watched the television from the kitchen, and Steve and Bucky both ate in silence at the table. The talking stopped when Tony's current boyfriend and his ex-wife both saw him.

"Well isn't this a cozy reunion? What can I do for you, Mrs. Stark?"

Pepper walked over to Tony and placed a folder on the table before opening it. "You can give me back my name, Tony. I signed everything."

Tony flipped through the pages. _Divorce papers._ Of course. He pursed his lips and nodded, biting back all the horrible things he wanted to say to her, not because she wanted a divorce, but because he knew what she was getting out of it. "If I didn't know you any better, I'd think you just were in it for the money."

"Well good thing you know me better than that, Tony."

Tony ignored the sad looks Steve and Bucky were both giving him right now and picked up a pen. "Do I, though? I mean, it's a good thing I signed that prenupt or else you'd be getting nothing out of this, right? That _is_ why you stayed with me for so long, right, Pepper? So you could get that prenupt money and control my entire company?"

"You should probably stop saying things now, Tony. You're making an idiot out of yourself. You know damn well I loved you," Pepper argued calmly. "Just… sign the papers so I can go."

Tony felt agitated by her condescending tone as well as just by her very presence. After being with Bruce, seeing her here just set his skin on fire. He went through the paperwork and signed on the appropriate lines before he shut the folder and threw it to her.

"If you're done ruining my life now, you can leave. You know the way out still, right?" Tony asked in a bitter voice.

"Oh, Tony," Pepper's voice came again, causing him to grind his teeth. "I didn't have to do anything to ruin your life. You did that all on your own. Goodbye, Mr. Stark."

He put on a very forced smile. "Goodbye, Miss. Potts."

He watched as she ignored the other men in the room and left the Tower, obviously satisfied with herself. Tony pinched the bridge of his nose before he looked around the quiet room now. "Don't ever get married, fellas. It'll cause you nothing but money and pain."

Clint chuckled quietly now and it somehow broke the tension in the room. Bucky and Steve went back to talking again and it seemed like Steve was attempting to help him remember the person he was before Hydra got a hold of him. Bruce walked over to Tony and gently caressed his back lovingly.

"At least it's over with now. Let her have half your things. You can afford it and it'll get her out of our hair," Bruce replied, smirking. "Besides, that divorce gave us the option to marry if you ever feel up to that kind of commitment."

"Are you kidding? Pepper pretty much put me in a corner when she said she wanted to marry me. I was nowhere ready for that. I love you, Bruce, but… I don't need a piece of paper to tell me or anyone else something we already know."

Bruce's face paled a little bit and hurt tinged his eyes. "You… don't want to marry me, ever?"

Tony chewed on his lip anxiously and took a deep breath. "One day, definitely. Just… not right now. We have too many things going on at the moment and we need to focus on that first before we can even start to think about that kind of commitment to each other. I wasn't ready the first time. I want to be ready this time so I don't make the same mistake twice. It doesn't mean I'm going to run around on you though, Bruce. You're the only person I want to be with."

The doctor nodded now and he gave a small smile. "Okay, all right. I love you too, Tony. You're… you're right," Bruce nodded now, shrugging. "We need to focus on this right now."

Tony's heart dropped. He knew that Bruce was just agreeing to avoid conflict or to get upset and he was actually feeling hurt inside. He sighed and watched as Bruce grabbed a bottle of water. "I'm going to the workout room for a couple hours."

He knew this needed to be talked about but he supposed it could wait. Maybe Bruce would run off his frustration and he'd feel better. Tony just watched as his companion walked up the stairs to the thirteenth floor and then cleared his throat before he turned his attention to Bucky.

"How's that new arm feeling for you, Barnes? Any problems?"

Bucky seemed surprised by Tony's sudden question that was directed to him but he looked up at the genius and nodded. "Yeah, it… it feels good."

"Light?" Tony asked, nodding in encouragement to get Bucky to talk. "You can move around okay?"

The Winter Soldier nodded again and moved his shoulder around in demonstration, nearly knocking Steve out who had to lean back out of the way to avoid being hit. He bent his elbow and Tony watched as the arm moved with him. "It's really light. I forget that it's still metal."

Tony gave him a small smile and gave him a rough pat on the shoulder. "Good. I'm glad it's working out for you, kid." He moved over to Hawkeye who had migrated into the living room and had finished his lunch and was watching cartoons.

He sat down on the couch beside the other man.

"Hey," Clint greeted. "I was thinking of training with the kid some more today."

"How's he doing in the training room? Can he still move and hit all right?" Tony turned to look at the archer, glancing up occasionally at the plasma television that hung on the wall.

Clint started nodded and then shrugged, smirking. "I don't think he's used to the lighter arm yet. He's been losing his balance a lot and by the time he's about to hit me, I've already gotten there at least twenty seconds faster. It's going to take a while to train Bucky and get him used to the weight of his prosthetic."

Tony shook his head and sighed. "That's a good way to give him some added stress."

"I guess. Don't worry, Stark, I'll get him trained for combat. How's the hidden blades coming along?" Clint asked now, looking at the other man.

"I'm making the glove part for him right now so I'll actually have a place to hide the retraction system for the blades and the button for them. I'll need to get Barnes downstairs later for a fitting and to test it out but I think it'll come out all right," Tony answered but feeling a bit unsure of himself.

"What's wrong?"

Stark ran his hands through his hair. "I hate saying this but I've been thinking about what the Cap has been saying about how it could possibly be a bad idea," he nearly whispered to him. "I just am not sure how to put a safety on the button inside. I mean, one bad brainwashing episode and he could slit all of our throats before we even know what happened."

Hawkeye chewed nervously on his lip for a bit, taking all of this in. "You're a genius and an inventor. Put some of that Stark science tech into the button, man! What about having J come up with something for it so when Bucky does have an episode, if he hits the button, the blades won't shoot out and he won't go Kill Bill on us all?"

Tony put his leg up on the table and cocked his head to the side. "That's… a brilliant idea, Barton. Why didn't I think of that sooner?"

"Because you're not actually a genius. Maybe you should be Hawkeye and I'll be the billionaire who sleeps around?" Clint suggested, grinning.

Tony chuckled now. "Used to sleep around, past tense. Anyway, I'm not really a straight shooter so that would never work out."

The archer laughed, still grinning now before nodding. "Fair enough, Tony."

He pushed himself off the couch now sighed, stretching his body before he walked over to the table where Bucky was talking quietly to Steve but was looking a bit nervous now. Whatever Steve was talking to him about, it was apparent that it was making Bucky uneasy. Tony cleared his voice to announce his presence and gently hit Bucky lightly on his back.

"Hey, mind if I steal you away from your grandfather for an hour or two? I need your help with something downstairs," Tony asked the Winter Soldier.

Bucky looked confused at the reference of Steve but Steve just rolled his eyes at the comment. "Uh, yeah… okay." He pushed in his chair as he got up and then led Tony down into the basement where the lab was. "What did you need help with?"

"I fibbed. I just wanted to get you away from Rogers for a while. Sit down at the desk though. I need to do a fitting on you anyway," Tony instructed as he picked up the metal wrist piece he had been working on earlier and bent the metal to fit on the good arm, making sure it would wrap around where he wanted it to. "I'm going to rework the button of your metal arm once I get the button and everything made into this piece so I can just open the forearm part of it and you'll be able to press the button whenever you need to."

Bucky just nodded, trying to wrap his head around Tony's ideas. He was quiet as he watched Tony shape and form the bendable metal to his opposite arm. "I… I don't want to hurt anyone…"

The timid comment made Tony stop working and look over at him, searching the other man's face. "Of course you don't. I mean, none of us do. Do you… feel like another brainwashing attack is coming on? Is that why you said that?"

Bucky shrugged and then sighed.

"Steve said it's not safe here for me. He… was telling me how I'm a danger to everyone here and it might be better if the two of us go somewhere else."

Tony could feel his anger towards Rogers start to bubble under his skin. He swallowed it back and began to focus on shaping the forearm brace for Bucky instead. "Trust me, Barnes. You're not safer out there than you are in here with the rest of us. It's actually quite the opposite, with or without Steve. Do you want to leave here?"

Bucky didn't hesitate when he shook his head slowly and then he looked conflicted. He cast his eyes down at what Tony was finishing doing. "I'm afraid of running into Hydra again. I don't want to go back. I… I won't go back."

The last part was more of a declaration. Tony couldn't blame him; Hydra had turned him into a weapon. Bucky wasn't even Bucky. He was The Asset. He wasn't a person anymore, but a dangerous object. Tony finished the fitting and then placed the brace back on the table again before he looked back at Bucky.

"You don't have to. You don't… always have to listen to Steve. He's not your handler," this made Bucky look up at him. "Just tell him no, that you're not going anywhere. I sure as hell don't recommend you leave here. You're not safe out there. At least Clint, Bruce, Steve and I can all help protect you here. Try and not let Steve stress you out, okay? The more stressed you are, the more likely you can go into Hydra attack mode again. We don't want that."

Bucky looked tense but he managed a small nod in agreement.

Tony sat down next to Bucky. "Can you flip your arm over for me? I just got an idea." When Bucky obeyed, Stark reached over and grabbed his Dremel saw and started to cut down the center of it, ignoring the other man's flinching and uneasy looks. Suddenly, the door opened and he saw Steve storming down the stairs and walking over to them.

Tony didn't stop sawing at the metal until he reached Bucky's forearm. He shut it off and then looked up at Rogers. "What's up, Cap?"

Steve didn't seem amused. "What the hell are you doing, Stark? You could've sliced his whole arm wide open! Why didn't you do your little experiment here when the arm was still off of him?"

The inventor gave a dismissal shrug. "I just thought of my idea right now. See, I didn't have it before or else I would've sawed it then, obviously. I was careful of Terminator here… don't worry your spangles about him, all right?"

Steve looked on the verge of knocking Tony unconscious, his jaw clenched tightly. "I thought our goal was to not stress him out? He could've had an episode while you were doing that!"

Stark sighed heavily and looked at Steve. "He could have but he didn't. Also, you want to harass me for stressing him out? What about the little pep talk you gave him earlier about how he's not safe here? What the hell are _you_ thinking, Rogers? He's safer here than anywhere else!"

Steve looked down at Bucky with an exasperated look before looking back up at Tony. "I'll talk about that later with you, alone. Just… finish whatever you're doing here with him and take him to Clint for training."

"You're giving me orders now, Capsicle? This is _my_ Tower!" Tony exclaimed before Steve started out of the lab and closed the door behind him.

Bucky looked down at the table, afraid to meet anyone's' eyes.

Tony let out a long breath and started to wrap the brace around Bucky's arm and hand, sans the button and the blades he would need to put in. "Listen, none of this is your fault. Don't let Steve make you feel guilty or anything. With a group as big as ours, communication is key. The Cap's just worried about you and he wants you to be safe. He's just too stubborn to see that you're safer here with the rest of us outcasts."

Bucky gave a weak smile now and nodded in understanding again.

"Here's what I'm going to do. The brace for the button and he blades fits pretty well on you but I'm only going to make it for this arm. That way, the blades will be hidden sight until you hit that button. Are you okay with that? Does it feel okay? Comfortable?"

"Yes," Bucky answered, nodding.

"Good." Tony took the brace off of his arm and set it aside before he looked at him. "You know where the training room is. Go play with Barton so I can have a talk with Rogers."

Like a kid, Bucky stood up obediently and then walked quickly out of the lab, leaving Tony alone. "Jarvis, please tell the Cap to come down so we can have a proper chat."

" _Will do, sir."_

A few minutes later, as Tony had started to work on the retraction for the blades, Steve came down. "If I have to come down here one more time, I might actually throw you out of your own Tower, Stark."

Tony looked at him with pretend hurt eyes. "You wanted to talk to me! Let's talk but while I work. I'm trying to get all of this done for your army buddy. I just thought you'd be a bit more appreciative."

Steve raised his eyebrows.

"Appreciative? Tony, I just want to get Bucky fixed up and done with your little experiment, and then leave with him. It's not safe for him here…"

"And it's safer out there?" Tony slammed down his hand and looked at Steve tensely. "No matter where he is, Hydra is close by. Nowhere is safe unless we're all there with him and we can properly protect him. You brought him back here so he'd be safe –"

"And he wasn't! He nearly died trying to protect you from your own suits, he got third degree burns, and has had at least two brainwashing episodes since I brought him here!" Steve argued, throwing his hands up in the air. "You really think giving him another weapon on top of his brainwashing is what he really needs right now, Tony? Call me crazy, but I don't think blades are going to protect him or us! I think it's the last thing anyone needs right now."

Tony stood up. "You're crazy, Cap. All those things that have happened to Bucky so far is just experience. He's living, and he's getting through it. You treat him like he's your adopted son or something but he's a lot smarter than you give him credit for. Just so you know, I plan to have Jarvis wire the button by his heart rate and stress levels so it can tell when he has an episode, and he won't be able to make the blades come out during one, thereby, protecting all of us."

Steve was breathing heavy with frustration but he appeared to be quickly losing momentum. He searched Tony's face for any sign of lying and he unclenched his jaw. "Really? You can do that?"

Tony nodded now. "Yeah, you can thank Barton for the idea by the way since he came up with it."

Steve rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed now. He cleared his throat and then sighed. "Do you really think Bucky is safer here?"

Stark didn't waste any time in nodding, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "I do, actually. I believe that at least we can stop an episode if it happens here, and you won't be able to help him by yourself if you both are out there. The wiring of the button is our safety. As long as the safety is on, the rest of us are safe too. If Hydra burst in here, at least all of us can do our thing to protect him from being taken again but honestly, I don't think Hydra is planning on hurting us from out there. I think they're counting on Barnes getting stressed out and his episodes coming on that way to hurt us. They're none the wiser. They still think he has the old arm on."

Steve's expression turned skeptical now. "No, they don't. Their tracking was in the old arm, which we took off. They know he's not wearing the same arm."

A smirk spread across Tony's face now. "You really underestimate me, old man. I found that tracking device and I unwired it, and then rewired it back into the new arm, by his shoulder. As far as they know, Bucky's still a weapon of mass destruction here to take us all out."

Steve Rogers now was looking a mixture of both embarrassed and genuinely impressed. He let out a small chuckle and smirked as well. "Well, then I suppose I owe you an apology, Stark. It turns out you're not completely useless after all."

Tony shrugged. "Not completely."


	22. Attempt

Thank you for the reviews! It's always nice to read those!

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Chapter 22: Attempt

…

Tony had finished situating the small, smooth button inside the metal glove part that would rest in Bucky's hand and around his fingers comfortably and wiped his beaded forehead on his arm, transferring his sweat from one part of his body to another. He looked over at the man who had come back from training about an hour ago as the sun was setting. He looked as exhausted as Stark felt.

"I think I just about got it. Bring your arm over here, Barnes," Tony instructed and watched as Bucky obediently leaned forward and placed his arm on the desk so the genius could do what he needed to do.

He opened the forearm part he had made earlier on around lunch and then looped the new metal glove around Bucky's thumb, middle finger, and his pinky before wrapping it around and snapping it closed.

"Are we almost done?"

His voice was tired with slight irritation laced in it as well. Tony couldn't blame him. Clint had him training several hours a day; that was enough to exhaust even the strongest person.

"Yeah, just a few more minutes. Sit tight and I'll have you out of here soon," Tony promised. "Jarvis, can you sync Barnes' heartrate and everything else into the button and give me the stats?"

" _Of course, sir."_ Everything was quiet for several moments and Tony watched as Bucky flipped his hand over and examined the button that was built into his hand armor. _"James Barnes' heartrate is steady with no irregularities, however, the serum Hydra gave him to fortify his muscles and increase his stamina has made his resting heartrate slightly elevated but remains at a healthy range. Blood pressure appears to be elevated as well, perhaps due to stress. There appears to be no other irregularities I can ascertain. Syncing is complete."_

"Great. Thanks, J." He looked over at Bucky not wanting to let him know why he had done that, figuring it would be for the best. He needed the safety on the button since Bucky was already an almost fully loaded weapon. "Okay, last thing. Time to make you dangerous again."

Tony grabbed the blades he had made out of the leftover steel that wouldn't break if damaged, and connected them to the inside wrist part underneath that would conceal the daggers until Bucky pressed the button. He watched and made sure they were properly attached and then closed up the underside of Bucky's arm again.

"Okay, test time. Press the button with whatever finger is closest to the button and feels the most comfortable for you," Stark instructed. He leaned back in his chair and waited.

Bucky pressed the button with his index finger and watched as two semi small, but very sharp blades shot out from underneath the metal and out of the two holes that Tony had drilled into the wrist armor of his arm. He eyed them curiously and then looked up at the inventor.

"Great, right? How does it feel? Do you feel any pain anywhere in your armor?" When Bucky shook his head, his eyes furrowed in questioning and Tony stiffened. "What is it? What's wrong, Barnes?"

"How do I get it to go back inside?"

Tony relaxed. "Oh, all right… well that's easy. Hit the button again. It should disappear," Tony replied, watching Bucky.

The Winter Soldier pressed the secret button on his palm again and he watched as the blades sheathed themselves back inside his armor. He smirked slightly. "You should've give me two more for my good arm. I could be twice as dangerous."

Tony stifled a chuckle and tried to hide his own smirk.

"You'll already be twice as dangerous when Barton gets you pumped up again. The last thing you need is four blades. I think two is enough for now, don't you?"

Bucky shrugged and chuckled. "I guess."

Then the lab door opened and Bruce peeked his head inside. "Dinner's ready, guys. Come on up."

Tony smiled and stood up. "Perfect timing. I'm starving." He lead Bucky upstairs and upon reaching the kitchen, he saw Steve eye him unsurely before giving his friend a small pat on his back and handing him a plate.

The men stood in a line to get their helping of pasta, sauce, and garlic bread. Clint took his fork and playfully jabbed Bruce lightly, impatient to get the rest of his food.

"Ow! What the hell, Tony?"

Stark laughed now and shook his head. "That wasn't me this time, Jolly Green. That was all Barton. Besides, I'm _still_ at the end of the food line because someone up there is taking too long!"

Bruce chuckled now. "Sorry, I couldn't decide how much sauce I wanted." He got out of the line and headed for the living room, giving Steve dibs on food now.

"Come on! Some of us aren't old enough to be WWII veterans. We don't have forever like you do," Clint complained as he stood eagerly in line.

Steve turned around after he dished his pasta and looked at Clint as he spooned the sauce over it. "You know, back in my day, young people knew how to respect their elders."

"Yeah? Well back in your day, people died of polio and never heard of Nirvana so back in your day was pretty crappy. I respect you served in a war, Cap, but I can't respect how long you're taking to serve yourself dinner," Clint joked.

Steve cracked a small smile now and shook his head before he grabbed his bread and also followed Bruce's suit before walking towards the living room. Tony decided to grab everyone something to drink while he waited in line. At least he could feel like he was doing something productive. He got wine for him and Bruce, two beers for Clint and Bucky, and decided to just let Steve pick out whatever he wanted. He placed the bottle of wine and two glasses near Bruce, who gave him a small, but loving smile before returning to the show on television. He poured wine into the glasses and then placed the beers on the table where he knew Clint and Bucky would both sit, with Steve crammed into the middle.

"Finally! Oh GOD!" Clint exclaimed as he started scooping large spoonfuls of pasta and sauce onto his plate.

Tony walked over to him and waited until Bucky had grabbed his bread and left into the living room, sitting exactly where the inventor knew he would sit, before he looked over at Clint. "Hey, I finished installing Bucky's twin blades into his arm."

"Oh, right," Clint said as he took a piece of bread. "So now when he has an episode, he can slit all of our throats and spinal cords, right?"

Tony shook his head and narrowed his eyes playfully. "I assumed Steve wouldn't keep the secret to himself but I assumed wrong. I had Jarvis install a failsafe so the button is wired to know when Barnes has an episode and can make it so if he presses it, the blades remain inside and won't hurt anyone."

Clint looked genuinely impressed. "Oh, well… wow, good job, I guess. That's pretty smart thinking, man. How does… Metalocalypse feel about being loaded up?"

Tony shrugged. "As far as I can tell, he thinks it's great. He suggested I give him two other blades on the other arm. He's probably used to feeling dangerous. Hydra made him that way so it's probably wired in him to want to be armed all the time."

Clint started heading towards the living room. "It probably makes him feel safer."

Tony let the archer go and he let their conversation die. He should save business talk for later when they all weren't in such an easygoing, laid back mindset right now. He filled up his plate and then also went into the living room to sit on Bucky's left hand side next to Bruce.

The five men all talked conversationally and laughed when it was appropriate, but Bucky wasn't looking all that up for talking after a while. Once dinner was over and they were all laying back and digesting their dinners, Bucky awkwardly excused himself to leave for the bathroom. Tony waited for him for several minutes before he also left and walked over to the bathroom down the hall, knocking.

"Hey, I know Bruce's cooking isn't the best but it isn't that bad either," he joked, not feeling comfortable enough to go headlong into something deep and meaningful right away. When he got no answer, he tried the knob and found it unlocked.

He slowly opened it and saw Bucky leaning forward over the sink with his eyes closed, his face scrunched up in pain. Tony walked in now and closed the door behind him. "Hey, what's going on, Barnes? Are you feeling okay?"

"You… you should get out, Stark…"

"What?" Tony tensed up slightly. "Are you feeling all right?"

Bucky swallowed hard but he was clenching at the sink so tightly, the marble was starting to crumble a little bit. "I just… I have a headache," the winter soldier winced. "If I have an episode, I don't… want to hurt you…"

Well that was certainly progress in the friendship department if Stark ever heard it.

Tony hesitated. "Maybe we should take you to the safe room, just in case?"

Bucky glared at him now.

"In case, what?"

"In case it's not 'just a headache.' You've been training with Hawkeye a lot, and that can put some added stress on you. It's not uncommon for your body to be more stressed out than your mind, but stress is stress. It can add up. Let's just take a moment to breathe, shall we?"

"Shut up! Just… g-get out! Get out of here now!" Bucky shouted, putting his hands to his head.

Tony felt hesitant to leave him here alone. He stuck his head out of the bathroom door. "A little help over here, guys?" He called out to them.

Suddenly, he felt a rough hand pull him back into the bathroom and close the door before locking it and it was then that Tony knew he was in trouble. Bucky's eyes no longer looked soft, but cold and calculating. His whole body was tensed up and he was clenching his jaw.

"Barnes… this isn't you, okay?" Tony tried to calm him down. Maybe he could turn off the switch by himself. "You're not Hydra property anymore. You're James Buchanan Barnes…"

He felt Bucky grab his neck roughly and then throw him across the corner of the sink. Tony felt a wave of dizziness as he landed on the floor now. He felt something warm trickling down his temple but he couldn't get up.

He could hear the _click click_ of the door though as someone on the other side tried to open it and couldn't.

"Tony?" Bruce's voice could faintly be heard now. "Unlock the door!"

"Can't…" Stark's voice was barely audible in his ears that he wasn't sure he had even said anything. "I can't! Get Barton!"

Bucky, or rather The Asset, didn't say anything but he had the same dark look in his eyes. He grabbed Tony's shirt with his metal arm and then threw him into the floor hard, pushing his body into the tile as if he were nothing at all.

Tony groaned in pain and saw that a piece of his arc reactor had chipped off. He could feel the panic start to build up quickly until he grew dizzy. Now wasn't the best time for a panic attack but it was coming whether he liked it or not. He tried to push himself up off the floor but Bucky still had him pinned down. He felt like a helpless turtle, sans Iron Man suit.

"Come on, Barnes! Y-You don't w-want to do this! You're n-not him! Y-You're not the Winter Soldier…" Tony continued to try.

Bucky now threw him against the sink again and then Tony heard the successfully _click_ of a door that had been broken into and opened. He saw Clint duck when Bucky tried to punch him and hit the door instead, causing a large gash in the top of it. Then, to Stark's relief for once in his life, he saw Steve hurry inside and then shove Bucky against the wall.

 _Good. The two of them could duke this out now._

At least they were the same build.

Clint pulled Tony out of the bathroom now as the whole house seemed to waver every time the inventor tried to stand up. He could hear Steve try to talk to his friend and then Bucky groaning and yelling in frustration from inside the room but his panic didn't cease.

Bruce now entered the bathroom to aid Steve.

Clint kneeled in front of Tony. "Hey, man. Look at me. Try to focus on me, okay? Try not to think about what's going on in there. Just listen to my voice and try to focus on that, all right?" He searched Tony's eyes and then eyed his head a bit nervously. "I'm going to help you up and we're going to go into the kitchen, okay?"

All Tony could do was nod as all the sounds blurred together.

He got to his feet and was about to fall when Clint put Tony's arm around his shoulder and quickly helped him into the kitchen. Tony closed his eyes, still feeling dizzy and tired. "I… I need to help Bruce. Help me get my suit, Pepper…"

He staggered to his knees in his eagerness to get the main piece that was in the living room that would call to the rest of his suit but his legs weren't going to let him do that. His mind hadn't registered the name he had given Clint and he forgot about it as quickly as it happened.

"No, Tony," the archer urged, helping him back down so his back was against the bottom kitchen cupboards. "They've got this under control. Just try and relax, and I don't know whether to be flattered or offended at being called by your ex-wife's name but I guess since you're in poor condition at the moment, I'll let it slide," Clint winked at him.

Hawkeye stood up and grabbed a kitchen towel before he ran it under cool water and then knelt back down in front of Tony and dabbed at the cut on his head.

Tony winced and hissed in pain. "Just leave it! I'm fine!"

"Clint! I need your help!" came a voice from inside the bathroom. "I c-can't hold him without the Hulk!"

Barton took Tony's hand and made him hold the cool towel to it now. "Just hold it there," he ordered soothingly. "Okay! I'm coming! Switch places with me!"

A few seconds later, Tony opened his eyes again and saw Bruce. He relaxed a little now. "Are you okay? Did he hurt you?" He blinked and saw Bruce turn into three other Bruce Banners before merging back into one.

He had a few bruises on his face but no serious damage.

"I'm fine, Tony. How are you? Are you dizzy at all? Nauseous?" Bruce moved his index finger across Tony's line of vision to see if his companion could follow it.

Stark blinked several times and took a deep breathe to test out to see if his lungs were still okay, and then remembered his arc reactor. He lifted up shirt and looked at his chest to see that the blue was flickering a little bit and the outer rim was damaged. He sighed now in frustration and looked up at Bruce.

"Answer me, man. Come on… talk to me."

All the inventor could think about right now was how he would have to create a new rim for the arc reactor and he hated doing that. He should have made back up ones like he had for the reactor itself. "I'm fine. I mean, I'm dizzy but I'm okay… not nauseous. Just… really pissed off."

"It's not his fault. It had to have been the stress of training and the stress of making additions to a whole new arm. Don't be mad at him, Tone," Bruce urged, still holding the towel on his head and applied pressure.

The other man winced in pain and tried to push the doctor away without much physical force, not wanting to hurt him. "Ow! Please, just… stop, Bruce! It really fucking hurts, okay? Just… don't touch it."

Bruce sighed and rubbed his temples. "Tony, it hurts because you need stitches. The bleeding isn't stopping. I'm going to get my first aid stuff from my room. Stay here, okay?" He didn't wait for an answer before he started running up the stairs.

Of course he wasn't going to stay where he was. He needed to see what was going on in the bathroom. He forced himself up off the cold floor and walked back over to the damaged bathroom door and saw Bucky on his back on the floor with Steve and Clint both holding him down with their knees and hands.

"Anything I can do to help?"

"I think you've helped quite enough, Stark," Steve growled in irritation.

Tony stiffened when he heard the anger in his voice. "Hey, what the hell are you yelling at me for? I didn't cause this! Stress did! This wasn't my fault, Cap!" He staggered, barely catching the doorway as the yelling triggered another wave of dizziness.

Clint looked over at his friend and swallowed hard when he saw a line of blood trailing down from Tony's forehead again. "Tony… you should go sit down and let Bruce stitch you up. We're okay in here, man."

Bucky seemed to be getting tired now as he still groaned in frustration but he couldn't get both men off of him; he was losing momentum finally.

He then felt someone guide him back into the kitchen and sit him in a chair at the dining table before sitting down beside him. Then he felt a mixture of cold liquid and pain crash into his nerves when the doctor dabbed peroxide onto the cut on his head.

Tony hissed in pain now but let Bruce work. He was quiet, his mind trailing off and thinking about Steve's accusations and his anger towards him, thinking about Bucky, and how he couldn't help him. The last part seemed to hurt the most. He had spent the last couple weeks building everything for the winter soldier to help him because that's all Tony Stark wanted to do, was to help his friends. He couldn't even do that.

"What did you say to him before he flipped?" Bruce asked gently as he started to stitch up the cut.

Tony winced in pain. "Barnes was complaining of a headache and I offered to help. Then he was telling me to get out of the bathroom and I refused, and that's when it happened. I was just trying to help him, Bruce! I didn't set him off on purpose."

"I know, Tony. I wasn't trying to accuse you of anything. Just… try and calm down," Bruce replied calmly as he started to finish up the stitches. "I just wanted to know the whole story. I know he's been under a lot of stress so it was bound to happen sooner or later."

Tony nodded in agreement once Bruce's hands were away from his head. He felt his companion put a bandage on the stitches to keep it from getting infected and then leaned in and gently kissed Tony's cheek.

"Is he okay?"

"Bucky? Yeah, I think he tired himself out from struggling. Steve will probably carry him to their room and he'll sleep it off until tomorrow."

Tony wet his lips and took a deep breath, surprised his attack had disappeared so quickly. Maybe it was because he had been worried about someone other than himself. He swallowed hard, a part of him trying to continue denying it had been his fault that Bucky had another episode.

 _It was the stress. It was going to happen sooner or later_.

 _Bruce was right._

 _It wasn't his fault. Tony had just wanted to help the kid._

He looked up in time to see Steve Rogers fireman carrying his friend over his shoulder with Hawkeye not far behind them. Tony couldn't help the guilt that was starting to eat at him, though. He looked over at Bruce who gave him a loving smile before he collected the extra stitches and peroxide and playfully ruffled his dark hair before he stood up and returned the items to his kit upstairs.

Tony shook away the depression that was about to take him over.

No, he wouldn't give into it, no matter how familiar it felt. This wasn't his fault. He was a friend who had attempted to help the situation, but it had been too late. He had done what any of them would have done, and this wasn't his fault.

Tony forced himself up off the floor and headed upstairs to Bruce's room and walked inside, wrapping his arms around the doctor from behind before planting a soft kiss to the nape of his neck before Bruce caressed Tony's shoulder lovingly and then closed the door.


	23. Medication

SO sorry for that long wait. Class started up again so I'm trying to get everything done while still attempting to maintain a relationship so yeah. Those are my excuses. Enjoy this chapter!

* * *

Chapter 23: Medication

…

Tony woke up the next morning to an empty, but still warm bed. He turned over onto his back and stretched but regretted moving when he felt pain circulate throughout his head. He groaned to himself and then sat up, and felt a slight relief in the pain now.

Bruce came out into the bedroom with a towel around his waist and moved over to his boyfriend with worry laced in his eyes. "Hey, are you all right, Tone?"

The inventor nodded and gave him a reassuring smile. "Fine, just feeling the after effects from the one-sided scuffle with Barnes yesterday. I'll be good as new in a couple days."

Bruce didn't look fully convinced.

"Maybe I should take a look at it. You might have something serious going on in there…"

Tony stood up and shook his head. "Nuh uh. I appreciate the offer but I don't have time to have you poke around in my brain. We have Hydras to take out, Winter Soldiers to un-reset."

Bruce sighed. "We have plenty of time, Tony. You'll be useless to us if you don't take care of this now and it turns out to hurt you later on. Please? Just let me do this for peace of mind?"

Tony Stark rolled his eyes now and ran his hands through his dark hair in frustration. He swallowed hard and looked over at Bruce, who was looking at him hopefully. He knew that either way, the doctor was going to make him do a CT scan at the very least, if he was lucky. He just felt like it was a waste of time; time that could be spent helping Bucky and perhaps more importantly, making sure the two of them were still on good terms.

"All right, you win… but only because I don't want to wreck this extraordinary brain of mine," Tony winked at him.

Bruce chuckled and shook his head. "Of course, why would you want to actually make sure you don't have any long term head injuries?"

"Too late for that," another voice suddenly broke in.

Tony and Bruce both looked over at the door to see Clint Barton smirking at them. It was apparent that the archer hadn't rested very well by the bags under his eyes.

Bruce looked over at him now and gave him a friendly smile. "Hey, something you need?" The doctor was very aware he was standing there in his towel but didn't look too fazed by the situation.

Clint glanced over at Tony. "Umm… Barnes is asking about you, Stark. I didn't really know what to tell him."

Tony had to nearly stop his jaw from landing on the floor. "Terminator is asking about my well-being? The world must be coming to an end…"

"Tony, be nice."

Bruce looked over at him with firm, but playful, eyes before he slipped his boxers on stealthily under his towel and then removed it from his waist and began to put real clothes on.

"I'm always nice."

Bruce shook his head. "No you're not," he replied simply. "Go on and talk to Barnes, and then we can do your CT scan. I'll meet you in the medical lab."

Tony nodded and sighed tiredly before glancing over at Clint. "All right, looks like I'm all yours. Lead the way, American Eagle."

Clint scoffed as he led Tony down the hall and towards the area where Steve Rogers and Bucky were staying. "I can't believe everyone lets you get away with the nicknames. We all have proper names, you know."

"I'm quite aware," Tony smirked now. "Can't do any nicknames on me."

Clint glanced over at him before they walked down a level. "Oh, okay, Shell Head."

"I see what you did there… and for the record, that's more of a literal description of the helmet than an insult…"

Clint didn't say anything to Tony's comment before they reached the door and knocked on it softly. "Hey, guys. Stark is here…."

Tony waited anxiously, unsure how either man inside the room was going to react to him being there. Steve blamed him for setting Bucky off so he would probably still be ticked off. He knew the truth though; It was just easier to blame Tony Stark for everything that went wrong.

The door opened and Steve came out and held the knob of the door closed behind him but didn't shut it completely. He looked at Tony with hard eyes. "I'm not going to save you this time if you say something else that brings on another episode. You're not my favorite person this week, Stark."

Tony just nodded, trying to pretend that Steve's lack of trust in him wasn't hurtful.

Steve let go of the knob and glanced over at Hawkeye. "Come on, Barton. Let's get some breakfast."

Clint looked hesitantly at Tony, maybe afraid to leave him alone with the Winter Soldier in case something did go wrong. He nodded at the archer to let him know it was okay, and then watched the two men walk away from him towards the kitchen. Once they were alone, Tony took a step towards Barnes, who looked up at the ceiling with sad, regretful eyes.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Tony asked first, breaking the silence between them.

Bucky sighed heavily.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" He looked over at the inventor who still had a bandage covering up the stitches Bruce gave him last night.

Stark carefully ran a hand through his hair and shrugged. "I'm fine. I've had worse done to me –"

"You could have died," Bucky cut across him now, his tone icy. "You should have just stayed away from me, Stark. You know better than to get in my way when I'm like that. It was stupid what you did."

Tony pulled up a chair and sat down across from him. "I do a lot of stupid things… attempting to help my friends is just one of many."

"Since when are we friends?"

Tony cocked his head slightly to the side, more so out of interest about the question than anything. "Let's see. I didn't try to kill or maim you when I found out Steve was hiding you here, I fed you, let you have free run of the Tower, and I made you a brand new spanking arm that wouldn't hurt you when you fought back against the episodes you're having. I know I'm not good at making friends, but that's pretty damn close to my definition of friendship. I wouldn't do those things for just anyone."

Bucky appeared to take all of this in, and smirked ever so slightly, and then as quickly as it appeared, it disappeared. "You can't keep me here forever. I'm dangerous, Stark. I'm just going to keep having episodes. You can't do anything about that."

Tony chewed on his lower lip. "We actually _can_ keep you here forever, but you're right about one thing: You are going to keep having episodes, unless maybe we can give you something to help decrease them."

Bucky looked over at him now and sat up. "What are you talking about? It's in my brain."

A lot of things had changed in the medical community since Bucky and Steve's time. Medication and research had increased ten-fold.

"I'm going to talk to Bruce about this, but I'm sure we can get you on some kind of medication to help keep you relaxed so even your episodes don't stand a chance. Would you be up for it, if I can have Bruce talk to you about it?"

Bucky looked unsure but nodded, desperation in his eyes. It didn't take a mind-reader to know that he didn't want to hurt any of them, even if The Asset to Hydra did. Bucky was a veteran soldier, not an assassin.

"Excellent. I have to see the doc in a few for some brain scans anyway. Why don't you come with me and then the three of us can talk to him about getting you on medication."

Concern flashed in Barnes' eyes for a split second before he nodded again and stood up. Tony wasn't sure if he liked this sudden decrease in communication. He opened the door and started to lead him out and down the hall.

"Talk to me, Barnes. What's on your mind?"

Bucky bit his lip and was quiet as the two men entered the elevator and started taking it upstairs. "I don't know. What if I'm not the same person on it? I mean, if Hydra attacks us, how will I be able to defend us if I can't think straight on the medication?"

Tony took this in. He hadn't really thought about it. It would take a while for him to get used to the chemicals in the meds, but if it did help him, it had the potential to make the episodes disappear for good, as long as Bucky continued to take them. Then again, if he was doped up, then maybe his reaction time would suffer and it could pose a risk for everyone involved.

"We can talk to Bruce about all of that."

"Well that definitely wasn't trying to avoid the question at all," Barnes looked straight ahead still until the doors opened and they stepped out.

"What do you want me to say, Barnes? If you can't help defend us or defend yourself, then bad things will happen. We can handle ourselves; I'm just worried about you. You don't want to make it easy for them to take you either."

Bucky nodded now in understanding, but the two of them didn't say anything else until they made it to the medical lab where Bruce was waiting for Tony but tensed up slightly when he saw the other man.

"Tony, what's he doing here?"

Stark shrugged. "He wanted to talk to you about getting on meds to get rid of his episodes. I figured I was seeing you anyway. Might as well bring him up here with me. Two birds, one stone."

Bruce adjusted his glasses and sighed. "Does Steve knew he's up here?"

Tony shook his head and put the heavy x-ray jacket around his body and lay down. "No, but I'm sure he'll find out soon enough, which is why we should get this done, so we can get on with important business."

Bruce watched as Bucky took a seat by the machine and watched it in fascination. He looked down at Tony now. "You're important business. That brain of yours is important, which is why we need to focus on that right now. I'll just take some quick scans and make sure everything is all right."

"Whatever you say, Doctor."

Tony remained quiet now as Bruce pressed several keys on the computer screens and listened to the hum of the machine. Looking out of it, he could see Barnes looking from him back to the machine itself, patiently waiting.

Half an hour later, Tony was allowed to come out of it. He walked over to the screens to take a look at it himself. "Everything look good?"

"No long term damage," Bruce nodded approvingly. "As long as you're not feeling nauseous or having headaches or anything, you should be okay."

Tony smiled now and nodded. "Great. Good thing I have a live-in doctor."

"Yeah, good thing," Bruce winked at him and shook his head just as Steve strolled in, his jaw clenched. "Uh oh…"

Tony looked over to see Rogers stopping in front of them. "Iceman. What brings you up here?"

"Who told you it was okay to let Bucky out? He could have another episode! It appears as if you have a death wish, Stark. You have no right to do that behind my back!" Steve yelled now.

Tony rolled his eyes.

"Oh stop it already! Stop treating him like he's your son! He's a grown adult and like it or not, he can make his own decisions. Just let him live, Cap. We could all die by Hydra's hands tomorrow and none of this is going to even matter anymore," Tony chided him, his own jaw set now.

Steve didn't seem ready for the scolding, apparently having assumed that the genius was just going make a joke about all of it and then seemed taken back when he didn't. He swallowed hard and straightened his body, the fight seemingly having disappeared now.

He looked over at Bucky, his eyes gentle. "Do you want me to come back downstairs with me for breakfast, Buck?"

The Winter Soldier looked conflicted but bit his lip. "Tony… said I might be able to stop my episodes with medication…"

Steve's head snapped to the doctor now who looked just as surprised as he did. "What? Is that true, Dr. Banner? Why didn't we try that earlier?"

Bruce glanced over at Tony with tired eyes and sighed, adjusting his glasses again. "It's not one-hundred percent guaranteed. With the help of certain medication, I suppose we could either decrease the intensity of his episodes or, if we're lucky, decrease the duration of them. I don't know if we could make them stop entirely, though. I didn't want to bring it up in case of disappointment."

Steve took this in and looked back over at Bucky.

"You… want to try it?"

Bucky nodded now and swallowed hard. "If it can do any of those things, then… I think it could be a nice change and I wouldn't be as dangerous anymore."

It was Tony's turn to pipe up now, his earlier fears making him unable to keep his silence. "Exactly, he wouldn't be as dangerous anymore. Not just to us, but… to our enemies too. The medication is going to have side effects, which might make him unable to fight as well as he does right now. It'll be a risk."

Steve's face suddenly showed the same hesitation that Bucky's face had shown in the elevator. He looked over at Banner. "Is that true?"

"It's… a possibility. Not everyone experiences the same side effects to medication, but… in the end, it would be a lesser evil to deal with. In my opinion, I believe it's a good idea," Bruce admitted, walking over to Steve.

Cap nodded now and was quiet for a while before he nodded. "Then, do it. As long as Buck's all right with it. I'll help protect him from Hydra, if need be. I'll watch over him. We can try the medication."

A part of Tony felt relieved that Steve was okay with the idea; it might make Barnes slower to react sometimes but it would also help sedate him as well when and if he continued to have his rage episodes. He watched as Steve ruffled Bucky's dark hair and then left the lab before he turned to Bruce.

"Well that went better than expected…"

Bruce looked skeptically at him. "Tony, that also could have gone a lot worse. Why did you tell them that medication could help? It's a false hope."

"A false hope that could be a real thing, Bruce," Tony shrugged.

"It's never been tested anywhere. Bucky's the first brainwashed person to try it. We don't know how his brain is going to react on it. It could turn on itself and he could have an aneurysm for all we know!"

Tony put his hands on Bruce's shoulders now.

"I know, but if it does work, then it'll make all our lives a hell of a lot easier, with less injuries. I believe this can work," Tony searched his face. "I want to believe this can work. Just tell me that the kid has a chance to get better…"

Bruce sighed again and glanced over at Bucky who looked painfully hopeful. The episodes were no doubt taking a toll on him as much as it was on the rest of them. He nodded now. "He has a chance, yes. A small chance, but a chance nonetheless."

Bucky appeared to relax now and then disappeared out of the lab to find Steve, leaving the two men alone. Tony gently pressed his lips to Bruce's, and sighed in relief. That's all he wanted, for the doctor to believe in something that he did too. It was better than nothing, and right now, everyone was desperate enough to try anything to help Bucky.

"Now comes the hard part. We need Bucky to take them on a regular basis."


	24. Apprehension

Thank you, kind people, for reviewing! You all are amazing. I totally appreciate your comments and kind criticism! I apologize in advance for the slowness of this chapter. I'm going to try and make the next one a bit more exciting and in my head I think this story might be about 30ish chapters long so sorry if that's too much for you all but that's just the way the cookie crumbles.

Enjoy! 

* * *

Chapter 24: Apprehension

…

Tony still felt a bit unsure as Bruce led him towards the kitchen for breakfast after having had talking to him about what medication would be right for Bucky. It seemed outdated, like what doctors gave to depressed housewives in the '60s, but he was a doctor, and he knew best. Tony trusted him.

When they entered the kitchen, it was filled with various conversations between Steve and Bucky, and Hawkeye even having one with Jarvis as he munched on a piece of toast.

The conversations died down almost instantly though when Bruce placed an orange bottle next to Barnes' metal arm and sat down at the table. Stark walked over to the coffee pot and poured himself a cup as well as one for Bruce before sitting down as well.

Bucky picked up the bottle and read it.

"Diazepam. This will help with my episodes?"

Bruce cleared his throat before adjusting his glasses. He glanced over at Steve who was looking curiously at him as well. "Diazepam, more commonly known today as Valium, is known for treating anxiety and panic attacks mostly, but you seem to have your episodes when you become upset or stressed out about something. I just want to try this first before trying the more serious drugs. This is one you'll probably be able to function better on than other ones."

Steve took the bottle from his friend and read it over. "What are the side effects?"

Bruce glanced over at Tony before looking back at Steve. "Pretty much just mild drowsiness. He might feel a bit tired but he'll still be able to function normally, for the most part."

Tony knew that Bruce was keeping a few other side effects from Steve, but maybe that was for the better. He had talked doing this over with the doctor just a few minutes earlier. If Steve knew that there were more possible serious side effects, he might not agree to try it. In this case, ignorance was bliss.

Steve Rogers nodded now and set the bottle back in front of Bucky before examining his face. "How do you feel about it, Buck?"

Barnes nodded now and shrugged. "I don't have anything to lose. If it works, then it's worth feeling a bit tired now and then, right?"

Tony saw the hesitation in his eyes but was relieved when he saw him nod in agreement. "Great, so that's out of the way then. Let's get to more important business now, like if there's any breakfast left."

"In the microwave, Stark," Steve replied, somewhat coolly.

Tony tried not to let the Cap's tone get to him. He knew it was just because he was so protective over Bucky. The last thing he ever wanted was for the kid to get hurt, and who could blame him? Tony was surprised at how much he had warmed to Barnes since his arrival here; even he had grown somewhat attached to him.

He stood up and set the microwave for four minutes to reheat the bacon and scrambled eggs on the plate inside. He was distracted from his rumbling stomach when he felt someone nudge him from behind.

"So that stuff'll help the kid then?" Clint asked, taking a sip of his coffee.

Tony smiled hopefully. "That's the plan. He has to take it every day but it shouldn't take too long to work. You worried about him?"

The archer shrugged and smirked. "I don't know, I suppose. I just want him to be all right. I mean, I know what it's like to be controlled by something else and… I wouldn't wish it on anyone. What's going to happen if it does work, and… if Hydra never comes back for him?"

Tony raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean? What makes you think they won't come back for him?"

"Well, why would they want to come back for him if he can just destroy us as well as himself, you know? They don't need to come here to hurt us when their number one weapon can do it from inside," Clint shrugged and then looked like he wanted to take back what he said.

Tony shook his head now and placed a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Well, neither of those things are going to happen, man. With Hydra believing that they can hurt us from the inside, they won't try to come back here for him and with the new meds, Bucky isn't going to pick us off, one by one or anything."

"And if the meds don't work? What then?" Clint searched Tony's face anxiously.

"Then we find different meds that do. It's going to be okay, Barton. Don't sweat it, okay? Just try and relax and maybe not have so much coffee," Tony winked playfully at him, but his tone was surprisingly reassuring.

Clint sighed but nodded before he took the remainder of the coffee into the living room to relax and veg out with some morning television. Tony opened the microwave door at the sound of the ding and brought it over to the table before placing it between him and Bruce so they could share.

Bruce stole a piece of bacon before Tony even set the plate down and then chuckled when the inventor looked at him in false dismay. Steve gave a small smile now, looking at them and sadness touched his eyes for a brief spell before he hid it again.

"Can he take one right now?"

Bruce nodded as he chewed the strip of crispy bacon. "Yeah, just make sure he takes it with food or it might make him nauseous."

The two men then proceeded to fight about what Bucky was going to eat until Steve ended up reheated a small bowl of scrambled eggs for him and drank a cup of coffee as he watched him take the pill. Bruce gently leaned against Tony affectionately.

"Just keep an eye on him, Rogers, while he's taking it," Tony replied, feeling like the silence they had been sitting in had been tense and uncomfortable. "If you spot anything off, let one of us know."

Steve nodded now but anxiety was laced in his eyes. Stark needed to stop talking; if he made him think that there was any possibility of Barnes experiencing more side effects than just fatigue, then he might think twice about letting his friend stay on the drug.

"You know, Rogers, I'm taking what he's taking right now," Tony suddenly blurted out, unable to stop himself. "If it helps any, I don't have any really bad side effects from the diazepam."

Steve looked at him in surprise but also gratefulness. He nodded slowly, taking this in. "You take it for your anxiety?"

"Yeah, it helps with the panic attacks. I just… need to learn to actually take it every day and not just the day after I have them," he chuckled, glancing over at Bruce who was nodding and looking at him disapprovingly as well.

This seems to alleviate any second thoughts Steve had been having about Bucky being on the meds. He appeared to exhale a sigh of relief. "Thanks, Stark, for sharing that. That definitely helps ease my nerves."

"I figured it would."

0.o.0.o.0.

Avengers Tower became quiet and uneventful through the next couple weeks. Although Bucky didn't have any more episodes, everyone had started to notice an abrupt change in the younger man (well, younger in appearance).

He had become clumsier and more lethargic. Instead of training with Barton, he chose to lay around on the couch or in his own bed in Steve's room. In the aforementioned two weeks, Barnes had managed to break two coffee mugs, three glasses, and one plate. He actually looked embarrassed after he had broken each of these things and the Avengers had to assure him that it was really not a big deal.

Tony and Bruce knew that both the clumsiness and the fatigue were related, of course, as did Barton. Steve probably connected the dots too, but he was more worried about his friend to point out this fact to the doctor.

"Is what's happening with Barnes normal? I don't remember going through this when I first started to take the meds," Tony asked one morning to Bruce as they lay in the latter's bed together, their fingers interlaced.

"I expected something like this to happen. It's not uncommon. I mean obviously he's dropping everything because he's so tired he can barely hold it tight enough. It's a relaxant. Its job is to lessen his anxiety. It's working but the only bad part of it is that he's too fatigued to really function," Bruce spoke gently, thinking.

Tony gently caressed the back of his partner's hand with his thumb.

"Anyway, it's not happening to you because you don't take them regularly like he has. You only take them when you think you need them and although it can work like that, it's better if you let the chemicals adjust inside your body over time."

Tony knew that Bruce was right so he just nodded in understanding, not feeling up to having the same side effects Bucky was currently having. "Where is he right now?"

"He's zonked out on the couch. I think he might be awake though," Bruce answered softly, pointing over to the living room.

There was a tense silence between them. It seemed like a win-lose situation for Barnes; he wasn't having any episodes but he also wasn't doing much of anything either. At this point, Tony would have preferred it if the kid reacted towards him after Tony teased him or called him a nickname. It seemed too quiet in the Tower when Bucky wasn't breaking anything.

Tony dropped his voice a bit so it was softer too. "We're lucky if Barnes comes to dinner half the time, Bruce. He has zero energy. These pills are killing him and if Hydra came right now –"

" – Then you, Clint, and myself would do everything we could to fight them off and made sure they weren't able to grab Bucky," Bruce interrupted him.

Tony sighed now, running his hands through his dark hair. "I understand that but I didn't make Assassin Creed blades in his arm piece so we can protect him from being taken. I made them so he could protect himself from Hydra, but right now, he's barely functioning. Aren't there any pills that will help him actually live a halfway normal life? There must be something."

Bruce searched his lover's eyes. On one hand, he resented Tony questioning him but on the other hand, he was proud at how much he had changed.

"I get what you're saying, Tony, but it's only been two weeks. Even mild medications like Valium need some time to adjust to a person's body chemistry. We'll wait it out two more weeks and if he doesn't improve, then we'll find something different," Bruce promised. "But all things considering, he's doing great. No episodes, no other horrible side effects…"

Tony nodded, taking what Bruce was saying. He couldn't deny that Bruce had a point; Bucky hadn't experienced any episodes since starting the meds and the worst side effect he had was just fatigue. "All right… you're the doc. I get what you're saying. I'm just… worried for him, I guess."

"I haven't been able to talk to him since a few days ago. Let's go check in with him now while he's awake," Bruce suggested.

Tony nodded and exhaled anxiously before he walked into the living room. Bucky was lounging on the couch with the television on but he looked like he was drifting in and out of a sleepy unconsciousness. He sat down beside his feet on the couch as Bruce knelt down in front of him.

"Hey, Bucky. How are you feeling today?"

Tony watched as Barnes half shrugged.

"Okay, I guess. Just… tired as usual."

Bruce nodded and gave him a small, sympathetic smile. "That's to be expected. Have you talked to Steve recently at all? You two are usually glued at the hip."

Tony noticed he shrugged again but a moment later, Bucky went into explanation. "Every time he wants to talk to me, I'm either sleeping or about to sleep. Whenever I'm awake, he's doing something else or doesn't want to be around me."

That was the most Tony had heard him speak in over a week. He bit his lip and looked over at Bucky. "Are you depressed or anything?"

Bucky looked over at the inventor with confusion in his eyes but he shook his head. "No, just tired."

"Good," Bruce nodded. "When was the last time you ate or walked around?"

Barnes took a moment to think.

"I ate yesterday afternoon, and… went to the bathroom last night. What time is it?"

"It's almost noon," Bruce replied, searching his face. He stood up and took Bucky's good arm before placing two fingers on his pulse on his wrist and looked at his own watch.

"What do you say we get some lunch in you and walk you around a bit before you go back to sleep?" Tony asked him now. "I didn't pay four grand for this couch so you could dissolve into it."

Bucky cracked a small smile now and chuckled sleepily. "The way you say it makes it sound as if I don't have a choice, so I guess I'm eating something."

Tony smirked and patted his leg before he stood up and then helped Bucky to his feet. Bruce and Tony both gave the Winter Soldier a moment to gain his balance before they walked alongside him towards the kitchen.

"What do you feel hungry for?"

"I don't," Bucky replied, sighing. "But I'll have some cereal or something I guess."

"Cereal it is." Bruce grabbed a bowl and glanced over at Tony who was sitting next to Bucky and smiled at him. "A decrease in appetite is also somewhat common with people who take Valium. It's normal."

Tony smiled back at him lovingly and nodded. He looked over at Bucky. "Bruce says you should feel just about back to normal in a couple weeks. Your body will have gotten used to the meds and then you'll have your energy back up again."

Bucky just nodded in acknowledgement before he ran a hand through his hair and sighed, rubbing his eyes. "What day is it?"

Bruce placed a bowl of cereal in front of the Winter Soldier and sat down next to Tony. "It's November 1st," he hesitated as he thought about adding the year but then decided against it. He didn't want to patronize him. "Are you feeling nauseous or anything?"

Bucky shook his head as he took a bite of cereal from the spoon. He grew quiet now and, perhaps after ten minutes of solid silence, he cleared his throat. "Can… I have a cup of coffee?"

Bruce's heart dropped in his chest. The tone in the man's voice wasn't one that was simply asking if one of them could retrieve it for him; it was the tone that they all dreaded, the one asking permission.

Bruce nodded, trying not to worry him, stood up and poured a cup and added sugar before setting it in front of him. He looked over at Tony now who had concern in his eyes. It was apparent the two of them were thinking the same thing now. Luckily, Bucky didn't seem to notice in his sleepy state.

Just then, Steve came in with Clint, both men out of breath with their hair matted to their faces; they both must have been in the training room. Bucky barely seemed to register their presence in the room as he continued to eat his breakfast and sip his coffee.

"Hey, Buck. Umm… I figured maybe the two of us could get some training in after breakfast," Steve suggested, his body somewhat tensed up.

It was only now when Barnes looked up at him and raised his eyebrows. "What, getting your ass kicked once isn't enough for you?" He cracked a small smirk.

The joke seemed to break the tension in the room now as everyone chuckled and Steve smiled. "We'll see who kicks whose ass, tough guy." He ruffled his friend's dark hair and then walked over to the ridge and grabbed a water bottle before he tossed it over to Clint, who caught it flawlessly, of course, and then got one for himself.

"He really shouldn't be doing that kind of extensive activity. His body has gone a while without it and being thrown right back into it –"

"˗ will be good for him," Tony shrugged. "Just relax when you need to," he told Barnes.

The man nodded in understanding and finished up his cereal before setting his bowl in the sink and then followed Steve to the training room. Clint walked over to the sink and started to clean up the dishes and cups so Bruce and Tony could have a little privacy.

"Why did you do that, Tone?" Bruce asked in a defeated voice, looking almost helplessly at his partner.

Tony cocked his head to the side and shook his head. He couldn't see what he had done.

"What? I just thought that it would help the kid to get some physical activity in. What did I do wrong?"

Bruce sighed and leaned back in his chair. "I'm the doctor… Bucky doesn't needs that level of physical activity; it might be too much for him too soon. You went against me."

Tony took a deep breath and let it out slowly, searching Bruce's face as his chest ached. He hated when there was animosity between them. "Am I supposed to agree with you on everything, even things that I don't actually agree with you on? I'm sorry, Bruce, but… I really think that Barnes getting back in the swing of things will be the best thing for him right now."

The doctor ran his hands through his own dark hair and then rubbed his face before he stood up. "Right… sure. Well as long as you think it's all right, then it must be. What do I know anyway, right?"

Tony grabbed his wrist firmly so Bruce couldn't walk out on him.

"Come on… don't do this. Don't be like that with me."

Clint finally turned around to face both men but was looking mostly at Bruce. "Hey, man… don't worry about Bucky. Steve's known him forever. He knows what Barnes is capable of and how far he can push himself before it's too much. He wouldn't let anything bad happen to the kid. Have a little faith."

Bruce listened to the archer and finally relaxed a bit. He nodded now, realizing that Barton was right. Tony couldn't help but feel grateful towards him for having said something. It had appeared to ease Bruce's apprehension. Tony gently pulled Bruce down towards the chair but the man pulled him up instead so they were both eye level with each other.

"I'm sorry," the doctor apologized softly.

Tony shook his head and then gently kissed his lips before he pulled him towards the living room to watch an hour or two of morning cartoons.


	25. Backup

Chapter 25: Backup

…

"Should we be worried about this?"

Bruce glanced over at Tony as the two of them lay side by side on the bed, their fingers interlaced delicately. They had watched cartoons together until Steve and Bucky came back from training; they wanted to watch an old movie that was in Tony's DVD collection. The other men decided to crash in Bruce's tidy room, the room that had also quickly become Tony's room as well, and vice versa.

After what seemed like years, the doctor finally spoke. "I'm not sure yet, but we should all keep an eye on him."

Tony gently caressed the back of his boyfriend's hand with his thumb, lost in thought for a few moments before he found his voice again.

"He hasn't asked for permission since he got on the meds. Is it possible his body is getting used to the medication and causing him to feel anxious again? I mean, should we consider him dangerous?"

"And heavily armed," Bruce added in a whisper before sighing. "If his body is getting used to it, then that could be a bad thing. If he's reverting back to Hydra's Asset, then there's no point in Bucky being on the medication," Bruce paused before he spoke again. "If… he's going back to his old self, then there might not be any medication that could stop the process."

"That's a lot of 'ifs,'" Tony remarked solemnly. "Weren't the meds supposed to block those Hydra signals going to his head?"

Bruce looked over at Tony again, frustration glazing his eyes over. The two men were silent for a long time, each processing quietly. Tony brought their still connected hands to lay on his stomach.

"You have no idea what's going on with the kid, do you?" he asked in a knowing, not unkind voice.

Bruce ran his free hand through his hair now and looked helplessly over at the inventor. "My only guess is that the diazepam has stopped latching onto the receptors in his brain. Hydra must have done something to make any plan to reverse the brainwashing backfire. What they did… probably damaged a section in Bucky's head to make it impossible to cure him."

Tony swallowed hard, trying to understand the fact that helping his new friend was an impossibility. He barely registered the word 'impossible.' It just wasn't in his vocabulary. To a Stark, anything and everything was possible. He had proved that when he had made an arc reactor to stop the shrapnel from entering his heart inside that cave out of scraps years ago. It hurt him and made Tony angry that he couldn't help this ex veteran. Once again, Hydra would win.

He must have been quiet for a while because he felt Bruce nudge him gently and bring their hands up to kiss the inventor's fingers. "Talk to me, Tony. What's on your mind? I don't really like how quiet you're being. It's unlike you."

Tony looked up at Bruce and clenched his jaw. "I just want to help him," he replied, faintly.

"I know," Bruce said in a faint voice also, as if talking above a certain octave would somehow make everything that was going on a hundred times worse. "We'll get him help, even if we can't help him. Maybe Steve can get in touch with Natasha or something. Maybe she can help us."

Tony closed his eyes, feeling like he was living in a nightmare. "That's a lot of maybes."

Bruce continued to caress Tony's hand now as the two men lay side by side. Just being together somehow felt like anything was possible and that Bucky's situation might not be so hopeless after all. It was a glint of light in the darkness, and that's what both of them needed right now.

"Tell me that we'll get through this, Bruce."

"We're going to get through this, Tony," he answered without hesitation. "We'll find a way to help him."

Hearing these words seemed to put Tony at ease, if only temporarily. He relaxed a bit now and then curled into Bruce, breathing him in. Bruce, in return, turned onto his side and wrapped his arms around the other man and held him comfortingly, running his fingers through Tony's hair.

They lay like this for several minutes until there was a knock on the door. Tony sighed in exasperation and rolled onto his back, breaking the intimate moment as to not make the person on the other side of the door uncomfortable.

"Yeah, it's open…"

The door opened and they saw both Steve and Bucky walk inside hesitantly, worry laced in Steve's eyes and Bucky looking like he might have been crying earlier. His eyes were red and puffy and the sight of this made Tony's heart drop into his stomach. He and Bruce both sat up.

"What's on your minds, fellas?" Tony asked, hiding the worry in his voice.

Bucky cleared his throat and glanced over at Steve, who nodded encouragingly, before looking back at the mad scientists. "I… I'm having difficulty remembering what everything is. I'm… I'm The Winter Soldier, right? Where am I…?"

At this point, he had started pacing nervously and his face became scrunched up with confusion, his breathing becoming ragged. "I'm… the Asset a-and you're my…m-my handlers, right…?"

Bruce looked over at Steve now and stood up before he walked over to Bucky. "This is happening a lot faster than I thought it would…"

Steve suddenly grew stern. "Wait, you knew this was going to happen?"

The Winter Soldier looked between the men with fear in his eyes. "Knew w-what was going to happen?"

It was Tony's turn to walk over to the men and he knew that he couldn't let Bucky get too stressed out. Both of them were just pouring fuel on a fire. This was a disaster waiting to happen, and Tony couldn't let that happen. He knew he couldn't protect Barnes from every single bad thing, but if he had an episode here, it could hurt all of them.

"Bruce, you got this, right?" Tony asked, pointing to Steve before grabbing Bucky's arm and gently pulling him out of the room, not waiting for an answer from Bruce.

Tony led the man downstairs to his lab and over to the Asset safe area, or otherwise an area where Tony's armor and hand repulsors were nearby if he needed them to stop Barnes during an episode.

"What's going on with me, Stark?" Bucky suddenly yelled at him, taking a few steps closer to Tony, anger in his eyes. "Tell me!"

Tony swallowed now in uneasiness but kept a straight back. "You need to calm down, Barnes. No one wants you to have another episode…"

"Fuck my episodes!" He slammed his metal arm on a nearby table, putting a dent in it. "Tell me right now what's happening to my brain! Tell me right now or I swear I'll –"

Tony put his hands up in a gesture that showed he was not an enemy. "Hey, take a deep breath, Barnes… I'll tell you but you won't get any answers if you keep yelling and threatening me," He watched now as Bucky took a step back now, his face draining of anger but still looking anxious.

Tony waited a moment and took a deep breath before letting it out slowly to calm his own nerves. "Bruce and I were talking and we think that the diazepam you've been taking has stopped working. It isn't latching onto the receptors in your brain that make it possible for the medication to work."

Bucky looked down at the floor before he looked up at the man. "So… what exactly does that mean, Stark?"

Tony bit his lip and looked at Bucky with sympathetic eyes. "It means that taking your meds anymore is pointless and you're going to start acting like you were before… more anxiety, more episodes… more frustration for all involved. I'm… sorry, Barnes."

The Winter Soldier looked confused at first, and then furious. He started pacing and the whole room filled with tension as he did this for several moments. Then, without warning, he suddenly overturned the table he had put a dent in just minutes ago before he let out a loud cry of rage. Tools spilled off the table and onto the floor as the table turned over, causing a loud clatter on the flooring to echo off the room.

As all of this happened, Tony reached both one of his arms out behind him and felt the repulsors latch onto his wrist and forearm securely and quickly; this helped him feel a bit safer. "Hey, come on… take a deep breath and –"

Bucky suddenly stormed over to Tony and before he could react, he grabbed the inventor by his throat and threw him against the nearest wall. "I swear to God, Stark, if you tell me to calm down one more time, I'm going to –"

The young man didn't get to finish his sentence before he looked like he had been electrocuted. His face twisted up in pain and as a result of whatever he was feeling, he let go off Tony who fell to the floor and then scrambled over to his desk.

He watched Bucky as he writhed in pain. "NO! NO! STOP!"

Tony Stark could feel his chest ache as he watched him battle with the demons that were inside his head. Invisible monsters that only made themselves known so they could destroy things and people. The demons had a name though; they were Hydra.

He didn't know what to do or how to calm him down. He was on the cusp of turning back into The Asset, but Tony knew he had to do something.

He took a step towards him. "Bucky," he started, trying not to let his voice shake. "I know all of this is really frustrating for you and I would be angry too if I were in your shoes, but you need to fight the bastards off. They're messing with your head but you're stronger than them."

"N-No… No, I-I'm not…"

Tony took another step closer to him but Bucky put his arm out to try and stop his movements. Tony searched his face helplessly. "I just want to help you, we all do, buddy. We're going to help you get through this…"

Bucky's movements and struggling suddenly ceased, and when he looked up at Tony, his eyes were dark and terrifying. "You can't help the Asset, Stark. Not anymore…"

Tony put his hand out quickly now and The Asset threw his arm up just in time to stop the beam from the repulsor from hitting him in the chest. He stormed over to Tony now and then grabbed him around his throat with his good arm and then slammed him into the floor, causing the floor to crack from the strength of the impact.

Bucky held him tightly in place before he suddenly took his metaled arm and gripped the top part of his arc reactor threw his shirt before ripping it straight out of his chest and then crushing it in his hand to dust.

Tony could feel the life draining from him and a panic attack starting at the thought of his life support being completely gone now. He suddenly felt like he couldn't breathe. He looked up at Bucky with panic and hurt in his eyes, unable to do anything to stop all of this. He watched as The Asset stood up now and stepped on his chest.

"Bucky Barnes is no more. Bucky Barnes is eliminated, just like how Tony Stark will be soon. The mission is complete. I shall report back to Hydra once I've eliminated the rest of the Avengers," the Winter Soldier spoke almost robotically.

He wasn't sure if he was talking to himself or talking to Tony, but it didn't matter. He was about to die soon anyway and none of this would even matter. His panic attack was getting worse but he tried to keep his breathing steady even though time was running out.

If he could just hold on a bit longer, he might be able to get the extra arc reactor he had created for himself in the drawer in his work desk.

"TONY!" yelled a faint voice, or maybe it just seemed faint to him; his vision was starting to blur a bit.

He heard a lot of yelling and orders from various people and he knew what was happening. Clint, Steve, and Bruce were all in here now and trying to fend off the Winter Soldier. Well, Clint and Steve were, at least. Bruce ran over to Tony and knelt down next to him.

"Tony, oh god," he gasped immediately upon seeing that Tony's arc reactor was ripped out of his chest. "W-What should I do? Tell me, Tony… please, what can I do here?"

It was difficult not to panic while his boyfriend was in the middle of panicking too. He took a deep breath, being forced to calm himself down while chaos erupted around him. "O-Okay… go… over to my desk and open… open the third drawer down… b-backup…"

He wheezed a little bit, trying not to hyperventilate as he heard Bruce's footsteps hurry away from his body and over to the desk. Tony looked over and saw Steve looking frustrated as he attempted to fend off Bucky and Clint looking desperate as he aimed an arrow at Bucky but trying not to hit his heart or anything. They must have been desperate if Steve was going to let this happen.

"We could really use your help over here, Iron Man!" Clint yelled from his position.

"Just do it!" Steve suddenly ordered. "Shoot it! I can't stop him by myself! It'll at least slow him down!"

There was desperation in his voice and Tony felt so utterly helpless. He then flinched when he heard Clint's arrow fly through the air and then cut through Bucky. Where it went through, he didn't know, but he heard Bucky give a yell of pain and saw him stumble back a little.

"Bruce! Did you find it yet?"

"Y-Yeah, I found it. I'm coming!" He hurried back over to Tony now and knelt back down beside him before he held the reactor up in the air and looked down at him with hesitation.

He was looking pale, which also told Tony Stark that he was probably starting to look the same shade of white. He swallowed hard, fighting not to lose consciousness. "S-See the… long dangly wiry cord there? Place the end of that into the hole inside my chest, and t-the suction around it should activate and pull the rest of it in e-evenly… then you just have to use t-two fingers and press down on the sides of it once it's in…"

Bruce looked frozen in fear and he shook his head.

"B-Bruce… I really, really need you here… you can do this, okay?"

At the reassurance, the scientist nodded now and took a deep breath before going through the steps Tony had just told him. Tony felt the empty hole in his chest tighten uncomfortably for a moment just before he heard the suction kick in and then felt whole again after Bruce pressed down on the sides to lock it in firmly.

He let out a grunt and then moved onto his knees, trying to get back his senses again. "Oh God, that's so much better…"

Bruce gently placed a hand on the man's back now and then helped him get up as Steve and Clint walked over to Tony. Neither of them looked angry, but rather worried when they saw how pale Tony still was.

"You all right, Stark?" Steve asked him, glancing at Tony.

He nodded and straightened himself out before he looked over at Bucky who was looking mostly confused and in pain. "Did you knock some sense back into him?"

Clint nodded, not looking too proud. "Err… yeah, it's lodged in his shoulder, but the pain seemed to stop his episode he was having. What did you say to him that set him off?"

Stark rubbed his chest. "I was just telling him to calm down. Let's go get the arrow out of him, shall we? Bruce, bring all your doctor stuff from the kitchen."

The doctor nodded obediently and left the lab. Tony flipped the table back onto its legs and moved it over to where Bucky was now kneeling on the floor. He walked over to Bucky and looked down at him with gentle eyes. It wasn't his fault that he couldn't control the episodes; Tony felt like _he_ had been the one that let Bucky down, if anything.

"Bruce will help take that thing out of you and then you'll be good as new."

Bucky simply nodded, not meeting his eye, as if he were ashamed of everything he had done. Tony knew he couldn't hold it against him though. It just didn't feel right anymore to blame everything on the kid. He had it rough enough, and now he was his friend.

The men waited until Bruce came back and knelt down in front of Barnes and cut the broadhead part of the arrow off with pliers and once it dropped onto the floor, he carefully took the rest of the arrow out of his shoulder and laid it on the table before tending to the wound itself.

Clint gently pulled Tony aside now out of hearing distance from Bucky and the other two men before he crossed his arms in front of his chest. "What happens now?"

Tony raised an eyebrow. "Bruce patches him up."

"I mean after he does that," Clint looked at him with hard eyes. "I mean, if what Steve told me is true, then the meds are pointless and he's going to keep having episodes again. He's a danger here to all of us."

"What do you suggest I do, Barton?" Tony asked, looking back at him. "Should I put him on Hydra's doorstep so he can be under their control again? You remember what it was like being under someone else's control, right?" He saw Clint stiffen now. "I can't do that to Barnes. He deserves better than that."

Clint sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"We need to do something."

Tony nodded now in agreement. "I have an idea. It's no mystery to anyone that Natasha was trained to be assassin. Maybe she can find some common ground with him."

Clint raised an eyebrow. "You think she can help him?"

Tony shrugged. "I don't know, but isn't it worth a shot? We don't lose anything if she tries. I would say he's hit rock bottom now… he can't sink any lower and even if he has an episode in front of her, at least we know she can defend herself."

Clint was looking clearly uncomfortable but he nodded in resignation. "I'll get in touch with her." He glanced over at Bucky before exiting the lab and heading back upstairs.

He knew that this was a decision that Steve wouldn't object to. It put Natasha in some danger, but he would make sure at least one of them was in the room at the time with the two of them, just in case. Anyway, if she could get through to Bucky somehow, maybe she could help him not feel so alone. Everyone in Avengers Tower was some kind of hero, and regardless of Bucky being a part of that experience once, it was obvious that he still felt more alone than ever.

Maybe he could find some kind of balance with her, and if he did that, then perhaps things would change for the better. They had to.


	26. Normal

A/N: So I didn't go by the comics in relation to Bucky/Natasha's relationship, just FYI. I understand that how I wrote this isn't how it went down, but I'm using it as a plot device so bear with me.

* * *

Chapter 26: Normal

. . .

It was around ten the next morning when Tony was awaken by his A.I.

"Excuse me, Mr. Stark, but you told me to inform you when Miss Romanoff has arrived. She's currently downstairs with Mr. Barton."

Tony rubbed his eyes of sleep and glanced over at Bruce, who had also woken up. "Thanks, J. Can you inform _Mr._ Barton to make some coffee while I get dressed?"

"It's already made, sir," Jarvis replied automatically. "It's ready when you are."

Tony sat up now and tried to gain focus of his surroundings. It must be raining outside; there was barely any light inside the room except for the ones Jarvis had turned on to wake him up. He stood up and then started getting dressed, silently admiring Bruce's slightly muscular legs as they lay on top of the comforter.

"Not to be a Rude Rufus or anything but you run so hot during the night. I felt like I was sleeping next to hot lava," Tony remarked, pulling on clean jeans.

Bruce chuckled sleepily and smirked up at him. "That's the Hulk. It's just a price I pay to be a superhero. I promise you'll be more thankful for it in a few months when it gets colder."

Tony smiled now and nodded. "Oh I'm sure. Come on, lazy bones. Get up. We have to go talk to the Widow."

Bruce groaned and stretched before he got out of bed and also got changed, occasionally sneaking kisses to Tony. When the two men were dressed and Bruce had made sure that Stark had taken his anti-anxiety meds, they both headed downstairs to the kitchen.

"So where's Bruce and Shellhead?"

Tony feigned a hurt expression once he came into view of Natasha's back. "Why am I the only one who gets a nickname?"

Nat turned around now. "Because you're the only one here who acts all high and mighty until he realizes he needs help. So where is he?"

Tony and Bruce glanced at each other before looking at Hawkeye who looking curiously at them. Stark walked over to the coffee pot and poured himself a cup.

"He's probably in Steve's room, since Cap won't ever let him out of his sight."

Natasha bit her lip and then tied her hair up in a tight bun. "What are we waiting for? Let's get Barnes better, shall we?"

"You guys go without me. I need my coffee first. I'll meet you up there," Bruce replied as he walked over to the coffee pot and poured himself some.

Clint motioned for Natasha to follow him and Tony placed a gentle hand on Bruce's back before kissing his cheek and then following the two other Avengers.

"So what do you boys do when he has an episode?" Nat asked as she entered the elevator with Tony and Clint. "Do you tie him down and chain him in your lab, Stark?"

The men exchanged looks with each other behind the assassin's back and Tony cleared his throat. "It takes a few of us to control him and in extreme situations we usually end up knocking Terminator out. It's the only way sometimes. Other times he might remember things and he comes back and realizes what he's done."

Nat turned her body to look at him with calculating eyes. "Anything else I should know?"

Clint smirked. "Stark made him ultra-dangerous with hidden blades."

Tony looked at the archer in disbelief, shaking his head. He wanted nothing more than to knock him out right here and now. Of course Clint wouldn't pass up the opportunity to get Tony in trouble. He looked over at Natasha who was looking at him sternly.

"It's only on the metal arm and he hasn't even used them yet," Tony sighed. "You can take him."

The elevator stopped now as it reached the floor Steve and Bucky's room was and the Avengers stepped out and Tony led them down the hall. Jarvis must have alerted Steve Rogers to their arrival because he was the first one to open the door and greet them.

"Steve, always a pleasure to see you," Nat smiled softly.

He glanced a bit nervously over to the other two men before giving her a polite hug. "The pleasure's always mine, Natasha. I assume you're here because of Bucky, to… to help him?"

Tony was taken back by the Captain's tone when he said this with an inflection near the end of his sentence, and it was clear that Natasha was also taken back by it. She nodded and gave him a gentle look.

"Yeah, of course. I'm just going to talk to him some and see if I can help him… maybe cope with the episodes so don't expect any miracles or anything."

Steve nodded in understanding and gave her a small smile. "Thank you. I know you're probably busy with other things –"

Natasha shook her head slowly and placed her index finger on his lips before retracting it a moment later. "Stop that right now, Steve Rogers. Let me see your best friend."

"Which one of us do you want in there with you?"

Natasha looked at Steve in surprise, her eyebrows raised. "Excuse me?"

He crossed his arms across his chest. "Did you honestly believe I was going to let you go in there by yourself? If Bucky has an accident…" he trailed off.

Natasha smirked playfully. "Then I'll do what I have to do. You are aware I've trained my whole life for these situations, right?"

Steve rolled his eyes and sighed.

"I'll go in with her," Clint volunteered casually.

Steve nodded once and then stepped aside to let the two of them go inside the room and then looked over at Tony. "You're okay with this whole ordeal then, Stark?"

The inventor glanced up at him. "Okay with it? It was my idea."

*.*.*.*

Natasha walked inside the room after Clint closed the door and then sat down on a chair in the corner. She walked over to Bucky slowly as he sat on the bed, looking down at his hands.

The Winter Soldier looked like a small child who was being put in time out after having roughhoused too roughly with another child and hurt them. He looked upset at himself, possibly even angry. She looked at him sympathetically, unable to do anything else except sympathize with the fellow assassin. Even if they weren't trained by exactly the same people, they were trained in the same area and trained to kill others, without hesitation or question. They had more in common with each other than he even knew.

"How are you feeling, James?" she asked tentatively, watching for his reactions.

He stiffened slightly and let out a heavy sigh. He looked up at her with curious eyes and then sudden recognition glazed over them. He tensed up again now and straightened his back before he ran his hands through his hair.

"You know who I am?"

He shook his head. "I know who you used to be."

She pulled up a chair and sat down across from him now, feeling curious herself. "And who do you think I used to be?"

"An assassin."

"I'm still an assassin," she corrected him softly.

He shook his head again.

"You were on the wrong side. You were playing for the bad guys when I saw you last. You were cold… and scared. I didn't think it was possible to be both until I saw you."

She glanced behind her at Clint who kept a stoic face, ready to pounce on Bucky if necessary. The Russian looked back at him now and then finally recognized him. "You… you helped train us…"

He nodded now. "So what do you want, Romanov? Why are you here?"

She hadn't heard her original name be said aloud since the days in The Red Room and it was her turn to tense up now. "I'm here… because I want to help you and I think I can do that. Obviously the others thing I can too or else they wouldn't have called me."

"What makes you think you can help me? I already hurt Stark more times than I can count and… I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't know if… if I'm James Barnes or… if I'm The Asset, a Winter S-Soldier," Bucky's voice trembled slightly.

She wet her lips and watched him. This wasn't the man she remembered training her. That man had been The Asset. He had also been turned into a trained killer except he had been nearly merciless back then. Looking at him now, he looked like an ex-veteran with PTSD. He seemed more human now than he did in the past.

Natasha leaned forward now. "You are James Buchanan Barnes and you're Steve Rogers' best friend. You don't have to be The Asset unless you want to let Hydra control you. It's completely up to you, whether you believe it or not. When you let yourself become angry, that's when they have the most control over you."

He gripped at his hand with his fingers. "I don't have control over any of it. I can't control it when the Winter Soldier comes out…"

"You're wrong, James. You can control it. I know you can. You're strong and I believe you can do it. I know the other guys believe you can too, or else they never would've let you stay here."

Bucky suddenly stood up, which caused Natasha to also stand, which caused Clint to stand up as well; it was a chain reaction. He swallowed hard, looking at her with frustration in his eyes.

"But… _I can't control it._ You don't understand. I can't do it. I tried taking medication and it helped for a while until it didn't, and then The Asset took over. I don't know what to do. I've tried to stay calm but once it hits me, then it's too late to turn back and a hellfire is unleashed before I can even think to stop it. Then I wake up later and realize just how close I came to killing someone. Do you have any idea how that feels?"

She was patient while he talked and then it came her turn to answer. "When I finally managed to escape from The Red Room, and I was able to be on my own for the first time in years, I was terrified. Every little noise I heard at night had me on edge. I managed to find someone who actually loved me, and then I ended up killing him,"

Bucky's expression went from frustration to confusion, and he waited for her to continue her story.

She never took her eyes off of him but she could feel them fill up with tears. "He was the first person in my life who taught me how to feel and speak my mind freely. It was late, and I didn't know it at the time, but he was a creak in the hallway one night, and I reacted so quickly. I suppose I thought it was people at the Red Room coming back for me, to give me another mission, and I snapped his neck before I turned on the light to see who it was."

Bucky suddenly looked humbled now and he appeared to shrink a little bit in stature. "I'm sorry," he attempted to whisper sympathetically, but he knew it came out lamely instead.

She simply nodded, being careful not to let any of her tears actually fall. "I know how it feels to be trained to kill and try to go on to live a normal life only to realize that you can't outrun your past. I understand how you feel, Barnes. Don't let yourself believe that you're alone in all this because you're not. If you could just give me a chance to prove that to you, I'd like to try to help you."

He thought for a long time, the silence almost becoming deafening until he finally spoke. "Fine, but… you have to answer a question first." When she nodded in agreement, he continued. "What did you do after you killed him, your boyfriend?"

She bit her lip and took a silent breath.

"I buried him and then I ran away. That's when Nick Fury found me, and introduced me to the Avengers Initiative. My boyfriend's name was Dimitri, and I still think about him from time to time, but… I don't let it incapacitate me. Did I answer your question?"

Bucky nodded now in satisfaction. "So what happens now? I mean, is Stark going to be okay? I didn't kill him, did I?"

She could see the fear in his eyes and she gave him a small smirk. "I think it's impossible to kill someone so stubborn like him. He's fine. I have an idea and you're allowed to shoot it down but I'd like you to hear it first. I was going to run it past it you and the Science Madmen downstairs. Would you be up for that?"

Bucky smirked now too before he nodded.

"Good," Clint finally spoke for the first time. "Let's get out there so we can hear your wonderful plan, Nat."

She knew that he was trying to sound excited for Bucky's sake but she appreciated the gesture nonetheless. Natasha let the men outside into the hall where Tony, Steve, and now Bruce were all intensely waiting for her to come out of. They seemed surprised to see Bucky with her and Clint.

"Meeting in Stark's lab now. Barnes is coming with us."

Tony looked at Steve who looked at Clint, who then looked at Bruce.

"Yes, ma'am," Steve replied obediently.

Natasha rarely ever left room for negotiation when she wanted to do something. The other Avengers also rarely ever dared to challenge her. She had earned their respect from the moment they had all seen her break a man's neck with her legs. She was not one to mess with, and they all knew it.

Once they all headed downstairs and made themselves comfortable in their chairs, Natasha let them in on the plan.

"So I was thinking that Bucky's metal arm is all he knows, being a weapon for Hydra. Even if it's not his original arm," she glanced over at Tony knowingly before looking back at the other men. "It doesn't matter. With his hidden blades, he's still a loaded gun. If we get rid of his arm –"

Tony interrupted her. "—Then he's only going to have one arm. What good will that be if we're attacked again? Our advantage is that arm."

She turned to him again now. "That arm is a living reminder for him of what he used to be. He isn't Hydra's tool anymore. He's his own person, Stark."

"He's his own person that ripped out the only life support I have," he corrected her, anger laced in his voice now. "If we're going to take away his arm, we might as well take away Steve's super soldier-ness, Clint's eyesight, my suit, Bruce's ability to turn into a rage monster, Thor's hammer, and your… super strong thighs."

She stiffened her back and glanced at Bucky who was looking torn between staying quiet and speaking his mind, and then looked back at Tony.

"If you would have just let me finish my sentence, I was going to say that if we take away his arm, his episodes might go away, or at the very least, decrease. Hydra connected his brain and his arm together by brainwashing him and attaching the new arm at the same time. Even if they aren't physically connected, they're still mentally attached," she reasoned. "What if we take away his arm completely? If his arm is gone, his brain won't be connected to the memories anymore."

Clint looked over at her with a smile, as if she was a genius. "That sounds like it could work."

Bruce pushed up his falling glasses and gave a small gesture of approval, or at least a gesture of his willingness to try it out. Steve and Tony both looked skeptical, however.

"Speak your minds, boys. What are you thinking?"

Steve started to speak before Tony could. "Only if he's willing to do it."

Everyone now looked over at Stark who held out his arms. "Are we missing the big one here? He'll be completely defenseless. He'll have one good arm and half the balance. Remember when we took off the first arm and I was making him that one? We had to help him walk, and get dressed, and eat…"

"He's our friend, Stark," Steve replied curtly now. "And a veteran. Wouldn't you be willing to do those things for a friend if it meant that he could function again like a normal person?"

Tony thought for a moment and glanced over at Bruce, who was giving him a gentle, pleading look. He'd be willing to do those things for Bruce, without question. That could be because he loved him though, but he thought silently for a bit longer. He considered Bucky a friend. Bucky almost died saving innocents trapped in a burning building. There was still a bit of good in him, and if it was possible to make that good spread throughout the rest of him and grow, then maybe it would be worth it.

"What if the bad guys come?" Tony asked softly.

Bruce was the first person to answer now. "Then we all make them leave and protect Barnes in the process."

Natasha, seeming satisfied with his answer, looked over to Bucky now. "What do you think? Do you want to give this a shot, even though you won't have your arm anymore?"

He looked down at the arm Tony had made him and pressed the button on his hand guard that made the blades come out. He looked at them thoughtfully before looking back up at her.

"I don't want to be an assassin anymore. I just want to be normal like before."

She smiled more now in relief. "Those are the answers I like to hear. Let's do this, Stark."


	27. Family

So I'm semi-slowly (but surely!) bringing this story to a close finally. I'll post more avenger fanfic in the future since I've gotten so many reviews for this one so don't worry! 

* * *

Chapter 27: Family

. . .

"There it is," Tony spoke, eyeing the arm that Bruce, Clint and himself had just taken off and set on the table. "Guess I can't call you Robo Cop anymore."

Bucky chuckled now and let his fingers glide over the smooth metal. "I miss it, but I don't, you know?"

Nat smiled comfortingly at him. "It'll get easier in time. I think that we just have to help you manage living without one for a bit before we think about putting another one on you. I'm sure Stark isn't too busy to make you a proper functioning prosthesis."

Tony looked over at her and saw her hinting eyes. He scoffed before he shook his head playfully. "I'm sure I can fit it into my busy schedule."

The Avengers looked on as Bucky attempted to stand up with only half his body strength and then nearly fall, not being used to only having one arm again. Steve easily caught him and then held onto his shoulder to stabilize him a bit.

Bruce looked over at Tony. "I'll help you work on a prosthesis. He'll need one just to help him keep his balance and day to day things. It'll take a while so we can do that and he can build up some of his strength again."

Steve patted Bucky's back. "Come on. Let's go watch something while the mad scientists do their thing."

Tony watched as Cap led his friend out of the lab, leaving Natasha, Clint, Tony and Bruce left in the room.

He sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly. He wanted to help Barnes and he would, but his anxiety just left him so physically exhausted. It had been several months and he still hadn't been able to get over the whole wormhole in the sky ordeal. It wasn't relevant right now in the least but that seemed to have a permanent place in the back of Tony Stark's mind. It perked up at inopportune times just to torment him and left him exhausted.

"We can do this, Tone. We've already made an arm. We just have to make it operational this time," Bruce remarked optimistically.

Natasha wandered over to Bucky's old metal arm now and looked at the red star on it. Tony glanced over at her, watching her be lost in thought. "Does it remind you of the good ol' days?"

She blinked now and shook her head vaguely. "Why did you call me to help him?"

Stark turned his full attention to her now, curious about the slight change of subject. "I figured he's an assassin of sorts, and you are too. You have a lot of things in common. You both were trained in Russia by the bad guys and somehow, you both came out of it still yourselves, well… for the most part."

She looked at him now, her eyebrows furrowed.

"What would you have done if I haven't been able to get through to him?"

"I guess we would have tried something else," Tony shrugged. "Why are we worrying about 'what-ifs' when we don't have to? You got through to him. Now we know that he'll listen to you. Just… stay on his level. You have some magic way about you that he feels comfortable around."

She didn't seem satisfied with that answer and looked over at Hawkeye. "Why isn't he comfortable with you? You've been mind-controlled before, Barton."

He looked up now from where he was playing around with something on Tony's desk and shook his head. "Doesn't count. It happened to me but it didn't last nearly as long as his brainwashing did. You're the closest equivalent to him out of the rest of us. He knows it. Hydra's told him all about us and our past. You grew up knowing no other way to live. You grew up being trained to kill. It was pretty much the same for him too since Hydra took him for the first time.'

She appeared to trust Clint's words over Tony's and grew quiet again. "Let's let these boys have their private time and go train for a while."

"Sounds good to me."

Bruce and Tony waited until the two friends left the lab and they were left alone now. Bruce took this opportunity to move closer to Tony and kissed his lips, almost hungrily before he gently pulled away and placed his hand on the other man's jaw affectionately.

"I've been wanting to do that since we woke up."

Tony smirked now and hooked his fingers in Bruce's belt loop. "I'm glad you did it, Bruce. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with this prosthetic arm thing," he confessed now, scratching the back of his head nervously with his other hand. "Will you draw it out on paper for me?"

Bruce searched Stark's face and nodded instantly before he took his hand and led him over to the blueprint table.

"Jarvis," Bruce started. "Can you bring up the blueprint for Bucky's arm that we made him, please?"

"Certainly, Dr. Banner."

A replica of the metal arm appeared on the computerized screen before them in the form of a hologram. Bruce made sure Tony was close to him before he spoke again.

"Okay, this is going to be really easy, Tony. You're just letting your anxiety making this difficult and you're unable to see how simple this actually is," Bruce pinched his fingers together against the top part of the screen, which was also the top part of the metal arm, and then whipped it off the screen.

He did this piece by piece until only the basic parts of the arm remained, the skeleton of the metal arm. "We're just making the bones of this instead of making the whole arm itself. We'll use the 3-D printer for some of it and we'll make it look like the structure of an actual arm. He'll have limited use of his hand at first as his body adjusts to it but he should be able to have full range motion within a few months."

Tony nodded as he listened intently.

He always appreciated Bruce taking the time to talk him through something so he wouldn't be so nervous about it. At first, he resented Bruce holding his hand like that but now, he made himself realize that Bruce was doing it because he wanted to; not because Tony Stark was too idiotic to understand what he needed to do.

"You can do this. You're a genius and you're determined to help him. Let's start by making the shoulder and arm part on the printer and we can construct the hand and fingers by hand together," Bruce suggested.

"Sounds good to me," Tony replied, a small amount if anxiety in his voice.

He walked over to the 3-D printer and got it set up to start making the big part before he walked over to his desk with the flexible material and went to work creating Bucky's new arm.

"How's he going to fight once we reattach his new arm?"

Bruce smirked, the beads of sweat prickling his forehead as he worked. "Hopefully he won't have to. Barton will help him defend himself if it comes to that."

Tony nodded now in understanding as the man worked silently for another hour. Neither of them looked up until Steve descended the stairs of the lab.

"Where's the Big Daddy?"

Steve looked confusingly from Tony to Bruce who gave him a half-smile at the reference that Steve didn't understand.

"Video game," he clarified. "Bioshock."

Steve nodded now but didn't look any less confused. "He felt tired and wanted to take a nap. How's the arm coming?"

Tony wiped his forehead with his shoulder and then set down the fingers he had been working on, and nearly had completed. "It goes. We're doing the fingers individually so we can make them flexible and bend at the 'joints' in the hand."

Steve nodded again and looked at the fingers and then the half of the finished arm in the 3-D printer. It looked like a red and black skeleton arm with a ball joint that would act as Bucky's elbow that would connect to his 'forearm.'

"How much longer until it's all done?"

Bruce glanced at the printer before he looked over at what Tony had done and then looked back at Steve. "Maybe in about twelve hours. The forearm will take longer to build and we need some more time for the hands."

There was a silence now as Cap ran a hand through his hair. Bruce looked curiously at him.

"When did you want to leave for the safe house?"

"I just figured the sooner, the better," Rogers shrugged but his eyes looked eager to leave as soon as they could. "Don't want to give Hydra any extra advantage."

Tony stood up now and placed a hand on his shoulder. "No worries, old man. You guys will be out of here by lunchtime on Wednesday. Do you think you can hold out until then? Two days."

Steve gave him a grateful smile. "Thank you, for doing this for him."

Bruce shook his head and shrugged. "We're glad to do it. Anyway, we figured it wouldn't hurt to have Clint re-train him a bit with the new arm."

Cap nodded appreciatively and gave the scientist a smile. He looked at the prosthetic arm that would soon be on his best friend. "I'm going to get some lunch."

Tony watched as he left and sighed to himself. "My brain's fried. I'm going to go wake the beast and chat with him for a bit. Will you be okay here?"

Bruce looked up from his work. "Yeah, do you want me to finish your fingers for you?"

Stark took a minute to think about the offer. It was tempting, but he also didn't want to overload Bruce with that much work. "Nah, it's fine. I'll work on it some more later or tomorrow. We have time. I just need to get out of here for a bit."

"If it's me, you can tell me, Tony…"

Tony smiled and winked at him. "Fine, it's you. I don't think this room can withstand so much hotness at one time."

Bruce chuckled now and rolled his eyes before continuing his work as his boyfriend headed upstairs.

Tony Stark sneaked past Steve in the kitchen and headed towards the room where Bucky was napping and gently knocked on the door. He listened closely and heard the hushed sounds of Natasha saying something in Russian and then opened the door.

Both Bucky and Natasha looked over at him and she sighed in slight agitation. "You could have knocked, you know, Stark. That's the type of thing normal people do."

He shrugged half-heartedly. "I'm not normal. Anyway, it's my Tower. I shouldn't need to knock. What are you guys whispering in your secret language about?"

The Winter Soldier suddenly looked ashamed as he looked down and away from Tony. Natasha stood her ground, unsurprisingly.

"I was just telling him the deal about what's going to happen in a few days once his arm is finished," she placed a gentle hand on Bucky's shoulder and he tensed up at first but then relaxed. "I think he's pretty excited to not have to put up with your ego."

Tony feigned a hurt expression and grabbed his chest. "I can't begin to tell you how much I won't miss you, Romanov."

She gently elbowed him in the ribs now as she started for the door. "Don't be silly. You know you love me. I'm going to go see what the Cap is doing. Be nice to him, Stark."

Tony cocked his head to the side. "Or else what? You planning on breaking my neck with those thighs of yours?"

She pointed at him warningly with her index finger before giving him a playful look and exited the room, leaving the men alone finally.

Tony sighed tiredly now and sat down on the bed and looked at Bucky who was sitting in a chair a foot away. "You've been pretty quiet lately… well, apparently not towards her, but to the rest of us, I mean. Anything on your mind?"

He shook his head and then looked down. "Just nervous, I guess. I'm taking everyone with me except Banner. What if Hydra hits you guys while we're gone? You'll be vulnerable."

Tony shook his head. "Nah, don't worry about it. We'll be fine. Just focus on you and your group that takes you to the safe house. Protect them and they'll protect you. Bruce and I will be okay here."

Bucky was still looking hesitant but he nodded.

Tony chuckled a bit and smiled. "It's nice to see you've grown a heart since coming here."

He also joined in the laughter now and nodded in agreement.

"Same goes for you, Stark. I have to admit, I didn't expect to be friends with you, but I'm glad we are," he searched Tony's face before holding out his hand.

The inventor looked at his hand and then slid his own hand into it for a handshake. "You're welcome here anytime, Barnes."

They shook hands firmly before releasing after a few moments. Tony couldn't help but feel like he got a fresh push to finish the kid's prosthetic arm; It wasn't that he wanted the Winter Soldier out ASAP, but he did want to see the other man whole and content for once. Hell, he'd even go as far as to say that he wanted to see him happy, if that was at all possible.

And he knew it was.

He remembered the night when they were all in the living room, laughing and talking together… like a family.

He stood up and gently patted Bucky's shoulder now before he left the room and started to head back to the lab to finish what Bruce and Tony had started.


	28. Safe

Chapter 28: Safe

. . .

It was a quiet affair as Tony attached Bucky's new prosthetic arm to his shoulder, and made sure he knew how to make his "fingers" and his "elbow" move with his thoughts.

The thought-control prosthesis had been done by neurological doctors and scientists but Tony had put his own spin on this one; he had placed a Jarvis-like AI in chip form in Bucky's palm to automatically fix any issues or bugs in the arm with just a request. This would come in handy when Bucky was on the run and far from Stark.

"Thanks, Stark…. For doing all of this for me. I know it hasn't been easy my being here," a soft voice spoke in the quiet.

Tony glanced up momentarily as he tested the search-and-destroy protocol to find any hidden bugs while the man was still here. "No worries. It's been difficult at times, but… I think it's been worth it, now that we're on good terms."

Bucky nodded in agreement and was silent until Tony finished testing everything. When he sighed in mental exhaustion and leaned back in his chair, Barnes spoke again.

"So maybe we won't see each other again after this?"

It wasn't a hopeful tone at all. In fact, it seemed disappointed.

Tony couldn't help but crack a slight smirk now as he crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Nah, I'm sure we will. Cap will bring you back when it's safe again. He'll have to so I can check to make sure your new arm isn't giving you any issues. We'll see each other sooner than both of us will like," he winked teasingly at him.

Barnes chuckled now and moved his new arm around. "I can't believe how natural it feels. It feels like a real arm. I almost forgot what it feels like to have a real one."

Tony also joined in the laughter. "Good. I'm glad it's easy to maneuver around in. That might come in handy if you guys get jumped. Just…" Tony trailed off now and scratched the back of his neck now distractedly before he cleared his throat again.

"Be safe, all right, kid? I know Clint's going to train with you today before you leave tomorrow, but… make sure you pay attention to what's going on around you. Don't let Hydra kidnap you again," Tony rambled. "There's a lot of people who care about you."

Barnes searched Tony's face. "And are you one of those people, Stark?"

The inventor sighed and then nodded.

"Good, I'm glad you are. I had my doubts about us being friends at first too, but… I'm glad things worked out."

"Me too, Barnes."

Tony fiddled with his phone a bit, trying to defuse the uncomfortable silence in the room, when Barnes cleared his throat and stood up.

"Is there anything else you need me here for or can I go?"

Tony looked up. "Oh, you can go. Sorry. I just assumed as a person with your own free will, you would just leave eventually," he teased jokingly. Being a sarcastic asshole was the only way he could deal with the anxiety and awkwardness he constantly felt.

"Yeah, yeah… keep it up and I'll sic Rogers on you."

Tony smirked, feeling internally grateful that Barnes recognized his teasing and played along. He watched him leave the lab and he sat by himself, just listening to the hum of various machinery echoing off the walls.

Suddenly, a familiar voice made him jump as it cut sharply through the silence.

 _"Excuse me, sir. Mr. Barton has requested Mr. Barnes' presence in the training room. Shall I tell him that he is on his way there now?"_

"Yes, please do that, J. That guy is always one step behind me…"

 _"Very well. I also completed your request to add a tracking device to the chip attached to Mr. Barnes' hand. You are now able to track his movements wirelessly."_

Tony set his phone down on the table and sighed before he touched his computer screen and brought up a GPS program. He found that Bucky was indeed on his way to the training room and also noticed that his heartrate was slightly elevated.

"Thank you, Jarvis. Good work."

 _"Will there be anything else, Mr. Stark?"_

Tony ran a hand through his hair just as Bruce entered the lab. "No, Jarvis. You're done for now. Take a nap."

There was a small _beep_ and the lights dimmed slightly.

Bruce smirked as he walked up to Tony. "Was that code for don't interrupt my boyfriend and I now or something?"

Stark laughed and stood up before he wrapped his arms around the doctor, his doctor. He planted a rough kiss to Bruce's neck and then watched in satisfaction as Bruce closed his eyes and shivered.

"Oh Jesus, I hate when you do that, Tony…"

"Nope, you actually don't hate it. You love it," Tony corrected him lovingly. He walked over and put some classic rock music on before he brought out a random science experiment he had started way before when Pepper was still here.

Bruce watched him and then clapped his hands together.

"So how did it go? Are you seriously going to keep me in the dark here? Does everything work all right?"

Tony grinned now. "Everything works. I've run all the tests and diagnostics, planted the GPS in him, and installed the backup for his arm in case he has another episode… I've done everything and everything works great."

Bruce pumped his hands in excitement now. "Yeeesss…"

"Where were you by the way? I figured you would want to see your handiwork in action earlier?"

The doctor seemed to wither a bit now and sat down across from Tony to silently do calculations on the holographic touch screen in front of both men. He bit his lip and then cocked his head slightly in irritation at Tony.

"Why aren't I going with Barnes and the others tomorrow? Why does he think I'm staying here with you?"

The question took him by surprise and he couldn't help but feel a bit hurt. He swiped the work away now so he could see his boyfriend's face.

"Don't you want to stay here with me?"

Bruce sighed. "You know I would but wouldn't it be better if I went with them? Isn't there strength in numbers?"

"Strength in numbers… I'm sorry, but let's recant who's going with Barnes tomorrow, shall we? Romanoff, Cap, Barton. I'm pretty sure the three of them have this covered. Plus, we don't want to draw too much attention to the situation at hand, right?"

Bruce was still looking skeptical but he nodded. He looked down at his hands, growing quiet now, something Tony obviously couldn't handle.

The inventor leaned forward now and took Bruce's hands into his own. "Anyway, I need you here with me. If Hydra doesn't know about Bucky leaving, and they try to invade the Tower, then I have no chance at holding them off without you. I don't have your strength."

Bruce gave a small, weak smile now as he played with Tony's fingers. "Yeah, poor you. All you have is your genius brain and all your machines. So defenseless…"

Tony chuckled and smiled a genuinely loving smile at him. "I told them that you were going to stay here with me because that's where I want you. It's where I need you, Bruce. I love you and I know they're taking a lot of risk tomorrow, but they can handle it. They're strong enough."

"You're strong too, Tone."

He swallowed hard now. "Not without you by my side, Bruce. It's ultimately your choice, though. I won't make you stay here if you want to go with them as backup."

Bruce took a minute to think. "I think you're right. I think I should be here with you. I… want to be where I'm needed the most, and… you need me."

"I like your rationale," Tony smirked before he brought Bruce's hands up to his lips and kissed the backs of both of them. "I'm actually exhausted. Mind if we go upstairs and relax?"

The doctor straightened.

"Is it your anxiety?"

Tony stood up now and gave a dismissal shake of his head. "No, I just would like to be away from everything for a while, with you."

Bruce nodded in agreement now and shut the music off before he led them out of the lab and headed upstairs to Bruce's room before he locked the door. Once they were alone, Tony rubbed his eyes in exhaustion and lay on the bed.

Bruce rolled up his sleeves and joined him. "Talk to me, Tony. Is it about tomorrow?"

"Just… nervous for them, you know? I know they're all strong and capable people, but… I just can't stand the thought of Hydra getting a hold of them and brainwashing them all like they did Barnes," Tony whispered.

Bruce moved closer to him and laced his fingers with Tony's. It was his turn to kiss the man's hand now. "Everything will be okay," he whispered back. "You just need to believe in them as much as we believe in each other. The past few weeks have been chaotic but they've always been amazing. You and Bucky became friends and I think that everything that happened brought us all closer together. They believe in you and us… and I know that this will work out. I can feel it."

Tony smiled softly at him. "If it doesn't work out, do I officially have permission to send my suits to kill you?"

"I'd like to see you try," Bruce smirked before he wrapped his arms around him. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. Just relax."

Tony listened to Bruce's soothing voice and closed his eyes but did not fall asleep. He just listened to the silence. No one wanting him to do anything. No one asking questions or nagging him about anything… it felt nice.

They stayed together like this for a few hours, just quietly talking to each other and occasionally passing kisses, until they heard Steve yell that dinner was done.

"I'm not hungry," Tony spoke in a hushed voice again.

Bruce pulled him off the bed anyway. "I know but you have to at least sit with us. It'll be our last night together. Socializing will be good anyway."

"Says who?"

"Me, and you have to listen to your doctor," Bruce smirked again before he took his hand and led him downstairs.

There was a flutter of casual excitement as everyone was lined up to dish up their plates but there was also a sad heaviness that hung over everyone at the same time. They all knew this would be the last time they saw each other for at least a few months and even thought that wasn't too long, it would sure as hell feel like it.

Tony got in line with Bruce and looked at everyone who he had personally claimed to be his family. Natasha was the annoying, bratty, but also strong sister he could tease and get along with occasionally. Steve was the annoying older brother who he fought with most of the time and very rarely could get along with as well. Barnes was the younger cousin Tony hadn't seen in a long time and although they didn't have a lot in common, they still got along and Tony always feared for his safety and wanted to take care of him, even though he wouldn't admit it to anyone else other than Bruce. Clint was his brother that he loved and would take a bullet for, knowing that Clint would do the exact same for him too, even if they weren't always on the same page.

He watched in amusement as Barnes and Barton both fought over the rolls before finally leaving the kitchen and heading into the living room.

When it was Tony's turn, he couldn't help but poke fun at Steve.

"I had no idea you were such a housewife, Capsicle. If I had known sooner, I would've made you my own personal chef sooner," Tony teased, dishing up a small spoonful of mashed potatoes and green beans before grabbing the smallest pork chop and a small roll.

Steve rolled his eyes and sighed as he let the comment go and finally dished his own dinner up. Once they were all together in the living room, Barton gently clinked his glass with his spoon, causing everyone to look at him.

He moved onto his knees so he was taller than anyone else. "So before we all watch Skyfall together and have our last meal as the weirdest Avenger family I've ever seen, I'd just like to say how grateful I am for Tony Stark, and although he can be a pain in all our asses, he can still also be a decent person."

Everyone chuckled now and Natasha did a small clap. "Wow… that was probably the most half-assed, genuinely good speech I've ever heard."

"Thank you, Romanoff," Clint winked before he stood up now and started to search for the movie to play during dinner.

Bruce gently patted Tony's shoulder now and then kissed his cheek quickly.

"Yeah, he's my Gepetto to his Pinocchino," Barnes suddenly spoke after swallowing his water.

Tony raised his eyebrows now and looked at him with feign disgust. "Wait a minute. Did you just compare me to a two-bit toymaker, Barnes? I'd like to think that I'm slightly more sophisticated than that hack."

There was a silence now and looks of agreement on Barnes' side before they all started laughing again. Tony just shook his head.

"Well, by God, Barnes… you're a real boy now."

"You have such a way with words, Stark," Bucky scoffed jokingly.

Tony stood up now and took a bow before planting himself back down at his plate on the coffee table. Clint finally found the movie and shoved it in the player before he sat back down.

"Jarvis, dim the lights…" Tony ordered not unkindly as he took a sip of beer.

The lights in the living room dimmed so they could enjoy the movie but also see what they were eating.

"Oh come on, that would never happen…." Bucky insisted when he saw something improbable happening on the screen.

"Shhh!" Nat hushed him.

It went like this throughout the movie until it ended and when it did, Jarvis didn't turn the lights back on. Tony looked around to see why, and then noticed that everyone was sleeping. The dinner must have put them in a food coma.

Bucky's head was resting on Steve's lap, and Steve's head was resting on the back of the couch. Clint was asleep in the armchair with Natasha resting at his legs. Bruce had fallen asleep at Steve's feet. Tony stood up and carefully cleared everyone's dishes before he put them in the dishwasher and cleaned the kitchen up a bit before he gathered up blankets and then half-hazardly lay them on top of everyone.

This action oddly seemed to make them get more comfortable with their nearest sleeping buddy. When he ran out of blankets, he turned the television off and then cuddled under Bruce's blanket with him, wrapping his arms around the man's firm body, feeling safe.

As he closed his eyes this time, he just listened to everyone's soft sounds as they slept as gently snored, and he felt the safest, and the most relaxed he's ever felt before with his pseudo-family also sleeping around him.


	29. Believe

So this is going to be the last chapter! I hope you've liked reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. After this chapter I'll probably go back and make a few tweaks so feel free to re-read it again every once in a while!

Thank you to everyone who took the time to write a review and/or give me suggestions. Thank you to my amazing and beautiful friend Bekah for her everlasting encouragement!

I don't think I will make a sequel to this story but I will definitely be writing more Avengers fanfiction in the future because this was a lot of fun or me. Also be sure to check out my Sherlock fanfiction (if you're into that) since I'll be writing more of that next (most likely). Thanks again!

* * *

Chapter 29: Believe

. . .

Tony had woken up again early the next morning, unable to sleep any longer, and walked around the house for a bit before going back to Bruce's side. He lay down next to him, facing the doctor, and then closed his eyes. He wasn't sure how long he had kept his eyes closed for but it wasn't long before he felt Bruce's gentle touch reach up and fix a lock of hair that had fallen over his face.

He opened his eyes and looked at him. He was feeling so much right now that he actually felt like he might cry. Tony kept quiet, unsure what to say to Bruce. Luckily, the doctor spoke first.

"How are you feeling right now, Tony?"

Stark's first instinct was to lie. "I'm great, doc. How are you feeling?"

Bruce eyes searched Tony's now and he sighed, stroking his dark hair before whispering. "Tell me the truth, Tony. How are you actually feeling? You know what happens today."

Tony closed his eyes. "They all leave. Everyone leaves…"

"Except for me. I'm staying with you."

The inventor sighed heavily and nodded. He loved Bruce, even if he wasn't the best at showing his true feelings in front of the others, but he also couldn't deny that he would also miss the others. Even Romanoff.

He had spent so much time with the kid he had loathed before he truly understood where he was coming from, and what kind of person he actually was. He had grown close to James Barnes, and now they would be leaving just when he was attempting to act like a decent human being. It seemed unfair.

"They'll only be gone for a month or two," Bruce tried to comfort him.

Tony shook his head now, not believing they'd be back in that short a time. "No, they won't. They'll probably be gone for at least six or seven months. They'll need to lie low for a while because of Hydra. They'll have to get to the safe house and spend time away from everyone and everything. Then they'll be back when their names are no longer on the Hydra wanted posters."

Bruce's eyes looked sad, and he was at a loss for words for several moments. He continued to caress Tony's face with his fingers before he leaned in and gently kissed the other man's lips softly. When he pulled away again, he gave his lover a small smile.

"It'll be okay. _They'll_ be okay. They're all strong people who can take care of themselves and each other."

Tony nodded habitually, as he always did when Bruce tried to comfort him. He wrapped the blanket tighter around himself, wishing he could just hide away from the inevitable.

"I don't want to deal with this. The thought of having to watch all of them leave is giving me anxiety, Bruce."

"Breathe, Tony. Just breathe, baby. It's going to be okay. They're not leaving forever. You won't be alone though either. I'll be here with you," Bruce soothed in gentle whispers, trying to calm down his boyfriend.

Breathing was something Tony was not good at, especially in times of high anxiety. He suddenly felt like the walls were closing in on him and the air was being sucked out of his lungs; he couldn't stay in this room any longer.

He quickly got up now and headed out towards the elevator. He heard Bruce following him but then stop when they arrived at Tony's destination.

"Please don't run. Stay here with me…"

Tony shook his head as he got inside and started to slam the top floor button with his index finger in a panic, his lungs still being squeezed of oxygen. "I-I can't… n-need air…"

Bruce hurried to the doors just as they had stared to close and then slipped inside just in time before the elevator started to move up. He started to caress Tony's shoulder and back now but then stopped when Tony moved away slightly.

"P-Please! Just… d-don't touch m-me… right n-now…"

Bruce retracted his fingers, knowing better than to feel hurt. This wasn't an uncommon thing for people with panic attacks. He bit his lip. "You know, you could've just gone out the front door for air and had have been outside a lot sooner."

Tony shook his head again, closing his eyes, feeling like the elevator was taking forever. The two men stood in silence, except for the occasional gasping for air from Stark, when Jarvis's artificial voice broke in.

 _"Excuse me, sir. I notice you are having a severe anxiety attack. Might I remind you to stay calm and breathe?"_

Tony clenched his jaw. "Yeah, t-thanks, J. I-I'll just do t-that! G-God, I don't k-know why I-I haven't ever t-thought to d-do that b-before!"

 _"I am sensing sarcasm now…"_

"T-Thank y-you, Jarvis! I-I… I can't think o-of what I w-would ever d-do without y-you!" Tony shouted at the AI in frustration and panic.

"Tony," Bruce warned. "You need to take breaths and stop talking. Yelling is just going to make it worse. We're almost there. Just focus on your breaths."

Stark obeyed now and inhaled through his nose before exhaling through his month slowly but also occasionally just letting it all out at once. All he had was artificial air. He needed to breathe real air. He was tired of being inside, trapped.

"You're doing great, Tone. Here, we're here now… come on. I'll get you outside."

Tony followed the doctor outside the elevator, down the hall, into the lab, and then out the doors of the lab that led outside. He rushed to the patio fencing that encased the area and crumbled down onto the ground, still gasping for breaths.

Bruce got down to Tony's level and laced his fingers with Tony's, hesitantly at first just to make sure it would be okay, and then let the other man lace his own fingers with Bruce when he was comfortable.

"Good…we need to distract you to help you breathe. You don't have to say it aloud but think about 5 things you can see," Bruce ordered helpfully.

 _5 things he could see._

Tony looked around now.

 _Street lights. Pavement. Cars. Skyscrapers. The sun coming up._

When he was done, he looked back over at Bruce and gave a small nod, before inhaling and exhaling again, trying to focus on this little game instead of the fact that he felt like someone had ripped his lungs out of his chest.

Bruce caressed his hand with his thumb now. "Good job… 4 things you can hear."

 _4 things to hear._

Tony closed his eyes now to focus.

 _His heartbeat. The cars honking on the street. Birds. People yelling._

He looked back at him now and nodded again, feeling like he might either pass out or throw up. Tony hoped for both their sakes he did neither. Both seemed equally embarrassing.

Bruce smiled encouragingly. "3 things you can feel."

 _3 things to feel._

He felt numb. No, he couldn't think like that. He needed to feel something. He set his hand on the patio ground where he sat.

 _Rough flooring. Sweaty palms. Bruce's hand in mine._

He looked back at him and he could feel himself starting to calm down again. Tony nodded and he soon felt like he could catch his breath again but he was feeling so physically exhausted.

"2 things you can smell."

That was easy.

 _Bruce's cologne from yesterday. Hot dogs people were selling on the street._

He leaned his head against the fencing now and took several breaths, feeling dizzy and lightheaded now. Bruce stopped the game, seeing that Tony was able to breathe almost normally again, and instead he sat beside the man, never unlacing his fingers.

"Why did that happen?" Tony whispered to no one in particular. He knew why that had happened, but maybe it was just easier somehow to hear his fears be acknowledged aloud by someone else.

"It happened because you're afraid of being abandoned like your father abandoned you. We all joke about daddy issues but it's a very real thing. It's damaging," Bruce spoke softly, thoughtfully. "They're not leaving you forever, though. This is temporary. They're all Avengers. They have to come back here again anyway. This is their Tower now too. You're no longer the lonely King of the mountain."

Tony looked over at him and saw Bruce smiling teasingly now. He chuckled weakly and nudged him playfully. When he did this, Bruce wrapped his arm around Tony's shoulders, and the Stark son rested his head on Bruce's shoulder.

"Thank you, Banner… don't let anyone else know but I'd be lost without you and the others."

"Oh, we already know, but I'll keep it a secret, Stark," a sly voice cut in.

Tony looked over and saw that Clint Barton was leaning against the lab door with his arms crossed against his chest. He sighed in annoyance and shook his head. "If you tell me you stalked us up here, then I might tell Fury to disband you from the team," he warned half-jokingly.

"Nah, stalking isn't my style. I just like the view up here. This is my nest where I look out at everything. I'll let you two have your moment though," Clint winked at them before he disappeared into the lab and closed the door.

"Forgive him for he knows not what he does," Bruce chuckled.

Tony sat back up now. "Oh no, he knows. He just doesn't care about moments. We'd better go back inside before he touches something in your lab and wrecks it."

Bruce stood up before helping Tony up on his feet again. "Are you okay now?"

Tony sighed and then cleared his throat, running a hand through his hair that matted to his head with sweat. "I will be. Thanks for your concern though."

"Of course," Bruce planted a quick kiss to Tony's cheek now before he opened the door for the inventor. "I think I might actually be looking forward to you all leaving. I'll have some time alone with Tony, finally."

Clint made his eyebrows dance up and down suggestively. "Oh, I bet you're looking forward to that, Bruce. You'll regret saying that though if something horrible happens and one of us doesn't come back."

Tony looked at him sideways before he started towards the door. Bruce gave Clint a disapprovingly look.

"Nothing bad will happen. And if something does, then we'll deal with it, just as we always have, and we'll do it together."

Clint gave a weak smile. "You could be the next Cap."

Bruce laughed now as he moved towards Tony and watched as Clint started towards the door that went outside. "Thanks, but I enjoy being the Big Guy sometimes. I don't envy any one of our crazy superhero powers."

"So what's my superhero power then?" Tony asked once Clint Barton had disappeared outside to perch.

Bruce started to lead Tony towards their bedroom. "Hm… being a genius and being rich. Without either of those things, you never would have been able to make your suits that you get to fly around in."

Tony looked impressed now. "Oooh, good one. So… tell me what we're going to do now and our plan for the day."

Bruce stopped when they got to the elevator. "You're going to go shower and get dressed, and I'm going to go downstairs and make everyone breakfast. You're going to meet us down there when you're all done, and once we all eat breakfast, then we're going to send everyone off."

Tony took this in now and nodded in acknowledgement. He took another breath. "Okay, yeah. Sounds like a plan then. See you soon, Big Guy."

"See you soon, Tony…" Bruce waved at him before he walked towards the stairs.

Stark took the elevator to his room, showered, got changed, and then headed back downstairs. When he arrived at the bottom floor, he could smell bacon, pancakes, eggs, and toast all being made but didn't see Bruce in the kitchen.

He looked at Natasha in the kitchen in surprised and then glanced into the living room where everyone was talking and saw Bruce open his hands in a shrug and shake his head, as if to say, 'she beat me to it.'

"One word about how women should be in the kitchen and I promise I'll take Tony Jr. away from you," Nat threatened as she glanced at him.

He put his hands up in surrender. "Did I say anything? Come on, Romanoff. I'd like to believe that my relationship with Pepper at least changed my sexism of women. I might have not loved her near the end, but damn if I didn't respect her still."

Natasha gave a small smile now at Tony before she flipped the eggs and then the pancakes before she put the toast down in the toaster. He nodded gratefully to her and gently touching her shoulder appreciatively, never knowing if touching her, however appropriately, was a natural thing for him to do.

"Tell everyone breakfast is ready, Stark."

Tony banged on the counter top that separated the kitchen from the living room. "Breakfast is served! Let's eat, Avengers!"

It must have gone without saying that they would all eat together in the dining room this one time because after Steve, Bruce, Nat, and Bucky all grabbed their food, they all sat at the table. Tony did the same and started to dig in.

"Where's Clint?" Nat asked, swallowing a bit of toast.

Everyone shrugged and glanced over at each other. Tony was about to answer Clint came into the room.

"Mmmm! It smells like the inside of a Denny's in here. I'm starving."

Bruce chuckled now at the timing of Clint's presence and continued to eat as Barton took his seat. They all ate in near silence, talking only to answer a question or say a lame pun joke. No one talked properly until they had all finished eating and they were left looking at each other.

"So… this is it," Cap remarked solemnly.

Bruce sighed and looked over at him. "This isn't it, Steve. You all need to stop acting like this is forever. It's not forever. It's temporary. It's just until Hydra is off of our asses to get to Bucky, and then you all can come back again."

"What if Hydra finally recaptures me?"

Tony looked down the table at Bucky, who wasn't looking concerned as he did casual, and maybe that was scarier. He asked it as if he were asking about the time or the weather.

"They won't," Steve said matter-of-factly, and all too quickly.

"But… if they do," Tony started, thinking carefully about how to choose his words, "then we come find you, and get you back. Oh, and also destroy all of them. How does that plan sound to you?"

His words had the effect he had hoped for; everyone at the table cracked at least some semblance of a smile, nodding in agreement. He smirked now and leaned back in his chair as Clint leaned over to him and playfully ruffled up his hair.

"That's probably the smartest thing you've said, Stark," he teased.

Tony shook his head and scoffed before he took his foot and tried to tip Clint's chair in Natasha's direction but Clint quickly regained his balance.

"Tony's right," Steve replied, casually ignoring Tony's childish antics. "If something does happen… then we'll deal with it when it does. I know this is going to go fine though."

"And… if something does go wrong, then… we'll know where to look for you guys," Tony cleared his throat now.

"Wait, how? We haven't even been to the safe house before. We don't even know where we're going exactly," Clint asked now, straightening up.

Bruce glanced over at Tony and shrugged.

"I've put a GPS device inside Barnes' palm. It's attached to a program on my computers. I'll be able to track him, and… by default, you all too."

He glanced over at Bucky, who at first look agitated about being tracked, but then looked impressed. Even Steve was nodding in approval.

"Good thinking, Stark."

"I do love it when my genius gets noticed," Tony joked, smiling at Bruce, who smirked at him.

"It's not so much genius as it is common sense," Natasha corrected. "Speaking of being smart, we should probably hit the road while it's still early."

Tony's smile faded quickly now and Bruce must have noticed because he reached across the table and took his hand into his own. He swallowed hard and nodded.

"That's also a good idea, Nat. Is everyone ready?"

Clint wet his lips before he stood up. "I just need to talk to Tony about something real quick and then we can go. Stark, would you mind?"

Tony was taken by surprise but reluctantly let go of Bruce's hand and then nodded in understanding and led Clint down to his lab before he closed the door for privacy. "What's on your mind, Hawkeye?"

Clint rubbed the back of his neck, as if he the uneasy one right now. He gave Tony a weak, almost sad smile. "Thanks for letting Bucky stay here… and me. I know that we don't always get along, but I'd like to think we're pretty close, right? I mean I feel like you're the only other guy I can talk to about things, other than Nat –"

"Who is… in fact a woman," Tony finished for him.

Clint nodded now and then chuckled softly.

Tony held out his hand as when Clint reached in to shake it, he turned it into a hug, bringing in the shorter man close to him. "I feel the same about you."

"That's good to hear, Stark."

When they casually pulled away, Tony placed his hands on Clint's shoulders. "We'll see each other again soon. You have to do something for me, though."

Clint raised a suspicious eyebrow. "What's that?"

"You have to give Cap and Captain Kid hell for me," Tony answered back with a playful smile.

Barton laughed and nodded. "Of course."

"I suppose we should get back up there," Clint sighed and then motioned for Tony to go up the stairs first. When he did and they entered the dining room where everyone was already shaking hands and hugging their goodbyes.

"That was a pretty quick quickie," Bruce joked now.

Tony shook his head and shrugged. "What can I say, I'm good at what I do." When everyone rolled their eyes at him, he became serious again. "See you soon, guys."

Steve shook his hand before moving onto Bruce, but Clint, Bucky, and Nat all leaned in and hugged Tony before they started towards the door.

"Don't be strangers now," Bruce waved.

Everyone waved goodbye to the men before disappearing out of sight, filling Avengers Tower with a solemn type of silence. He turned to Bruce now and cleared his throat to hide what he was truly feeling.

"It'll get easier," Bruce promised as he kissed Tony's jaw softly before starting to collect the dirty dishes and take them to the sink.

"I know. I know that. I don't really care that Rogers never took a liking to me but I just wanted more time with the others…"

Bruce turned to Tony and took his hand before taking him upstairs to their collective room. "They're not dead. You still have plenty of time with them…"

"You know how our missions are, Bruce," Tony sighed. "We've always said, 'maybe we don't come back from this' during every one. We never know when it's going to be our last mission. You don't know that I still have plenty of time with them.'

Bruce didn't bother closing the door to the bedroom once they entered and then slowly took off Tony's shirt before he caressed the outline of his arc reactor. Tony's life force.

"You're right; we don't know and I don't know. We need to have hope though, Tony. We need to hold onto that hope that they'll come back again, no matter how dangerous it is out there. Do you believe in your team?"

He nodded slowly and ran a hand through his hair, looking down at Bruce with soft, worried eyes.

"Then they'll come back."

Before Tony could come up with more worries, Bruce took off his own shirt, and then started to kiss the inventor passionately. He got lost in Bruce's kisses; he always did. They were the type of kisses that made him forget everything and just want to be in the moment with the man who was just as like-minded as he was. The doctor had that type of effect on him.

He closed his eyes as their tongues danced over each other and then let everything fade in the background as he felt Bruce lead him to the bed.

And that's when he knew that his friends, and team, would come back.

They always did.


End file.
